Tainted: Listening to the Silence

THIRTEEN

Copyright Credits:

Vans Old Skool. Copyright 1966. Vans, Inc.

Give Me a Sign. Copyright 2010. Published by Breaking Benjamin Music and Seven Peaks Music. Song written by Benjamin Burnley. Perfomed by Breaking Benjamin.

Oliver

This was a bad idea. Tainted should’ve waited another week to perform. I had wanted to say something to Sal. But I felt it wasn’t my place. I wasn’t part of the band. No matter how protective I felt of it. Or how much care I’d developed for it. No matter how badly I wanted to be in it. I had decided not to sing. I had decided to not be a part of it. It was my own decision. My own fault. So, no matter how I felt, I had to stay away. Still, I thought they were jumping the gun. There was no need to play in the dinner this week. They could’ve played the next week, or a month from now. There was time. However, patience was not Em’s forte. No, Em’s forte was giving orders and being stubborn.

Practicing for six hours straight was madness. Everyone was very disciplined. They knew this was important and they gave their best. There was no horsing around like there was in the past. They tried to focus completely on the task at hand. And for the first three days they were impressive. You’d think their very lives depended on this. They didn’t get the tiniest bit distracted. But after that the signs of exhaustion started to show. Their attention span started to last less and less. They would zone out. Their coordination would go out the window. They became increasingly frustrated. It was obvious that they all needed to rest. But Em continued to push. She was a force of nature. And I could hear it. I could hear how tired they were. Tainted wasn’t in top form and it showed. Em didn’t seem to hear it though. I wasn’t sure anyone else could hear it.

But the time will come

You won’t make them laugh

When you embarrass us.

They won’t smile

When you call us names.

And they will ignore you

When you try to be noticed.

Because people get tired

Of everybody’s fool.

Em and Kev brought Everybody’s Fool to a beautiful end. My chest got tight and my emotions got all messed up. I really loved all their songs. They spoke to me. They made my skin itch with the urge to play them. To make them mine. They had four songs so far Everybody’s Fool, Screwed Six Ways ‘til Sunday, Whispers in the Wind, and f**k Me. Well, the fourth was a work in progress. Em couldn’t seem to make up her mind about it. So, they’d decided to leave that one out of their practice schedule this week. They focused instead on the stable songs. And the songs they’d be covering. They’d decided to stick with one band. The plan was to make a sort of tribute. They would play the band’s best and most famous songs. I liked that plan. It would give the audience something to expect. So, they could decide if they wanted attend based on whether they liked the band.

But overexertion was making the songs I loved sound off. This made a suffocating urge to confront Em grow inside me. I wanted to stand up. Take the microphone from her. Tell her she was ruining things. That she was doing more harm than good. That she had something awesome in her hands. But that she was abusing it. No, abuse had been left behind by the fifth night. This was plain cruelty. Even Sal looked tense and angry.

I sighed. Focus on something else Oliver. They launched into Everybody’s Fool again. And I watched them play. Kevin was right about quickly easing into the band. In fact, I got the feeling it had been too easy. His tone and style fit in perfectly. Musically. Personality wise Kevin was a huge problem. Em, Dusty and him continuously fought. Sal and I didn’t quite know what to do. At first, Sal had played the referee. He got in the middle of their fights and calmed them. But they seemed to actively look for reasons to fight. In fact, they seemed to enjoy it. After a while, Sal let them be. He only got involved when things became serious.

I started to notice a sort of pattern here. Kevin normally left Sal and I alone. It was very rare when his toxicity was turned on us. Still his acidity sort of got on my nerves. He kept baiting Dust and Em into fights. But Sal told me that Em and Dusty baited him too. And this was true. There were days when Kevin was actually civil and nice. But then Em or Dust went and made a nasty comment. I asked Sal if this wouldn’t become a problem. He shrugged looking helpless. So long as Kevin didn’t do anything stupid things were alright. And he didn’t think Kevin would do anything stupid.

I’d noticed this too. Behind Kevin’s sarcasm hid something. I wasn’t sure what that was. But there were times when it seemed Kevin walked on eggshells. He was very careful when playing. I could count on one hand the times he made a mistake. When that happened, he would get angry. Those times were the very worse and the most dangerous. He didn’t seem to be angry at any of the guys. More like he was angry at himself. But of course, Em didn’t notice this and admonished him. And Kevin lashed out. Sal would normally have to stop things before they escalated.

He put a lot of effort into learning the songs. Sometimes I was sure he continued to practice after rehearsals. He simply memorized the songs too quickly. And this was not parrot-like memorizing. This was feeling the songs. Knowing them because they were a part of him. Because they coursed through his blood and made his heart beat. Or at least that was how I felt them. And Kevin seemed to feel the songs like me.

And they will ignore you

When you try to be noticed.

Because people get tired

Of everybody’s fool.

Again, Em and Kev brought the song to a close. For such a crazy schedule Sal, Kev, and Dust were doing pretty good. They were tired, yes, but that was it. However, Em she was looking terrible today. She started acting strange about two days ago. Her voice sounded strained. It sounded as if she had to work very hard to make it perform as it normally did. But today she had bags under her eyes. Her pale skin was practically see through. Her nose was red and runny. And her voice sounded even more strained. I noticed that she brought the high notes down a bit because she couldn’t sing them.

Sal gave me a worried look. Yeah, I had to agree. It was clear Em had a cold. She shouldn’t be singing. In fact, she looked like she should be resting. But like I said, Em’s forte was being stubborn. She carried on with practice no matter what. Sal tried to talk some sense into her. But it was no use. After Everybody’s Fool ended for the sixth time that day, she looked like she might pass out. She held on to mic for support. But she leaned a little too hard. The stand tilted to one side and Em stumbled. She was going to fall. I was almost to her when she got her balance back. She stood up straight and glared at me from under her bags. I held my hands up in surrender. I’d only wanted to help.

“Em? You alright?” Dust asked.

He had gotten up as well. But he was behind the drum set. Getting out of his seat was a bit trickier. He approached her gently. Em had a strict I’m-not-a-damsel-in-distress-I-don’t-need-your-help attitude. If you offered her help, she would probably bite your head off. Dusty normally managed to help her without her noticing. He was very sweet to her. Very understanding and patient. I’d known he loved her without Sal having to tell me. He was very obvious about it. However, Em was completely oblivious to Dusty’s love.

Kev watched them with open disgust and rolled his eyes. I had the feeling Kev liked Dustin. I wasn’t completely sure about it though.

When I saw Kevin in school, he was always surrounded by guys. Who coincidentally were gay. But there was public affection between them. None at all. They save the kisses were saved for recess. We, of course, mentioned the music classroom to Kevin. But he’d immediately turned us down. He said he used the time for studying. I had felt like snorting. Yeah, right. Studying how far his tongue could go down a guys throat.

I’d seen him slip into empty classrooms with guys. No need to peek to know what they were doing. He also skipped classes sometimes. At those times, I tried very hard not to imagine what he was studying. He was clearly a player, but discreet. I wasn’t sure why he sneaked around. Nor did I know why he had a no-PDA rule going on. Maybe it was to keep the teachers off his case. Maybe it was to keep Brent off his case. Or maybe it was something else.

The one thing he wasn’t discreet about was his being gay. In fact, I’d say he flaunted it. There was no lisp. No floppy wrists. No hand to the hip when he walked. He did have a swing to his hips. And he seemed to walk hips first into a room. But no sashaying. No. His hips moved sensually, to attract attention.

He wore the tightest jeans and faux leather pants ever. Sometimes I couldn’t even look at him. That was how clearly defined everything was. He mostly wore band-tees-turned-tank-tops. These ‘tank tops’ had the arm holes so big they barely covered him at all. However, he normally wore a leather jacket. So thankfully all that skin wasn’t on constant display. Not that he was ugly or anything. His skin was had a slight tan. His eyes were brown, the color of milk chocolate. He styled his hair carefully to look like it was naturally spiky.

He was very attractive, and he knew it. And that was why he made me uncomfortable. He seemed to force you to pay attention to his body. And he liked this attention on him. Especially when it came from boys. Boys he normally took to empty classrooms during recess. Boys he didn’t seem to care the least bit about. However, when Dusty acted sweet and loving towards Em, Kev always got in a bad mood. Every single time. And then he’d say something nasty on purpose. I thought it was to pull Dusty’s attention off Em. But maybe he just loved to interrupt the emotional moments.

Dusty took Em’s hand gently. Getting her to lean on him instead. Kevin’s aura became bitter. I feared he’d make a sarcastic comment and bait Em into fighting. That would really be the cherry on top of the cake. She’d probably finish passing out. Her anger too much for her weakened body. But if he had a comment, he kept it to himself.

“Yeah, I’m alright. Just not feeling well,” Em said with a frown. She seemed to notice she was leaning on Dusty. She let go of his hand and her face became firm. “I’ll be alright by tomorrow. No need to worry.”

Em pushed away from him, forcing herself to act normal. Dusty watched her like a hawk. Probably fearing, like me, that she would stumble again. His face fell slightly when Em rejected his help. Kevin let out a frustrated breath. It would be best to call it a bay. They were all vulnerable with exhaustion. Hearts and emotions that were normally guarded had slipped out. They were now inhabiting their sleeves. Something bad would happen if they spent more time around each other. Neither Em nor Dust nor Kev were known for their sensibility. But there were still about three more hours left of practice. At least according to Em’s new rules.

“Okay,” Em said holding our gazes. “We’re done here. You all go on to your houses and sleep as much as you can. Go to sleep as soon as you get to your house and get out of bed only to get ready to go to the city tomorrow. Keep the parental units away with a stick if necessary.”

Everyone laughed tiredly and nodded. The lack of happiness at finishing early proved how exhausted they all were. Sal picked up his bass case and his bag before grabbing my hand. Before we left Em added a warning.

“Do not be late. No matter what,” Em said in a menacing tone. “I’m not kidding. I’ll hang whoever is late by the balls. That’s a promise.”

Sal rolled his eyes at her and kept on walking. I didn’t think ignoring her was a wise thing to do. But I knew Sal was running on his very last nerve here. So I let him pull me out of the room while I waved bye to Dusty, Kev, and Em. We walked in silence because it was too dark for me to see Sal’s signs. An idea formed and bounced in my mind.

I wanted to tell Sal to stay over at my house. We hadn’t been alone together in a while. Not once during the past week and a half. I knew it was kind of stupid. I saw him every day in school. I went to band practice with him. But I missed him. His mind had been filled with Tainted. We hadn’t kissed much. Nor had we had time to… My cheeks heated. I was glad Sal couldn’t see me blush. He’d probably guess what I’d been thinking. But there had been no… none of that. Since that day in his house. At first, I hadn’t minded. But after a week and a half of short kisses I wanted more. I ached for it. As embarrassing as that sounded.

When we got to our street and he started to let go of my hand, I made up my mind. I wanted to have s*x with my boyfriend. Or make out at the very least. I squeezed his hand and pulled him to me. Sal gave me a questioning look.

“Can you stay?” I whispered.

Sal looked into my eyes for a few seconds. Then he closed them and leaned into my chest. I could tell he wanted to say yes. His body thrummed with the desire to agree. But I could also tell he was about to pass out. Sal was silent for a minute. I knew he was thinking. Then he pulled away a little, meeting my eyes again.

“I don’t know Ollie, I really want to stay over, but I’m so tired, I’m almost asleep on my feet right now, and then there’s Ash, you know how she gets.”

“Just ask. Please? I miss you,” I whispered. I was desperate. Suddenly, I couldn’t fathom letting Sal go for the night. It literally hurt when I thought about it.

Sal sighed. I didn’t take it personally. I knew it wasn’t about going to my house. His sigh was because of his mom. Ash and him had been fighting a lot these days. Yet another reason why he was so bone tired. Sal hated fighting. More than fighting, he hated getting angry. His mom had been pestering relentlessly. Sal had a curfew on school nights. He’d asked to modify it while Em’s crazy schedule lasted. He explained the reason why. He’d been very honest and straightforward. But Ash was skeptical. She thought he was making up and excuse to be with me longer. There was no convincing her. Em had to call to personally explain what Sal had already said. She’d allowed him to stay out then. But she didn’t like it one bit. And she let Sal know whenever she saw him. Every morning and every evening.

So, he woke up to an angry mom. He went to school. He had detention. He rehearsed for six hours. Played referee for Dust, Kev and Em. And then got another dose of angry mom when he got home well past his curfew. It was no wonder he was so tired. Which was another reason why I wanted him in my house. Like I’d said before. He was too tired to guard his heart. Ash could be very toxic sometimes. I didn’t want her to hurt him. I didn’t want her to ruin tomorrow for him. Because as tired as he was, I knew he was looking forward to playing tomorrow.

“Alright, go wait for me in your house while I negotiate with her, if the answer is no, I’ll send a text to let you know.”

It hurt. It hurt a lot to think that I might not see him until tomorrow. But I nodded and kissed him gently on the lips. Then let him go. I watched him enter his house before I walked towards mine.

“Can Sal stay over?” I asked as soon as I walked through the door.

Mom and dad looked a little taken aback. Probably because the question was sudden. I knew I was being very rude. I hadn’t said hi or anything. But I needed to know. I didn’t think it was about me talking. They always acted like my talking or not talking was normal. I was getting better at talking to them. They were some of the few people I talked to. Not that I talked like a parrot or anything. But sometimes, when my throat was feeling cooperative, I talked.

“Sure, son. When?” Dad asked, recovering first.

“Today.” I normally asked a few days ahead. But the idea had formed on my way over. There was no way to let them know in advance. “Is that alright?”

“Yeah, it’s fine,” mom said with a smile. “He can stay over.”

Mom winked at me when Dad wasn’t watching. I felt my cheeks heat but nodded. I went up the stairs to my room. It was best to leave before they could say something embarrassing. My room was a mess. I started picking up the sheets of stave paper from my floor as quickly as I could. I ended up with three full bags of stave paper. Mom and dad watched me with amusement as I came down the stairs. I ignored them but I still blushed.

I never picked up the stave paper. Sometimes I used old note progressions. They were important to keep around. I only threw some out when it was getting ridiculously hard to walk around my room.

I was placing the bags in the trash right as Sal walked out his house. I felt like dancing and jumping. He had a duffle bag in his hands. They said yes. They said yes! When he saw me and smiled warmly, my stomach tightened. I cared so much for this boy. He was the most important person in my life.

“Mina said I could come.”

“What about Ash?”

Sal shrugged. Then he frowned and wrinkled his nose in disgust.

“Mina said she’d find a way to convince her, or to distract her from chasing after me and killing you when she found out I stayed at your place.”

I turned a deep tone of red. Oh God. I definitely didn’t want to imagine Mina convincing or distracting Ash. No, thank you.

“Doesn’t matter, Mina said I could stay, that will be my argument tomorrow when Ash sees me again and got angry. Just in case, you should lock the door tightly tonight, I mean, if Mina fails on her mission I really wouldn’t like Ash to kill us.”

I chuckled and walked over to Sal. I grabbed his duffle and his hand. Then we walked over to the house. When we entered, my parents shot me an even more amused look. I wanted to pull Sal upstairs and avoid them. But that would be really rude. And suspicious.

“Hey Sal,” Mom and dad said smiling.

Also, their warmth and care towards him made me happy. They had completely gotten over the fact that Sal was mute. Now they acted like he too was their son. Sal was still a bit nervous around them, though.

“Hey Ally. Hey Mr. Andel.”

“Why does she get her name and I get a formal Mr. Andel?” My dad protested. He all but pouted really. “I’ve told you often enough, just call my Jerry, son.”

Sal smiled and nodded. He was clearly uncomfortable. As well, as very tired. He yawned involuntarily and I decided to intervene.

“We’ll be up in my room. Call us when dinner is ready.”

I often used sign language when Sal was around in my house. But when he wasn’t I either used my voice or didn’t. It was like my brain short circuited. There was no middle ground. My parents were already used to it so they just nodded. I had thought they didn’t know sign language. But they understood perfectly. Though they didn’t sign. I wasn’t sure how they knew sign language. I pushed the thought out of my mind. Now was not the time for that. Now was Sal Time. When we entered my room, Sal looked a little surprised. Probably because it was clean. I felt myself blush. He looked at me, still wide-eyed.

“You didn’t have to clean up for me.”

I shrugged and blushed even more. I couldn’t deny it. I had done it just for him. Sal smiled warmly and then chuckled. He leaned a bit down and kissed me gently.

“Thanks for doing it though, it means a lot to me that you try to be your best, that you try to look your best, that you want your room to look great just for me.”

I was sure my face was completely red. To the roots of my hair. Sal just laughed and kissed me again. The kiss started innocently enough like all of our kisses did. But soon it grew teeth and became desperate. We kissed like we were starving. And for my part I was. I needed Sal’s taste and skin like I needed to breathe. It was nice to know that Sal needed me as desperately.

I grabbed Sal’s hips and began walking. I wanted to get to the door. But I didn’t want to break the kiss. I closed and locked it when I was in range. Then walked him in the general direction of the bed. I wasn’t really seeing where we were going. I was relying on my memory. Suddenly the back of Sal’s legs hit the edge of the mattress and we were falling. Our heads clonked together and we both groaned. After we assessed that it was nothing serious, we started laughing. Sal kissed my forehead, and I kissed his. Then we kind of stared into each other’s eyes for a few seconds.

My heart skipped a beat. Sal was gorgeous. I could lose myself in his blue eyes. Sal’s eyes strayed to my lips. His eyes became half-lidded with arousal. My d**k throbbed. My chest hurt from how hard my heart was beating. I leaned down slowly and continued the kiss we had been sharing. I tried to be gentle. To have patience. But I just couldn’t. I needed him too much. Things got heated quickly. And as much as I liked Sal’s kisses, soon it wasn’t enough. I needed more. I needed skin.

My hands roamed Sal’s body. I felt his chest. His neck. His ribs. His hips. His hard c**k. More. Please. I needed so badly. My hands slipped under his shirt. It was like a whole new world. The feel of his hot skin under my hands. Sal writhed and trembled from every little touch. I caressed his navel. There were no washboard abs here. In fact, it was more like a cutting board. Completely flat. His hips and ribs jutted out slightly. But I didn’t mind the lack of muscle. I loved it.

I grabbed his hips and explored the hollow the bone created. Sal gasped. He took in a shaky breath. I was so close to the important bits. But I wanted to take my time. Before we were in a hurry. Today we had a bit more time. My fingers moved to his ribs and I felt them one by one. Sal writhed and breathed heavily. But then I hit a ticklish spot and he cracked up. I couldn’t help but tickle him a bit. Sal laughed some more and wriggled away from me. He watched me with narrowed eyes. I laughed and smiled.

“No tickles, I promise,” I whispered as I pulled him back to me.

Sal didn’t say anything. He just let himself be moved. His eyes never leaving me. I knew he was listening. I kissed him again. My hands slipped under his clothes again. His own hands started caressing my back. I arched my back. It felt so good to have him touching me. Sal pushed me away a bit. I was confused for a second until he started taking off my shirt. I took advantage of the pause and tugged his off too.

I wanted us to be naked. Like that day. I wanted to feel his skin against mine. The last time had been a rush. I hadn’t gotten to admire him. To explore. Neither of us had. Sal’s hands caressed my back again. I trembled, thinking that maybe he wanted to explore too. He leaned in and kissed my mouth, my jaw, and then my neck. He paused there and began to kiss the spot. I gasped and trembled again. Soon the kissed turned into sucking and biting. Sal was pulling up a mark. I moaned a little and my hips bucked against him. Sal smiled against my skin, I could feel it. He liked the effect he had on me.

While I was distracted, Sal flipped us over. In the blink of an eye, he was sitting on my hips. I looked at him and blinked a little. The change of positions had disoriented me. Sal’s eyes danced with mischief. My d**k gave a happy twitch. Sal smiled devilishly. He leaned down, kissing and sucking the spot where the hickey was. I gasped because it was sensitive. Sal continued his path down to my n*****s. He planted a soft kiss on one, making it harden. Then he put it in his mouth and sucked it hard. He flicked it with his tongue and bit. I held onto his hips for dear life.

My body felt like a live wire. I just couldn’t stay still. I writhed and bucked. I arched my back, trying to get more sensation. Then I tried to retreat the sensations intense. He moved to my other n****e and repeated the process. My hands tightened and I ground my erection against his ass. Sal. Good. Sal. It feels so good.

“Sal,” I moaned, the words escaping on their own.

Sal took mercy on me and continued his trip down my chest. He kissed and sucked, leaving quite a few more hickeys. Finally he got to my jeans and I felt myself tense with anticipation. I took in a shaky breath. Sal. I wanted. Sal. Please. I need, Sal. He undid my jeans, pulling them off. He caressed my legs and kissed them. He was teasing me. I whined with need. Please. I was so tense. When he touched me through my boxers, my hips bucked hard. We both nearly ended on the floor. I looked down at him just in time to catch his devilish smile. Oh God.

“Sal,” I begged.

He went right back to what he’d been doing. He palmed me through the cloth. My heart felt like it would break my sternum. And then Sal put his mouth on me through the thin fabric of my boxers. He bit gently, and dragged with teeth all over the sensitive head. I whined again. Please. Please, Sal. Sal pulled away to pull off my boxers. I tensed with anticipation again. Sal grabbed my c**k, slowly, gently jerking me off. I looked down at him. He seemed unsure. Sal hadn’t told me much about his past. But he’d told me he didn’t have much experience when it came to these things.

I caressed his face with my hand. Sal looked up at me, doubt in his eyes. I smiled at him. I didn’t mind if he couldn’t blow me. We could do plenty of other things. Or not do much else. I’d still be with him. I’d still care about him. I’d continue to fall for him. Sal closed his eyes and leaned into my touches.

Then, in a quick move he took the head of c**k into his mouth. I moaned and my hips bucked involuntarily. Oh God. His mouth was so hot. So wet. Sal. My hands moved to his hair. My focus wasn’t to push him to take more. My focus was on reassuring him. My focus was on my gnawing need to touch him. Sal’s tongue caressed the sensitive underside. The bell-shaped head. The slit. The veins. He was driving me insane. The more his confidence grew the more I thought he’d lied to me. He was too good at this. I was finding it very hard to believe he didn’t have much experience.

“Sal,” I moaned.

He took little more into his mouth and sucked hard. Then he pulled away and licked me all over. He took me back into his mouth. His head bobbed, moving up and down. Then he focused on the tip circling it. Close. I was so close. Any moment now.

“Sal,” I warned.

I tried to pull him off me. But he didn’t move. In fact, he began to move in earnest. His hand started jacking what he couldn’t take into his mouth. His head began to bob up and down again. I moaned, fighting the way my hips wanted to buck. My hands fisted in his hair. Almost. So close. Please. Sal. He focused on the head of c**k again. Come on. Sal. Just a little bit more. Just a bit. Sal, I need. So close. His tongue pushed into my slit and white-hot pleasure shot through me.

“Sal!” I cried out.

I came so hard I saw black for a few seconds. When my eyes focused again, I noticed Sal was frantically trying to open his jeans. I pushed his hands away. Sal gave me a desperate, pleading, look. I need, Ollie. I smiled warmly at him. I’ve got you. I undid his jeans easily and pulled them off along with his underwear. I took a few seconds to look at him. To admire all that pale skin on display. Beautiful. He was absolutely beautiful. I wrapped my hand round him and Sal moaned loudly. It wouldn’t take much. I knew it.

Sal pressed himself against me. He wanted to feel my skin against his. I let go of him and grabbed his ass. I moved his hips, encouraging him to rub against me. Sal let out a needy whine. He leaned down and kissed me. His hips began to thrust against me. After just a few minutes, his movements got frantic. His breathing growing labored. He got lost in the pleasure. He even forgot we were kissing. Sal moaned and pressed him harder against me. I wanted to push him into my skin. Have him live in my chest. I wanted him to be a permanent part of me. I didn’t have enough brain cells to put that into words.

“Sal,” I whispered into his ear.

He gasped and moaned. I felt him tense and his come painted my skin. Sal’s arms began to tremble from the effort of holding him up. I hugged him tightly to me. He let himself lie on top of me and proceeded to pass out. I smiled contently, feeling sleepy. We could take a nap. My eyes closed and I fell asleep while listening to Sal’s rhythmic breathing.

My dreams were interrupted by a knock on my door. I jerked awake. No. Don’t come in. And then I remembered it was locked and calmed down.

“Dinner’s ready! I want you both down in five minutes,” my dad yelled. Then I heard his steps going down the stairs.

I turned to Sal, intending to wake him up. But he was already looking at me. He seemed insecure and nervous. He wanted to know if I was cool with what we had just done. I just smiled and kissed him again. Of course, it was alright. More than alright. I loved it. I hugged him tightly to me. Sal relaxed a little and nodded, getting my silent message. I pulled away reluctantly and grimaced. We were mess of dried come.

I grabbed my shirt and tried wiping the stuff. But that didn’t work completely. So, I walked into the bathroom to get a wet washcloth. Once we were both clean, Sal rummaged the bed looking for our clothes. He gave me my jeans. He got up to slip into his underwear, jeans and his shirt. I was a bit sad. I wished I could admire his skin and body a bit more. I pulled on my jeans and went over to my dresser. I grabbed the first shirt I found and put it on. I turned to Sal planning to ask him if he was ready. I faltered when I saw he was giving me his devilish smile.

“I really do like how that shirt looks on you, I swear my clothes look better on you than they do on me.” Sal bit his bottom lip, his eyes moving up and down my body.

Only then did I notice I had put on the long-sleeved shirt Sal had given me. I felt my cheeks heat and my d**k twitch. It was as if I hadn’t just had the most intense orgasm of my life. Sal chuckled grabbed my hand. We walked out of my room and down the stairs. Mom was just placing the last dish on the table. My parents turned to look at us when we walked into the dining room. My dad frowned. Mom eyed me for a few seconds before she blushed and looked away. Weird. We all sat down and started eating in silence. My mind was lost in a replay of what Sal and I had just done. Maybe we could…

“I went ahead and got the guest room ready for Sal,” my dad said, interrupting my thoughts.

I looked confused for a few seconds. Why? Sal normally stayed in my room. My dad arched an eyebrow at me, and I blushed. He knew. He definitely knew what we’d been doing in my room. He had to know. Why else would he be looking at me like that? Sal just smiled and told him thanks. As if nothing was out of ordinary. As if he hadn’t noticed my dad’s look or my reaction. I barely ate. My stomach was too tight with nerves. I wondered if my parents knew what we’d been doing before dinner. My chest tightened and hurt. My face heated even more. My heart beat hard. I wanted to get away in the worst way.

“Well, you two better go off to sleep. Sal will have a busy day tomorrow,” mom said with a smile.

My nerves eased a bit. It made me feel so happy. She was really excited for Sal and Tainted. She hadn’t ever heard any of their songs. She was just glad that they’d finally play in a real stage. We both nodded and got up. My dad stood up too, his eyes on me. My nerves returned tenfold.

“You go on to your room Ollie, I’ll show Sal to the guest room,” My dad said.

Sal just smiled and thanked my dad. He waved and followed my dad up the stairs. I watched him leave and then sighed. I hadn’t even gotten a good night kiss. I went into my room, shutting the door. What I really wanted was to slam it closed, but that wouldn’t help any. My nerves transformed into anger. I was so annoyed with my dad. Why did he have to do that? I just wanted to spend time with Sal. It had been a week and a half since we’d last been alone together. Ugh. Parents.

I sighed and got undressed. I slipped into a pair of sweats and a shirt. I got into my bed and stared at the wall between Sal and me, sulking. I wanted Sal with me. I sighed again and closed my eyes. Nothing to do about that. Just go to sleep. I fell asleep while still complaining about my dad. I was dreaming of singing for Sal when someone shook me. I jerked awake and looked into the darkness. My eyes took a few seconds to adjust. The shadow in front of my acquired details and became Sal. I sat up, thinking I was seeing things.

“Sal?” I asked.

A hand caressed my cheek and I was sure it was Sal. I moved and made room for him. He got under the covers and snuggled into my arms.

“What are you doing here?” I whispered.

Sal grabbed my hand and made the signs in it so I didn’t have to see them.

“Looking for the kitchen.”

I snorted and pinched his hip. Smart-ass. He squealed and backed away. I laughed and pulled him back to me. Sal snuggled into my chest and planted a small kiss on my neck. The spot tingled. The hickey he left there was still tender. Oh God. The hickey. That’s how they knew what we’d done! I felt myself blush with embarrassment. I’m such a stupid i***t. Sal grabbed my hand again.

“You only just realized that?”

I blushed harder. I couldn’t even wallow in my idiocy in peace. Sal could read me like an open book even without seeing my face. Sal laughed and kissed me gently.

“Just go to sleep.”

I nodded. But I couldn’t go to sleep. Sal should’ve been asleep. He’d been so tired. Why was he up so late? His sentences were very short. His body felt tense under my hands. Something was wrong.

“Why are you still awake?” I whispered into the silence of the room.

“I had a bad dream. Just ignore it.”

Sal laid his head on my chest. But, again, I couldn’t fall asleep. Sal’s breathing was rhythmic, but he wasn’t falling asleep either. There was something going on here. Something Sal wasn’t telling me. And then it hit me. The darkness. My house and room were completely dark. Sal’s house was always illuminated. Even at night Sal slept with a lamp on. My mind worked at a mile per second. He was scared of the dark. Could it have to do with the locker incident? Brent was such an asshole. How could he have done something like that to Sal? Why did he do it? Sal’s moms implied Sal and Brent had been close before. Had they been friends? Something else? But then why put Sal in a locker and leave him there? What had…? Sal grabbed my hand.

“I can feel you thinking.”

“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “Can’t sleep.”

It was partly true, anyways.

Sal sighed silently and laid his head on my chest again. His hand still in mine.

“I was almost nine when I gave up on speech therapy.”

I leaned over Sal to turn on the lamp on my bedside table. Sal let out a little breath of relief. His body relaxed considerably. I didn’t say anything. I just held him in my arms. I think Sal understood I was listening to him, though. Just like when I talked to him. He pulled back so he had enough space to sign. He took a deep breath before he started his story again.

“Ash and Mina were worried about me having to go through life mute, they wanted me to learn to talk and have a normal life, or as normal a life as I could muster. Thing is, I didn’t really want to be normal, I didn’t want to force myself to conform to some norm or fit some mold just to fit in, you know? I was surrounded by normal people who were complete assholes to me, people that used their voices to hurt people and destroy them.

“Mina and Ash were also worried that I was making a decision I was going to regret for my whole life, me just being a little kid and everything. I swear I have never been as sure about anything as I was that day, but they didn’t believe me. So, they took me to another doctor, to get a second opinion and to a shrink who would maybe convince me of continuing the therapy.

“That’s when I found out about my vocal chords slowly but surely becoming paralyzed and doctors encouraged me to use my voice while I still could. I told the shrink, as well as my moms, that I didn’t want to waste my time on something that wouldn’t last, because it would hurt that much more when I couldn’t talk anymore. I wanted to stop trying to be something I wouldn’t ever be and start enjoying my life as me.”

Wow. My heart ached. He’d been so small. And still, he’d been so smart. He knew exactly what was important to him. I felt proud of him for standing up for himself.

“I had never talked to anyone outside of my moms, Dust and Em, the way I talked embarrassed me too much, so nobody in town knew I could talk. When I decided not to talk, nothing changed for them, they had decided I just didn’t want to talk a long time ago. I had always been bullied because I didn’t talk to people, the kids called me freak and weirdo and tried to trick me into talking, said I belonged in a looney bin. As we all grew, they learned what having two mommies meant and they added that to their repertoire of insults, but I didn’t mind them. I had Em and Dust, and they were more than enough for me, I didn’t need more friends.

“Let me get a little side-tracked here and explain how Em and Dust’s came to be such a inseparable part of my life. You see, their parents were the only ones to come greet Mina and Ash when they moved into town, and hence, they all became very good friends. The years went by, Em and Dusty came over to play whenever our parents got together, and I began to really like them. Then instead of waiting for our parents to hang out to see me, they started asking me to go out to play and stuff. Before I knew it, those two had gotten under my skin, I just couldn’t live without them, and now I can’t stand them.”

I snorted. Yeah, right. Sal chuckled when I pinched him this time. So that’s how those three met? I was kind of glad. Sal had had someone in his corner during the tough times. He been bullied a lot as a kid. Em and Dust had been there to help him through it.

“But as I grew up, I started feeling a little lonely, because I only ever had Em and Dust, not that I wasn’t glad to have them or anything. My hormones grew out of control and I desperately wanted someone to be intimate with, someone I could kiss and stuff. I met Kevin, and he was -is still- really good looking, and I loved talking to him because he was really smart and knew so much about music, but I couldn’t see him as more than a friend.

“That’s when Charlie, Brent’s dad, got married and his wife brought her kid to live in the suburbs with her new husband. Charlie is the owner of a multimillionaire contractor firm that built about half the town, creating a lot of job opportunities. But he was crooked, even back then, and a vicious temper nobody wanted to come across, so Brent got treated like a king from the first day.

“I didn’t really care about him at first, he was just another new kid, the town’s new rumor, so you must imagine my surprise when he came up to talk to me. I don’t remember why, probably to ask me for help in some subject or some bullshit excuse like that, but that didn’t matter, what mattered was that the popular kid was talking to me. As you might’ve guessed, I fell for him at first sight, but don’t ask me what I saw in him, because I swear, I have no idea.”

Oh. That’s how Brent comes into the story. And he’d talked to Sal even though he was publicly bullied. But I was confused. When did the guy turn into an asshole?

“I kept quiet about my attraction for months, thinking that he would probably turn his back on me if he found out I was in love with him. The school had figured out on their own that I was gay, I’d never bothered hiding which team I played on. So, that was another point in his favor in my mind, he’d become my friend even though I was openly bullied for being gay. Of course, he never stopped any of the bullies from picking on me, manhandling me, and insulting me, and I didn’t expect him too. I was happy just to hang out with him and be his friend, and secretly crush on him.

“But then one day he kissed me, and I kissed him back, we were alone in his house and well, I think you can imagine what happened after that. In school nothing changed, Brent still hung out with his friends, I was still bullied, but once school was over I’d go to his house to ‘study’. It was the happiest I had ever been in my life, and I know I was ignoring many very important aspects of our relationship but I was young horny and stupid.

“One day Brent just stopped coming to school, and he didn’t come for about three months, rumors started flying around town, saying he was in the hospital. Then one day he was back at school with a few bandages, acting as if nothing had happened, as if he had never left. I left him a note on his locker telling him to meet me in one of the empty classrooms after school, I wanted to ask him why he’d been gone for so long. I wish I had never left him the note, in the end Brent never told me what happened and afterwards I really didn’t want to know.

“He showed up after school, just like I’d asked, but he brought his friends, the ones that bullied me, along with him. They beat me up until I passed out, calling me a disgusting faggot, saying that would be best if I just died. When I woke up, it was dark and I was in a tiny little space, and couldn’t move at all, and I was so confused until my elbow hit one of the walls and it made a metal clang. That was when I realized they’d stuffed me into a locker and left me there.”

Sal’s breathing got shaky and he sniffled. I wrapped my arms around him, hugging him tightly. He began to shake as he sobs raked his body. I just hugged him tighter and let him work it all out. I knew what it was like to have so much emotion inside you. My mind raced as I comforted him.

Wow. I didn’t even know what to think or feel. He’d trusted Brent. He’d loved him. To have someone you love so much do this to him had to have hurt. It was no wonder he was so aloof when I met him. The moment he trusted someone outside of his childhood friends, it blew up in his face. It had to be so hard.

Sal calmed down little by little. Until only the trembling remained. Then he pushed at my chest and I reluctantly let him pull away.

“I screamed and cried and wailed until my throat was too swollen to make sounds, I hit the metal door until my knuckles were bloody. They found me two days later, when I heard steps and banged on the locker door weakly, barely conscious. I passed out before Mina and Ash even arrived, when I woke up I was in the hospital with a lot of machines and tubes and things attached to me. I had some broken and cracked bones so I spent about two months in the hospital healing, and I was glad for it.

“When I came back to school, the police and teachers interrogated me and asked what had happened, I wrote my side of the story so Mina and Ash could tell it. But they didn’t want Mina and Ash to tell them what happened, they wanted me to tell them what happened. That’s when I understood that their taking me seriously depended on whether I spoke or not, and that was so messed up. Why did I have to talk in order to get some justice and be defended from bullies? Why did I have to be normal in order to be considered and paid attention to? And then they started blaming me, saying that I’d been Brent’s friend, which I was sort of been, that it was just a silly prank between friends that gone a little bit wrong, and that I was exaggerating.”

“And I was so indignant that they would blame me for what had happened, because it was an obvious lie, I mean, I was beaten black and blue, how did they suppose I did that to myself? I wanted so much to use sign language, but I didn’t, because the truth of what was going on here loomed in front of me bigger than life. I mean, maybe things would’ve become that much worse, because hey, sticking a mute kid in a locker is somehow more f****d up than doing it to a normal kid. But then I understood that Charlie had everyone in town under his thumb, and I became so scared that he’d find an even worse way to pin this on me if I revealed I was mute.”

Sal paused for a few minutes. He’d been so wound up. But now he just seemed resigned and sad.

“And that’s the main reason why I never used sign language, because I was sure, and I still am, that they would’ve blamed me for being mute and lying, studying in a normal school instead of going to one for kids with disabilities. I have this feeling that even now, if they discovered I’m not just being stubborn, that I really can’t talk, they’ll expel me and I would have to go to school somewhere else without Em and Dusty. So, stopped protesting and said nothing, just let them lump me with Brent and his stupid friends.

“Brent kept behaving like an asshole after that and everyone just ignored it because everyone in this town are waiting for Charlie to tell them to jump so they can tell him, “Sir, yes sir, how high and how many times, sir?” Em and Dust keep telling me to say something, to tell them I’m mute, to give them a telescope to see my damaged vocal chords so they understand who they’re picking on. But I just stopped caring, you know? And maybe I’m a coward for never saying anything, but Dusty and Em mean the world to me, and I really can’t live without them. I learned to block it all out with time, I learned to just give up, because nothing was ever going to change in this f****d up town, Charlie would ensure that.”

Again, Sal paused. He seemed lost in thought. I wondered if he was analyzing his decisions. Or maybe he was just wondering if he’d left anything out. Then his eyes brightened, and he focused on me.

“Or at least that’s what I thought until another new kid moved into town, do you know him? He’s really nice even though he may seem like an asshole at first.”

I chuckled and pinched Sal in the hip again. He was such a dork.

“I thought you were the asshole,” I whispered, teasing him.

“Yeah, but thankfully we both discovered we weren’t assholes and became friends, because I swear, I don’t know how to live without you. I’m just so happy to have you in my life, you’ve done so much for me without even noticing, and I’m so glad I told you about Brent, because it feels like I took a weight off my shoulders. I feel like I’m finally beginning to care again, you know?”

“Maybe then you’ll stop being so laid back,” I teased him.

Sal laughed and his body finished relaxing. I kissed his forehead and Sal sighed, snuggling into my chest. I could feel the slow rhythm of his breathing against my chest. I knew he was asleep this time. The sound filled my mind and calmed me down. Before I noticed it, I fell asleep. I dreamed of happy things that night. Little memories of the time I’d spent with Sal seemed to replay in a huge screen.

I was happy and relaxed when morning came. Waking up slowly with Sal in my arms was the best. I remembered everything that had happened yesterday. He was so brave. I felt so honored that he confided on me. I hugged him tighter to my body. We had taken such a big step. Sal stirred and looked up at me with puffy, sleepy eyes. I kissed him slowly and caressed his face. It was such a perfect little morning. Right until I saw the clock. s**t! My parents would wake up in about half an hour.

“Sal!” I whispered, urging him not to fall asleep again.

Sal made a sound but didn’t move.

“Sal! Wake up!” I whispered and shook him.

Sal finally pulled away and looked at me with sleepy eyes.

“What?”

“My parents,” I whispered.

That seemed to pass through Sal’s thick sleep fog. He stumbled out of the bed and out of the room. I went to the door to watch him enter the guest room. I was a little worried because he was more asleep than awake. He almost walked into the door frame but he managed to go in. I laughed quietly, closing my door again. I yawned and stretched. My back cracked and I felt like it was a little easier to move around. I grabbed a towel and went into my bathroom. I warmed the water and showered. Since I wasn’t in a hurry and my morning erections wouldn’t quit, I lingered. I relived the way Sal’s mouth felt on me and things ended quickly.

I got out and dried myself, humming Everybody’s Fool. I slipped back into my sweats and my shirt and brushed my teeth. I went to the kitchen, my belly growling. Mom and dad were already down there. Dad was sitting in a bar stool with a mug of coffee in his hand and the newspaper. Mom was in the kitchen cooking what looked to be Sal’s and my breakfast.

“Good morning Ollie,” mom said, smiling at me as I sat down in a bar stool.

“Morning,” I whispered.

“Where’s Sal?” Mom asked me.

I began to act like I didn’t know but dad answered before I could.

“He was still sleeping when I knocked on his door. I opened the door slightly and I told him to come down for breakfast. He nodded but I didn’t see him move at all,” Dad said, laughing. “That was like half an hour ago. I really don’t think he woke up at all.”

“Why don’t you go and wake him up Ollie? Tell him breakfast is ready,” Mom said.

I nodded and happily went off to wake up Sal. He was sound asleep when I entered his room. He didn’t even stir when I sat on the bed.

“Sal,” I whispered, shaking him.

Sal did the same sound from before. It sounded like a garbled what. He turned toward the sound of my voice and cracked one eye open.

“Breakfast,” I whispered.

He turned back around and snuggled into the covers. I couldn’t help but chuckle. He was so cute like this.

“Come down,” I said, shaking him again.

Sal groaned and moved away from me. I chuckled again.

“Wake up. Come on. Or I’ll tickle you,” I said. My hands began to seek Sal’s ribs.

That got him to wake up. He moved further away from me and turned to glare. I held my hands in front of me, threatening him. He sat up on the bed, grumbling under his breath. I laughed and gave him a good morning kiss. Which stopped his complains. I grabbed his hand and pulled him down the stairs to the kitchen. I sat him down on a stool by the island. He allowed himself to be moved like a doll. His eyes were still mostly shut. I could tell he was more asleep than awake. I sat beside him and kept my grip in his hand.

“Good morning Sal,” my mom said cheerfully.

Sal made a little head bob acknowledging my mom. But his eyes remained closed. My mom laughed quietly as she placed a plate in front of him.

“How does he wake up to go to school?” My mom whispered to me.

I hadn’t the slightest idea. I always had a hard time waking him up. Be it here or in his house. I didn’t know how he managed to get up when I wasn’t there. I just shrugged and squeezed Sal’s hand. He opened his eyes and saw the plate of food in front of him. He grabbed a fork and started to eat slowly. He normally just shoved the food into his mouth. But he kept falling asleep while eating his eggs. Mom raised her eyebrows and looked at me with a questioning look. I shrugged again and proceeded to eat my own breakfast with one hand.

When we were done, my mom collected our plates and dismissed us. I squeezed Sal’s hand. Sal opened his eyes again and looked at me. I pulled him off the bar stool. He smiled and squeezed my hand. Then he closed his eyes again. Mom and dad shot me a concerned look and I shrugged again. He just needed some more sleep.

We climbed the stairs slowly to make sure he didn’t fall down, and then went into my room. I left the door open for my parents’ sanity. I laid Sal down on the bed and then got in after him. He backed into me and we were spooning. He was the small spoon and I was the big one. A second later I heard his breathing even out. I fell asleep to the rhythm of his breath.

I was dreaming of Tainted, and Sal and singing and music. But then I dreamed that we got up late and weren’t in time for the gig. And Em was chewing us off. She was so angry. Then she took a step toward me and I panicked. I jerked awake. I looked around, noticing the intensity of the light had changed. The clock said it was almost three pm. I was taken aback. Wow. We had slept about seven hours. I kissed Sal gently on the lips and felt him stir in my arms. His eyes opened slowly. He blinked, eyes unfocused. When they focused on me and he gave me a sleepy smile.

“Good afternoon,” I whispered into his ear and laughed.

Sal chuckled and kissed me gently. He sat up, stretching. His back popped and he let out a happy sound. I sat up along with him. Suddenly he was all over me. We were laying down again. He hugged me tightly and kissed me deeply. His morning (afternoon?) erection ground against me. My own d**k became hard. He completely forgot we’d come twice already. By the time he pulled back we were both panting. I was a bit dazed and a lot confused. I loved having Sal rutting against me. But I wasn’t sure what I did to earn it. Sal gave me one of his lazy smiles.

“I love how you look like when you wake up, your hair is all tousled, and your eyes are all half-lidded and you look so cute and so sexy all at the same time.”

I chuckled and kissed him again. We lost track of time, the world reducing to this bed. To two very horny boys that were maybe in love. Finally, we pulled away. But only because we both knew we didn’t have time for a quickie. Sal sat up again and looked the clock again. It was now almost four. His eyes widened. Yup. Time flew by when you made out. However, I suspected he was surprised by how much he’d slept.

“We had a rough night,” I whispered into his ear and chuckled at my own little pun.

Sal laughed, the innuendo not lost on him. His eyes danced with happiness. I kissed his cheek. He was gorgeous when he laughed

“Go shower.” I whispered and pushed him a little bit.

Sal nodded and got off the bed, yawning. He went into the bathroom and closed the door behind himself. I got up too and went into the guest room, grabbing his bag. I placed it on the bed so he could get dressed when he came out. I checked my phone to see if any of the guys had texted me. There was nothing. Em normally spammed us with texts. This silence was very weird. I just shrugged and placed my phone back on the night table. Maybe she knew we were all tired and wouldn’t appreciate her bothering us?

Right then Sal came out of the bathroom. He was only wearing a towel around his waist. I couldn’t help but notice the little droplets that still dotted his skin. Some of them traveled down his body. My d**k throbbed. Sal was so sexy. And he was mine. I pulled him into my arms and kissed him. I slowly traveled to his neck. I explored until I found a spot that made Sal’s hips buck. I sucked and bit and Sal moaned. He hung onto my shoulders for dear life. His knees buckled with arousal and I kept him standing. I continued pulling up hickey on his neck. When it had the perfect tone, I pulled back. Sal looked at me with confusion. I winked before going into the bathroom. I just wanted people to know that he was mine. And maybe I wanted a bit of revenge.

I just jumped into the shower for a few minutes. I washed off the remnants of sleep with soap and water. I stepped out and dried myself. I brushed my teeth again and walked out into my room. Sal was already dressed. He was wearing black skinny pants. They were ripped and stitched back together in some places. They had studs on some other places. His shirt was a white band tee that used to have sleeves. He’d switched his usual jean jacket for a black leather jacket one. And, of course, a pair black Chuck Taylors high tops that were old and frayed. On top of that, he wore a few studded leather bracelets and a studded belt.

He looked gorgeous in those clothes. It was the first time I’d seen him like this. I thought it was a shame he didn’t look like this all the time. I wished we had time for me to take them off him. He was a applying a little bit of eyeliner when I walked into the room. He saw me and blushed. I chuckled and went over to give him a kiss on the cheek.

“You look hot,” I whispered and winked at him.

He just blushed even more but he smiled. He went back to his eyeliner. I moved to my dresser and wondered what to wear. A crazy idea popped into my mind.

Ever heard of a saying that goes like when in Rome do as Romans do? My idea was based on it. Nobody told me I had to dress any particular way. And if they had I probably wouldn’t have done it. But I liked how Sal looked. And he always said I looked good in his punk clothes. And I felt so confident in those clothes. I really liked the way they looked on me. So I decided to dress as similar as Sal as I could manage.

I pulled on the last pair of jeans Sal had given me. The ones that were tighter than anything I’d even worn and ripped in places. I shrugged on the black tank top Sal gave me. I added a black belt. I tucked the tank top in a little in the front. To show off my jeans. I’d seen Kevin do that before. I didn’t know what type of jacket or sweater to wear so I left that for the end. I finished it up with my own pair of Chuck Taylors, but mine were low tops. I combed my shaggy hair slightly to one side like I usually did. No make-up for me, thank you.

When I was done, I turned back to Sal who had just finished up his eyeliner. It was like magic. Without the black line around his eyes, they were a pretty sky blue. With the make-up they looked even bluer. The color seemed vibrant and alive. The black ring highlighted the little flecks of darker blue in them. I wanted nothing more than to pull him back to the bed. f**k Tainted. f**k the gig. f**k everyone else. It was so tempting. Sal turned to look at me and he frowned.

“You don’t have to dress like me.”

I blushed, feeling stupid. And here I thought he’d like it. I turned to look elsewhere. I didn’t want him to see how much his words hurt. Sal came to me and turned me face. His intense gaze held mine. He leaned in a kissed me gently. Then he pulled back.

“I just meant that if you want to wear something else, if you’re uncomfortable in these clothes, you can change into something else. There is no dress code, and even if there was, I would never make you wear something you don’t like. Don’t take me wrong though, I really, really, really like how you look like that, I always thought the punk look would suit you. Plus, you look so, so, so sexy with my tank top and my jeans, with my clothes in general, I’m tempted to give them all to you just to watch you wear them, get off on that, and then take them off and get off on that too.”

He winked and smiled his devilish smile. I blushed a little more and Sal chuckled. He leaned in to kiss me again before pulling away. He examined me with a critical eye and nodded. He liked what he saw.

“Though I think you need a jacket or something like that to finish up your look.”

“I don’t have a leather jacket.” I’d already thought about that. But nothing came to my mind that could replace it.

Sal chuckled and said he’d see about that. He looked through my drawers. Finally, he smiled and pulled out a black and white jacket with silver epaulettes. He’d made me buy it at some vintage store. Sal told me it looked really good on me. I hadn’t believe him, but I’d bought it. Since then I hadn’t had a chance to wear it.

“I knew you’d still have it because you care about me and my opinion and you’d never throw out something I convinced you to buy. You should wear this Ollie, it shows off the broadness of your back and this is the perfect occasion to wear it.”

He smiled widely and gave me the jacket. I still had my doubts until looked at myself in the mirror. The white in the jacket made all the black stand out. The black shirt made the white in the jacket stand out. And so on. I had to admit that I didn’t look half as bad as I thought I’d look. Actually, I liked the way I looked. Sal smiled and kissed my cheek. I smiled and tugged him into a tight hug. I pulled away and grabbed his hand. We walked out of the room and down the stairs. We said bye to my parents and they wished us good luck.

We left the house and I went to turn on the car. I backed out of the driveway and waited for Sal. He’d gone to his house to grab his bass and say goodbye to his moms. I turned on the radio, Sal’s music station still tuned. Sal ran out his house with his case in his hand. He climbed into the car and I pulled away. As I sped out of the town, Sal was all but bouncing around. He was clearly nervous and excited all at once. I grabbed his hand and squeezed it. Sal stilled and turned to look at me. I turned briefly and gave him a smile. Then I focused on the road again.

“It’s going to be alright,” I whispered.

Sal squeezed my hand again. I could see him smile from the corner of my eye. He turned up the volume. Music filled the car and we made the trip to the city in silence. Our peaceful and love-filled silences. I hoped the traffic wouldn’t be too vicious. I was hungry because we’d skipped lunch. our plan had been to arrive a little earlier and eat something. Make a sort of date out of it. But we’d gotten distracted and were running a little late. So, I was slightly worried. But things turned out alright. We got to the diner with time to enough to calmly eat something. I parked and we went in, sitting in a booth by a window. Sal placed his bass on the floor, leaning it against the window. Then we slid in and looked around.

Gret’s description of her uncle’s place was really lacking some details. Like the fact that most of its customers dressed like us or like her. I was relieved I’d gone with my intuition and dressed like this. I would’ve stuck out like a sore thumb if I’d dressed like I did normally. That would’ve made me very uncomfortable. She also neglected to say the place was lacking in the sanitary department. I thought it should be called The Pigpen. I would’ve laughed at my little joke but I was too uneasy. Even with the clothes that helped me go unnoticed I felt out of my element. I shrank a little into the booth. Sal grabbed my hand and gave me a smile. Relax. He held my gaze and his eyes were so warm and calm. I took in a deep breath. He was right. It was going to be alright.

A male waiter came toward our table. He was wearing a black t-shirt that said, “I speak fluent sarcasm,” and black skinny jeans. The guy looked a tad small. He was about Em’s size, maybe a little shorter. He had long black straightened hair. He had bangs like Sal, but his covered his left eye. If you can believe it, his skin was paler than Em’s. He had four studs on his lower lip, two to one side and two on the other side. His ears had so many piercings. I decided they probably looked like swiss cheese without them. His arms were covered in tattoos even though he didn’t look a day older than twenty. Where did he get the time and money to have them all done?

“Hey, I’ll be your waiter for today,” the guy said smiling.

And here I’d expected a moody teen. Instead the same cheerful attitude Gret had. We smiled back at him and he gave us our menus.

“I’ll be back in a few to take your order. Do know what you want to drink?” the waiter said.

“We would like a pair of sodas.”

The guy looked a little taken aback by Sal talking in sign language.

“Oh man, I’m sorry I don’t know sign language,” the guy looked at a loss as to what to do now. “Actually, I don’t think there’s anyone available that knows sign language. Maybe you could write it down?”

I looked at him and looked at Sal. I so didn’t want to do this. I sighed. No choice.

“Two sodas, please,” I whispered.

“Sorry? I couldn’t quite hear you, man. Could you say it again?” The waiter asked, looking at me.

“Two sodas, please,” I said speaking in my full voice.

“Oh, alright. I’ll go get them while you guys decide what you want to eat. If you want my opinion the chickpea sandwich looked particularly delicious today,” the waiter said. We wrote something on his pad and turned to go.

The uneasy feeling tried to overwhelm me again. I didn’t like talking. And to some stranger even less. So far Sal and I had been lucky. We’d eaten in places where someone always knew sign language. I guess my luck would run out some day. Sal grabbed my hand again. I looked up at him and he gave me his warm smile.

“Thank you babe.”

My heart melted. My chest tightened with how much I cared about this boy. Butterflies fluttered in my stomach. I didn’t know if it was because of the endearment. Or because of the warm smile. Or maybe it was because I had helped Sal out. Whichever reason, unease gave way to pride and happiness.

“You’re welcome,” I whispered.

I could maybe get used to talking. Even if strangers were involved. Sal liked my voice. He would stand up for me. He wouldn’t tell me to shut up. He would listen even if the stranger didn’t. He was the only one that mattered. It’s not like I would just start talking like a parrot. But I could try to talk more often.

We opened the menus and looked for something to order. I wasn’t really all that hungry anymore. Probably because of the nerves. A club sandwich looked like a safe choice. I put my menu down and looked at Sal. Sal saw me looking and smiled.

“What are you getting?”

“A club sandwich. And you?”

“A Dagwood sandwich.”

I chuckled. Sal was always hungry. He east about twice as much I did. Yet he never gained a single pound. Right then the waiter came back with our drinks and smiled.

“So, you guys know what you’re having?” the waiter asked. He placed our sodas on the table and grabbed his note pad.

I nodded and swallowed. My throat tightened. Traitor. I was so nervous. You would’ve thought I was going to face a firing squad. Don’t be stupid. This is just a waiter. Sal is here with you. You’re safe. The pressure in my throat lightened a bit. I took the opportunity to speak.

“We’ll be having a club sandwich and a Dagwood sandwich,” I said.

“Alright, I’ll go place your orders. It’ll take a little longer than usual because of the Dagwood sandwich, hope you don’t mind waiting,” the waiter said, putting his notepad back into his pocket.

I shook my head and he smiled before leaving again. I took a deep breath. Relax already Oliver. Again, Sal squeezed my hand, smiling at me.

“I love your sexy voice.”

I blushed but smiled nonetheless. I knew he did but I liked hearing it from time to time. We talked about silly things while we waited for our food to come. I made a quiet comment about the place being unkempt. Sal laughed and agreed. When the waiter came back with our food, his smile looked a bit brighter.

“Here are your orders,” he said. He placed the club sandwich in front of Sal and the Dagwood sandwich in front of me. Then he looked at me. “You’re really cute, by the way.”

His comment made me very uncomfortable. My hand and Sal’s were laced together. We occupied a single seat, sitting next to each other. It was obvious we were together. How dare this guy come on to me? The waiter seemed to realize what he’d said. He became very flustered.

“I didn’t mean it like that, I’m not gay,” he said quickly. But that just sounded worse than the original statement. “Not that I have anything against gay people, I mean, I think I’m bi so that’s sort of like being gay, right?” The waiter added, mending the misunderstanding quickly. “Anyways, I meant that you two are a very cute couple,” the guy said, smiling.

“Thanks... Uh…” I said. I trailed off because I didn’t know his name.

“Oh, I never told you my name, did I? Sorry about that. I’m Drew. I tend to do that a lot, forget to introduce myself. It’s a bad habit of mine.”

I didn’t really know what to say to that so I just nodded.

“Anyways, I’ll be going around to the other tables tell me if you need anything else,” Drew said. He turned and left again.

Sal and I exchanged plates and began to eat. Sal made quick work of his food. The way he always did. On the other hand, I was a slow eater. And I never ate much. We ate in silence, enjoying our food and each other’s company. Drew came by and asked if we were doing alright. I ordered another round of sodas and Drew went away to get them. When we were done, Sal sat back, rubbing his nonexistent belly.

“I’m so full you’ll have to roll me onto the stage, I swear.”

I chuckled at the imagery but sent him a slightly disapproving look.

“You should’ve eaten something lighter. You jump around a lot when you play. You’ll end up puking.”

Sal flipped me off and I laughed. A shadow loomed over our table. I looked up expecting to see Drew again. Instead I saw Gret’s smiling face.

“Hey guys! Why didn’t you tell me you were already here? I was about to panic because I didn’t see any of you guys around. Where are the other three?” Gret said, sitting across from us.

“I don’t know, where they are, they haven’t texted, I guess they must be on their way, don’t worry about that. When we arrived, we didn’t see you around and we didn’t know who to ask, so we just sat down and ordered something to eat.”

Sal shrugged still slumped in the booth.

“You should’ve asked your waiter. Everyone around here knows me. So Em and Dust and Kev haven’t called you or anything? You don’t know if they’re already on their way here? There’s like twenty minutes left till eight and you should’ve been sound checking about half an hour ago.”

Right then Drew came back with the sodas we had ordered.

“Hey guys, I’m sorry I took so long,” Drew started saying. He looked flustered. “Here are your…” He’d looked up and seen Gret sitting there with us and trailed off.

“Hey baby,” Drew said. He put down our sodas, looking at Gret a little confused.

We were the ones that should’ve been confused. Baby? Did he mean Gret? No. That couldn’t be. Gret liked Em.

“Hey love. I didn’t know you were their waiter for today. Has he treated you right?” Gret said, looking at us.

Sal and I nodded. We looked at each other from the corner of our eyes. What was going on here?

“He hasn’t talked your ear off?” Gret asked, winking at us.

Drew pouted.

“Some people appreciate that I make small talk with them,” he said.

Gret chuckled and pulled Drew down. She planted a short kiss on Drew’s lips. My eyes widened involuntarily. He was talking about Gret when he said baby! They were together! But that couldn’t be possible! Gret liked Em. I was certain. She couldn’t take her eyes off her.

“I’m only teasing you babe,” Gret said, pulling back and smiling.

Sal and I shared another corner-of-the-eye look.

“Oh, sorry. I forgot the introductions,” Gret said, turning towards us. “Guys this is Drew, my boyfriend.”

Sal and I schooled our faces. Inside I was very confused. I had seen her. I had seen Gret check Em out. I’d seen the lust and desire in her eyes. So what was going on here? We smiled and nodded in greeting.

“And these are Sal and Ollie, do you remember that I told you about them?” Gret said, turning towards Drew.

“Hey, it’s nice meeting you. Though I think the introductions are a little late,” Drew said, laughing.

Drew offered us his hand and we shook it in turn.

“You about done with your shift, baby?” Gret said.

Drew looked unsure and turned towards the kitchen door. Right then a flustered looking kid came out. He was dressed like Drew and wore an apron. Drew shrugged and nodded.

“Yeah, Geoff’s already here, late but here.”

“He’s always late, you should stop covering for him. He’s using you,” Gret said, eyeing Geoff.

“I reported him to Ben already. That’s why I took longer to bring the drinks. Ben told me to be there when he was scolding him,” Drew said smiling. “He told Geoff that if he was late even one more time he was fired.”

“Serves him right,” Gret said still, glaring at Geoff. “Why don’t you go take your apron off and leave your notes and come back here to sit with us?” Gret added, smiling at Drew.

“Alright. I’ll be back in a few.” Drew said. He smiled and turned to go away.

“Have you heard anything from the other guys? It’s already seven fifty-five,” Gret asked. She looked worried and panicky.

“All I know is that Dust is driving them here, I don’t know where they are but I think they would’ve called if something was up.”

Right then the guys walked into the place. They were all dressed more or less like Sal. Em was wearing a jean vest filled with studs. She had a clear grey long sleeved shirt under it. She was wearing black ripped and frayed skinny jeans. To finish off she was wearing black canvas boots with spikes.

Dust was wearing jeans had had zippers and studs all over it. He wore a dark red long-sleeved shirt. Over it he had a black canvas vest with spikes on the shoulders. The final touch was a pair of dark red Old Skool Vans that were ripped and frayed.

Kevin was wearing tight leather pants with studs and spikes. He had on a white band-tee-turned-tank-top. But it was easily two sizes too big. The arm holes reached his mid-torso. He was wearing a pair of black combat boots and a studded belt over his huge shirt.

Em had her usual mess of long curls tied into a ponytail, Kevin had styled his hair into a Mohawk, and Dust had made his short sandy blond hair spiky.

However, none of them looked like they were excited to be here. Kevin looked extremely annoyed. Dusty looked angry. And Em… Well, Em looked angry and miserable, all at once. Her nose was red. She had huge purplish bags under her eyes. She’d tried to conceal them with make-up, but it was no good. A bad feeling settled into my stomach. She was still sick. How was she going to perform today?

Gret smiled and waved the guys over. She got up and pulled Sal along with her. Sal grabbed his bass and gave me a confused. I frowned and got up too, standing by Sal.

“Hey, I’m so glad you’re already here. If you hurry through sound check and maybe we’ll be ready before eight thirty,” Gret said not even letting us say hi.

She ushered us all through a door. I guess the space functioned as a sort of backstage. She told Tainted to go get ready to play. Sal barely got time to take his bass out and give me a small kiss. Then Gret was ushering them into the stage. Gret helped them set up quickly. They adjusted amps and mics. Lowered or upped the volume where needed. Arranged things the way they wanted it. They set guitar and bass so people didn’t trip on them. They checked to see if they were tuned.

At eight fifty, they were finally done. Gret left the stage to stand by me and open the curtain. She was bouncing with excitement. But I still had that bad feeling in my stomach. The audience –about ten people– looked a little annoyed. They had to wait a whole hour extra. Dusty seemed fidgety. He kept looking towards Sal as if he wanted to tell him something. And then Em spoke.

“H-h-h-hey g-g-guys,” she whispered. Even with the mic amplifying her voice I could barely hear her. On top of that she was stuttering. Probably stressed and nervous.

The people turned the full force of their annoyance in her direction. She shrank into herself. Her hands started trembling.

“W-w-we’re…” She began to whisper but trailed off. “Uh… Um… W-we’re…”

The people began to look angry. I could see the guys were starting to panic. Em started to freeze up. It broke my heart in pieces. She was so social. So extroverted. But the quickly increasing wrath of this people had her freaking out. I imagined that was what I looked like when I’d tried to play again. Kevin let out a frustrated sigh. Dusty whispered something to Sal. Sal looked like he might be ill. Oh God. This was a disaster. Em Just stood there. Staring at the angry people. Her hands were tight around her mic. Her knuckles were white from the force of her grip. Em cleared her throat and tried talking again.

“W-w-w-we’re…” Em started to say.

“You’re s**t is what you are!” someone yelled.

Em shrank even further. Dusty and Sal looked at each other. Kevin looked like he might kill someone. Oh God. Not this. Not to them. Not to her. This couldn’t be happening. They had so much potential. Tainted was such an awesome band. If Em could just start to sing. But she was completely frozen by then. Shaking like a leaf. In my mind’s eye, I saw myself as a kid. Standing in a stage. People screaming. Vivaldi’s winter playing in my mind at a deafening volume.

“Yeah! Get down if you’re not going to play!”

“You suck!”

“Get out of here!”

Oh God. Please. Not to them. Not to Tainted. Sal started to look seriously green. Em looked like she was holding her tears in. Kevin looked murderous. I wasn’t sure if he wanted to kill Em or the people. Dusty looked like his heart was breaking in two. No. They couldn’t do this to Tainted. They couldn’t do this to my Sal. They couldn’t treat my band like this. I stepped into the stage and walked towards Em. I tried to exude as much confidence and swagger as I could. I tried to look like I knew what I was doing.

In reality, I had no plan at all. Well, I did have one. My plan was to fix things. To get that sick look off of Sal’s face. To show these impatient assholes that this was my band. And they f*****g respected it. Panic tried to seize my mind. I pushed it back and focused on my anger. Em looked surprised but she stepped back. I grabbed the mic and swallowed. My throat tried to tighten. I willed it to stay loose. You aren’t betraying me. Not right now. I need you and you’ll do as I say. But what the f**k was I going to say? I pushed that panicky thought away. I had to fix things.

“Sorry you had to wait for us. Our guitarist isn’t feeling well. She was trying to tell you I was running late.”

The crowd grunted not looking any friendlier. My bravado faltered. My hands started shaking. Panic began to overwhelm me. Then I turned toward Sal. Because that was what I did when I was insecure. He was looking at me like I was a hero. The absolute adoration and admiration on his face settled me. I could do this. This was my band. This was my Sal. They needed my help. I swallowed.

“So, let’s get to the good part already. We’re Tainted. We’ll be doing a Breaking Benjamin tribute. We’ll sing their best and most famous songs. The first song is called Give Me A Sign by Breaking Benjamin.”

Dust marked the tempo and Em started playing. I felt the tempo in my body. When the time came, I started to sing.

Dead star shine

Light up the sky

I’m all out of breath

My walls are closing in

Days go by

Give me a sign

Come back to the end

The shepherd of the damned.

I closed my eyes and Sal’s face was there. The way he’d looked at me when I stepped onto the stage. His warm smile. His eyes dancing with happiness. The lyrics made my heart ache. This was another of those songs that spoke about me. I’d seen myself fall away. I stopped fighting. I gave up before I even tried things. I kept looking for a sign. A reason to keep my hope alive. But I’d found none. I was looking at the wrong place. I thought I’d been watching the world. That I’d been listening. Paying attention for this sign. But I’d already given up before I tried to find it. I’d decided I wouldn’t find any such sign.

Daylight dies

Black out the sky

Does anyone care?

Is anybody there?

Take this life

Empty inside

I’m already dead

I’ll rise to fall again.

I opened my eyes and looked out at the audience. They were captivated. Gret and Drew smiled at me from the crowd. They too were paying attention. As they should. This was my band. These were my feelings. They better show some respect. Because for the first time, Tainted was complete. My hands no longer itched. My soul was at peace. My mind was quiet. This is where I belong. We were right were we all belonged. This was the best melody I’d heard in a long while. And the best of it all? When I looked at Sal for reassurance, he gave me that warm.

That was how I got through the whole thing.

I had promised I would never step into a stage again. And I wasn’t. No. Tainted was standing on this stage. I wasn’t standing in alone. I was a part of something else. Something bigger. I was part of a family. And we were home. Tainted was my home.