This Love is Real - Book 1

Episode One

Sonya

Terri’s scream woke Sonya. She quickly jumped out of bed and hurried to Terri’s room. This was the second time in two weeks Terri’s nightmares had woken her. When Sonya heard her scream again, she opened the door, moved to Terri’s bedside, and pulled her into her arms. “Terri, Terri, it’s ok, your safe. You’re just having a nightmare.” Sonya was so overwhelmed by her love and protectiveness that she kissed Terri.

            Terri woke up when she felt the kiss on her lips. “Sonya, what’s going on? What are you doing here? Why are you holding me, and… did you just kiss me?” Terri gently removed herself from Sonya’s embrace.

            “You were having another nightmare. I just wanted to comfort you.” Sonya bit her bottom lip while she stared at Terri, waiting for her response.

            Terri was shaken, both from the nightmare and her best friend’s kiss. “By kissing me, Sonya?” 

               Sonya flinched, then got up because she didn’t like how Terri was looking at her. “I’m sorry, Terri.” Sonya then walked out of the room.

 Sonya was concerned about what was happening with her best friend, but she was mad at herself for kissing Terri. Sonya knew that Terri was conflicted about her feelings towards their relationship outside of being best friends. This was the hope that Sonya’s kept since she bumped into Terri freshman year.  

Sonya closed her eyes when she remembered meeting her. They collided when Terri was on her way to the library. When Sonya looked into Terri’s eyes, her stomach fluttered, and her heart thumped. Sonya was speechless as she stared into the most beautiful hazel eyes she had ever seen. She recalled a sweet smell that reminded her of peaches. 

Sonya’s daydreaming was interrupted when she heard a door slam. She guessed Terri probably went for a jog or met up with Suzie and Chris to work on the plans for the show. Sonya sighed. Over the last few weeks, she has felt her best friend’s distance. Sonya thought Terri would’ve confided in her, but now Sonya wasn’t so sure. The look on Terri’s face when she woke up scared her.

            Sonya checked her watch and knew she had to get ready for the hospital. At 8:45 am, she headed to the NICU to do her rounds when she spied Alex.  Alex must have noticed something different about her. “Hey Sonya, what’s wrong?”

            She shook her head, trying not to cry. “Let’s talk about it after rounds.”  Alex nodded then they started to walk the floor. 

            During a break, they went over to the hospital’s café to chat. They found a table near the back, and Alex went to get them some tea. Sonya smiled at her. Alex was a cardio resident, and she was also gay, which bonded them the first year of residency. Sonya could talk to Alex about her fear of being gay on campus and her feelings for her best friend.

When Alex returned, she stared at Sonya before she spoke. “What’s going on, girl? You look like you lost your best friend.”

Sonya’s eyes teared. “I think I am losing her; I made a mistake. I kissed her this morning, and the way she looked at me hurt my soul.”

            “Sonya, when are you going to tell her how you feel? Until you do, you will probably continue to make those types of mistakes. What are you scared of? Terri loves you.”

            Sonya put her head down because of her tears. “But she is not in love with me.”

            Alex frowned. “Are you sure? I’ve seen the way she looks at you.”

            Sonya shook her head. “She’s never told me, Alex.”

            Alex sighed. “True, but you won’t find out if you never tell her.”

            Sonya wiped away a tear. “I can’t right now, something is going on with her, but she isn’t confiding in me. Terri is not even talking to me. When she comes home, she goes into her room or goes into her office. She hasn’t cooked a meal since she’s been back, and you know how she loves to cook.” 

            “Wow, something’s off, and you won’t know until you speak with her.”

After the chat with Alex, Sonya knew she had to speak with Terri. She just hoped Terri would be ready to talk when she came home.

Terri

Terri came home, exhausted. After her therapy session, she took a Taekwondo class. Terri knew she had to speak with Sonya, but not that night. Terri was just too tired, and she needed to take a nap before she started working on the designs for New York Fashion Week. This would be her second year modeling for Chris. She was hoping that the money she earned from the show would allow her to open her bistro. Terri’s dream was to mix her love of cooking with being her own boss. She wanted to be her own boss to ensure financial security. If Terri had enough money freshman year, she would have never moved in with James. Terri fell in love with cooking when Freddie allowed her to work in his restaurants after the incident. Terri’s thoughts were interrupted when she smelled a wonderful vanilla scent then saw Sonya waiting for her.

“Can we talk?”

            Terri frowned. “I can’t right now, Sonya. Terri started to go into her room, but Sonya stopped her. “Terri, please talk to me. I’m worried about you.”

            Terri closed her eyes because she didn’t want to see sadness and longing in Sonya’s beautiful brown eyes. “I said not right now, Sonya. I’m tired, and I need to sleep.” Terri pulled her arm away, walked into her room, and closed her door. She felt terrible shutting Sonya out, but she wasn’t ready to talk. Terri just wanted to sleep and not think about the problems in her life. She took a sleeping pill and laid down. Within five minutes, she was asleep.

            Terri woke up when her alarm went off. She hoped Sonya was in bed so she wouldn’t have to talk to her. When she opened the door and walked towards her office, she stopped. Sonya was in the kitchen, sitting at the bar. Sonya was clearly hoping to catch her. When Sonya looked up, she stared at Terri. “Do you have time to talk now?”

            Terri’s heart turned over when she met Sonya’s gaze. Terri knew she’d hurt her, but she just couldn’t talk to Sonya right then. Terri was way behind in her plans to open her bistro and perfecting the designs for the show. “I’m sorry, Sonya, I have too much work to catch up on, including preparation for New York Fashion Week. Maybe later this week?”

            Sonya put her highlighter down, got off the barstool, and walked towards her. “Alright. I don’t like it, but I will leave you alone until you're ready to talk.” Sonya went back to the bar, gathered her materials, then turned to walk to her office, but Terri stopped Sonya to hug her. 

 “I am sorry, Sonya. I promise this weekend we’ll spend some time and talk.”

            Sonya nodded then continued towards her office.

Terri felt awful, but she knew she had to focus on the designs for the show. She had three weeks’ worth of work to do over the next few days. Two weeks ago, her life was knocked off track. She thought someone was following her and when she turned around, she saw a man who’d resembled James. When the man opened his mouth to speak, Terri screamed and ran away. She ran so far that she was in the forest when she stopped, two miles from the bike trail. Terri was scared, and it was dark, so she ran straight home. That was the first night the nightmares returned.

James was the boy Terri turned to when her parents were killed in an accident. She was vulnerable, and her Aunt Ann was too grief-stricken to comfort and support her. James provided the comfort she needed, but Terri confused his affections for love. She learned differently during spring break freshman year. Amber, a girl who wanted James, showed him doctored pictures of Terri sleeping with James’ friends. James was so enraged he slapped her then sexually assaulted her. Afterward, he stole her purse to ensure she couldn’t call anyone and had no way home. Terri now refers to that time as the incident.

That day something horrific happened, but so did something extraordinary. Joyce and Freddie literally took Terri into their arms and never let her go. They paid for her hotel room then took her to their home in New Jersey. Joyce nurtured Terri while Freddie gave her a job as a cook in their restaurants. Freddie and Joyce owned, built, and sold restaurants in New Jersey and New York. Freddie was in charge of the construction, while Joyce handled the business portion. Eventually, Terri assisted Freddie with constructing new restaurants, and that is when she met Eryn. Eryn was interning with the design firm for the restaurants. Terri fell in love with the construction and the design phases of new projects. That love is what she and Eryn shared. Terri and Eryn worked well together and established a friendship and partnership for over nine years.  

Terri was on edge since seeing James and Amber in North Carolina six months ago. She experienced a mental breakdown, and Joyce and Freddie flew her back to New Jersey. Before seeing James, she was so happy finding her birth parents and meeting Ted. When Aunt Ann got sick, Terri flew to North Carolina and found out Aunt Ann was her birth mom. Ann had Terri when she was 15 years old and begged her sister and brother-in-law to adopt her baby so her parents wouldn’t put Terri up for adoption. They all planned to tell Terri the truth on her 18th birthday, but Ann’s sister and brother-in-law were killed by a drunk driver. Ann was heartbroken and unable to care for a fifteen-year-old, leaving Terri feeling unloved and unwanted.

During Ann’s recovery, she told Terri the circumstances of her birth and told her about CJ. CJ was waiting for Ann to tell the truth because he wanted to meet his daughter. CJ saw Terri on the runway during New York Fashion Week last year. Terri is the spitting image of CJ’s late grandmother. CJ was stunned; he had no idea he had a daughter. CJ tracked down Ann and confronted her. Once Terri met CJ, they all bonded over music, and CJ and Ann rekindled the love they shared during music camp.

Ted was Ann’s doctor. Terri and Ted bonded over a shared passion for cooking and had strong s****l chemistry. Terri thought Ted was tall, dark, and handsome with smooth milk chocolate skin, light brown eyes, and short black wavy hair. He was at least 6’3. Terri and Ted developed a friendship during the cooking sessions that they had at Ted’s house. She was visiting Ted at the hospital when she spotted James and Amber in the waiting room. Terri ran and jumped in her car but was hysterical and blinded by her tears, which forced her to remain parked until her parents found her. Terri closed her eyes, trying to stem her tears as she remembered both the joy of making music with her father and the trauma of seeing James and Amber. Terri wasn’t sure if she would ever see Ted again.

            When Terri spoke with her psychologist, Dr.Hawkins helped her determine the man was just asking her for directions, but his likeness to James was a trigger. Dr. Hawkins provided Terri with coping skills and prescribed a sleep aid. Her nap was the first time she could close her eyes and not see that night and feel the terror she felt almost ten years prior. Luckily, Terri was able to focus through the night and drafted several sketches for the show. She was still in her office when Sonya woke up. “Did you work all night?”

            Terri stood up to stretch. “Yes, since I don’t have a session today, I decided to work as long as I could. Would you like some breakfast? I planned to make omelets.”

            Sonya's eyes widened. “Yes, I would love that. I don’t have to go into the hospital until noon, so I have time.”

            Terri nodded. “Let me take a quick shower, then I’ll get started.” Terri walked into her bathroom before Sonya could respond.

Terri needed some time to gather her thoughts. She stripped her clothes while waiting for the water to warm. Terri got in the shower and stood under the water, and thought about the past two weeks. Terri recalled the kiss Sonya gave her, which confused her, and she was unsure what to do. Terri thought Sonya was wonderful. She was brilliant, kind, and loving. Sonya was also beautiful, with light brown eyes that reminded her of chestnuts and long, black, wavy hair. Her beautiful light brown skin had red undertones that darkened during the summer. The first time she saw Sonya, she’d felt butterflies in her stomach and sensed Sonya felt the same. Truthfully, Terri was still conflicted about her feelings for Sonya and wasn’t ready to talk but knew she had to.

After her shower, Terri put on a yellow and burnt orange sundress with her orange sandals. Terri smiled because she remembered burnt orange was Sonya’s favorite color. She walked into the kitchen and saw Sonya studying at the dining room table. Her beautiful black hair was pinned up, revealing her long slender neck. Sonya's sweet vanilla smell permeated the room. Terri shook her head to clear her thoughts about how sexy Sonya looked in her blue scrubs and how good she smelled. Terri wasn’t surprised to see Sonya’s head in her books because this was the last two weeks before the end of the summer. All the residents were studying for exams. When she started breakfast, Sonya stopped studying and sat down at the bar. “Can we talk now?”

Terri continued preparing the eggs but answered. “Yes. First, I’d like to apologize for neglecting our friendship and not talking to you.”

Sonya stared at her. “I forgive you, Terri. I just want to make sure you are okay.”

Terri nodded. “Two weeks ago, I saw a man who looked like James, and I freaked out and ran. That was the first night I had nightmares. It was the same terror I’d felt the night of the incident and six months ago. Yesterday, I went to my psychologist to make sense of it. She explained scenarios like that are triggers. She gave me ways to cope and prescribed a sleep aid to help me sleep. After finally getting some peaceful rest, I feel a lot better today.”

“What can I do to help?” Sonya’s heart hurt when she recalled what had happened ten years ago. Freshman year, Sonya was terrified when Terri never returned from her trip to Cancun. Sonya didn’t know where Terri was, if she was safe, or even alive for weeks.   

Terri turned around to look at her. “Just continue to be you, Sonya.”

Sonya raised her eyebrows, confused. “What does that mean, Terri? I don’t understand. Continue to be me?”

Terri sighed, then put down the spatula. “There is nothing for you to do, Sonya. I have to learn how to cope with these triggers the best way I can. This is something that may never go away. Let’s talk about something else.” She put Sonya’s omelet on her plate then handed it to her. Terri braced herself because she knew Sonya was going to want to talk about the other night. And she was right.

Sonya stared at her. “Can we talk about the kiss?”

Terri closed her eyes. “I don’t want to, but I know we have to.”

Sonya put her fork down. “I’m sorry I kissed you, Terri. I was really only trying to comfort you. My heart hurt hearing you scream. I couldn’t help it.”

Terri stared at her. “You couldn’t help kissing me on the lips?”

Sonya stared at Terri for a long time before responding. “Yes.”

Terri just shook her head. She didn’t want to deal with this right then. “Ok. Look, Sonya, I have a lot of work to do before New York Fashion Week. I’m going to get some more sleep.” Terri put her plate in the microwave and walked to her room.

Sonya

            When Terri walked away, Sonya let out the breath she was holding. She was nervous about telling Terri she couldn’t help kissing her. Sonya was curious about the look in Terri’s eyes when she confirmed the kiss. Sonya wasn’t sure if it was negative or positive but understood Terri had bigger things to worry about. Sonya was shocked to hear about the triggers and sad for her best friend. She was also ashamed for lusting after Terri when she walked into the kitchen in that yellow and burnt orange sundress. Terri looked so sexy, and her smell was enticing. Sonya secretly hoped Terri was dressing for her since those were her favorite colors. She had no idea Terri was struggling emotionally and was upset because she didn’t know how to help Terri. Sonya looked at the time and had two hours before her shift. She decided to study in her office for another hour before heading to the hospital.  

            Sonya was disappointed at the lack of opportunities to talk to Terri after they spoke in the kitchen. Terri was busy catching up with three weeks of work. However, Sonya was excited that she was nearly finished with her second year of residency. She was living her dream of following in her mother’s footsteps to become a pediatric surgeon. Sonya excelled in her program under the mentorship of Dr. Helen Savers, an award-winning pediatric surgeon. Dr. Savers gave her opportunities to assist in the ER and the OR. Sonya studied hard and focused on learning all she could to prepare for her boards and successfully complete her residency.

 Dr. Savers called Sonya into her office early Tuesday morning. She was nervous when she knocked on the door. “Come in and take a seat. I called you to let you know I am transferring to a hospital in San Diego next year for a five-year program to improve neonatal care and treatment in the area. I am telling you this because I want you to consider completing your fellowship, helping me with this program. I know you are a year away from completing your residency and passing your boards, but I have every confidence you will. Since I am the director, I can already offer you this fellowship contingent upon completing your residency and passing the boards. I want you to think about this, but I need an answer by the end of the week.”

Sonya thanked Dr. Savers profusely for the opportunity and got up, then closed the door behind her. She stopped herself from screaming out loud. It was the opportunity of a lifetime, but Sonya needed to talk it over with Terri, and she wanted to get her parents’ advice. Sonya glided through the rest of her day, excited about the possibilities. She wanted to call Terri to share her good news, but she would wait until after the study group. She did, however, call her mom. Her mom answered on the second ring. “Hello, Sonya. How are you doing?”

“I am doing great, Mom; I have some news to share, and I want to get your advice.”

“What is it?”

“Dr. Savers just offered me a fellowship to assist in a neonatal program out in San Diego.”

“That is wonderful, Sonya. I met Dr. Savers at the conference in Orlando a few months ago, and they were talking about that program. They are using some new techniques. This is a pilot program and an amazing opportunity.”

“I think so too. This is so exciting.”

“Have you talked it over with Terri? I know you wanted her to move with you again, but she is getting famous in New York. I know she is doing another show with that designer Chris Hodges, and now she is performing concerts with her father. Do you think she will be willing to give it all up to follow you to San Diego? When was the last time she was even in California?”

Sonya frowned. “She’s home now. When she went to North Carolina, something bad happened to Terri, which was why she originally went back to New Jersey, but you’re right. Terri does have some amazing opportunities in New York coming up, but she loves living with me. We support each other, so we will work it out, Mom.”

“I hope you’re right, Sonya. Believe it or not, I want you to be successful, and I want you to be happy. I just don’t understand your dependency on Terri, although I love her.”

“I know, Mom. Thanks for the advice. I must get back to work. Tell Dad I will talk to him later.”

“I will, dear. Congratulations.”

Sonya hung up, feeling a little less happy now that her mom revealed some valid points about Terri. She was just going to have to speak with her. Until then, she focused on her work.

During the study group, Sonya, Alex, Jessica, Kevin, and Robert discussed the opportunities their mentors started presenting to them. They were all great opportunities. After everybody left,  Sonya went to see Terri. Terri opened her bedroom door after Sonya knocked a few times. “Hi. Sorry, I was chatting with Eryn. How are you?”

“What’s going on with Eryn?”

“We have some business to discuss, but what’s up with you?”

“I was hoping we could chat. I have some good news to share with you.”

“Sure, Sonya. Let me hang up with Eryn. Hold on.” Terri hung up with Eryn.  “Ok. So, what do you have to tell me?”

Sonya told her about the opportunity in San Diego. “I really want to accept this fellowship, but I need to know how you feel about moving with me to San Diego.” She noticed Terri was silent for a long time. “Terri?”

            “Sorry, I’m just thinking about what to say. Honestly, Sonya, it sounds like a great opportunity, and I think you should take it. The chance to work with your mentor on a groundbreaking pilot program is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.”

            “Why do I feel like there is a but?”

            “There is no but, Sonya. I think you should take it.”

            “That doesn’t sound like you are coming with me, though.”

            “I don’t know, Sonya. I have some news of my own I need to share with you. But I think you should absolutely accept that fellowship. That is your dream, Sonya.”

            “What do you have to tell me, Terri?”

            “Joyce and Freddie just gifted me a three-story building in an up-and-coming area of New York. I already drafted plans for it, which is why I was talking to Eryn. I am going to need her help with this project. I don’t know how long this project will take—at least a year or two. This means I will be in New York for most of next year, except when working with Chris and Suzie. I plan to continue working with them for the New York shows. However, this might be the last year I will model for him.”

            “Wow, Terri. Sounds like you have a lot of plans.” Sonya’s heart started to ache, thinking about how those plans included Eryn.

            “A lot has come up over the last few days. I was going to try to speak with you this weekend if you aren’t working.”

            “I’m actually off this weekend, so we can talk more then.”

            “Sounds like a plan. Congratulations, Sonya. I will talk to you on Saturday.”

            “Bye.” Sonya closed the door and went back into her bedroom.

After speaking with Terri, Sonya felt down. She knew she would rarely see Terri over the next year, which hurt, but Sonya knew Terri was following her dreams just as she was following hers. She was so sad she called her grandma. Granny answered on the first ring. “Hey Sonya, how are you, baby?”

            “Oh, Granny, I was so happy this morning, and now I am a little sad.”

            “What’s the matter, Sonya?”

            “Well, the good news is my mentor offered me a once-in-a-lifetime fellowship in San Diego contingent on when I complete my residency and pass the boards.”

            “That’s fantastic, Sonya. I am so very proud of you. What could be bad about that?”

            “I don’t think Terri is going to come with me this time.”

            “You might be right, Sonya. You know I still speak with her mom, Joyce. Joyce told me she and Freddie just gave Terri that building in New York because they want her to stay close to home. Terri was so excited about it she already drafted plans. There is also the fact that her birth parents, CJ, and Ann, live in New York. Terri is just getting to know her dad. She has endless opportunities, and her loved ones are there. Joyce is over the moon. Terri splits her time between New Jersey and New York. Joyce was a little nervous when they found out Ann was Terri’s birth mom, but Terri calls them both mom and treats Joyce the same way she always has. Terri just added two more people to their family. It sounds like Terri is absorbing all the love she missed out on when her parents died. Hell, now she has two sets of parents. At least that is what Joyce says.”

            Sonya was silent, listening to her granny talk. How could she compete with all of that love? Her own family wasn’t that loving. Only her granny and her dad showed her unconditional love. What was shocking was that Terri once told her she was always jealous of her family. Now Sonya was finding herself jealous of Terri’s family. “I know, granny. Terri is brilliant. When she agreed to room with me, she said just until I finished my residency. I think she knew there might be a time when she couldn’t come with me. I think now is that time.”

            “I was always nervous of that possibility, Sonya. But you were just so sure of your love for Terri. You wanted to eventually marry her. I feared you were in for a rude awakening and real heartbreak.”

            “I still want to marry her, granny.”

            “It may not be possible now, Sonya. At least not for a while. I want you to understand that, baby. Just as Terri supports your dreams, you have to accept hers.”

            After speaking to her granny, Sonya felt worse instead of better. Her granny was speaking the truth—it may be many more years before Terri would accept the change in their relationship. She just hoped while they were pursuing their dreams, they didn’t lose each other.