WORTHWHILE

Chapter 10

Ivy was frozen, staring at her phone. Her heart skipped a beat. What the heck was happening! She couldn’t be seeing this right…

“You have been removed.”

Her stomach twisted. Why? Was it because she had complained that the group was too prompt? Because she had said she had a headache? Or because she had promised to send the money later? These people, whom she had started to regard as friends, as support, seriously didn't remove her from the group just because she voiced an opinion? That wasn't right!

Disbelief turned into frustration. She tried sending a message again. “You cannot send a message to this group because you have been removed.”

She threw her phone onto the bed, her chest tightening. Anger, sadness, and frustration collided all at once.

“Why do they feel so entitled to my time… even after I apologised?” she muttered aloud, pulling at her hair in exasperation.

After a moment, she picked up her phone again and deleted the group. Then she opened her gallery-and froze again.

“What the hell!” she screamed.

All the memories were gone. Pictures, videos, documents… everything. Even memories of Jessica, her first crush, the girl who had rejected her, were gone.

Ivy sank onto her bed, hands over her face. Her mind spun. She needed air; she needed to get outside; all these were too overwhelming. She went for a walk even though it was nighttime, letting the cool breeze calm her thoughts. Or at least try to. She walked for a while.

By the time she returned, exhaustion had set in. She decided to sleep it off. Maybe it was for the best.

After all, keeping that group so openly queer, with photos and messages that could easily expose her-was a risk. If someone had seen it, her life could have been ruined. College, a roof over her head, her family… all could be taken from her. Her father would make sure of it. Just yesterday, in his almighty self, he had lectured her about marriage, submission, and being a “dutiful wife.” These talks happened at least once a week, and any attempt to challenge him ended in threats - about college. Voicing one's opinion always angered him, and she couldn’t risk college education just for a moment to be heard.

Supporting queer people, even if life-threatening, a violation of basic human rights, or worse- admitting to being one-wasn’t just risky. It could destroy her entire future. Ivy had always tried not to be seen, not the good girl, not the bad girl, just not seen. The one who always looks out for others' opinions and thoughts, the responsible student. But today had strengthened something inside her. She resolved to be kind only to those who deserved it-and firm with those who didn’t. People would not walk all over her anymore. At least, she would try not to let them do that.

With that last thought, Ivy finally lay down. Tomorrow was another day, and she hoped it would be better, kinder and not filled with bad incidents like today. College was only a few months away...her chance to finally breathe, to live a life that was hers.

She had told her mother she wasn’t having dinner, so she wouldn’t be disturbed. As the swirling thoughts in her mind slowly faded, her eyes closed. Sleep took her, and for the first time in a long while, she allowed herself to rest, mentally, physically, and emotionally. She allowed herself to truly rest.