SILENT VOWS

31

I put a wet rag on my wrist, unwilling to go back downstairs for ice. By morning, an ugly purple ring had formed beneath the surface of my skin.

I hated that this had become my life.

I’d never had to hide bruises before, but it made me wonder if my mother had. Was this the life she’d led before he’d taken her from me? Could he have been this cruel to her without me knowing?

I might never know the answer, though it would likely haunt me forever. Mom was the rainbow in a stormy sky. She was the sugar in lemonade and the pink stretchy bandage that made everything better. I had adored everything about her and hated to think she could have suffered right under my nose.

A suffocating cloud darkened my mood as I got ready for the day, but I did my best to sweep it away, knowing I would be spending the morning dress shopping with Aunt Etta and Pip. Just knowing I would see them helped lighten my heart. I briefly considered asking my aunt if she ever suspected Dad of abuse, but the question would only have stirred up an interrogation. Quelling my curiosity wasn’t worth opening that can of worms. Not yet, anyway.

I selected an outfit that suited the only wide gold cuff bracelet I owned and used the accessory to hide my bruise. Hair in a ponytail and hope in my heart, I went downstairs to find Umberto. It was time to pick out a wedding dress.

The boutique dress shop didn’t look like much from the outside, sandwiched between two modern buildings near Lenox Hill and Midtown East, but the interior was all modern elegance with dark wood floors and crystal chandeliers. Pippa and her mom were already inside when I arrived, along with Pip’s two younger sisters. I left Umberto at the door and joined the group on a green velour sofa.

“Oh my God, I can’t believe this is happening.” Pip jumped up and hugged me the second she saw me.

It was so tempting to share my own disbelief by blurting all the crazy I’d experienced in recent weeks, but I forced my lips to remain sealed.

“I know,” added Aunt Etta. “I swore I wouldn’t say it because I don’t want this to be a sad occasion, but I sure wish Nora could have been here for this.” My aunt hugged me but quickly pulled away and waved her hands in the air. “Okay, enough of that. Only happy thoughts today!”

Pip and I both laughed. The other girls sat on their phones, oblivious to the world around them.

“This must be our beautiful bride!” A very tall, very thin woman joined us in the sitting area with a smile. “I’m Stella. I’ll be working with you to find the perfect dress.”

I shook her hand, letting Aunt Etta introduce us.

“I explained when I made the appointment that we’re working with somewhat unusual time constraints,” Etta said.

“Noemi here isn’t the first and won’t be the last. It shouldn’t be an issue. We may just have to be open-minded and a touch creative.” Stella lifted her brows at me as if to make sure I was on the same page.

I nodded readily.

“Great! Now, tell me what you’re envisioning.”

Two hours later, I had a wedding dress. Even more astounding, I actually loved it. The gown was simple but elegant—no bows or bustles or flouncing skirt. The delicate lace top layer was accented with just the right amount of beadwork to sparkle but not make me feel like a disco ball. The straps of the sleeveless bodice sat at the far edges of my shoulders while the neckline plunged low between my breasts, working well with my modest chest. The back mirrored the front but dipped all the way down to the waist, and the A-line skirt flared just enough not to cling to me and trailed into a very short train.

The dress had been altered for a recent bridal expo where it was displayed, so it already fit almost perfectly. I’d walked into the shop not expecting to care about any of it and fully prepared to pick whatever looked halfway decent, considering my fast-approaching deadline. Now, I couldn’t stop wondering what Conner would think of me in the dress.

That line of thinking was dangerous. It implied that I cared, and I shouldn’t have.

Aunt Etta scooted closer to where I sat on the shop sofa and leaned toward me, snagging my attention. “Em, honey. I doubt your dad has talked to you about this, and I have no idea if Nora handled it before she passed, so I thought I’d ask about birth control.” She looked at me awkwardly while I gaped back at her.

She’d caught me completely off guard.

I wasn’t on birth control, as it so happened, but only because I hadn’t needed it. I’d never made any special pledge to save myself for marriage. s*x just hadn’t come up. I didn’t date much in high school, then Mom died only seven months after graduation. That was just the way my life had unfolded.

Now, I was days away from being a twenty-year-old virgin bride, and no, I hadn’t considered birth control. After my first official meeting with Conner, I would have said it wasn’t an issue. But things had changed. He’d made it clear he wanted me. I’d been so worried about the emotional impact that might have that I’d completely forgotten about any other complications.

I was NOT ready for children.

“…and maybe he’s not even Catholic,” Aunt Etta continued her rambling speech. “I mean, he’s Irish, but they aren’t all Catholic, and even then, he may still be okay with birth control. Sometimes we have to do what we think is right, or we’d all be swimming in a sea of children,” she whispered conspiratorially.