Hunting Sawyer

On Instinct

I picked Tuck up and placed him on my hip. I’d prepped him that we were going to see Joe, but that he was very sick and very sleepy. But if it was bad, I’d have Tessa take him out. I never got this moment of goodbye with my parents. But I was determined that I wouldn’t let my lack of verbal prowess ruin this for me. I sucked in my courage and descended the stairs. The same stairs I fled with my newborn clutched to my chest just over two years ago.

“Sawyer…” he whispered out as I crossed into the room. Those big blue eyes were sad, and tired, and sick, and grey. My poor Joe.

“Hey, boss.” I crossed the room to him and placed Tucker on my knee, pulling his little back into my chest. My sweet boy wrapped Joe’s gnarled hand in his own as he looked over him with curiosity. “You remember Tucker Joe. And I’m really, really glad we’re here.” Joe used his free hand to pat Tuck’s head before pinching my chin.

“Me too. Me too…” he panted. His beard and eyebrows were still wild and bushy. His bald head looked lonely without its normal navy blue ballcap. But even though his face was sunken and hollow, he was still my grisly old Joe underneath what the sickness had done to him.

“I know you’re tired, Joe. Get some rest.”

“I plan on it kiddo. Sawyer, I just needed to tell you that I’m sorry. I’m sorry I couldn’t do more.”

“Joe Richards – stop it.” I sucked in a breath. This man had no idea the godsend he was. “Look at this child. Tucker and I wouldn’t have made it if it wasn’t for you. I have this beautiful son because you helped me. You selflessly gave and provided without question. You suffered….for me…..for him…and you didn’t have to. You saved us, Joe. You and Tessa both did. And I’ll never be able to adequately describe what that meant to me. To us.” Tucker placed his head on Joe’s chest and the old man ran his hand over Tuck’s curly brown locks, his chapped lip trembling.

“I’m glad you’re here, Sawyer. But you and your little prince need to head on back to safety. You’re worth too much. Too much…”

I squeezed his hand and kissed his forehead. “We’re right where we are supposed to be. Got it?”

And that perfect man, that angel on earth, the gruff and grumpy barkeep held my son to his chest and gripped my hand as he peacefully slipped into the afterlife. I let the tears fall and gathered Tucker to my chest and he tucked his face into the nape of my neck like he always does, his arms slipping under mine, as he pet my back slowly and lovingly.

“Joe loves you, Mama.” I tried not to let the sob audibly escape, and took a minute to let my toddler son’s words sink in.

“Joe loves us, Bubba. He did so much for us. And now, it’s our job to make sure we make him proud, yeah?” I felt him nod his head against my shoulder, and Tessa’s gentle embrace held me from behind.

We had a few minutes of peace before the shop phone started ringing non-stop upstairs. It was barely 6am, so Tessa and I shook ourselves from our grief when the ringing registered in our minds. She took Tucker upstairs with her so I could say my last goodbyes to my friend. And I could hear Tucker ripping open a granola bar as Tessa got the phone after what was likely its fourth call.

When I heard the phone drop, I knew something was wrong and I went charging up the stairs.

Tessa was white as a sheet and Tucker's brows were pinched together by the time I reached them.

“Blacked out SUVs headed toward us from a few towns over. Sawyer- RUN!”

I think the world slowed into a sludge as I grabbed Tucker and ran. I tossed him into the carseat and threw the truck in drive. Time was quicksand sucking me into the gravity of the earth and I needed my body to fast forward.

I had no idea who called. I had no idea how they knew I was here. I had no idea how close they were, but I had to get my son as far away from this place as fast as possible. Tucker held his breath as I filled the cab in dollar store cologne, and I shoved the emotion of Joe’s death into the depths of my heart. Now I was reacting solely on panic, on adrenaline, on instinct.

Knowing the SUVs would likely come down the same road I used to return to Nadine’s before, I went out the opposite way through town. I had no idea where I was heading. But I had a half a tank of gas and I sent up a prayer that I would figure something out. God bless Tucker who knew something was wrong, but instead of panicking, he stayed quiet and alert. He watched out the window with those beautiful eyes of his darting across the sunrise horizon.

Nothing mattered more than my son’s safety. Nothing. And if Blake was out to get him, I’d do anything to protect him.

The truck flew down the deserted little highway I’d never traveled before. It was poorly kept, and I had to avoid potholes. Somehow the road shifted, and we were heading north again, so if I can keep my wits about me, I can navigate us back to familiar roads and back toward Nadine’s – if Nadine’s is even safe anymore. My mind threatened to teeter on the edge of the ‘what if’ waterfall, but I shook the intrusive thoughts away and kept my mind present.

It'd been about a half hour on the road, but I was still white-knuckled on the steering wheel and Tucker was stone-silent in the back seat, thumbing the edge of the poptart pack I’d passed him ten minutes ago.

As we rounded a large curve, Tucker almost growled from the backseat.

“Mama….” He warned. And then I saw it come around the bend. A huge, blacked out SUV, jacked up and equipped with all the gear you could imagine.

“Okay, Buddy. Just hold on.” I pressed the truck further, digging into instinct again. What the f**k do I do?

As we passed the truck I kept my eyes on the road ahead, keeping Joe’s favorite navy blue ballcap pulled low over my eyes. I couldn’t see the driver, but I honestly would have been terrified to know. But as they passed, my eyes snapped to the rearview mirror, and the red glow of their brake lights sent a terror into my heart so strong I could have pissed myself.

We rounded the corner out of their sight, and I made up my mind before my brain had a chance to catch up.