That Kind of Cowboy

Chapter Nine: Madison

Waking up to the smell of coffee and bacon is one of the best smells in the world. Especially when I am not the one who made it. Sitting up in the big bed, the fragrance of a woodsy scent filled my senses. It reminds me of a safe place, a place I could get lost in. Glancing around the room, I noticed that I was alone. Why is it so quiet? Where are the children? I hope they are not getting into trouble, and not fighting.

Jumping out of bed, heading for the conjoined bathroom. Taking care of my morning needs, and finger combed my hair. I headed out of the room following the amazing smell into the dining room. Lucas was filling plates with food. The kids sat around the table, no Grayson or Bella in sight.

“Morning Darlin, how did you sleep?” Lucas asked, sitting a plate down on the table. The smile covering his face, took my breath away. Taking notice of his morning look. Put together and looks like he has been up for hours. I am so jealous of that, like he rolled out of bed that way.

“I have slept better than I have in a long time.” I said, moving to stand beside him. I have not slept that well in a long time. No interruptions, no tossing and turning, and no nightmares. I felt safe last night knowing that Lucas was across the hall from me.

“Good.” he said, taking me into his arms and leaning down to kiss me on the cheek. “Sit down and eat, before your food gets cold.”

“Yes, Sir.” I teased, a true smile taking over my face. Taking a seat in the chair he pulled out for me.

“So sarcastic.” Lucas laughed, taking his seat to the left of me. He took my hand in his and laid them on the table.

“Lucas, can I ask you something?” Sofia asked, from her spot across from me.

“What’s your question.”

“How come we call your brothers uncle but not you?” Where did that question come from? Turning to him, waiting for him to answer her question.

“Who told you that?” He questioned back.

“Uncle Nate did. He also said Gramps and Nana loves us.”

“I know they love you and I will have a talk with Nate.” Lucas said, glancing my way.

“You are on your own with this one, cowboy.” laughing out, I love this feeling. Carefree and happiness. It really has been a long time since I have felt this way.

“Why can’t we call you uncle?” The little girl asked.

“Sofia, mom likes Lucas. So, he cannot be our uncle.” Emma explained to her, like it was no big deal.

“Emma, you are too smart for your own good.” I replied to my oldest.

“I take it that she is right.” Lucas whispered, leaning in close so the kids could not hear.

“Maybe.” I replied before picking up my mug.

“Lucas let us help him feed the animals this morning.” Emma stated with a smile.

“What did y’all feed?” smiling at my daughter, who is growing up too fast.

“Horses, cats, and his dog, Duke.” She beamed, as she scooped up eggs onto her fork.

“Duke?” I asked, looking at him.

“I told you the first day we met that I was a fan. Remember?” he asked with a smile.

“I do remember it.” I replied, feeling heat creep up to my cheeks. I lowered my head, trying to hide it from him. Lucas laughed, squeezing my hand.

“What are we goanna do today?” Noah asked, his plate cleared of any food.

“We have to get homework done and get ready for school tomorrow.” I told him.

“I don’t want to leave.” Sofia said, setting down her fork. Crossing her little arms and huffing.

“I am sorry, I’m sure Lucas has stuff to do.” I told the pouting girl.

“I do, but y’all can come over again. I am sure my brothers would like another round of volleyball with you.”

“I like your family.” Emma said, moving her empty plate aside.

“I had fun and I love my cowboy hat.” Noah added.

“I like Uncle Nate, he is funny.” Sofia piped in, her pouting disappearing into a happier mood.

“Yes, he is, but you two must be supervised.” Lucas told her with a stein tone.

“Why?” I questioned, not understanding.

“Those two are just alike. I would not put it past them to cause trouble.”

“I can see that.” I laughed picking up my fork.

“I am surprised they didn’t do anything yesterday. I bet they will at the next one.” Lucas replied, standing up. “Why don’t y’all help me clear the table. They all stood up with no questions, gathering the dishes.

“I had fun, when is the next one?” I asked, standing up and following him into the kitchen.

“I think we should have it twice a month. We have family supper every night with mom and Gramps. We practically see each other every day.”

“That must be nice, gathering everyone up for family dinners.” We did not have a lot of those growing up.

“It can be. Some nights it gets to be too much.”

“What do you mean?” I questioned, leaning against the counter.

“My brothers can be a handful at times and sometimes I just need the quiet, time away from them. We see a lot of each other, multiple times a day. You get what I am trying to say?”

“I understand, you just need time away from them every once in a while.”

“Exactly.”

“Do you need any help?” I asked, watching as Lucas filled the sink with soapy water.

“No, we got this. I bet you do this all the time. You relax while we clean.” He replied, helping the kids as they worked together to clean up. It did not take them long to clean, before I knew it, it was time to say goodbye. I did not want to leave; I wanted to be here with Lucas. I feel safe here.

“Let me know when you make it. If something does not feel right or happens call me. Do not hesitate, I need you to be safe.” Lucas said, hugging me tight and placing another quick kiss on my cheek. Every time he does that, I feel butterflies in my stomach doing summersaults.

“I will” I told him, pulling away and getting into my car.

“See y’all later.” Lucas said before closing my door.

Heading up the drive, I could not help but look into my rear-view mirror. Lucas was still there, leaning against his truck, watching us leaving. My heart breaks a little not wanting to leave that cowboy behind. I want to turn around and stay with him.

I already miss him, his arms holding me close. Him being near me, making me calm. It is like he takes the anxiety away from me. I like the way his hand fits into mine. I like how he is around the kids. I like how they respect him. I think I might be falling for that cowboy.

************

We got homework and chores done. Sofia and Noah had their showers and Emma is in the shower now. The younger two are in the living room watching television. Mom is sitting at the table, while I get the kitchen cleaned up after supper.

“Where were you last night.” Mom asked, sitting her coffee mug down.

“We stayed over at Lucas’ house. Bella and Grayson were there too. I sent you a text telling you that.”

“Do you know how that looks?”

“Yes, friends spending time together. Friends who want us around and loves my kids.” I told her. She does not need to know that Lucas and I might be more than friends, hopefully. But mom will not understand. I want my fairy tale and I deserve my prince charming. Not a life of solitude.

“I am surprised that you are already wanting to jump into another relationship.”

“I did not say anything about that.” I defended.

“You know how men are, they are all alike.”

“Not every man in this world is like dad and Ethan. I am done talking about this. I have children to put to bed, then I am taking a drive.” I told her marching out of the kitchen. Our relationship has always been this way. She always treats me like a child. I have been taking care of myself for years. I cannot take any more of it.

“We need to talk about your behavior.” Mom yelled, following me into the living room.

“Mom, I am over thirty, I can take care of myself.” Turning towards the kids. “Let’s go to bed.” I told them, following the girls to our room. I got them tucked in and said my goodnights. Walking back into the living room, with my phone and keys in hand.

“Goodnight Noah, I will see you in the morning. Mom, I am just going for a quick drive. I do not want to fight; I need to clear my head and calm down.” I told her, heading for the door.

“Be careful and let me know when you get back.” She called after me. I said nothing as I walked from the house, got into my car, and drove away.

************

I stopped at The Store before I started my aimless drive, I got me a coke and a candy bar. Sweatpants, a baggy T-shirt, flip flops, and a mess bun piled atop my head. A total mess at best. I ran into Bella; she just told me to be careful and to call her if I needed her. At least someone knows I am out driving.

It has not been long since I left the house, I drove around for a while. Right now, I am parked out by the rodeo grounds. Just sitting here staring out the windshield watching the stars light up the night sky.

Sometimes you just need to be alone with your thoughts and to have a good cry. I am overdue for a good crying session. Yesterday was not enough. So, that is what I am doing. Sitting in my car, listening to country music, as the tears pour from my eyes.

I could not tell you how long I sat there and cried. It feels like I have been holding this in for years. I just want to scream as loud as I can. I do not like living this way. I cannot be Wonder Woman all the time. I do not think I can do this anymore. I have been alone for so long. It is time for me to admit that I need help.

I hate asking for help, I do not like to be a bother. I would rather be the wallflower, who hides away from the world. I never thought that I would be this isolated from the world. Before I moved here all I had was my mom, and I am fairly sure everyone knows how our relationship is.

I never felt like I was enough for her. Never felt like she genuinely loved me, or even wanted me. I hate feeling this way, I just want to be happy. What am I going to do? I need a plan to handle all these feelings, all these self-doubts. I need to get control of my life and happiness.

My cell phone caught me off guard. Jumping in my seat, making sure my doors were locked. Snatching it up from the passenger seat, wondering who it could be? Seeing a text on the screen, not even paying attention to the sender, I opened it. I thought it was from mom or Lucas, but it was not. It was another message from Ethan. I quickly exited out of it and found Lucas’ number, hitting the call button putting the cell phone to my ear. Hearing the ringing ring throughout my head.

“Maddie, are you okay?" Lucas rushed out into the phone. How does he always know? I need him right now.

“No.” I sobbed out. “I got another message, and I am scared. I don’t see anyone around me.” I somehow managed to get out if he could even understand me. Tears falling down my cheeks, my nose clogged up from all the crying.

“Darlin, it is okay. Take a deep breath and slow down. I am here Maddie, and I will not let anything happen to you. Where are you?” Lucas soothed, trying to calm my nervousness, and crying down.

“In my car, I had to take some time to myself.” I cleared my throat, taking a drink of my Coke.

“Do you know what time it is?” Removing the phone from my ear to see the time, I noticed I cried for three hours. I have not done that in months.

“I am sorry Lucas; I did not realize it was so late. I left mom’s house after nine.” Feeling bad that I called him so late, he probably has to get up early tomorrow.

“I told you to call me no matter the time. What is going on to have you so upset?”

“Mom and I got into it; I thought it would take longer than this for the arguments to start. I had to clear my head and think, and I had nowhere to go but drive. I have been sitting at the rodeo grounds with my doors locked. Then I got a message from Ethan.” I sobbed out once again, his name is a breaking point for me.

“What did the message say, and I am grabbing Grayson. We are going to get you. If you must drive, otherwise stay put and we will be there soon.”

“Thank you, Lucas. The text said, ‘I see you and your mom still don’t get along.’ How would he know that?” I cried into the phone.

“I don’t know. Stay on the line, I am going to wake Grayson up. I can still hear you if you need me, okay?”

“Okay.” I whispered into the phone.

Every few seconds glancing around me. Paranoid that Ethan is out there watching me. Waiting for me to slip up and fall into his trap again. I cannot let him win; I must be stronger.

“Maddie, you there?” Lucas asked, his voice made me jump. Even though I knew he was still on the other end of the line.

“I’m still here, I’m being really paranoid right now.” I confessed, looking out the back window.

“Do you think you can drive to Dollar store, and I will drive you from there?”

“I would feel better if I were moving instead of sitting still.”

“Okay, meet us over there. Put your phone on speakerphone. And Maddie?’

“Yes, Lucas?”

“Please, be careful.”

“I will, I promise.” I have always been a keep your promise kind of girl. I hate seeing people break promises for no good reason at all. Keeping your word goes a long way in my books, and Lucas Ford has made his way in there.

************

“Where do you want to go?” Lucas asked, after getting into my car.

“Honestly, I have no idea. I want to go back to the house, but I don’t if that makes any sense.”

“It does. You have been through a lot, Maddie. You can’t keep everything bottled up or shoulder everything on your own. It is okay to ask for help.” Lucas told me, taking my hand in his. “Let me help you.”

“I cannot keep doing this. I completely broke down and I do not mean a little breakdown either. I cried for three hours, three hours Lucas.”

“It is going to be okay, Darlin. You should have called me sooner; I would have helped you through it.”

“I know, I should have. I have so many different things going on, sometimes it is hard to breathe, or even think clearly.”

“I know, but next time call me. I want to help you, Maddie.”

“I know and I will. I get caught up sometimes, and don’t think. I knew Ethan was out there looking for me. And I still went driving alone at night.”

“Everyone makes mistakes, you learned from yours. Don’t keep holding on to it, let it go. It is in the past; all you can do is move on from it.”

“Easier said than done.” I replied.

“It will be easier now that I am here.” He told me, squeezing my hand. “If you let me in and help you.” He continued.

“Yes, Lucas I want your help, I need it.” I confessed.

“I am going to call Bella and have you off work tomorrow. I am going to drop you off and I will be here in the morning. We will take the kids to school, and you will spend the day with me.”

“Okay, but I can only afford one day. I am trying to save up for a house.” I told him.

“Not enough room at your moms?”

“Nope, mom has her room, me and the girls share, and Noah is on the couch. There is not enough room for all of us.”

“That must be difficult to manage.”

“It is, sometimes it gets so overwhelming you have to leave.”

“I understand, Maddie. Next time get a hold of me. Are you okay to go home?”

“Yeah, it will be morning soon. I hope the kids are okay.” I told him.

“I am sure they are. Emma has a phone and will let you know.” he said, moving closer to me, wrapping his strong arms around me. Pulling me tighter against him.

“What are you thinking?” I whispered.

“A strong beautiful woman with red hair and glasses. Who I cannot stop thinking about.” He replied, pulling back to see my face. Placing his palm on the side of my face, staring into my eyes. Leaning in closer to my face. “I really want to kiss you. Will you let me kiss you, Maddie?”

I have never been asked before, it is a different feeling. A feeling of someone caring enough about me to ask instead of taking. I could not respond; all I could do was a little nod. When his lips touched mine, I felt the fireworks. It was simple and sweet, but somehow it is not enough. I want to feel his kiss again.

“How was that?” Lucas breathed out over my skin, causing goose bumps to appear. Once again, I did not reply with words, I stepped out of my comfort zone. Moving back in to cover his lips with mine, for a longer kiss this time.

“I think that was the best kiss I have ever had.” I told him honestly, pulling away from him. My shyness creeping in, trying to take over.

“I would have to agree with you. Best kiss ever.” Lucas said, taking my hand, again.

“So, what do we do now?” I asked awkwardly.

“Now, I take you home.”

“How will you get home?”

“I will drive your car, if that is okay with you.”

“That’s fine, I trust you.”

“You know how happy that makes me? To hear that you trust me, means the world to me, Maddie.”

“I don’t trust easily anymore. But you are different, I felt like I could trust you that first day. I tried to fight it, but I could not.”

“Are you done fighting it?” Lucas asked.

“Fighting what, exactly?”

“Us, your feelings for me. I know you can feel it too.”

Squaring my shoulders, lifting my head high, and making eye contact with him. I replied. “I am done fighting this, Lucas. I feel a strong connection with you, and I do not want to lose it.” I confessed, as confidently as I could.

“Good, now let’s get going so we can get some sleep tonight.” Lucas said, getting comfortable in his seat before putting the car in gear.

************

We drove back to my house in silence, but it was a comfortable silence. One where no one feels awkward. Luca held my hand the whole time, rubbing his thumb over my hand. Keeping me relaxed and calm on the way.

“Tomorrow, we will be talking more about tonight. Nothing bad, I promise” Lucas said quickly, noticing the look of confusion on my face.

“Alright, I will see you tomorrow.” I said, moving to get out of the car.

“Hey.” Lucas said, grabbing ahold of my hand before I could climb out. “I am walking you to the door.” He let go over my hand and opened his door.

“Alright.” I repeated, getting out of the car and meeting Lucas around the car. He took my hand and led us to the door.

“Which key is it?” Lucas asked, holding my keys up.

“This one.” I pointed to the right key. Lucas put the key in and unlocked the door.

“Text me when you wake up.” he said, pulling me in for a hug. “Goodnight, Maddie.”

“Goodnight, Lucas.” I replied pulling away, he still had his hands on my hip. Leaning down he gave me a kiss, the next one always better than the last.

“Lock the door when you get inside.” Lucas said, opening the door for me. Nodding, I headed into the house. Turning when I got inside, giving him a true smile. One I did not have to force myself to put on.

“See you tomorrow.” I told him, shutting the door and locking it. I could not help the smile had not left my face since our first kiss.

Tip toeing across the living room with the help of the flashlight on my phone. I am trying my best not to make too much noise and wake the household up. I feel like a teenager sneaking back in after missing curfew. Not like I did anything like that in my teen years.

Making it to my bed without waking anyone up. Crawling under my favorite blue blanket, exhaustion hit me hard. I guess that is what happens when you cry for hours. As sleep took over, my thoughts were on the kisses that Lucas and I shared.