BREATHE THROUGH ME

THE GLIMPSE OF THE PAST

Driving to the hospital, I watched the winter weather wrapped the world in a serene night.

The snowflakes' beautiful rhythm captivated as they drifted lightly onto the windscreen. The peaceful yet solemn scene was created by the quiet roads, which were illuminated by the warm glow of passing headlights.

Festive season can be sensed everywhere, this day being 20th of December. Houses were decorated with twinkling Christmas lights, and Bing Crosby’s “White Christmas” played softly from the car speakers, melding reflection with the chill of the season. Elijah was Beside me steadying his hands while guiding that car through the winding roads, looking at his calm nature gives me comfort which make the feeling grew stronger. I’ve always wanted see the same energy to make sure we are on the same page.

Elijah has been my mother’s caregiver who has been battling Alzheimer’s for years. His kindness and resilience had been a lifeline for both of us. When I was figuring out how to start up a conversation with him ,without being too formal.

Sensing the way I look at him, he broke the silence as the car moved along.

“Hey—how are you holding up” he said to me.

I gave a weak smile. “I’m doing alright . Thanks for taking care of my mom, Elijah. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

He turned towards me briefly —for a moment, I saw a hint of affection on his gaze which quickly faded to familiar reassuring smile. I wondered if I had only imagined it.

I smiled and nodded , hoping to start up a new page of life with someone like him. I sank myself into the car seat and began to hum to the song on the radio. Elijah chuckled.

After 30 minutes drive, we got to the hospital, with its sterile smell and stark lighting, was a stark contrast to the festive world outside. My mother clung to my arm as we walked in, her frailty and confusion was more visible than ever. Elijah was close, his presence a steady reassurance.

In the emergency room, Dr. Kaplan, a kind-eyed woman in her fifties,came and greeted us and examining Mother’s condition. She addressed my mother softly, but her response was distant and couldn’t recognize her doctor looking totally confused. Her clouded eyes betraying the toll of her worsening Alzheimer’s. The disease had progressed significantly over the past few months, stealing moments of clarity and leaving confusion and disorientation in its wake.

Dr. Kaplan asked about my mother’s recent fall, which had left her with a broken ankle.

“Has she been able to bear weight on it?” she inquired.

I shook my head. “No, The pain is too much for her. And with her memory lately , it’s hard to keep her off it. She forgets why it hurts.”

Dr. Kaplan nodded and explained that such forgetfulness is common in Alzheimer’s patients as the disease advanced. She made known that a new X- rays would be taken to examine healing process, she also added that a physiotherapist would come in immediately she’s done with them to examine her ankle. Then the conversation gently moved to my mother cognitive state.

“How has her memory been lately?” Dr. Kaplan asked, her voice compassionate but serious.

“It’s been worse,” I admitted. “She doesn’t recognize me as often and gets lost even in familiar spaces. Last week, she thought our kitchen was a stranger’s house.”

Elijah, standing nearby, offered a quiet reassurance. “She remembered Sophia this morning,” he said gently. “She asked for her first thing.”

Dr. Kaplan explained that while moments of clarity might still occur, they would become less as the disease progressed. She then explained that adjustment of Margaret’s medication might help manage the symptoms, but the decline was inevitable.

After the examination, while waiting for the X-ray results, Margaret dozed off peacefully in the hospital bed. I sat by her side, watching her, My gaze reached Elijah’s and saw he was having a panic attack.

Elijah's eyes glazed over as he sat in the hospital room, watching Sophia's mother sleep. Startlingly, he was once again reliving the event that had turned his life upside down. He was still a young adult and had argument with his girlfriend, he was coming to her apartment to asked for her forgiveness when he met Rachel on the floor . He was running through the streets with her almost lifeless body , he carried her and placed on his arms and could feel her blood seeping through his clothes and onto his skin from his chest to his arm.

Rachel begged, "Elijah, please...help me," in a voice that was too quiet to hear. "

Rachel, you have my support. Elijah answered in a terrified voice,

"I got this." "Please stay; everything will be alright." "He said," As he pushed the hospital doors, he appeared powerless, Rachel's life evaporating by the moment. He yelled,

"Help me." Like a tidal wave, the sound of sirens, the scent of antiseptic, and the sense of powerlessness swept over him.

Elijah's eyes snapped back into focus as he was seated next to Sophia after she called him and tapped him for some seconds in the hospital room, Sophia's mother sleeping peacefully in front of him.

“Elijah are you okay “? I said. He looked at me and nodded, I was just having a stressful day.

I was worried for him and told him to go home and rest that I will take it up from here. He assured me he’s fine

“She’s strong,” Elijah said, breaking the silence. “And she’s lucky to have you.”

I turned to him, surprised by the intensity of his words. “I don’t feel very strong,” I admitted. “Most days, I’m just holding it together.”

“You’re doing more than holding it together,” he said firmly. “You’re giving her everything she needs.”

His words stirred something in me, a mix of gratitude and vulnerability. I thanked him, and let him know how easy he make taking care of my mother’s situation looked . I thought within me how difficult things would have if I hadn’t got someone like Elijah. Then, after a pause, he hesitated before speaking again.

“I found something I think you should check out ,” he said cautiously.

“I was arranging and clearing out dust in your grandmother’s attic and came across a hidden partition in an old shelf. Inside, there was a necklace with the name ‘Emma’ imbued on it… and a birth certificate.”

The words hit me so hard leaving me in a confused state am. “A birth certificate?”

Elijah nodded, He explained that the date written on it is the same birthday with my mother’s. The name on it, Emma Ellis, was unfamiliar to me.

“Are you saying… my grandmother had another child?” I asked, my voice shaky.

She flashed back earlier today, when her mother asked her about Emma whom she couldn’t figure out.

Elijah's face became softer. "I'm not really sure. However, it is feasible. She might have been your aunt. Perhaps you are unaware of the full extent of your family's history. I was stunned by the revelation. My grandmother's past was mysterious and she had always been a reserved person. Is this the reason? Was Emma the secret she had kept concealed for so long? Although the birth certificate and the necklace were pieces of a puzzle I was still unable to put together, they stoked my intense interest.

Some hours later in the night, Dr. Kaplan went back to the ward with the X-ray reports. As for the right ankle of Margaret, it was improving well although it needed some more physical therapy to be at a positive side and for fast healing . Tactfully, However, Dr. Kaplan said from the information gathered from her results , Margaret’s condition is worsening.

“With most patients with Alzheimer’s disease” she said.

“I expect that you will have to be prepared for even bigger changes in her memory and her behavior, but the medication should be able to help with that and prevent the condition from worsening,” she added.

“She will probably continue to get more disoriented and it will be even harder to look after her but with this new medication, the symptoms will reduce with time—All she need now is proper care and patience from her family” she said.

The words settled heavily on me, a weight I wasn’t sure how to bear. I had knew this was coming, but hearing it uttered out was still painful. Elijah must have realised how hopeless I was because he remained at Margaret's side, providing stability while we helped her get into the car. During the quiet drive home, the snow outdoors mirrored the quietness within the car. Bing Crosby's voice was playing softly in the background while I thought about Margaret, her illness, and the mysterious discovery in my grandmother's attic.

I turned to Elijah as we pulled into the driveway and said, "Thank you for telling me about the necklace and the birth certificate. I don't know what it means yet, but… I want to find out." He looked at me with a warm but unreadable expression and said, "Whatever you decide, Sophia, you won't have to do it alone."

We got Margaret settled in her room for the night inside the house, and while she slept, I couldn't help but think about Elijah and me. It was more than gratitude; it was a developing bond that felt indisputable. His generosity, his stability, and the way he treated Margaret like his own family stirred something inside of me that I couldn't ignore.

The find in the attic not only sparked curiosity about the history of my family and the secrets my grandmother had kept hidden, but it also felt like the start of something new—something closer and more intimate between Elijah and me.

I looked at him one last time before he went out for the evening. In the silence of the winter evening, with the snow still falling softly outside, I realised that I wouldn't have to face whatever lied ahead alone.