Black Hole

Dizzy

We didn’t say much at the beginning of the drive. I don’t know about Callan, but I’m still thinking about the magical kiss. He seemed to also be in a daze and was smiling.

We were a few minutes away from his house when we passed the Observatory. It was the tallest, most beautiful building in our town.

“You’re lucky you live so close to the observatory.” I said.

“Yeah, it’s my favorite building.” Callan said.

“Me too. It’d be a great place to die.” I said before I could stop myself. Callan said nothing for a few moments.

“Do you really think about doing that? Killing yourself?” He asked quietly.

“Sometimes. I just feel so helpless when it comes to my own life. My mother wants to force me to marry a guy that I’m not in love with who treats me like s**t and I’m too scared to get away because of what he might do. Sometimes I just can’t breathe. And I think it would be easier if I stop breathing altogether. But I don’t think I feel that hopeless anymore. I have things to look forward to now.”

“Good.” Callan said. “I don’t ever want you to feel like that. And if you do, you can talk to me. I’ll be here for you whenever you need me.”

“Thanks.” I said. “Can you not tell anyone?”

“Our secret.” He promised.

^^^

That night after watching a few videos of people swing dancing, I laid awake staring at my ceiling with glowing stars on it. I couldn’t stop thinking about the way Callan had kissed me. How I still felt like I was floating. I had never felt like that when Leo kissed me.

The next morning I was actually as happy as I was pretending to be the previous day. It was amazing that just one kiss could make me feel this way. I didn’t even mind having to be around Leo or Carmen, who kept making out with Travis every chance she got in an attempt to upset Leo.

“Hey, Jay!” I heard as I was walking down the hall. I turned and saw Josh, Howie and Callan.

“Hey guys!” I smiled. “What’s going on?”

“Not much,” Josh answered. “Are you ready for tonight?”

“I watched a couple videos, but I don’t think I’ll ever be ready.” I laughed.

“Oh, I’m sure you’ll be fine,” Howie assured me. “As Callan says you’re perfect at everything.”

“Thank you, Howie.” Callan muttered as he and Josh walked away laughing.

“So, how are you?” He asked me.

“Dizzy,” I grinned.

“Maybe you should go to the nurse’s office.” Callan said with concern.

“I’m not dizzy in the bad way. It’s just last night something happened that kinda rocked my world.” I whispered.

Callan looked both shocked and ecstatic. “Oh yeah?” He asked. “Well I understand how you feel. Last night I did something that blew my mind. My life feels like it’s been altered.”

“Shame it’s only happened once, huh?”

He leaned in close and whispered in my ear. “Well if you ever want your world rocked again, let me know.” 

The sweet shy Callan had vanished for the moment. He was replaced with a confident, sexy guy who knew with one kiss he’d captivated me. I had never felt more attracted to him. I wanted him to grab me and kiss me right then and there. He hadn’t pulled away yet.

“And if you ever want your mind blown again, you know where to find me.” I whispered back.

I knew we shouldn’t be flirting with each other like this, but I didn’t care. He’s what I wanted, at the end of every day. Callan consumes so many of my thoughts. And I seemed to consume his too.

“I can’t wait for tonight.” Callan said.

“I’ll pick you up at seven.” I winked. He grinned widely. “You just gonna stand there all day or you wanna walk me to Astronomy?”

We laughed before heading to class. I pretended not to notice the way Callan looked at me all class period. There’s no way he got any of the notes. He never even took his eyes off of me. I know because I never took my eyes off of him.

After cheer practice, I hurried home for a shower and to change before going to pick up Callan. The hot shower felt so good on my sore muscles. I looked down at the bruises on my arms. They had already faded a little bit. They were reminders that I needed to be careful around Leo, no matter how much I wanted Callan. I had to play by his rules for the time being.

I stayed in the shower longer than I should have thinking about my complicated situation. I stepped out of the shower and wrapped a big fluffy towel around myself. I sat down on my bed as my phone started ringing. It was Leo.

“Hello.” I answered the phone.

“Hi babe.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be at practice?” I asked.

“Yeah, but I wanted to call you to see if you want to have dinner tonight.” He said.

“Aw, Leo, sorry. I’m going dancing with some friends tonight.”

“Any friends I know?” He asked.

“No.” I answered.

“Well that sucks. I should check sooner, huh?”

“Yeah that’s probably a good idea. And you should get going Leo, you shouldn’t be calling me during your practices. Scouts are going to start coming and scholarships are so important.”

Of course Leo didn’t need the money, and his grades were actually pretty good, but a football scholarship is what he had been working for all of high school. He was an amazing player and definitely deserved a scholarship. I know it’s strange that I even care if I don’t want to be in his life. But I want him to have a good life without me.

“I know, I know.” Leo said quietly. “I just miss you. And I’ve been craving you. We haven’t had s*x in a while.” 

Ever since Leo had stopped cheating on me, he had been wanting to have s*x a lot more. Probably because he wasn’t getting as much as he was used to.

“We had s*x last week.” I commented. I know, if I don’t want to be with him, why am I still sleeping with him? The answer is simple. I have needs.

“I know, but that feels like such a long time ago!” He said dramatically. I couldn’t help but laugh. “Can we please be alone tomorrow night? We’ll have a nice dinner, watch a movie, head to bed early.”

Since I was playing by his rules, I felt I had to agree. “Alright, fine. I will make sure not to make plans.”

“Fantastic! Look I gotta go. Don’t want to be late. I’ll see you tomorrow!” 

I sighed as I hung up. Just a few more months.

I managed to slip past my Mother when leaving the house. When I arrived at Callan’s his mom answered the door and invited me in.

“He’s almost ready.” She informed me. “What did you think of the band?”

“They are amazing!” I gushed. “I’m seeing them next week too.”

“That’s great!” She said.

Callan entered the room, looking as handsome as ever. He wore a black long sleeved button up shirt and shiny black vest with dress pants. 

“You look incredible.” He said.

“Thanks. So do you.” I responded, smoothing out my short black dress that looked like the night sky. I had my red glittery spankies underneath. While watching the videos I noticed the girls wore short dresses with shorts underneath so I thought that was my best bet.

“You should wear something like that to Homecoming, Callan. You look so handsome.” Mrs. Mewes said to him.

He grinned. “Thanks mom, but it doesn’t matter much what I wear. It’s not like I’ll be Homecoming King. Not that I want to be. It’s just a silly popularity contest. And it’s not like the Homecoming King and Queen actually contribute anything to society-and I just realized you will definitely be Queen, sorry Jay.” He looked guilty.

“No problem.” I assured him. “I mean you’re right. The King and Queen don’t actually do anything. Though we do get be in the parade. And Homecoming is silly. Plus, you’re not King material.” I said smiling.

“Yeah, I’m more like the Jester.” He smiled slightly.

“I was thinking more like the Royal Visor. He’s the smart one, right?”