Their Second Chance

Chapter 13: Holding tight

Autumn Pov:

    It’s been two day since I’ve seen Ashton. I’m a little sad about this and I haven’t hide it well. I felt like a b***h after I practically kick him out of the house for his question about my eyes.

    I know it was a rhetorical one, and still I acted like a b***h.

    Two weeks in my life and he’s already making me miss him. It’s for a while. He has to work. I keep chanting and saying in my head. I mean we aren’t even together. Why am I acting like this?

        Anna misses him too and I guess that’s why we are gloomy. Sarah has tried to cheer us up, but no luck. We have texted. But he takes an hour to answer or more hours. The board of the hospital was to harsh on him. Way to harsh. I keep thinking of this over and over.

    And just a week ago I wanted him to stop coming over. And a month and two weeks ago I didn’t even want to see him. Now two days of not seeing him, it’s making me all sappy, gloom, and sad.

    I want to see him. I want to touch him. I want him in my arms.

    I groan into my pillow. I can’t even seem to fell asleep. What is wrong with me? I’m I that pathetic that I need a man to be by my side all the time? No. Not any man. Him. I crave him. All of him. His body. His touches. His mind. His kindness. His love.

    All of him. But I won’t admit it. Not yet anyway.

    It’s five in the morning and I’m wide awake. I haven’t been sleeping these last two days. Only seven hours in total. I have tried everything to try to sleep; work out, pacing, jumping, watching TV, counting backwards, drinking warm milk and nothing happens.

    I can’t keep going like this. My phone rings from the middle of the bed. I move and see that Ashton sent me a message. I’m outside. He’s here. Why is he here? I run really fast downstairs trying not to trip or fall and hurt my ankle again.

    I rapidly open the door and see his back. He runs his hand through his hair messing it up. “Hey.” It comes out so low that I almost didn’t even hear it. Ashton turns around. His face and eyes are red and puffy. What’s wrong? “Ashton?” He drops on his knees to the floor, and I walk fast cutting the short distance.

    “Ashton.” Dropping to my knees in front of him I take his face in my arms and hug him. He holds me tight, really tight. “You’re scaring me.” He cries and sobs into my chest. His tears wetting my clothes. I move my hand up and down on his back.

    I sooth him with sweet words. Is Mason hurt? Is it his father or grandfather? Is it him? I don’t know for how long we stayed outside, but the sun was already out. “Come on. Let’s go inside.” I stand up with him.

    Ashton is taller than me, but right now he looks smaller, weaker even. It pains him seeing him like this.

    I open the door and walk us to the elevator. He drops his head on my shoulder and sobs in it. It breaks my heart seeing him like this. The last time I saw him like this, he was eight years old and lost his mom.

    The doors open and we step out. “Go to my room. I’m going to check on Anna.”

    I kiss him on the cheek softly. I let go of him. It’s for a few minutes, but something in me didn’t want to. I look inside her room. She’s still sleeping. She will wake up in a little bit. Walking fast to my room is dreadful, not wanting to see him this hurt again.

    When he was eight I couldn’t consoled him since his father move him to the neighbor town and I was only eight too. He’s sitting on the floor with his knees up against this chest and his head low between his knees. His hiding his tears.

    I sit beside him and just caress him with my hands. “Ashton.” My voice is low and sweet. My hands have a mind of their own and grasp his cheeks, making him lift his head. He is no longer crying. I can still see the guilt and remorse in them. The pain.

    “What happened?” He sniffles and if it were a different situation I would have laugh a little. “Just hold me.” He whispers. “Please.” And I do. I cradle him like a baby. The only thing you can hear in the room is his sobs.

    “I saw her die.” Who? Who died? He takes some deep breaths. But I wait patiently for him to tell me.

    Ashton lifts his head and looks me in the eyes. “It was three hours until I finish work. A woman came in with her husband. She was pregnant.” I close my eyes and pull his head to my chest. I hope the beat of my heart calms him.

    I know what happened. The only thing that can scare him like this. The woman died. “I tried to save her. Autumn I tried.” I hush him. “I know. You don’t have to say anything.”

    The woman died giving birth. It’s how his mom died. Mason never meet his mom. Howard lost his best friend and wife. Senior lost his daughter in law. Ashton lost his mom.

    And he was only eight. Still the memory is embedded in his mind. I hold his head and my hands runs through his hair. This usually relaxes him. Seeing the woman died most have brought his own memories back. “Mommy?” I look to the door and see Anna rubbing her eyes from the sleep.

    She sees me in the floor and frowns. She walks over to me and sees Ashton there too. “Ash?” She sits in front of us with her legs crossed. Anna tilts her head to the side and looks at him. Ashton lifts his head from my hands and chest, and tries to give her a smile.

    “Hi princess.” Anna looks at me. She has her own tears. My baby. “What’s wrong?” I shake my head at her question. “Sweetie, Ash just had a long and hard day at work. Don’t worry. Go get ready for school. Julius will drive you today. Okay?”

    She nods and stands up. Anna gives him a kiss on each cheek and hugs him. He returns the hug. “I love you.” Her actions bring me comfort and joy. “I love you too, princess. I’m fine. Go get ready.” Anna gives me a kiss on the cheek too and runs out of my room.

    “I scared her.” My hands are back on his cheeks and my thumb starts making circle on them. “No. She’s worried that’s all. She doesn’t like to see people crying.” I peck him on the lips. “Have this happened before?”

    “No.” He whispers. “This is the first time. I’m not usually this emotional when I lose a patient. I get sad, but nothing like this.”

    I give him another light kiss. “I guess it was the situation. It brought those memories and feelings again.”

    “They did. I’m sorry you lost your patient. You need to do something.” He looks at me confused. “You need to speak to her husband. Don’t let him become a shell, like your father did.”

    He gives me a small smile. “You’re incredible.” I put my forehead against his. I miss him. “Sorry I drop by and had a little break down.”

“Don’t ever apologize for that. Not to me. Okay? It’s normal for you to feel like this. We all are vulnerable, not made of steel or iron.” He lets out shorts laughs. “Better?” He nods. I stand up and he does the same.

    Anna comes in all dress for school. She’s wearing jeans, a pink shirt with a unicorn in the middle and her white converses. “Ready.”

    “You had breakfast?” She shakes her head. “Where’s Sammy?” She sits in my bed and shows me the laces of the converses. I kneel and start doing it for her. “Still sleeping.” That’s new. When she wakes up, he wakes up. Maybe he’s tired.

    “Are you okay now Ash?” He kneels beside me and puts her hair behind her ears. “Yes princess. I’m sorry if I scared you or made you worry.”

    “I don’t like to see you or mommy sad.” She says slowly with her head drop. I put my hand on her chin and lift her head. “It’s okay to be sad, sweetie. It’s not something to be ashamed of.” Her mouth makes an O shape. “You understand?” She nods fast. “Go eat.” She gives us again kisses and runs out of the room.

    I swear the girl likes to run. “I see her in high school in the Track and field team.” I look at Ashton.

    “What?” It comes out a little hoarsely. He looks at me confused. “Nothing. You just thought of her future, that’s all.” He sighs and looks at me.

    “Ever since I knew she was your daughter that’s all I’ve done, babe.” He pecks my lips. He has been thinking of the future. Ours. I return the peck and lick my lips once I separate them from his.

    My stomach grumbles and his follows. What horrible sounds to ruin the moment. We laugh. “Let’s go eat.” He helps me stand up.

    His face is not puffy anymore and the red in his eyes have slowly diminish. I walk to the lounger in my room and take the robe. I put it own as he walks to the bathroom. Probably to wash his face.

    It scared me when I saw him crying on my door. And it broke my heart seeing him in pain. I never want him to feel like this again and if he does that I be the one to comfort him, to bring him back to us. I feel bad for the child that will never meet his or her mom.

    I hope the father loves the child the same as he was when his wife was alive. “You okay?” I look up and see him looking at me with concerned.

    Sweet. I should be the one concerned not him. “Yeah. Just tired. Haven’t been sleeping.” He frowns and walks over to me. “Why?” Should I tell him? I don’t want to worry him more than he already is. Or stress him. But if I don’t tell him he will think I’m shutting him out.

    I look down and lowly say the words he has wanted to hear for the past two weeks. “I’ve missed you.” He lifts my head with his fingers on my chin. “What did you say?” I squint my eyes at him, and he smirks. “I’ve missed you.” I said it a little higher.

    “What? Didn’t catch it.” I groan and walk away from him. “Yes you did.”

    I walk downstairs to the kitchen and sit on a stool. Anna was talking to Julius; her plate was empty. “You ate all of it?” I ask her. “Yes mommy. It was delicious. Thanks Nick.” Nick answered her with a ‘You’re welcome.’ Julius lowers her from the stool.

    “Let’s go July. I want to talk to Mary before school. Tell her about mommy and Ash.” My eyes widen hearing her say that. Ashton then walks in and greets everyone a ‘Good morning’.

    Which it was return. Anna said goodbye to me and Ashton and goes to the garage. Nick serves us breakfast and I thank him. He goes to the walking pantry. Claire walks in and says a hello to us. She had a smile on her face. Always so cheery.

    “I’m not busy today. Want to do something?” I ask all to willingly for his answer. “I have a few ideas.” He whispers in my ear. He’s definitely better.

    “Miss Maverick?” I look at Nick. “Sorry, right. Miss Autumn. My wife called me there’s an emergency. One of my kids is really sick and got worse. She’s going to the clinic.”

    I can see Ashton looking at me and I ignore him. “Go. Tell her to go the hospital that’s twenty minutes away.” He gives me a look that says we can’t go there. “I’ll advance your salary. Give your child the best care. Go.”

    He leaves after that. “I’ll pray that the child gets better.” I smile at Claire’s thoughts.

    “I have that appointment Miss Autumn. But since Nick is leaving I’ll stay.” I shake my head. “No Claire. I want you to go to the doctor’s appointment.” She’s only been here for a short time, but she told me she has been putting off the appointment for some time now.

    I’m not one to deny her something so important as that.

    “Very well then. I’ll do my job and leave in two hours.” She exits the kitchen. “You’re kind and caring. I love that about you.” I blush at his words. “There’s no one like you.” He kisses my neck and I shiver from the contact. “Someone’s sensitive.”

    We finish breakfast in silence. I’m going to take a shower and get this stickiness I feel of off my body. Even thought I have nothing sticky. I’m just feeling like I have it. But Ashton has other plans. He lifts my over his shoulders and drags me to my room.

    “Ashton let me go.” I hit his back still knowing that it won’t make him let me go.

    I’m really happy that he’s better and not sad anymore. Ashton throws me on my bed making me jump a little. He climbs on top of me. “How much did you missed me?” I roll my eyes. Ashton pinches my thigh, “Ow.” He lifts an eyebrow. “Then answer me baby girl.” Oh, how I miss him calling me that.

    “A lot.” He puts his mouth over my ear. “How much?” He asks slowly. I bite my lip. Do I tell him how much? Or do I keep it to myself? I don’t want him to think I’m pathetic or clingy. “Babe.” The playful look he had vanish. “Hey. Why so serious?” He sits on top of me, but not putting pressure so that he doesn’t crush me.

    I sit up and look at his chest then at his face. “If you don’t want to tell me it’s fine.” Is it? His hands move up and down my arms.

    He kisses my forehead and puts his chin on top of my head. The only view I have is his cover hard chest. My hands instinctively go under his shirt and put them on his waist.

    “We can cuddle if you want.” After the shower. Yeah. “Let me shower.” I look up at him. “Don’t give me those puppy eyes.” I didn’t even knew I was.

    He moves away and walks to the shower. Is he joining me? I wasn’t think about it. But I have no problem.

    He strips me of my clothes, and I do the same to him. My eyes scan his entire body, like I’m seeing it for the first time. I take in every little detail of his body. How his arms constricts without being touched from my gaze.

    How his chest tightens too. And I look down at my favorite part of him, his c**k. Snap out of it, Autumn.

    He chuckles, but I can’t stop staring at it. It’s hard. Is it from me watching it? And the veins on it look like they are about to pop. He is still rather big, but is it bigger? When we had s*x a few days ago I didn’t really think about it or see it. My mind was foggy of lust and desire.

    I run my hands slowly to the side of his arms and it makes him shiver in to them. “Someone is sensitive.” I laugh and he growls at me.

    “Why are you growling?” I look him with puppy eyes. He shakes his head. I see the tattoo on his right arm, yellow dahlias. And another on the left side of rib cage. It’s a single red tulip.

    What does this man have with flowers tattoos? I know the tulip is for me, it’s the first flower he ever gave me. He has another tattoo in his chest, where his heart is. It’s not big but not small either. It’s a tattoo of a compass. I move to him, and my fingers move slowly over it.

    “Why a compass?” He cups my cheek with his right hand. “I did it after I left you with no reason.” Ah. So he knows what he did wrong. Is that why he’s so willing to give me time? “I did it because of you. I felt lost those first three months without you.”

    “I sometimes still do.” He whispers it out. Did he meant to say it out loud? “You have one. And you got rid of your belly ring.”

    He touches my valknut tattoo on my hip. “Is it two or three triangles?” I move a little away from him. “It’s a symbol of three interlockings triangles. A symbol that many considers unlucky since it’s associated with death and the battle slain.”

    “But you don’t see it that way.” I shake my head. “No, to me it represents new beginnings. First you left me, then came Sammy, and then came Anna. Those are my biggest three most important beginnings.”

    I see him move his fingers from my hip and wince at my words. “Wow I’m a bad meaning.”

    “No. Despite everything, you gave me meaning to move on in my life. You made me stronger.” I put my hand above his cheek.

    “And maybe you leaving made me have them both in my life. Maybe if we would have give it another chance back then. I would have move back here and where will they be?”

    I’ve been think of this for a long time. I never want to divulge in the thought that if I wasn’t where I was Anna would probably end up in the system or a horrible family.

    Only negative thoughts came to my mind then and now too. “Maybe. We’ll never know.” I turn around and move my hair. Showing him the back of my neck that my hair covers. “Beautiful.” He kisses over the tattoo.

    It’s my daughter’s name; Charlotte. I had a miscarriage when I was sixteen, that same day I lost my twin brother; Asher.

    “My dad and Mary, his girlfriend, name my little sister Charlotte.” He presses my shoulders with his hands. I smile thinking that there is another little girl with the name. “They chose a wonderful name. You didn’t tell me you have a little sister.”

    I turn around and see him scratching the back of his neck. He’s nervous. “Yeah. She’s only three.” He shrugs.

“She’s lucky to have you as her older brother.” I kiss his lips. “Mason too.” I mumble against them making him laugh.

    I pull away and step in the shower. With Ashton right behind me. We clean ourselves and each other. I really missed showering with him. “Babe.” I look up to his blue eyes. It’s been a while, but they’re still the same.

    My beautiful oceans. I can’t believe that I didn’t notice all of his new tattoos when we had s*x a few days ago. But from the looks of it he didn’t either.

    “What?” His hands cup my cheeks, “I don’t know how much I’ve said it this past weeks, but you are incredible and have the biggest soul. You haven’t say it, but I know you already forgave me. I’ll wait for you, always.”

    I close my eyes and open them. I don’t say anything to remember everything in this moment. And I believe him completely and blindly. I’m trusting him entirely.