WORTHWHILE

Chapter 4

Years passed after Ivy returned from the city, and life at home wasn’t much easier. Now, as a teenage girl-or young adult, as she preferred to call herself-sat on her bed pretending to study for her college entrance exam. Ivy stared at the open book in front of her, but nothing was entering her head. Not one line.

This was her third time taking the exam. Rejected every single time.

If only I could concentrate for one minute, she thought. Maybe I would have scored higher the last two times instead of depending on what my brain remembered by accident.

She shut the book with a small thud.

“God damn it! I haven’t even started and I’m already tired,” she muttered to herself.

Ivy stood up and stepped outside the house, hoping the air would help her think.

But peace didn’t last long.

“Ivy! Go and cook the afternoon meal,” her mother called out.

In her head, Ivy screamed: Why do I have to cook for everyone? I’m literally the youngest!

Then the answer flashed in her mind-Oh right… because I’m the only girl child left in this house.

The thought never sat right with her. She hated it.

Gift wasn’t living with them anymore- their eldest cousin had taken her away. Esther, her eldest sister, was already married. Ivy didn’t even like Esther’s husband. He had never done anything wrong, but she felt uneasy around him. Honestly, she felt uneasy around almost everyone. Years of anxiety had changed her.

She snapped out of her thoughts.

“Yes, Ma,” she replied reluctantly.

Months passed.

It was the middle of the year again, and exam results were out.

Ivy had passed.

Not because she studied hard, but because her mind had simply been in a rare good state during the exam. Still, she had no idea what course to study- nothing truly interested her. She spent the next few weeks confused, jumping from one idea to another. After much thinking, she finally made a choice.

Then something happened a few months later-something that made her heart skip a beat. Literally… and figuratively.

It was the Christmas season. As usual, family members returned home for celebrations.

That was when Ammie- Ivy’s childhood playmate-came back to town.

They hadn’t spoken since Ivy left for the city years ago. Ivy never really knew how to describe that chapter of her life, but seeing Ammie again stirred something in her chest.

Ammie had grown beautifully. More than Ivy expected. She looked confident, calm- like someone who had faced her own struggles and won. And that was when Ivy’s “problem” took shape.

Ammie came to visit, and the two girls decided to take a walk around town. They stopped at a shop to buy a few things. While paying, Ivy grabbed some candies and offered one to Ammie.

“You can feed me,” Ammie joked lightly. “My hands are full.”

Ivy unwrapped the candy, turned to her… and froze.

Her heart skipped so fast she almost dropped the sweet. Suddenly her hand was shaking, refusing to move towards Ammie’s waiting mouth.

Ammie’s face looked soft under the afternoon light. Her eyes are bright. And her lips… her plump lips looked perfect in a way Ivy did not want to admit.

Snap out of it! She scolded herself silently.

Finally, she pushed the candy forward, looked away quickly, and pretended nothing happened.

What was that? she asked herself, confused and a little scared.

“Ivy!” Ammie’s voice pulled her back. “I’ve been calling you. What are you thinking about?”

“Erhmm… nothing. What were you saying?”

“I said we can head back home now.”

“Oh. Yeah, sure.”

They walked home, but Ivy kept her eyes on the ground or her hands-anywhere except Ammie’s face. She was terrified she would drown in those eyes if she looked too long.

They sat and talked about life, school, and their exam plans. Ivy barely heard half of what Ammie said. Her mind kept replaying the moment at the shop.

Evening came too quickly.

Ammie’s ride arrived, and Ivy escorted her outside. After waving goodbye, Ivy turned to walk back home.

Her chest felt heavy- heavier than she wanted to admit. She tried to bury the feeling, pretend it didn’t happen.

She decided she would forget about today.

But the truth was simple.

A girl had just gotten her first crush.

And she didn’t even know it yet.