What Loving You Cost Me

Chapter 7- She was Mine and Still Is

Daniel’s POV

I stopped halfway up the stairs and heard her whimper. It was a small, broken sound that should have made me turn back, but I didn't. I just stood there listening to my wife cry on the cold floor and I didn't go to her.

There was this sharp ache in my chest that I couldn't explain. I didn't know why all of a sudden I cared so much about Elizabeth. That was the problem because I cared and I hated that I cared and I didn't know what to do with it.

So I walked away.

I went into my room and slammed the door behind me. The room was dark when I walked in and I didn't turn on the lights because I didn't need to see. I needed to destroy. I swept everything off my dresser and watched the glasses shatter while papers scattered across the floor. My fist went through the wall and the pain in my knuckles actually felt better than the pain in my chest.

"Divorce me."

Her words were still fresh in my mind. For four years she had begged and she had cried. She had pulled out my chair and made my dinner and even pretended to be my sister. But she had never told me to divorce her. Now I realized the truth. The woman I had controlled for four years was slipping away and I didn't want that. I couldn't want that. She was mine and she still is.

But business was my priority and it had to be. I have sacrificed everything just for this. I couldn't throw it away because my wife suddenly decided to wear a green dress and talk to another man. Without thinking I walked out of my room and down the hallway until I stopped outside her door. My hand hovered over the wood and I was inches from knocking.

I couldn't do it.

She wouldn't want to see me and I wasn't ready to listen to the things she would say. I wasn't ready for the way she would look at me or the disappointment and the fear in her eyes. I pulled my hand back and walked away.

The cold shower did nothing for me. I stood under the water until my skin turned red but I couldn't wash away the images. I kept seeing Elizabeth in that green dress and Elizabeth laughing with that man. I saw her hugging Hayley like they were sisters and looking at me with something that wasn't love anymore.

What the hell was Hayley turning her into? I didn't want my wife to be a certain way because I needed to have the upper hand. Always.

That was the only way to stay safe and the only way to never get hurt. I took my pills and swallowed enough sleeping pills to shut my brain off for a few hours.

The next morning I dressed for work and stood outside her door again. I stayed just for a moment to hear any sound of movement but I didn't knock. I couldn't bring myself to do it.

So I left.

At the office I called Fester in immediately. He is the only person who actually knows how twisted this situation is.

"Do you know how psychotic you can be as a husband?" Fester asked as he shook his head in disappointment. "You expect your wife to just be submissive after you brought another woman into your house and made your wife play the sister?"

I rolled my eyes and looked away but he wouldn't stop.

"You come in here and ask my opinion about your marriage but you never listen to what I say. It’s better if I keep my mouth shut before you fire me."

"Keep talking," I insisted.

"I can’t advise a man who always wants to be in control. You think making sure things go your way prevents mistakes but you are only making them."

"I know what I'm doing," I cut him off.

"You say this because of your past," Fester said, sitting up. "I will say it again and I know you won't like it. You need to stop seeing every woman, especially your wife, as a reflection of your mother. Not every woman is like her. I don't care if you want to hold onto my salary, Daniel. You're making a mistake."

I couldn’t respond.

Fester stood up to leave, but I couldn't let him walk out yet.

"Sit down," I said, he looked back at me with a look of pure pity that made my blood boil. "I am losing my mind."

He looked at me for a long moment and then he slowly sat back down.

"The kind of woman you have wanted since college," Fester said quietly while he watched me. "You have her now. There is a reason you never committed back then and a reason you broke all those hearts. You thought going for a woman you could own her entire life was the answer."

I said nothing because I didn't have a defense.

"You have it now," he said as he leaned back in his chair. "But it never came with the

satisfaction you thought you would get, did it?"

"Watch your tone," I warned him and my hand tightened into a fist.

"I am just stating facts bro," he said and he didn't even flinch.

"You wanted control and you got it. You wanted a woman who wouldn't leave and you got that too. You wanted someone who would love you no matter how badly you treated her. Elizabeth has done all of that for you and you are still not happy."

I picked up my phone because I didn't want to hear any more of his voice.

I didn't tell him to leave though because the silence of the office felt even worse.

I called Victor like I do every single day just to check on her.

I needed to know she was still there and that she hadn't done something stupid like try to run.

Victor answered on the second ring.

"She is fine, sir," he said before I could even ask. "She is currently at breakfast. She looks okay. A little quiet, but okay."

I hung up without saying thank you and I could feel Fester watching me.

"You call him every day?" he asked.

I didn't answer him.

"You are terrified of losing her," he said and it wasn't even a question.

"I am not terrified of anything."

Fester laughed. "That is the biggest lie you have ever told, Lancaster. And you have told a lot of them."

Fester stood up and paced toward the window, a mocking smile playing on his lips.

"You don't even want me around your home," he teased, though his eyes remained sharp.

"And I’m supposed to be your f*****g best friend. It’s because you are terrified, Daniel. You are terrified I would tell her the real you, the version you don’t want her to know."

My jaw tightened. He was right, and we both knew it.

I had spent four years carefully constructing a cage of silence and rules, making sure Elizabeth only saw the parts of me I allowed her to see.

I kept my past locked away and my friends at a distance because any crack in the wall was a risk.

"I have nothing to hide," I muttered, though the lie felt heavy in the room.

"You have everything to hide," Fester countered, turning back to face me. "You are scared that if she sees the man underneath the wealth, the man who is actually just as broken as she is, you will lose the only thing that makes you feel powerful. Control is a drug, brother, but it is a lonely one."

I looked down at my phone, the screen still showing the call log with Victor. I was paying men to watch my wife eat breakfast because I didn't trust the world, and more importantly, I didn't trust myself to keep her without force.

"Get out, Fester," I said, my voice low.

He didn't argue. He just grabbed his jacket and headed for the door.

When the door clicked shut, the silence in the office felt deafening. I leaned back in my chair and closed my eyes, but all I could see was Elizabeth on the floor, clutching her stomach, looking at me like I was a monster.

I picked up the phone again. I wanted to call her. I wanted to hear her voice. But I knew if I did, I would only say something to hurt her. That was the only way I knew how to hold on.