Hunting Sawyer

Everything in Me

Joe saw my face whiten and rushed over. Silently giving me the look of concern and saving his ever-precious words.

“I’m good. Just had a little pain. I’m fine.”

I went to sweep past him, glasses stacked in my hand. He gently stepped in front of me. His bushy eyebrows sticking out at odd angles and his pale blue eyes begging me for answers. Answers I didn’t have.

“Seriously, Joe. I’m good.”

“You’re working too hard.”

“I’m fine. Promise.” I offered him a kind smile. I was so thankful for Joe. He didn’t have anyone outside his cousin he barely spoke to. I didn’t have anyone. So, it was nice to feel looked after. Even if I was hiding things from him.

“I heard Blake and his gang are pretty tied up with some nasty business. I want to get you out of here before he comes back.”

My heart started racing. I knew I would need to leave. But I didn’t know anything but this sad excuse for a town. But my hand settled on my little belly bulge. And again, I swear I could feel my child lean into my touch. It was comforting and empowering all in one breath.

“We don’t know when that is going to be. So, I’ll deal with the consequences. I’ll keep to my own life and hope that whatever nasty business he’s involved in keeps him far from here.” I tried to keep my words strong, but I could feel them shake in my throat.

I tried to walk away again, the heaviness of the conversation was making my blood beat in my ears and I didn’t want to think about the ‘what ifs’ of when Blake inevitably came back.

“Sawyer. I’m dying.” Joe’s voice was gruff. Blunt. But factual.

My heart sank. I couldn't be hearing him right.

My stomach dropped to the floor and I spun frantically to look at him straight in the face. Silent Joe who never spoke just dropped a bulldozer size grenade into my heart.

“I’m giving you a bonus. You’re to get to a damn doctor because I know for a fact you haven’t seen one. I wanted to leave the bar to you, but now that seems too risky. My cousin will take it over. But I’m leaving you my truck. Whenever you’re ready for it, you take it and drive as far as the busted up old thing will take you. But it has to take you to safety. Do I make myself clear?”

I heard him alright, but his words spun like fireworks in my head.

“Joe…” I choked. “You can’t be dying. That’s not possible.”

“I am. That’s happening. And I have no idea when. But it’s coming. Slowly but surely, I can feel it.” I swallowed back a whimper.

“But what’s important is that you run when you need to run. I don’t need the truck. No one will question you taking it. You know where the keys are. Just go when you need to go. Yeah?”

I couldn’t respond. I just nodded and he pulled me into a hug, his bristly beard rough and prickly against my cheek.

“Joe?” I couldn’t form words.

“Cancer. Sonofabitch took my wife and wasn’t satisfied. Had to take me too. Guess it’s fitting.”

“I love you, Joe.” Hot tears escaped and slid down my cheeks, pooling onto his shirt.

“Love you too, Sawyer. You take care of that baby at all costs, you hear me?” All I could do was nod in response. The storm cloud of life seemed to be chasing us at every turn.

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A week later, still no sign of Blake and cronies. I’d tested out driving Joe’s truck – to his utter joy and amusement as I practiced driving a vehicle for the first time since I was f*****g 15. And now I was currently sitting in a family planning office, knees bouncing and nerves gurgling bubbles in my throat.

“Sawyer?” The nurse called and I practically flew through the door. I peed in a cup, stepped on the scale, and she took my vitals, smiling cheerfully every step of the way. It made me uncomfortable for someone to be this overly nice. “You must be so thrilled. Congratulations on your pregnancy!” She cooed. I tried to offer a smile. “Okay Mama, let me ask you a few questions…”

She went on to check for abuse at home, but since I had no idea where my child’s father currently was residing… I couldn’t answer many of them. I just left it at ‘I’m looking to relocate soon and just want to make sure the baby is healthy.’

She offered me a squeeze of the arm and a ‘go get um’ nod before jotting things down on her notepad. “Last menstrual cycle?” I racked my brain….

“Honestly, I don’t know.”

A tech came in and conducted an ultrasound and did a few measurements. Seeing the little creature wiggle and dance on the small screen made my heart swell. I bit my lip to keep quiet and tears pooled in my eyes. There they were. I could make out body parts and it felt like there was a balloon in my chest inflating, fuller by the second. When the tech played the heartbeat, the tears flowed freely.

My little bean.

“Do you know the gender?” She asked with a twinkle in her eye. I shook my head, terrified my words would betray me. It was too early to know, right? “Would you like to?” I nodded. My curiosity outweighing logic at this point. “Congrats Mama, you’re going to have a son.”

“A son….” The words slipped over my lips, echoing through my mind.

My buddy.

My boy.

My son.

My eyes locked on the screen, watching the black and white image roll around, almost feeling the movement simultaneously within my womb.

An ‘abomination’ Blake had called him. ‘Abhorrent.’

This child completed my soul in ways I didn’t know I was broken. He brought me to life. And every wiggle on the pixelated screen confirmed one thing and one thing only.

I’d fight. With everything in me. I’d do anything and everything to keep my son safe.

If Blake was going to try and take my child from me, let him try. I’d kill the beautiful asshole myself.

I left that doctor’s office with a new sense of fight in me. I had no idea when Blake would surface again. I had no idea how I’d best him. But it was time I figured it out.