That Kind of Cowboy

Chapter Five: Madison

Was it just last night that Lucas drove me home from work? I cannot get the last words he said to me, out of my head. He told me ‘Remember you can always call me anytime. I will be here in every way; I have faith in this. In us.’ And he turns around, walking away from me. I find that caring. No one has ever told me that and stuck with me.

It was bold, to just come out and say something like that. I would have never been brave enough to. I am not even brave enough to take his hand in mine. But the butterflies in my stomach spoke volumes. I have never felt that before.

No matter how many times my mind wandered to Ethan, Lucas was there to take my thoughts away from him. From talking to me, or just by the feel of his hand on my knee. How his touch gave me the strength that I have been trying to find. He did not push me for information about Ethan.

I have not known Lucas for long, but he feels right. Like he is supposed to be by my side. He takes my stress, just by being around me. Like a safe place, I guess, it is what you would call it. I have not had a safe place in a long time.

I need to get around and get the kids ready. My body does not want to leave the confines of my bed. I want to stay in and hide away from the world, but I cannot. I have kids to take care of, and they come first. Always have and always will.

Throwing the covers from my body, I got up from the bed and made my way to the closet. I picked out a pair of blue jeans, a black tank top and flip flops. Remembering to get my bathroom stuff, as I headed for the shower that is calling my name.

************

“What are your plans for the day?” Margret, my mother asked. Leaning against the door jam, her arms crossed.

“We are going to pick Bella up and take the kids shopping.” I told her as I helped Sofia get ready for the day.

“Where and why are you going?”

“We are going to Seminole for school supplies shop-”

“SHOPPING!” Sofia screeched at the top of her lungs, while cutting me off mid-sentence.

“Shopping?” Mom questioned, with a stern look on her face.

“Yes, shopping. The kids need stuff for school, they start in a few days. I must get it done today.” I told her, feeling a throb in my head. Great, another headache.

“What about bills and stuff?” mom started.

“It will get taken care of. Do not worry about it.” I snapped; I did not mean to but the presser of everything was getting to me. “I am also saving up for a house.”

“Do you know how expensive that is? A single mother cannot make it. It makes more sense for you to stay here.” She is always trying to get me to stay.

This is a two-bedroom house. Mom has her own room, me and the girls share, and Noah sleeps on the couch. There is not enough room for all of us. And not to mention the yard, it is too small for the kids to run around.

I want to give them everything. They need their own space. A place to go to be alone with their thoughts. A place where they can be kids.

“Yes mom, I know it will be hard. But you know what I can do it. Let’s go Sofia.” I replied, taking her hand, and heading for the door of her room.

“What time will you be back.” Mom asked, as the kids climbed into the car.

“We will be back no later than six.” I replied, taking my seat, and starting the car. Rolling down the window, then shutting my door. I do not want to seem rude. A small voice in my head said. I love my mom but sometimes she is too much. Always treating me like a child, never letting me grow.

“That is a long time to keep the kids from home.” Mom added. Putting on my best mask, I turned to her. Trying not to let my true feelings show.

“No, it is not. They are home all the time; they need to get out of the house too.” I replied as calmly as I could.

“No, their place is at home.” Turning my head towards the back window, I put the car in reverse. Taking a few deep breaths before I said something I should not.

“Bye mom. We will see you this evening.” I smiled, backing out of the driveway. Heading towards Bella’s house to start our day out. The things my mother said rang through my ears. How am I so different than my parents, I am the complete opposite.

I always put my kids first, I do not talk down to them and I do not raise a fist at them. It is not that hard to treat someone right. No matter who it is. I need to get the money for our own place soon.

************

We spent the first part of the day in Factory Connection and Sharps. The kids picked out shoes and some clothes. We were all starving by the time we got out of Sharps. We all agreed on McDonalds, so we can get our Walmart trip out of the way.

I sat back in my chair, waiting for the kids to finish their meals. They were lost in their own little worlds. Emma has one headphone in her ear, where she can still her what is going on around her. Right now, she has her ear turned towards her siblings. She is more than likely waiting to get some dirt on them.

“Have you heard anything?” Bella asked, giving me a pointed look.

“No, I have not heard anything. I will be fine, I promise.”

“If you hear anything, I better be the first person you tell.”

“Lucas practically told me the same thing.” I replied, taking a drink from my Coke.

“Speaking of Lucas, what do you think about him?”

“He is so nice. I liked hanging out with him.” Emma said from beside Bella.

“What?” I asked Emma.

“I said I liked hanging out with him and that he is nice.” Emma shrugged like it was no big deal.

“Did you know that Lucas has horses?” Bella asked Emma, including her in the conversation.

“Yes, I know. I love horses.”

“Maybe I can ask him if y’all can go out there, sometime.” Bella said with a huge smile on her face.

“I do not want to bother him.” I told Bella.

“You will not bother him. He would love to have you out there.”

“What does that mean?” I asked, gathering up the trash on the table.

“Lucas really likes you, Maddie.”

“Really?” I asked, keeping my eyes on the table.

“Yes, he does. Why do you think he drove you home last night?” Bella asked, like I should know that answer.

“I do not know why.” I told her.

“Mom, you are allowed to be happy. If you like Lucas and he makes you happy. Be happy, it will all be okay.” Emma piped up. When did she grow up on me? They are growing up too fast. I am not ready for the day that they are all grown. And the nest will be empty, and I will be alone.

************

Finally, we got everything the kids would need for school. It is almost four and it has been a long day. My back and feet were killing me, from working and running around stores. Tomorrow I am going to relax and read a new romance book that I just picked up.

“Do you folks want to have ice cream? My treat.” Bella asked, turning in her seat to face the kids.

“Well, what do y’all say?” I added

“Yes!” came from three different voices from the backseat.

“Braum’s it is then.” Bella replied, giving the kids a big smile.

“What is wrong with you?” I asked when she turned back around.

“I have no idea what you are talking about, Maddie.” Bella sang out.

“Whatever you say Bella. I can tell you are up to something. I do not know what it is, but I will figure it out.” Bella said nothing but laughed an evil laugh.

We all had our ice cream and sat at a big table in the back. Bella had the bright idea of keeping the kids trapped between us. It is a clever idea, but the arguing. I am not touching you ringing out in the shop.

“Do you mind if we join you?” A voice came from behind me. Turning my head, I was met with electric blue eyes staring right back into mine. A lopsided smile playing on Lucas’ lips.

“Of course, y’all can. Grayson, you sit by me and Maddie scoot over and make room for Lucas.” Bella answered for the both of us.

“So obvious, Bella. Discreet, look up the word. You are the one who gave me that word.” Grayson sarcastically told Bella, as he took his seat beside Bella. Giving Bella a strange look, but she shook her head no.

“Hi Lucas!” Sofia screamed. That girl and her lungs. Always screaming when she gets the chance. Looks like she is not shy today.

“Sofia!” Lucas exclaimed to the little girl, who was wearing a princess dress and heels. Her own style, that she loves.

Lucas took his seat beside me. Sitting closer to me, like he does not have enough room. We were sitting side by side. Shoulder to shoulder. His thigh was pressed against mine under the table.

I guess with a body built like his, I did not leave enough room. He is around six feet tall, if not taller. Muscles, long legs, cowboy hat, and jeans that fit him perfectly. Am I drooling over this man? Yes. Yes, I am. There is nothing wrong with looking, even if my body wants more. I cannot allow that to happen.

“How are you doing today, Maddie?” Lucas whispered into my ear. His hot breath on my neck, causing goose bumps to appear along my arms. No touching, no touching. I kept repeating in my head.

“I am better. How are you, Lucas?” Trying not to sound nervous.

“I am better now that I have seen you. I missed you today.” Lucas continued to whisper. Feeling the heart rise to my cheeks, I turned my head away from him.

“What are you two love birds whispering about? Ouch!” Grayson cried out when Bella elbowed him in the gut, giving him a stern look.

“Nothing.” Lucas laughed. “What have you guys been up too?” Speaking to the table.

“SHOPPING!” Sofia screeched.

“Sofia Mae, stop screaming right now. We are in a public place; you must keep your voice down.” I told the little girl, with lungs of steel. Mommy mood coming out in full swing.

“Why can I not scream? I love to scream.” Sofia stated, with her puppy dog eyes.

“I know you do. But there is a time and place where you can scream all you want. Now is not the time.” I tried explaining to the nine-year-old.

“But why not, mommy?” Playing the mommy card now. What is that girl up to? She only calls me mommy when she wants something or is trying to get away with something.

“Because, I said so.” I told her, using my favorite answer for the kids.

“If you come out to the ranch, you can scream all you want.” Lucas told my little girl.

“Really? You would let me scream?” Sofia asked him.

“Of course, y’all are welcomed out anytime.”

“See, I told you Maddie.” Bella piped up, giving me a knowing look.

“What did you tell her?” Grayson asked with confusion written all over his face.

“I will tell you later.” Bella told him, picking up her spoon and taking a big bite.

“Just keep your secrets, Bella. I will find out what you are up to.” I replied, taking a bite of my favorite ice cream, chocolate chip and cookie dough.

“Emma, if you are good, I will let you play on my phone.” Emma bribed her little sister.

“Emma!” I exclaimed, giving her the mom's look. “Do not bribe your sister.”

There was laughter all around the table. Everyone was laughing but Noah. He has been in a grumpy mood today.

“What's wrong little dude?” Grayson asked my son.

“Yeah Noah, what is it?” Lucas asked, giving him his full attention.

“Nothing.” Noah was spinning his spoon in his ice cream, with his brows furred together.

“Something is wrong. You have been in a mood since we left Sharps.” Bella spoke up.

“Mom don't get it.” Noah huffed out.

“What does she not get?” Lucas asked, placing his hand on the top of my knee. That same spark is still there. Making itself known a little more. I do not think I can do this. Is that a friendly thing to do? I do not think so. I need to clear my mind; I cannot get broken down again. I cannot be fooled again.

“That I need a hat and cowboy boots.”

“Why do you need them?” Bella asked with a knowing smile.

“All the cowboys have them!” He exclaimed as he crossed his arms and flung back in his seat.

“You want to be a cowboy?” Grayson gave a chuckle at Noah’s words.

“Yes, I do.” He said in a matter-of-fact tone.

“I will go through my stuff at moms and see if I can find you a hat. We can solve one problem at a time.” Lucas told him. He might think it was not a big deal. In fact, I know it is important to my son. The smile on Noah’s face tells it all.

“Really? You will do that for me?”

“Yeah, why would I not?” Lucas asked

“My dad never did anything for me.” Noah said, lowering his head. It breaks my heart that he has no good memories with his father.

“Hey, it is okay. I would be honored to give you a hat. Have you ever had one?” Lucas asked him, trying to help lift his spirits.

“No, I have always wanted one.” He replied.

“I am sure that Grayson, here will help me gather up some cowboy stuff for you.” he said pointing a finger at his brother.

“I think, there is a rope, that we used to use when we would pretend, we were cowboys. Ah, the good ole days.” Grayson reminisced on his childhood. While Noah sat there with his mouth hanging open, at the generosity that these men were showing him.

Is it real or just for show? I hate how I always second guess people. I have always had trust issues thanks to my dad and Ethan. I need more time to really get to know them. Especially Lucas, I really want to be able to trust him.

“What do you tell them, Noah?” I asked, I always try to teach them manners.

“Thank you.” Noah replied with another toothy smile. Everyone began eating their ice cream again, in silence.

Lucas’ hand was still placed on my knee, giving it a squeeze. When I finished my ice cream, I moved my hands to my lap. When I am around people, I am always fidgeting with my hands. Most of the time I do not even realize that I am doing it.

He removed his hand from my leg. I knew it was too good to be true. I knew he could not be interested in a girl like me. Before I could think of another negative thought, Lucas placed his hand on top of mine, pulling my hands apart. He interlaced our fingers together, placing them on his leg. Rubbing small circles with his thumb. Is he trying to calm my anxiety? Is he doing it because he cares?

The butterflies sped up and I could not help the smile creeping up my face. My heart pounding in my chest. I glanced over at Lucas, only to see that he was already looking at me. The heat rising in my cheeks, my heart melting at his smile. This man has my head spinning.

“You are beautiful, Maddie.” Lucas leaned down close to whisper in my ear. I looked up and caught Bella’s eye, she was smiling back at me. I took in the sight of Bella and Grayson sitting close to each other. It does not take a rocket scientist to figure out that they both like each other. I could not find the words to reply to Lucas, all I did was squeeze his hand tight.

************

The kids were getting settled in the backseat. Bella and Grayson were over at his truck, showing her what he got from some store they both like. Lucas and I were standing by my car, I could not let the kids get out of my line of sight. I never know when or if Ethan will show up. Somehow, he always does at some point.

“I enjoyed spending time with you. We should do it again, sometime.” Lucas said, taking my hand in his.

“With the kids?” I asked. I am afraid that the kids will fall in love with him. I do not want them to get hurt, I do not think I can go through that. Not to mention my own heartbreak in the process.

“Yes, them. But I want a date too, just me and you.” Lucas replied, as much as I want to say yes, I must think of the kids."

“I do not think that is a good idea, right now.” I answered, keeping my head down. Shifting from foot to foot.

“If you need time, Madison. I can give you time. I felt something the first time I saw you. I know you felt it too. Give me a chance, let us see where this can go.” Lucas tried again.

“I need some time to think about it. I am going through a lot right now.” From raising three kids, to drama with my mom, to Ethan’s never-ending threats, my feelings for Lucas. But he is right, I did feel something when I first laid eyes on him.

“I will give you time. For now, I will take the role of your friend. I will still protect you, remember that, Maddie.” Lucas replied, turning towards his brother’s truck. Giving me a smile over his shoulder.

The entire trip home, my mind was on a cowboy. A good-looking cowboy, who asked me out. Little ole me, I do not get asked out. Especially by men that look like Lucas. Is it a trick?

I know we could have something special. But I fear getting my heart broken again, or the kids getting hurt by me dating Lucas. What am I going to do? My heart is being pulled in two directions. I need a sign; I need something to tell me what the right path is. I want to give Lucas a chance.

Can I really trust him? I do not want the same end results of the last man I fell for. Can I really pass this up? My heart has never felt this way before. Not even when I was with Ethan, I never felt anything this strong. I want my happy conclusion, what if Lucas is my cowboy? The one who rides in to save the day.

How could I ever pass something like that up. I know in my heart that Lucas is not Ethan, but I am still scared. I am afraid to fall into the same trap that my ex caught me in. Pretending he was someone else until the day I took his name, his true colors finally showed. He knew I had nowhere to go. He knew I had no family that cared about me enough to take me in.

Nobody knows everything that he put me through. The only ones to know are me, Ethan, and the hospital. That hospital holds too many secrets. It is hard to live somewhere new, no one really knows you. They take the side of a person who they think they know. I may be the only person who truly knows him.

I should not compare Lucas to Ethan but when you are used to people lying to get what they want. It is hard to open my heart to someone new. Should I give him a chance to show me that he has the right intentions?

No, I need to give this more time. I need to see how things go without the whole dating thing. I cannot get tricked again, I will not pass this up, I will take it day by day. See where things go on their own, no pushing or thinking. For once I am going to be myself. I want to put myself first for once.