I am Darling

My Long Rest

I am Darling and I was Invincible. Through the falling rain, the flashbacks just came out of nowhere. It has been a long while since I faced terrible flashes of my life. I did what I had to do. I exerted lots of efforts and energies. I exhausted all resources until the last drop of my blood, sweat and tears shed on every inch of my existence.. but I still got nothing. I almost surrendered. Those who were there with me were great help but all our vigor resulted to no avail. I said to myself I need a rest… a long rest. I may have failed for so many times and in the meantime I wanted to run away from troubles and tiresome detective works but still I was hoping for hope that lady luck would appear in front of me and lead me to the right path of my search. At first I lost it. I lost my patience, suppose to be the most significant part of my journey to the truth. I lost my balance, where I should be dwelling, in weighing the things that I should be giving my attention. I lost my focus in finding the perfect beat of my tempo. Most of all I lost a friend in Jessy where she played the important role in making me hold on to where my course was taking me. It was very hard to fight knowing the reason for fighting was no longer a part of the course. I suffered the consequences of my actions and endured the hardship of a more reluctant heart of a failing athlete. I wished I could have done more but as clear as the rainwater touching my fingertips, they weren’t more than enough.

My ailing body added to the pain I felt for not giving justice to the loved ones I lost along the way. My health wasn’t that good in the past few months and I was in and out of the hospital almost every week. I lost a lot of pounds and not fit to physical encounters like I used to. The dizziness I felt often triggered like the very first one I felt when I heard Gab’s voice for the first time after he had been missing. The doctors said I lack a lot of rest and stress always bothered me. I need to stay away from trouble and pressures if I wanted to gain back my health. I decided to follow the doctors’ advice. Not that I wanted to but because I had to. I was just glad I finished my high school before this sickness. Though I was no longer on top of my class I received a grade I could never be ashamed of. It was tough studying while your mind was full of mysteries and unanswered questions. Still I was proud I made it. Jessy became too aloof and Rhea was too busy being a working student. We hadn’t had much time for our friendship anymore. It broke my heart. This time I had to stop schooling a little longer than I did before. My condition played an important part now. I had to bring back my usual me first before anything else. It was just fortunate that before I got sick my cousins and I had enrolled in a martial arts school on summertime to acquire knowledge and skills. Though I lost friends I had my cousins who had been supportive and I know they wouldn’t leave me. They were now armored with that skills. Dad encouraged them to enroll together with me so I would not be the only one who knew how to defend myself from any types of danger that was coming but all of us. I saw the willingness of Daniel, Isabel and Christina to learn the martial arts and they got better everyday. Though armed only with a little knowledge, how many times I stumbled upon a fight with those bullies at school before, but it was really more exciting and fun if you were learning together with your cousins. I loved the time we spent together and the familiarity I got from martial arts enhanced. But for the meantime I was sick, I had my cousins’ back.

They continued their studying and I was the one left at the house during daytime. Dad, Mom and Aunt Gracie had already a*****e business just next few blocks and I had to be left alone but not totally. Dad or sometimes Mom went home from time to time to see if I was doing okay and then went back to the store again during peak hours. I will be waiting for my cousins to arrive and I would be having companion in the house. That was my routine almost everyday since I was troubled by my ailing condition. I even talked to myself if boredom attacked. It was not that I was losing my mind but I was telling myself to be well as soon as possible so I could continue my search for justice.

It was weekend, Isabel, Christina and I were having our conversations at the living room when Daniel came rushing to us from the outside and told “I have something to tell you.” he was looking at me. “I have something to confess first.” He continued. “You know I have been stalking Jessy for months now because I had a crush on her (we were smiling at each other and teasing Daniel as he continued his story). I just can’t find that right moment when to approach her and I was just staring from afar. I couldn’t get near her but I saw someone whom she had been talking with since this past few months I had been following her.” I saw her talking to that old lady we saw near Shawwie’s apartment.. remember? He asked. Our teasing stopped and we became so apprehensive to what Daniel was about to say. “What was she asking about to the old lady? The lady has Alzheimer’s right? Is she still helping us to that old lady?” I asked. “I hope I could say Yes but I doubt it.” Daniel told. “What is she up to? Isabel added. Daniel continued, “Just this morning I saw them again. I came closer so I could hear clearly, while still trying to hide myself. I heard the old lady saying “You should stop what you’re doing I beg you or you will be burn in hell”, then Jessy replied as her eyes were seemed like burning with anger, “you couldn’t stop me, you weren’t there for me eversince, why do you think I should listen to you now?.. I never saw her so angry, not until today.” Daniel added. I was so confused hearing those stories from Daniel. “I wonder why Jessy was talking like that?” Is there something between this old lady and Jessy? I asked wondering. “Is Jessy hiding something from us?” I added. I remember those bruises I saw from her hands the last time we were at the restaurant. It made me more confused why was she acting so strange and obviously lying to her face. I couldn’t stand the truth that Jessy was no longer the friend I used to know. But why was she hiding something. I was a friend to her, was I? “Are they related?” Christina added. “I have no idea.” Daniel answered. “What I know is that old lady has Alzheimer’s and was talking nonsense.” I told them. Isabel replied, “why would Jessy acted like that, and what was she talking about.. She maybe troubled.” So many questions came unevenly and I was trying to connect all the puzzles that couldn’t be tied up and I was beginning to realize how lax I was in observing and following the leads that was pointing to where I should be arriving. I was so careless. I began to feel the fear and was even more confused. I now think that this old lady has knowledge to what has been happening to me. If Jessy was somewhat involved, how could I explain those instances that she was with me during those killings, accidents and untoward incidents occurring and we were on the same side? Was she just acting like she was a friend? Why would she be involved, she has no business mingling with the perpetrator’s actions? I just couldn’t believe that she could be involved. Now I had to know straight from her the reasons why she was talking that way to the old lady. I had to hear her side of the story. I had to talk to her. I was convinced that she knew the old woman but if they were related, was a million dollar question. “Where can we find Jessy?” I asked Daniel. “No, no, no.!. Darling.. You’re still not very well.” You cannot go and talk to her, it’s too dangerous. You don’t know what Jessy is capable of. Let me handle the situation first.” “But I have to know from her the truth, why she was doing all of this or was it her really? I replied. “No! Darling, It is too risky.” Dad answered. We never noticed Dad has arrived from the store and overheard our conversations. “Dad, you heard us..” I told. “Yes.. and you should not do foolish things that would worsen your condition. You have to gain back your strength and I will let you do what you want, but for now, stay at home!” “Uncle Theodore’s right Darling. Let us handle it for the meantime. We will give you updates about Jessy’s real identity.” Isabel added. “I’m in, what are cousins for..” Christina said. “You people listen.. I know you wanted justice for our family, but we should think twice before doing anything foolish. You should be prepared for the worse to come. Knowledge is what you should bring to the game and that knowledge will lead you to your victory. To find you safe, alive and kicking is the only thing I wanted, I would not stop you from doing what you want, just remember these.. Be strong and be wise, the evil doesn’t stop so should you.” Dad shared his piece of inspiration to all of us. That made me more inspired for pursuing my mission.. and that to bring justice to Uncle Tim and to my friends. “I thank you for being there with me through thick and thin.. so grateful to have you all, I promise you I’ll be in my best form in the coming days and I will go with you to your searching.” I swore to all of them.

I was again alone at home and so bored that I decided to find something to do. I remember the file I got from high school regarding Gab’s psychological disorder. I hid it under my bed’s mattress all this time. I haven’t read it thoroughly and hoping I could find more by reading it again. While I was scanning the book I had read about Gab’s mother. She was confined at a mental hospital when Gab was still a kid and he didn’t know her at all. But then she had managed to run away from that facility and was never seen ever again. She was suspected being dead and her family were never informed not until Gab became a teenager. His father worked as a seaman but the ship he was in sank and all passengers and crews were reported either missing or dead. Gab’s father was missing and up to now he was never seen. It was believed that the sea mishap was the reason why his mother lost her sanity then. Gab was brought to his parents’ relatives and they were the ones who took custody of him. But he was not well taken care of. He was neglected and abused. He never had experienced a “happy family” in them. I had this weird insinuation on what if Gab’s mom was that old lady with Alzheimer’s.. and what if his father didn’t die after all. They were just insinuation but possible. And that would be a part of my search in due time. Gab’s story made me feel sorry for him. My heart was melting and I could never imagine on such a young age he would suffer something atrocious like this. He became like his mother who ended up in a mental facility and disappeared just like that. If only I had known when he was still around, I could have been a better girlfriend and companion. I could have helped him instead of hurting him. But it was too late and I had to bear the pain. I began to miss Gab again.. so much. I hope I could tell him that I didn’t meant what I did. I was just a lousy human being before. If only I could turn back time but I knew that was God’s way that the true meaning of love and compassion would be slapped on my face and leave a mark forever so I won’t forget.

It was getting dark and my cousins haven’t arrived yet from school. Dad and company were still at the store. I got used of being alone at home all day. I was sitting on the couch at the living room area when I heard something from the outside. It was a song from the play during my high school where Jessy was singing it wonderfully. I remember how that song stunned me entirely and goosebumps was all over me. It was a perfect play with a perfect song sung by more than a perfect singer. It was playing again.. right next door, “I may not be every mother’s dream for her little girl…my face may not grace the mind of everyone in the world, but that’s alright as long as I can have one wish I pray when people look inside my life I want to hear them say.. She's got her Father's eyes, her Father's eyes, Eyes that find the good in things, when good is not around. Eyes that find the source of help, when help just can't be found..” I cried a river again. Oh God what did I do to my life? In just a moment I reminisced the good and bad things happened and through it I had definitely learned my lesson. I suddenly got up from the couch and listened to where those sound came from. I began to feel worried and afraid. My body was shaking. I felt my sweat was running from my head down to my toes. Here I go again. Those painful experiences were repeating all over again. All that happened kept on rewinding in my mind. My heart was beating faster and faster. I immediately ran to the kitchen and grabbed a knife. I moved slowly through the main door. I opened it with caution. I peeped from the door to the outside trying to see from there if someone had possibly invaded our home again and not from afar I saw an mp3 player on the ground. The song came from it. It was purposely being left there and I started to feel the tension. I picked it up and pushed the stop button. I was feeling so anxious but I still tiptoed around the house trying to see who left the player there. I looked around and deep silence was eating up the serenity of the environment. I was holding the knife tightly in my hand and preparing myself for any stranger who would possibly bother again the peacefulness of my home. I was trembling and crying. I kept on looking but nobody was there. I was saying “Whoever you are.. you come out now. This is my home and you have no right to be here and believe me when I say I will find you soon yes I will.” I cried and screamed. I was terribly angry. I could feel my hand squeezing the knife’s handle so tight and getting ready for whoever may appear in front of me. I was surprised by a loud voice calling my name “Darling.. Darling.” It was Isabel with Daniel and Christina meters away from our house. They were running to me because they heard me screamed. “What happened to you? Why are you trembling and screaming and why are you holding a knife?” Daniel asked while his eyes were rolling and looking around hoping to see someone. “Are you crying?” Christina added. I told them what happened and they were so worried. “He wanted to scare you with that song.” Daniel said. “Maybe he just wanted you to remember the horrific things he did during your high school years.” Christina told. “I just wonder why he has to bring this player here. If he knows that it means something to you.. so as to him.” Isabel wittingly thought. Isabel had a point there. That song indeed was so meaningful to me and had loved that eversince. He could have seen me so addicted to that song which means he was with me or seeing me when that song came to my life. When Dad, Mom and Aunt Gracie arrived we told them what happened and they were too concerned. “The perpetrator has been silent for a long time now and he made his presence be felt again. I wonder why he came back.” Dad shared. “From now on you should come with us at the store so you won’t be left alone anymore.” Mom said. “Anytime that villain could hurt you again like what he did to your Uncle Tim so we should take extra precautions..” Aunt Gracie cried. I wondered who that really be.. Was it the villain who killed Uncle Tim? Or was it Jessy? How and why he or she knew my much- loved song? So tired from all of this but I couldn’t run away. I had to do something. The perpetrator knew exactly where we live and that made us all bait. I didn’t fear for my life anymore. I fear for my loved ones. Another lost loved one would no longer be acceptable and that means I was definitely worthless. I had to move fast. Something wasn’t going right. Why he or she came back after a long while as what Dad had said?

I saw Daniel preparing his things to school. I was wondering what was running on his mind that time. I knew he was planning for something and though I wanted to be a part of it I couldn’t do anything. I really wanted to help no matter what but where and when to start again was the problem. He came to me and said, “This is it cuz (cousin), we (with Isabel and Christina) are planning to follow Jessy after school tonight, we just hope we could find something more interesting.” “I have been waiting for this time to come, to shed light on the killings of my dad, I wouldn’t stop until I could also get into the bottom of this. Before going to anyone of you he should go through me first.” He added. Like me, Daniel had already developed that urge to find the perpetrator or perpetrators of our loved ones. But I was afraid for his life, I knew our enemy won’t stop until he or she finishes a purpose of why he or she was doing all of these. “Do you know where to find her? I asked restlessly. “Yeah, I was just waiting near Shawwie’s apartment and there she goes.” He told. “Please take good care of yourselves. I won’t forgive myself if anything happens to all of you and don’t leave anyone behind. You should be together at all times” I warned. He just nodded. While he was walking away I added “Don’t get fooled by what you feel. Weigh the things in balance and you’ll get an accurate result.” “Copy, cuz.” He replied and left me with a smile.

We locked every door and window of the house. We made sure nobody could enter everytime we leave. I already come with Dad, Mom and Aunt Gracie to the store. I was glad I could help them with the customers and I was surprised how the store runs everyday. It never ran out of customers. But I was still as cautious as ever. I scrutinized every customer that was going in and out of the store. I was hoping the perpetrator would appear and I would catch him or maybe her. Then I remember Daniel, Isabel and Christina doing the personal investigation to Jessy. I hope they would never get hurt. I was too afraid for them. My only assurance was they knew how to defend themselves. Whatever happened, they won’t go down without a fight. I hope so.

I was very nervous waiting for any updates from them. Then I saw Christina coming in to the store. “Where are they?” I asked. “Daniel and Isabel?..I went home first because Danny said he would meet his classmates at the gym and Isabel had something to do at the library..wh.. why ?” I was just staring at her with so much tension and she noticed. Christina replied with a shaking voice. “Oh my God.. (she continued) they lied to me they went to follow Jessy.. they didn’t told me.” While we were talking we saw Isabel rushing to us shaking and told, “I followed Daniel because he didn’t tell me about his plan.” “Oh my God.. I thought he told you both.” I cried. “No.. he went alone but I already had doubts what he’s going to do, so I followed him.” I saw him trying to wait for Jessy just a few blocks away from me. I saw he was hiding too. We both waited maybe for hours and he saw me but he didn’t let me come near him. He let me stay to where I am. But in a wink of an eye I lost him. I didn’t see him anymore. I tried to look around for him, I even called his name but there was no answer. I stayed for more minutes and look for him everywhere but could no longer find him. I am afraid, too afraid for his life. I went to police station and let them know what happened.” Isabel shared nervously. Daniel was in danger again. The last time it happened we were together and we survived. But now I was too worried for him. He went alone. I thought he would be going with Isabel and Christina but I knew he was also keeping his sisters out of danger. All of us had to wait for police investigation until next day. Aunt Gracie was crying the whole night. We were all so worried again and the memories of what happened to Uncle Tim came back and I could never help but blame myself again. We were talking just this morning. I told him to take care and he said yes. But it’s different if you are on an actual scene. You didn’t know what does gonna happen and you have to prepare for it. Maybe he was being surprised by the perpetrator and he didn’t saw it coming. Maybe he was still there waiting for Jessy. Isabel just didn’t saw him. Anything was running through my mind and I felt so useless. If only I could do something immediately but my family won’t let me, but I knew days after, I would be well. I felt stronger the last time I almost faced another danger, that time when I heard the song and encountered that mp3 player that was left on the ground outside of our house. I could already move as quickly as before especially when I held that knife in my hand. I could already feel the strength and the eagerness to fight from my heart. Just days after I would be up on my feet looking for that perpetrator and like Daniel said, I would never stop until I get into the bottom of this. It’s different if you were fighting with a reason just like the enemy. Though we had same purpose, the good ones are always blessed with guidance and wisdom from above. But I was hoping when judgment day comes it wasn’t too late for Daniel.