When Forever Calls

Chapter 5

Months passed, and the memories of Marcus had begun to fade and no longer haunted me. I was finally healing, and this time, I focused only on Ben.

I had moved to another neighborhood to start afresh. I had also set goals and boundaries for myself, and although I pretended to be happy, a part of me still yearned for something more, something that felt missing; I felt empty!

Ben seemed happier with me now than ever since I moved out of my former apartment and spent more time with him.

On one occasion, I went over to see him, not because I was filled with so much excitement but because it felt like an obligation. Everything went well in our relationship, but it wasn't just magical like it used to be effortlessly with Marcus.

The smile always brightened up his face whenever he saw me, I wrapped my arms around him, the embrace was stiff like our bodies merely touching but our hearts not quite connecting. I settled into the savory ham sandwich that was set before me on the dining table.

I knew he never cooked; his housekeeper did, and he always felt proud when I enjoyed the food. I couldn't think about anything else except eating.

"Did you like it?" He was looking at me.

I raised my eyebrows in his direction, where he sat, waiting for my approval. "Yes, very satisfying. I'm sure you've outdone yourself with this one". I teased.

"No, the housekeeper did," he laughed, those bulging eyes shrinking in laughter.

I watched as the laughter faded. He had turned off the T.V. as the game ended, and the room fell silent. At that moment, I knew he was about to say something important, and I braced myself, eager to listen with an open mind.

"I've been thinking about something lately…" his voice became calmer and slower. I gulped down some water and sat down attentively as he continued, "As you know, I'm not getting any younger, and we make a good team." He paused and continued, "Would you like to marry me so you can move in with me?… isn't that the next logical step, right?" His eyes narrowed, and he wished for the words that would come out of my mouth.

I coughed and gulped down some water the second time. Terrified by the words I had just heard, my mind raced in circles, with a mix of emotions - surprise, guilt, panic, not knowing what to say to this. My heart felt heavy, like it was sinking in my chest; at the same time, I didn't want to hurt him; I didn't want to crush his hopes and dreams.

This has to be the most unromantic proposal in history. The thought of how perfectly Marcus would have planned this filled my head, and I couldn't help but shake off the feeling before I rekindled what I was trying to forget.

The room seemed to spin around me as I struggled to find my words, to say something that wouldn't ruin anything: "Ben… I still have to go to Paris, to college…"

"…You can still do all that," he cut in. "I'm not stopping you from doing all that at all." He leaned in, brought me closer, and made me sit on his leg while placing his right hand on my left shoulder. He nodded slightly in a way that said, 'Yes, you can.'

"I just want to ensure we're on the same page, Mia!"

I could feel the warmth of his breath on my face, making me fight for mine. His hands traced my arms down to my waist; before I could say anything, his lips had engulfed mine. I tightened my eyes, hoping to escape from reality, as I lay there with my body tensed. We had been intimate before, but this time felt different. I didn't want to, but I felt obligated like I owed it to him, and I didn't want to disappoint him. So I surrendered, I surrendered to his touch, even as my mind deferred; perhaps this would bring us together again, I thought, like we used to be before I met Marcus.

I no longer worked at the bakery. I resigned myself after all that happened, but Anne continued there. She dropped by to see me sometimes after her shift, and most times, she slept over at my house.

"He actually proposed?" Anne's eyes widened, her lips half open as we sat on the floor of my apartment.

"I didn't believe it myself, Anne. I almost died," I bluntly said.

"Oh my God, girl!" She let out a deafening laugh, her head thrown back, her mouth wide open. It was definitely infectious because I turned in, grinning.

"Wait… you said yes?" She locked her eyes on mine even when I tried to dodge them.

"That's the problem…" I sighed, "I am not sure if I'm ready for this."

"What are you not ready for?" She asked.

"I'm just 23, and I have to go to Paris for college!" I said.

"You know very well that that's the least of your worries. I'm sure you would have jumped on it if Marcus was the one…" she laughed.

"I feel like I'm not comfortable with it," I said, overwhelmed.

"But you've both done everything. What's the big deal?" she paused, "He is rich, and he treats you really well. Come on, Mia, this is good!"

I looked at her carefully, trying not to be pissed; my best friend from childhood, with her bright long red hair, pale skin, and always in very colorful clothes. If anyone on earth could understand me best, it should be her. As a matter of fact, she was supposed to know exactly how I felt and support me. But instead, she seemed clouded by her own shallow judgments. I fought the urge to convince her and tell her what I felt but decided otherwise.

"I just need some time to decide!" My face strained.

As I held up my phone, a message popped on my screen, leaving me stunned. My jaw dropped in disbelief, and I froze, my eyes fixed on the screen as my hands felt numb. I took a step back, seeking privacy, and retreated to my bathroom to process what I had just seen.