After the Breakup

Another Goodbye?

I set my alarm at 6am so I still have time to prepare before Khalil arrives. It’s cold and I would have wanted to stay in bed for a little longer but I want to look good today.  This is our last day for the tours since I will have my flight back home tomorrow evening.  I plan to just do some shopping tomorrow and probably stay at the airport until boarding time.  My problem will be that check-out time at the BnB is at 10am so I still have to think about where I will leave my luggage while shopping. Maybe I will avail of the lockers at the airport or one at the train stations.

I decided to wear my black and white stripes shirt dress and light beige trench coat and white sneakers.  I don’t really wear much make up, it’s normally the no make-up, make-up look that I go for.  Maybe a little more lipstick for today? I decided to put barbie pink lipstick over my normal one just to give my lips a little more color. I was done blow drying my hair when the bell rang.

 “Good morning” he greeted me as I opened the door for him. He already has coffee and a bag of Japanese bread with him.  He is wearing a dark gray round-neck knitted pullover that actually shows off his broad shoulders and flat belly.  His dark ripped jeans and aviators just added that more masculine effect on it as well as his black sneakers.   

“Good morning” I answered. “Someone seem to have had a good night sleep”. I said, smiling

“Definitely. I dreamt about you. What could be better than that?” He answered, smiling with a rather naughty and teasing smile.  “You slept well, dear?”

Did he say dear? I haven’t heard that term of endearment for a while now. It’s a bit old school but I never thought it will sound that sweet.  

“Nah, I was having nightmares” I said, laughing

He messed up my hair again. He does that a lot whenever we are teasing each other. Then, afterwards, he will brush the loose strands up while looking at me as if I am something fragile.

We had our usual black coffee and buns, then headed to our next destination.  Today, it’s Osaka Castle and the Nara Deer Park. For dinner, we might end up at Dotonbori again or wherever our feet takes us.

We walk towards the train station, holding each others hands. After 2 days of doing so, it felt quite natural already - the holding hands, his hands on my shoulder. It’s like taking this trip with my boyfriend or should I say, a substitute boyfriend.

It’s a short train ride to Osaka castle, it took us about less than 20 minutes, including the waiting time for the train.  We stopped at the Osakajokoen station then walked through what appears to be a commercial area with a fountain at the center and some restaurants and shops on the side. There’s a walkway that leads to the castle park. It’s a nice place to stroll, with the trees lining the walkway and the view of the stone walls and the magnificent moats surrounding the castle. There’s also a wooden bridge that leads to the main castle area. We decided to take pictures near the bridge so we have the full view of the area with the moat, stone walls and the actual castle as our background.  There’s also a ferry that passes through the moat, I wonder if we can ride that one.

The castle we see now is a restored one since the original castle was struck by lightning and got burned down in 1665.  It’s a bit weird and amazing to see such an iconic and supposedly historical structure to have an elevator on the side. We decided to enter and as usual, Khalil paid for the entrance fee of 600 yen. The castle’s interior is already modern since it functions as a museum and the observation deck is surrounded by wires so it was hard to get a picture of the grounds without obstruction.

Khalil and I just walked around, sometimes parting ways for a short while so we can take pictures of the castle and other things we find interesting. He would pull my hand every now and then so we can take twofies or sometimes, he will just take my picture in places that he finds interesting.  This time he pulled me close to take my picture at the castle’s observation deck with the view of the skyline and some parts of the ground. It’s actually a nice picture with my soft breeze blowing through my wavy shoulder-length hair, and the greens and reds of the trees, the slightly cloudy sky and some skyscrapers on the background.  I guess the best part is that I look happy in that picture.

We took the stairs on our way down from the castle so we can check on what’s on the other floors. We took the elevator straight to the 5th floor when we entered the castle, then climbed the stairs all the way up to the observation deck at the 8th floor to get ahead of the crowd and be able to take better pictures with less people.  

We went through floor by floor, checking on the exhibits.  There’s the exhibit of Hideyoshi Toyotami’s family tree, some paintings and scale models, historical artifacts mostly about the castle’s history and Toyotomi Hideyoshi.

At the first floor, there’s a souvenir shop again so we decided to explore. I bought some bookmarks and ref magnets and gave 1 each to Khalil. He told me that he also enjoys reading real books and I think a bookmark will be something he will find useful. Maybe also remind him of me whenever he’s reading.

We went out of the store and took one last picture in front of the castle, feeling quite touristy.

“Hungry? I think it’s time to feed those little monsters” He said teasing me for my big appetite.  If he only knew what I had been eating for 2 months, he should be happy with my appetite right now.

I lightly punched his arm as revenge, laughing.

“I wonder what we will find here that’s Halal”

‘I saw what seem like a small shopping mall just a few meters from the castle, let’s see if we find anything there”

There wasn’t a lot of options inside but good thing we found a place where he can at least eat something. After lunch, we dropped by Starbucks for our 2nd dose of coffee. It’s still early and there’s only 1 more place in our list for today.

“What time is your flight tomorrow?”

“8pm”

“What do you want to do tomorrow then?”

“Maybe just shop a little bit and stay at the airport? I check out at 10am so I really need to go to the airport by then. I don’t have anywhere to leave my stuff”

“How about, you leave your stuff at my hotel, go shopping then hang out until you need to go? Or better yet, stay at my hotel then just do the shopping at the airport? Probably leave at 4 or 5pm so you still have enough time to go around?”

I looked at him, not knowing how to react. Him and me in his hotel room for hours is something I am not sure I can handle.  With all the chemistry and sparks flying between us, how will that work?

As if he read my mind “Hey, don’t worry. I respect you and I won’t do anything that will not be good for both of us” Then he reached out with both hands and held mine. “Think about it, okay? You don’t need to answer now. Whatever your decision is, I respect that. I just want to spend a little more time with you before you leave”

How can I say no to that voice that seem to be filled with sincerity. I feel the same, I also want to spend my last hours here in Japan with him, just the two of us in one place. Gosh, why am I starting to miss him when he’s still here.

“I trust you” I whispered as I look down on my coffee. I couldn’t look at him. I cannot show him how my heart feels like breaking again thinking that we will not be seeing each other after tomorrow. And also the confusion, on why I am feeling this way when I have only met him 3 days ago.

“Want to go now?” He asked.

“Where?” I asked, confused. Thinking that he is asking me to go to his hotel now.

“To the deer park, of course.” he answered, laughing at me. Then he pulled me up and we headed for the deer park.

It’s about an hour from Osaka Castle and we had to take the bus from the Nara station to the park. I rest my head on his shoulder as we sat on the train. He placed his hand on my head as he caresses my hair, as if putting me to sleep. I closed my eyes and just allowed myself to savor that moment, his nearness.

We arrived at the Nara station and transferred to the bus that will take us to the deer park. It’s just a short ride of about 8 minutes.  From the bus station, we crossed the street to the area with some shops lined on the side and deers walking around everywhere.  Other tourists are feeding them with biscuits while some are just taking pictures.

“Should we buy some biscuits?” I asked

“It will not be the full experience if we don’t, right? But how about we buy a couple then find the most hungry looking deer and feed them?”

“Great idea”

He bought 10 packs of biscuits and we began our quest to find the most hungry looking deer.  There’s a temple nearby so we decided to walk towards that while finding our hungry deer.  

“Hey, look at that poor little deer” he pointed at the deer near on of the trees, looking rather tired and underfed

We pulled out one of the packs then approach the deer. It did seem hungry since it started approaching us as well when it saw the food that we’re holding.

We found a couple more hungry deer before we reached the temple. There seem to be a school field trip as the temple was filled with students in their uniforms. We found a spot near the lagoon with a view of the water and the temple and wanted to take our pictures there but the students seem to like it too that they have lined up for their group pictures in the same area. We settled to take our pictures in a nearby spot though not as good as the other one.

Khalil also took candid photos of me as I feed one of the deers we encountered and I did the same.

On our way back to the bus station, we saw some tourists eating ice cream while walking. Khalil and I looked at each other and found our way to one of the stores on the side of the street. I got strawberry and chocolate and he got 2 scoops of strawberry, I guess so he doesn’t risk eating a non-halal ice cream. Some chocolates, apparently can be haram.

We took a short walk towards the other side of the street with more deer and just played with them for a while with the remaining biscuits in our bag before we went to the bus station.

“You had fun?” He asked, as he put his arm on my shoulder as we stood there, waiting for the bus to arrive

“Yup”

“So we head off to Dotonbori again or any other place you want to go?”

“Home?” I guess the thought that our hours are numbered is wearing in on me that I feel tired and a bit heavy. I just want to go home and rest.

“Oh, ok then” He seem to be saddened that I wanted to go home already that he had been quiet during the entire trip home.  It is a silence that bothers me since I feel that there’s more to it, that something is bothering him that’s why he’s silent.

We reached the bnb without saying a word to each other. I can feel the distance growing between us.

“I guess, it’s goodbye then?” He asked, without looking at me

“You don’t want to stay for a while? Maybe we can buy something from the convenience store for dinner then watch a movie or something?”

I wasn’t sure what got into me, asking him to stay over. All I know is that I didn’t want him to leave, definitely not like that. His eyes lit up and the weight seem to have been lifted from his shoulders when I said that.

“Let’s go” then we headed for the convenience store.