Fading With Time

Chapter 18

Preoccupation

Three Weeks Later.

                Not much had happened in Elizabeth’s life since the night she found those letters.  A project room had been set up in the attic for her and Jan to work in.  The days had passed by with little consequence.  She was completely immersed in her art after they received all the old pictures they needed from everyone.  Her days, evenings, and sometimes the nights were filled with trying to make miracles come to life, so to speak.  Elizabeth often had manic episodes while deep into a piece but even she had to admit it was worse than usual.  Jan had been her closest companion as she worked on her part of the project.  While Elizabeth had allowed her creations to take over her life, Jan had not.  She could tell the time by what, or who, emerged into her small world.

                Early mornings would be Jan, except on days she had the elderly class.  There were also the occasional video calls with Courtney.  She pretended not to notice the worried glances she frequently received from the two.  Not only from them but the others as well that would periodically pop in to view their progress.  Just before dusk the noise of construction would finally stop for the day.  Dewy would report in to tell her how the daily development was going.  He had recently stated they were nearly finished now.  The news had pushed Elizabeth further into herself.  The day of her past arriving was fast approaching.  If Pamela turned up with dinner it was usually eight o’clock and she had missed the evening meal.  Not that she was eating full meals at the moment anyway.  It was more junk food and snacks than anything else.  Really whatever was handy, easy to carry up, and wouldn’t go bad sitting on her desk.  Although Ryan’s mom didn’t pop in daily she still periodically checked on Elizabeth.  In truth she suspected Pamela was also waiting to see if Ryan had contacted her and not his own mother first.

                That was one of the biggest reasons Elizabeth had locked herself away in a self-imposed exile.  She had begun to get worried the longer it was in between hearing from Ryan.  She knew what could happen out there.  The day after finding the letters she had decided to kill time by researching emergency situations at sea.  Thinking it would ease her mind a bit.  Unfortunately, her inquiry had the opposite effect.  She considered calling any one of her friends but ultimately didn’t want them to worry about her.  The other option would be William.  She hadn’t quite come to terms with being able to talk with him yet.  Not to mention that she knew Annabel was awaiting her response.  She still reread his letter to her just to prove it had really happened though.  In order to keep her mind too busy to worry Elizabeth worked on the portraits until her eyes burned with fatigue and throbbed from overuse.  Since she had become so occupied she had even found that she was no longer being pulled back in time.  Something that was causing a barrage of twisting emotions.

                The day was relatively quiet for a change.  Jan was at the senior center, Courtney was busy with work, and no visitors had stopped by as of yet.  Even the construction noises had calmed down.  The crew had moved inside the structure to finish the last of the building.  Instead of feeling at ease however, Elizabeth was more restless than she had been.  The piece she was working on was giving her fits and she just couldn’t seem to get it to look the way she wanted.  She had been trying for the last two days.  Growling into the silence Elizabeth threw her pencil across the room narrowly missing Mason as he peaked his head through the attic entrance.  Leaning back in the office chair she glared at the ceiling.

                “Going well I see.”  Elizabeth snorted as her response while trying to calm down.  She didn’t want to take her current mood out on Mason.  As she thought about it she was actually curious.  He hadn’t been one of the regular visitors to the attic.  In fact, the last time they had seen each other was at her last therapy session with him in his office.  They hadn’t scheduled another one yet opting to wait until her family’s things had arrived.  “I see I came at just the right time.”  He deadpanned at her while retrieving her pencil from the floor.

                “You should run for the hills while you have the chance.”  Chuckling Mason placed the object on her table.  He took out his handkerchief to wipe away the mess of graphite that now coated his hands.

                “What’s put you in such a good mood?”  Elizabeth sighed seating herself back up.  She resigned herself to the fact that Mason was there on a mission.  Avoiding talking to him was obviously not going to make him leave.  He leaned up against her tabletop waiting for her to open up.

                “It’s not doing what I want it too.”  She answered waving her hand at the offending picture she had been working on.  Mason raised an eyebrow at her as he took in the sight of her.  Graphite was covering both her arms running the full length from forearms down to the tips of her pinkies.  The dark grey substance was smudged all over her digits, palms, and face.  If it weren’t for the haunted look in her eyes he would have laughed at the sight of her.

                “It’s an inanimate object Lizzy.  It doesn’t move on its own.”

                “I know that.”  Elizabeth ground out.  “I can’t get the picture on the canvas to match the one in my head.”  She complained as Mason studied the art piece that had her so upset.  He had never been good at drawing himself so maybe he wasn’t the best judge, but it looked really good to him.  Turning his attention back to her, Mason mulled over his next words carefully.

                “Maybe there’s something that’s distracting you and pulling at least part of your attention away from your work.”  Elizabeth deflated knowing he was right.

                “The building out back is almost completed.”  She grumbled looking everywhere but at him.

                “Your family’s things will be here soon then.”

                “Yeah.”  She replied barely above a whisper.

                “I know you’re not looking forward to the prospect of opening up those wounds.  If you don’t face this Elizabeth you’ll never move past it.”

                “It’s not everything. Just the idea of going through my dad’s stuff.  I figure if any of my mother’s things still exist that’s where they’ll be.  I wasn’t quite ready to face the memory of him yet.  I just don’t see any way around it.  Then there’s my mother.  I’m not sure what would be worse.  Finding her belongings or not finding anything at all.”

                “As your friend I hope you do.”  Elizabeth’s eyes snapped to Mason not having expected his answer.

                “Why do you say that?”  Mason smiled kindly at her. 

                “You’ve known that anytime you want a memento of either your father or your brother they were right where you stored them.  Your mother however never had a presence in your life.  It doesn’t even sound like there were pieces of her around for proof of her existence.  If you had even a small part of her to keep I think it will make her feel real to you.”  Elizabeth took in his words realizing he was right.  While finding enough to build a picture of the shadow that’s always plagued her was one thing.  Having a tangible object to hold would mean everything to her.  In a way she would finally be able to meet the person she had yearned for from a distance.

                Thinking it over Elizabeth turned over the possibilities of what she could find.  Pictures would be nice but having something like a necklace or ring that she could wear everyday would be amazing.  As more prospects rolled through her imagination the lighter she began to feel.  She hadn’t considered how much her family’s property had been weighing on her.

                “Thanks Mason.  I needed that.”  The words were spoken more lightly as she began to relax.  Mason observed her for a moment knowing the conversation wasn’t over yet.

                “What else is on your mind?  While I can believe the arrival of your past was your biggest worry it’s clearly not the only one.”

                “It’s nothing really.”  Mason shook his head while taking one of her hands in his larger ones.

                “Lizzy that’s what friends are for.  I’m here to listen.”  Sighing Elizabeth gave in albeit she didn’t put up much of a fight.

                “I’m worried about Ryan.  No one’s heard from him since his group headed out on the water.  I might just be overthinking it all.”  She let her voice trail off not wanting to finish her thought.

                “I’m not going to belittle your concern Lizzy.  Everyone that knows Ryan has always shared this worry when he goes off.  Granted it’s not as if he’s combing through underground tombs or taking risks.  There is still a chance of things going wrong.  It doesn’t help that this time we are all aware that he is searching in an area where we know one of the Bennett’s went missing.  While today’s technologies do minimize the dangers they could face, it does little to alleviate fears here.  It’s a bit different as this family is one we’ve all gotten to know in a way that his other projects never did.”

                “I guess you’re right.  I should trust that he’s fine.”  She conceded dejectedly.  Mason squeezed her hand regaining her attention.

                “Absolutely not.  While his friends can say something and voice what we feel it’s always done lightly because it’s not our lives he’s living.  However, you are romantically involved and as such are within you right to rage at him.  In fact, I encourage it.  He’ll actually like knowing that you care for him that much.”  He followed his advice with a boyish wink.  Elizabeth gasped shocked to hear his uncharacteristic advice.

                “I would have thought you would have told me to trust him and be patient.  I’ll admit I never understood how you quite fit into the group dynamic before.  I can see it now though.”  She laughed feeling better than she had all week.

                “It’s a well-kept secret.  How else did you think I handled Mikey up until now?”

                “Valid point.”  Elizabeth giggled seeing him in a new light.  “Are you sure he won’t get mad at me for going off on him.  It’s not like we’ve really defined our relationship and I’m fine with that, but it does blur the boundaries.”

                “You shouldn’t have to have a clear definition to care.  Besides, he’s asking for a good chewing.”

                “He is?”  Elizabeth quarried looking at Mason with uncertainty.  She wasn’t used to his teasing and it was throwing her a bit off balance.

                “Who goes off into the unknown leaving so much insecurity in his budding relationship.  Not only that but to top it off he’s wit his ex.”  Mason tsked while shaking his head in admonishment of Ryan’s actions.

                “He did tell me about her later.”

                “But not to begin with.”

                “And he put some space between us to give me time.  He felt like he was pushing me for too much too fast.”

                “He went straight to an ex that he’s still on really good terms with.  It ended amicably after all.”  Mason’s sentence had Elizabeth’s next rebuttal stuttering to a halt inside her head.

                “Why did they end?”  Mischief gleamed in Mason’s eyes.  Her curiosity was piqued, and he knew it.

                “Jessica wanted to travel for work as much as she possibly could.  There was a large group that was offering a position to both of them.  It was her dream job and possibly Ryan’s too once.  When the offer came around Ryan’s dad had gotten ill.  He no longer felt the need to wonder around but instead knew he was needed here.  Ryan was his mother’s rock while his parents went through a hard time.  Then there was his dad’s recovery and all the adjustments due to his disability.  It was a hard thing to go through for all of them.  So, Ryan came home, helped them out with everything, and ultimately found the job he has now.  Jessica wasn’t willing to give up the job she wanted and refused to come with him.  They tried a long-distance relationship for a while but eventually they decided to call it quits.”  Elizabeth mulled over this new bit of information.  It wasn’t like she hadn’t expected Ryan to have a past of his own.  Until now she really hadn’t given it much thought.  This was what Ryan had been talking about when he said they needed to slow things down.  She didn’t know him much better than he truly knew her.  The two of them had been existing inside a bubble of their own making.  If they wanted to have something lasting then they needed to step outside of it into the real world.  While that thought was slightly daunting it was also reassuring that Ryan had been willing to move them to this step himself.

                “Nothing is going to happen between them.”

                “You sound sure of that.”

                “I am.”  Mason smiled giving her hand an affectionate pat.

                “Good.  I want you to remember that feeling inside you anytime doubt creeps in.  While knowing that other life could be tempting for him, trust that it will never compare to what he has here with you.”  Elizabeth gave him a steady look as comprehension dawned on her.

                “That was sneaky Mason.”  She told him with a mock glare he didn’t take seriously.  “Thank you.”

                “Any time Lizzy.  Promise me though that there won’t be anymore running from things.”  Confusion settled over her features.  She hadn’t gone anywhere.  Mason tapped his fingers on the desktop beside her current picture.

                “Just because you didn’t leave physically doesn’t mean you haven’t been hiding from everything.  It’s time to stop turning away from things before it becomes your first reaction.  None of us want to lose you either.”  Elizabeth smiled sheepishly as she glanced around the attic at the numerous pieces that were already finished.  She had been pushing herself too hard and for the very reasons Mason had mentioned.

                “I’ll try my best.”  She didn’t want to make a promise she might not be able to keep.  Even if it had been her initial response to say it.

                “That’s all any of us can ask.  Just don’t be afraid to talk to us if you need someone.  Any one of us would be willing to be there.  Even if it’s just to lend an ear.”

                “Even Mikey?”  She teased him as a bit of payback for his devil’s advocation earlier.  Horror flashed across Mason’s face at the thought.

                “Except Mikey!  Never take advice from Mikey!”  Elizabeth laughed knowing full well he wasn’t the guy to go to for down to earth guidance.  Other types of pointers, however, might come in handy.  To be used in the future of course.