Thinking Brighter Though

My EX and Kids.

I met my ex-girlfriend in Durban, exactly the same place where we met in 2011. She was so surprised, and so did I. Who wouldn't be? "Wow, I don't believe my eyes." She said, as she opened her arms and came towards me. I was shocked. She folded her arms around me as I was standing. My lower jaws and my arms were squeezed together with my body. She whispered into my ears, "You're still looking good. Where have you been?" She moved her breasts away from my chest, and held my elbows with both hands. "Am I drunk?" I asked. She laughed and said, "You're still good at jokes, hey." She was so pleased. "Hell! No! You're not drunk." She laughed again.

I noticed that she was still beautiful as she used to be. "This is so amazing, you are still looking good." I told her. "It has been five years now, and you just disappeared. What happened?" She dropped her head and said: "I'm sorry. I have something I want to tell you." She got distracted by my girlfriend. "Oh, baby you're here. We've been looking for you." That was my girlfriend holding my son's left hand, and in the right hand he held a toy. "Babe, this is my old friend, we last saw each other in 2011." I was telling my girlfriend.

I reached into my pocket for a wallet and gave my girlfriend money to buy my son some ice cream, as I wanted my ex-girlfriend to tell me what she wanted to tell me. And a man appeared, walking with a five-year-old boy looking exactly the same as my boy. "This is my husband and our son." She introduced me as well. I know she meant "our son" not "their son." That man wanted us to meet again. We arranged to meet on the next day for dinner.

Just after we arranged a meeting with that man, I saw my girlfriend coming with my son behind him, and I quickly saw a clock on my wrist, "Oh, look at the time. I'm going to be late." I looked like I was really late, "I got to be at the meeting at 3pm in Amanzimtoti... Oh! Yes I'm late." Nobody was late. I just did not want my girlfriend to see my other son, and that man to recognise the father of his son.

My girlfriend waved her hand to them as we walked away, and the guy looked innocent there, and the wife looked like she had swallowed a stone and it was stuck on her throat. "I have something I want to tell you." "This is my husband and our son." My ex's voice rang and rang in my ears. My girlfriend did not ask me why I walked away from that couple just like that.

The next day commenced. The time was sprinting. My girlfriend was very excited about meeting my successful old friend. Yes she was successful. She got married to a good husband, and they or we have a child.

When we were ready to go, I got a text message from an unknown number. "Please make sure you do not bring your son. I will lose my husband." It was my ex-girlfriend. I got shocked, my fingers trembled. "Oh! My!" At that moment, my girlfriend came out with my son from the bedroom. "Let's go baby, we’ll be late." She was so beautiful, and my son was very excited. I could not disappoint him. How would I tell him he was not going? I replied to a text message, "We are already on the way with him." She did not reply, and I thought she would make a plan.

We arrived at the same time. We brought our son, and the other couple did. The thing I noticed is that my ex-girlfriend's husband did not recognise the similarities between the boys.

The dinner went well, and we had a chance to get to know each other. "We met in January of 2011. She got pregnant. And in July of the same year, we got married." The husband said. In that January she was still my girlfriend. She disappeared in March. I did my level best to find her. She was nowhere around Durban. She cheated on me, and chose that man over me. I was never loved, and above all, she gave my son to that man. "God blessed us with just one child. I want to have more children." He held his wife's hand and squeezed it. She smiled and looked at him.

My girlfriend was so quiet, I never knew why. She might probably have noticed something about the boys. I asked "Babe, are you OK?", "Yes, babe, I'm fine." She smiled, and pulled me to kiss her chick. I did.

We promised to meet again. We drove back to our flat. I got another text message from the same number. "I don't want to say this. When I see more and more of you, I realise that I never stopped loving you. I apologise for what happened. I am married with a man I don't love anymore. I love you, only you." I looked around, and created a password in order to make sure that no one would see those texts.

"Babe, wasn't that woman your girlfriend?" I never expected that question from my girlfriend, but she did ask. "No! She wasn't, we were just friends, and we used to study together.” “My guts are telling me, you're hiding something." "Tell your guts that they are bluffing."

Another text message, "Let's meet tomorrow, I want you to meet your son." She really wanted to see me, and so did I. What if I fell in love with her again? I did not want to love her again. She was married, but I had questions to ask from her.

The next day began and I really wanted to see my ex-girlfriend. "I booked a room in a hotel near South beach." She said. I did not know why she chose a hotel. We went there.

"I wanted to tell you something, and my husband distracted us." She was not as timid as I was. I felt like I was meeting someone for the first time.

"In life, there are times when we have to go away from people we love. There are situations when we have to make decisions that we will regret at the end of the day." Her eyes shined, she held tears in her eyelids. "Vukile, I never loved anyone like the way I loved you. In fact, I love you like the way I used to love you before we met again." One eye released a tear and rolled near her nose and across her beautiful lips and stopped along her chin, and the other tear from the other eye did the same. They integrated and dropped together onto her chest. I wiped her face with my thumbs, and held her hands and said: "You have to speak out. Regurgitate everything. You should cry, so you'll be satisfied and have peace within you." I pulled her arms and wrapped them around my waist and she pressed her face on my chest. I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply. Her perfume smelt very good.

"I regret that I gave your son to another man. I was afraid to tell my parents that I was impregnated by an unemployed village boy. A boy whose future was alcohol, drugs and prison." She pushed me and sat on the chair. I began shivering like I was cold. She reminded me about all the time I wasted on drugs and alcohol. The time I thought my future was dead. "But I loved you with all that, and I still feel the same. I love you." She cried again, "If I knew you would be like this, I would never run away from you." She cried very loud. "I am sorry. I made the biggest mistake, by putting drugs and alcohol first." My eyes were full of tears, and slowly dropped one by one.

"I found out that I was three weeks pregnant in February, and I visited the man I don't love in his flat, so I would give him the baby." I was out of words. I took a towel and wiped her face again. "I don't want to ruin your relationship. I won’t tell my husband about this. All I want you to know are the reasons why I left you, and where I went." I never felt guilty like that ever before. "I'm sorry, I am so sorry."

"I told my parents that I was pregnant, and I was sure that they would chase me out of home, and that man took me to Mpumalanga to live in his home. The baby was born on the 10th of October." She smiled, "And now I'm preventing pregnancy, because I don't want to have children with my husband. That's my secret." She smiled again. I smiled back.

She stood up and locked the door, and closed the windows. I felt my heart bouncing in my chest, and the breath was so hot. My blood became warm. She pulled me towards her chest. I wrapped my arms around her waist. She folded hers around my neck. We kissed for about three seconds, we stopped and I looked into her eyes, "I love you." And she replied: "I forgive you." We kissed again.

"I tried to move on, and every girl ran away from me. It was so hard. And no one wanted to help me." I paused. "I was chased away from my flat, because I drank too much alcohol and couldn't pay rent. I tried to bunk with my friends, and by the time went on, they also ran away from me. I was left with no one." My lips became heavy like I was drunk. "I had to sleep under the bridges in the cold winter nights. I learned to spend the whole day with an empty stomach. I had to sell my clothes in order to get something to eat. I sold a few of them, and the rest was stolen by other boys I lived with."

She cried again. "I'm sorry, Vukile. That was my fault. I didn't want you to feel those pains." "It wasn't your fault. You told me every day to stop drinking and smoking. I didn't listen." I didn't want her to feel sorry for me. "How did you get out of that?", "It was a cold night, the sky was covered by the clouds, the wind was freezing. I was very hungry and it was going to be the third day without food, and water made my stomach feel painful. I did not have warm clothes. I felt the cold in my bones, and I couldn't feel my fingers and toes. Drugs could do nothing to ignore that. I went above the bridge to act like I was begging for money, but I had no energy to stand." She cried. "No! Please." "I have to tell you how I got out of hell." I couldn’t finish my story because she was crying.

I proceeded when she told me to. "That night was supposed to be my last hours of living. I crawled into the road, and the cars were hooting. I wanted to end my life. I had no reasons for living. I lay across the road. I heard the wheels of the car scratching. I do not know what happened after that. I woke up in the hospital. And my brother was sitting next to me. I wasn't injured, I fainted because I was hungry and frightened by the wheels of the car."

"How and when did you meet your new girlfriend?" "I didn't choose her. She was suggested by my brother, and I never loved her like the way I loved you. That is why we are not married. And I was still hoping that I would find you and ask you to marry me. And now it's too late."

After a long conversation, we went to my son's crèche and I brought him toys. He smiled like his brother. He looked exactly the same as his young brother. "I don't want to ruin your relationship. But if you are not happy, I will divorce my husband. I’ll do it for you, Vukile." I ran out of words. I didn’t know what to say. "Are you crazy? Don't do that." She looked into my eyes. "I love you, and I won't love anybody else. I will divorce him, just for you."

“Vukile, do you really love me?” I did not expect that question from my girlfriend. “Are you crazy? That question is imprudent.” “I’m waiting for your answer.” She stood in front of me in order to block my way out of the room. “ OK, I love you! Why are you even asking?” I was frowning in order to show no interest in answering the following questions. “Vukile, you’re hiding something. Since you met your old friend, you’ve changed. Tell me! What are you not telling me?” She locked the door. “ OK, she was once my girlfriend, and disappeared for five years. Are you happy now?” I walked towards the door. “You still love her. I can see it in your eyes, and the kid is yours.” I dropped my shoulders and exhaled like I held my breath for a long time. “Babe, I’ll be late.” I sat down on the sofa. “I love you, and no one else will be loved like you. Don’t you bother yourself about the past. She is married now, and she is happy with her husband. And now I have you, I love you.” She sat next to me. “Don’t tell me the kid is yours.” She looked into my eyes, and held my hand. “I’m sorry my love, he is my son.” She blinked rapidly and tears rolled on her face.

I got a text message from an unknown number. “We have to meet, it’s urgent.” I dialled the number. It was my ex’s husband. He told me to bring my family. “What’s wrong? Is there a problem?” “We can’t talk over the phone. Let us meet and talk.” I just agreed and told my girlfriend. I called my ex-girlfriend. “I told him about us, and he is now stormy.” I hung up the phone and I quickly took my girlfriend with my son. We drove to where we were supposed to meet.

My ex-girlfriend disclosed everything that happened until the time we met in the hotel. “I’m so sorry, I never loved you. I always loved my baby’s father.” The husband was very angry and ugly. His nostrils were wide open like he was going to breathe fire, his lips were trembling. He put his fists on the table. If the kids were not there, he would have blown them in someone’s face. His face was sweating, his nose was shining and his eyes were red. I saw veins beating like the heart in his forehead. He stood up, walked around and came back. He wanted to say something but the voice could not come out, he opened his mouth, showing that he wanted to speak. The tears dropped as he was blinking. We were all silent, and the kids were playing like there is nothing wrong in the world. “I… I will… I will sign the div… the divorce papers, as you wish. And take your son.” Finally, the voice came out of the man’s mouth. “I don’t want to see you in my house tonight, both of you.” He took the envelope and signed the papers. I felt guilty for being responsible for the termination of his happiness. He stood up and left us there.

My girlfriend began crying and said: “Today’s a regurgitation day.” She cried again. “I’m sorry Vukile.” We looked at her. “You are not my baby’s father.” I was confused. “What do you mean by that?” I was traumatised by what she said. Why do they look alike if he is not mine, or they are both not my kids? “I can’t get you.” “Your brother set us up. I told him about how I felt for him. He said he would set us up under his conditions. And I agreed without asking what his conditions were.” She paused and took a deep breath. “Our plan was successful, and he always told me that I owed him. And if I asked how much I owed him, he said it was expensive, and I would probably be unable to pay, but he had an easy way of paying. He refused to take my money, he said it was worth more than money, and it was too early for me to pay.” I reached her conclusion before she did. She had to pay by sleeping with him. “Six months later, he asked to meet me in town, so he would tell me how to pay. He told me to wear my red dress. It was a short one. I slept with him. One week later, I found out that I was pregnant. And then that is when I asked you to stop using contraception.”