After the Breakup

Deviation

My life seem to have turned into an endless routine since he left.  It’s been over a week now and my day will start with tears then staring blankly at the ceiling for a while, breakfast, work, lunch, work, dinner, then turning the TV on and staring at the ceiling again with tears flowing until I fall asleep.  On some days, I try to break that routine by watching Kdramas, trying to keep my mind off him but how can I? Those leading men seem to have a trait or two that’s very much like him. Then the streams start flowing again, and my chest feels like someone has squeezed my tubes, making it hard to breathe as I obsessively browse through his social media accounts, trying to see if there’s even a minute sign that he is now with someone else. But as always, I find nothing.

I haven’t gone out since then.  I relied on whatever’s left on my fridge or on food deliveries, not having the energy nor the appetite to cook or do anything else.  

This morning feels different though.  For some reason, waking up this morning gives me the feeling that I want to be free. There’s this yearning to be in another place, somewhere where I can breathe again. Somewhere unfamiliar where I can just do whatever I want and forget about what happened in the past week or probably even forget about him.

I found myself searching the net for destinations for solo travelers and with just one look, I know that Japan will be the best destination for me. For some weird reason, I imagined myself riding a rollercoaster in Universal Studios when I have never been to one before. Well, it sounds exciting so I booked my flight and started checking for accommodations.

I called my bank for the bank certifications and I also prepared the documents that I have for the visa application. Then I called a friend who owns a travel agency for the processing. I know I can do it on my own, but I don’t really like paperworks and stuff so I’d rather pay someone to do it for me than to do it myself.

I decided to book an airbnb near the Shin-imamiya train station. It seems quite accessible and cozy, just about 2-minutes walk from the station and there’s a Don Quijote and Daiso store nearby. And it’s quite cheap at only Php7,000 for 5 nights.   

Now, there’s no turning back. Flights and accommodation already booked so just waiting for my visa before I buy a ticket for Universal Studios and probably Klook for other trips.  

I can feel the fang of excitement in my stomach that it’s giving me butterflies. I love travelling though I have not been doing it that much since I started going out with Mark.  I wanted him to join me in my trips but he only joins me once in a while.  He did enjoy the destination but the travel seems not to be the best time for him.  He is okay but I know the discomfort he feels whenever we stay longer than 2 hours in a car or on flight or anywhere in between our origin and our destination. He said it’s because he is getting old, but I think he just feels uneasy whenever he is just sitting for a long time or maybe because he has the urge to pee quite often, in what seems to be a rather abnormal rate.  I try to make him sleep whenever we have a long drive or plane ride so that he won’t even notice the time.  It works but it does not really make him want to travel more.

I guess that’s one thing that we don’t completely agree with. I enjoy that feeling of being in between, where I can be lost in my thoughts, anticipating what awaits me at my destination.  It feels like those moments when I have no cares, no worries, just me and myself caught up in between my destination and where I came from.  I love the window seats where I can just look outside either looking at the view or just lost in my imagination.  

After 2 months, I found myself riding the plane again going to Osaka, Japan. I took the late afternoon flight so I can still settle some things at work before leaving so no one will need to bother me while I’m away.  I don’t want to think about work nor check on my emails while on vacation.  The past 2 months had been draining and I need to recharge.  The 4-hour ride passed without me noticing.  I was just thinking, imagining while watching some Japanese drama in my seat. The Golden Orchestra.  It’s a drama about a young musician who mistakenly joined a Senior’s orchestra and how it changed her and her view about life, and also how she changed the seniors’ lives.  It is heartwarming and makes me think how playing an instrument is something I have always wanted but never wanted me.  

I arrived in Japan at around 9pm their time, I went through immigration, got my bags from the conveyor then went to find the way to the train station. One good thing about Japan is that their airports are linked to their train stations so it’s pretty accessible.  I would have considered a cab but that’s going to be too expensive. The bus is an option as well but I want to settle down already and sleep. My body is now feeling the stress it had gone through during the past months that I feel really tired.  I also want to sleep early so I have the energy I need tomorrow for an entire day of rollercoaster riding and walking.