Chapter 23
1012 Words
Gabriel
My stomach was in a tight knot and I felt like I couldn’t breathe.
Leon’s mother had walked in on Cecilia and I in an extremely compromising position. There was no way either of us could deny an affair and I feared for the safety of us both. Leon was a man with unparalleled temper and there was no doubt that harm would come our way.
I kept looking towards the box I had been sent away from. I had left as Lady Allard had commanded but I stayed nearby. I didn’t know her well but I feared she shared her son’s temper. I was ready to pounce at the sound of Cecilia’s cry for help.
However, noting was heard. No shouting, loud conversation or harsh movement. The silence coming from that room was even more worrisome and I fought the urge to return.
Finally, when I could take it no more I began to walk towards the door but Lady Allard stepped out before I could reach them. She looked me up and down but had no emotion on her face.
“Watch yourself Gabriel. You are treading very dangerous waters.”
I stood frozen, waiting for her to threaten me with telling Leon, with demanding I leave Cecilia alone or even reprimand me for my sin, but she didn’t. She just looked at me for a second longer and then walked away.
I couldn’t move for a minute or so, unaware of what this meant for Cecilia and I or what Lady Allard intended to do. But after composing myself I ran back into the box where I had left Cecilia and she too stood frozen.
Her eyes were on the thick red curtain that hid us from the crowd and her eyes were wide.
I put my hand on her shoulder and spoke softly to her to not scare her. “Cecilia, are you alright?”
Her eyes never left the curtain but she nodded. “I think I am.”
“What did she say? Is she going to tell Leon?”
“No.”
“No?” I asked a bit baffled. A part of me was glad she wouldn’t but I was also confused as to why she would not let her own son know that his wife was unfaithful.
“It would seem Leon’s cruelty is far more spread thin than I knew.”
“What do you mean?”
Cecilia only smiled and shook her head. “Nothing, never mind.”
“What do you mean never mind? Cecilia tell me what’s going on.”
The music that I had tuned out began to surround us again and Cecilia turned to me with a hopeful glint in her eyes.
“We can still be together Gabriel. That is is all that matters.”
“But it doesn’t make sense…”
She caressed my cheek and her touch spread a warmth through me.
“I can still be yours Gabriel. Isn’t that what you want?”
I wanted to press for more details but at her words I couldn’t help but remember what it felt like to have her in my arms. How a handful of minutes ago I was kissing her, feeling her warmth and savoring the taste of her lips. I thought of all the dreams she had inhabited, the fantasies she was the main character of in my mind and the months I had spent yearning to be loved by her.
Because I loved her.
I loved her more than anything. I wanted to share the air she breathed , wake up next to her, make love to her every night and every day and make her laugh until she couldn’t breathe. I wanted to make her endlessly happy and I was getting the opportunity to do that.
“Gabriel?” Cecilia whispered.
Her emerald eyes I was obsessed with looked at me with so much hope and need.
Her need for me, her newfound desire to make love to me was a fantasy come true. And while I relished in that, I also knew that we were hiding. I had to hide my love for her, because we’d always be a secret.
“I want you Gabriel,” Cecilia said when I didn’t respond. “I want to be with you and I don’t care what we risk. The way you make me come alive… I’ve never had that. And I can’t lose it.”
My heart swelled and broke all at once.
I loved Cecilia.
More than my own life.
But to her, as of right now, I was a sweet secret. A hidden lover and passionate dream come true.
Looking into her eyes I knew she saw me as a man. A man who could please her better than anyone else, and for so long that was what I wanted. But I also wanted her to love me. To want to hold my hand, sit at the dinner table with me as we chatted endlessly and have evening strolls with me before bed.
I wanted her to see a future with me as I did with her.
But I wanted too much.
She was married, and she knew that.
She’d never let herself want or feel more.
Cecilia was a realist, she was careful and she knew how to survive. And to survive Leon she had to keep me a well hidden secret. That meant she could never love me.
“I don’t want to lose this,” Cecilia said softly wrapping her arms around me.
Without thinking I hugged her back.
I swallowed my pride and tucked away my dreams for us because I couldn’t focus on that. I needed to be grateful for what I had and not expect her to share my fruitless hopes for us.
So I kissed her forehead and held her close to me, convincing myself that what I had with her was more than enough.
“You won’t lose me Cecilia,” I whispered to her. “You never will.”
- Writer
