4. Bob’s New Friend
1028 Words
4
Bob’s New Friend
NEXT MORNING BOB ARRIVED at his office early. It was an easy walk over to Government House from their new home. He found a pile of folders on his desk with a note saying that he should read and familiarize himself with the contents.
What a waste of such a beautiful morning, thought Bob.
“You should see the mountain of papers I have to read every morning,” said a female voice.
Bob looked up expecting to see the Governor’s secretary but there was no one there. Must be going barmy, he thought.
“Not at all,” said the voice. “You’re not looking in the right direction.”
This was peculiar. There was no one else in the office with him. “Wake up!” he said to himself and started on the top file.
“I like to see a conscientious worker,” said the feminine voice.
Not funny — hearing voices. First sign of madness. Maybe some fresh air was needed. He left his chair and went to the window and took several deep breaths.
“Feeling better now, Mr Dukes?” asked the voice.
Bob spun round but again, there was no one there.
“How blind can you be, Mr Dukes? I’m over here,” said the voice.
Bob looked in the direction of the voice but all he could see was Annigoni’s portrait of the Queen. Was he nuts? Could the voice be coming from the painting?
He walked right up to the portrait and looked at it carefully. It was just a painting. No hidden speakers. No mumbo jumbo. Just a painting and a print at that.
The Queen’s eyes swiveled towards him. Was he seeing things? He must be. He turned away and then spun back to the painting again. Nothing. There you are. Just imagining things. He went back to his desk.
Bob read the files with great concentration taking notes in longhand until the office messenger brought in coffee at eleven o’clock.
As the door closed behind the messenger on his way out, he heard someone say, “I don’t like coffee much, do you, Mr Dukes?”
This time he realized that the sound was certainly coming from the painting. He walked up to it again.
The Queen smiled. “See,” she said. “You’re not mad. I really do talk.”
“But how can you, you’re just a painting?”
“Don’t ask me to explain, Mr Dukes. Just accept it. Don’t you want someone to talk to from time to time? I know I do. It gets lonely and boring stuck up here on the wall all the time.”
“Do you mean you want to talk to me, your Majesty?”
“I would have thought that was obvious, wouldn’t you, Mr Dukes?”
“But the impossibility of the situation aside, don’t you think it’s a little unseemly, your Majesty?”
“Oh, for heaven’s sake. Please don’t do that your Majesty bit all the time. Protocol is that you call me your Majesty the first time you speak and after that you can address me as Ma’am.”
“Yes, I know that. It’s in one of the files I studied yesterday: Terms of Address for Royalty and VIP’s.”
“Well, there you are then, Mr Dukes.”
“What about my turning my back on you when I am sitting at my desk, ma’am?”
“I think we have to accept that the situation is not ideal and make the best of things, don’t you?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Drink your coffee before it gets cold, Mr Dukes, and then tell me… are you married?”
Bob picked up his cup. “Yes and no, ma’am. I think the correct term is separated or, maybe, estranged.”
“Any hope of a reconciliation? You know, we don’t approve of divorce in our family.”
“My wife’s living with her boss, ma’am. I don’t feel there’s any way back from that even if she wanted us to get together again. And now I have re-appropriated the children, things are even frostier between us.”
“Oh, you have children, do you? How many?”
“Three, ma’am. Poppy is the oldest. She’s twelve years old and tends to be a little too serious. Suze is in the middle, she’s four years younger than Poppy. Suze is mischievous and courageous, almost foolhardy. Poppy and I have to keep a close eye on her to make sure she doesn’t get into too much trouble. The youngest is Charlie. He’s six. He has a likeable disposition and is biddable, but he does allow himself to be led astray by Suze.”
“They sound quite a handful. As you know I have four children. I don’t have that much time to spend with them as I am so busy reading those documents I was telling you about or attending official functions, opening parliament, meeting foreign heads of state and Commonwealth heads of government. That’s only going to get worse now with all my colonies and protectorates achieving self-government and having their own separate prime ministers and presidents.”
“This being a single parent is all new to me, ma’am. I wasn’t exactly hands-on while my wife and I were together and so I have a lot to learn. Maybe you would be able to give me some advice along the way.”
“I’d be happy to, Mr Dukes, if I can. But hadn’t you better get on with all that official documentation. It will soon be lunchtime.”
“Thank you, ma’am,” said Bob and returned to sit at his desk where he spent a good forty minutes earnestly going over the dull files until the cannon at Fort Jesus gave the signal for lunch at twelve noon.
AFTER LUNCH, BOB STROLLED BACK to the Government House offices wondering if he’d imagined his conversation with her Majesty. It couldn’t really be true, could it? Or could it? Maybe he was in some kind of parallel universe. He was so far away in his thoughts that he didn’t notice the governor approaching the front door of the offices.
He started when the governor called out, “Good afternoon, Robert. Are you settling in comfortably? Don’t forget that if you have any problems, you can speak to my secretary, Jessica. By the way, I would like to talk something over with you. Can you come to my office at about three this afternoon?”
“Of course, your Excellency,” answered Bob taking off his pith helmet, and standing back to allow the governor to pass through the door first.
“Sir Phillip will do, Robert,” reminded the governor nodding his thanks.
- Writer
