In the arms of my father

7. Declarations

Valen's POV

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As my mind slowly comes back to my body, I am forced to acknowledge that my time spent with the Source did not exactly play out the same way that it did for my father. Behind my closed eyes a sliver of weariness slips into my psyche, urging me to instinctively keep the deviations of the experience to myself.

Before everything began my father said that I would only see what has already come to pass, however that was not the case. It makes me wonder what it is about me that's so special that she would deviate from the norm, because let's be clear. The ultimate power Source of all...is a woman.

A little self-satisfied smirk of gender superiority graces my face at the misguided notions of Christianity. No, the misguided ideas of almost every Pantheon of every culture. Men have always portrayed themselves to be at the top of the food chain, and I now find the bigotry of it all very amusing albeit annoying to say the least.

If they only knew.

Inhaling deeply through my nose, I slowly open my eyes to the probing gaze of my father, who still sits very closely to me. "You understand now?" he asks me quietly.

Smiling gently I answer him just as quietly, "More than you know."

His responding smile broadens into a secretive grin as he gently caresses the side of my face before removing his hand from my head, keeping his other hand tightly clasped to my own, he gently asks, "Do you have any questions that I can answer now?"

I shake my head negatively and confidently inform him and the other occupants of the room that "I'm good."

Moving my eyes towards the two vampires, I huff out a slightly apprehensive breath and say, "I only have two questions for the vampires. But I would like to ask them without an audience." I slide my hesitant gaze back at my father when I feel the tension in the room spike.

In the ensuing cacophony of protests my father looks deeply into my eyes like he's searching for an answer to his silent question, I must have answered it because he pats my hand, stands to his regal height and turns to my family and friends. Under the watchful eyes of our people, my father purposefully strides toward the door and leaves the room. The expectation that everyone will leave with him is very clear, and so one by one they make their way out of the space I'm recuperating in.

I watch as the door finally swooshes to a close after a brooding Brody, and finally voice the question that's been burning to be asked in a sound that wavers with the feeling of foreboding, "When did you know that I was your second chance Beloved, Bas?"

"s**t!" is all he replies with quietly, while I refuse to give him the attention of my eyes. I'm afraid of the answer now, because that one word just tells me that I'm not going to like it, But I have to know. I have to know how long he's been pretending to be just a semi pervy friend of my father, who gave me refuge when I needed it the most.

"When!" The agitated vociferation of my own voice makes me wince.

"Don't growl mate! You push too far, human. You want this one to run away too?" Snow's menacing growl displays her aggravated displeasure.

Closing my eyes to concentrate I answer her just as tersely, "If you would just get over your s*x crazed melt down, then you'll know that I'm trying to get answers to protect you and I. Now shut up and let me look after us!"

As I open my eyes, I can hear the slight whimpering of my wolf in my mind before she skulks away to whichever corner she chooses to hide in.

I watch in my peripherals as Sebastian sighs in resignation and moves past Boris with determined steps, plonking himself in the spot that my father vacated five minutes earlier and takes my hand in his much cooler one, but I yank my hand forcefully out of his. I will not allow the pull to lull me into a sense of false utopian bliss, I need to hold onto my own feelings that are true.

"f**k!" I hear him whisper.

Finally looking at his beautiful, but pasty white face and forgetting that we have an audience, I proceed to have a mini temper tantrum, feeling frustrated at his poor attempt to prolong the inevitable, "Just f*****g tell me how long you've known!" I demand sharply.

"Fine! You want to know? I've known since I saw you swaying your sexy little ass toward me at that stupid Werewolf party. Your blood sang to the devil within my veins and I wanted to drink from you while I f****d you hard and long, is that what you want to hear? Are you happy now?" he says with a huff, his voice loud not quite shouting but just as defensive and angry.

"Y-you...you knew before we even spoke and you didn't tell me?" I gasp out in a mixture of anger, shock and hurt. My heart aching in the cavity of my chest, lets me know that it's slowly breaking as I watch him drop his head in shame. He's ashamed of me. He's ashamed of us. This really is Tiernan all over again.

Despite the pain that's blooming larger and larger inside me I force myself to continue with a confidence that I very much don't feel any more, "I spent so much time with you and your people, Bas! You had so many opportunities to tell me! Why didn't you tell me? I mean I get it, we can't be together. But don't you respect me enough to just...say something? Don't you want me, Bas? Am I not good enough for you too?"

I'm ashamed to note that my strong voice, quivers and quakes with a wet end as the tears I'd been so fastidiously holding back threatens to fall from my saddened eyes, my breaths coming in sharp and hard as I try to at least hold a tiny bit of pride.

His head snaps up so fast that I'm sure he would have caused damage to the tendons in his neck if he were a normal person, "No! Don't say those things, Angel. That's not why I didn't say anything." he expresses passionately, his eyes boring into my own with such fierce intensity, that I stop myself from going with my instinct to punch his beautiful stupid face.

"Tell me why then." I affront in frustration.

"Oh gods, Valen! Where would you like me to start? He delivers scathingly.

"How about start from where ever the f**k you want to start. Tell me something good instead of answering my question with a question! You have a nasty habit of doing that when you want to keep your little secrets! I'm not a child, Bas. I can take it!" I voice just as savagely and just as loudly as he does.

Shaking his head angrily he scoffs loudly, "You aren't a..." he breaks off with another shake of his head while plunging his hands into his hair in aggravation.  His lips form a frustrated line before he opens them to say, "That's where you're wrong, Valen. Compared to me, you are a child. Compared to a normal human adult, you are a child! But fine, if you think you can handle this then I'll give it to you straight!"

Breathing in deeply as if to calm his nerves - selfish asshole, what about my nerves? - he opens his mouth and says the thing that I didn't even consider, my mind too focused on the prejudices of our world and the fear that he may not want me, just like Tiernan.

"You were freshly rejected and you hadn't known how to accept the rejection. The tingles were there for me right from the start, just as strong as the first Beloved bond, but not for you. The heart and blood pull was really strong for me too, but not for you. I bet you only put it down to mild attraction, but for me it was everything I never thought I would ever experience again in this life or the next. So forgive me for being too afraid of you rejecting me and taking away those feelings that I've missed for so long."

With wide eyes the only thing that I can say is, "Oh.", as the implication of his words fully hit me. Well f**k!

Snorting a mirthless little laugh, Sebastian nods his head and deadpans, "Yeah, oh."

I feel slightly embarrassed that I thought the worst, that he didn't tell me because he was too focused on the reason why species don't mingle, as I remember the story he told me the first night we met. Biting my bottom lip I slide my eyes away from his face to linger on my hands before reaching out and taking his cooler hands in my own. Vacuously I marvel at the colour contrast of our combined skin tones. Tanned skin against translucent pale, It's really quite beautiful if I'm being honest.

"Add on the racism that we'd face, the fact that we're the leaders of our respective species, we would have so many to fight against harder than the racism, because let's face it...it's not like we can just choose new leaders, we're it until we die." he shakes his head despondently, "I can take the hate, Valen. I'm used to it, but how could I expect you to be okay with it when you're so young and going through so much change, and all within such a short period of time?"

Raising my hand to his cool lips he kisses my fingers reverently and gazes up into my eyes, "I have loved you from the beginning. Small to start with for sure, but that love and respect grew into something that I now cannot deny. I am completely and irrevocably intoxicated with everything that you are and all that you represent, but I can't ask you to love me in the same way. Not with everything and everyone against us, not with someone else's children growing in your belly, not with you being so young and not with this war that is sure to annihilate everyone we know and love dearly."

I sit silently, externally I know that I'm in control, I'm calm. But inside, I feel like my insides are being ripped apart, my pounding heart pitter patters out of sync. Broken.

I remain silent mainly because I don't know how to feel, or think or behave after all of his logical reasoning. I'm hurt, that's a given, but really what exactly can we do in our situation?

"This isn't a rejection, Valen. I could never stab your heart or my own with that kind of pain, but until you are of age and until this war is over, the world cannot see that we are of the same blood and bond. It's the only way that you can be safe." he grievously says.

His breath stuttering in his pain, he lifts one of my hands to where his heart beats slower than my own and places it firmly there. He then reaches out and places his cooler hand over my chest, if our conversation wasn't so serious I would have thought that he was trying to cop a feel.

"But in here, our blood and bond are united and eternal. I'm inside you now, just as you are inside me. Nothing and no one will take that away from us, until we can be together freely." his deep voice rumbles with his dedication.

"I will be loyal to you, I will only love you, I will only bring myself pleasure with my own hands to thoughts of you, your scent, and taste wrapped around and inside my body. From this point onwards until we can be together, will you love and respect me enough to promise me the same?" He asks me in a quiet voice.

My hand over his heart tightens into a fist and an anguished whimper leaves me, "Did you feel it? When I was...doing it, did you feel it?" I ask him because I don't know if he felt the pain that I felt when Tiernan betrayed our bond and I feel like the expected promise he wants me to make to him depends on his answer, given the fact that Brody and I are in a relationship and he is the father of my babies.

"Now who's answering a question with a question? He asks in amusement that doesn't reach his eyes.

"I could lie and tell you no, but I love and respect you so I won't keep the truth from you any longer." I watch him as he watches me closely and nods his head once, "Yes, I did. The first times were a dull ache because you hadn't accepted the rejection. But all the times after were excruciating."

"If you aren't rejecting me and I refuse to reject you then I'll promise you the same, but I have another question."

I watch as his face lights up brighter than the sun at my words and with a cheeky grin Bas states, "I think you've more than used up your quota of two questions, Angel."

Giving him my own cheeky grin I reply, "And yet you'll let me ask the questions I want, because you love me."

"That I do, my love." He bends forward and places a chaste kiss on my lips.

"Ask"

"How am I supposed to not be near you? If it wasn't for Boris coming in to talk to me, I would have lost my mind. It's like we've accepted each other already, I don't understand it, I don't know why and I don't know how to fight it. The only way to describe it is...I burn for you when you're not near me." I confess a little afraid that he would think I'm lying or crazy or something to that effect.

I watch him grimace and his eyes turn shifty, like he's hiding something from me making me narrow my eyes in suspicion and my lips flatten, "Just spit it out, Bas. Now." my brusque voice bites out into the otherwise quiet room.

Still grimacing delicately he says, "Yeah...about that."

"About what, Bas?" I ask coldly with a raised eyebrow.

"See, you were...uhm. Kind of dead so I had to give you some of my life essence to bring you back, but it's ok, I didn't give you too much so you're not a freak or anything, I just gave you enough to bring you back from the edge. And see? It worked. Not dead. Nope! You're alive and well and breathing and talking to me..." he rushes to say all at once, upon seeing my tense jaw and blazing eyes he meekly finishes, "...and forgiving. Yup, you're the most forgiving and beautiful creature I've ever known."

In the most venomous voice I never knew I possessed, I roar, "WHAT THE f**k DO YOU MEAN I WAS DEAD!"

Quickly I'm swept into the arms of my new mate as he tries to calm me down, in the background I can hear the thundering footfalls of multiple people rushing into the room. "Why the hell would you tell her?" asks my brother incongruously.

"Because she asked, and she deserved to know!" Sebastian answers him critically, like he's stupid for even asking that question.

"She didn't ask about the dying bit, she asked about the psycho clingy girlfriend s**t that girls sprung on the d**k like to do, you i***t!" Mikaera yells back angrily with a glint of steel in his dark brown eyes and the tense fisting of his hands.

"Yes! But I couldn't explain the psycho girlfriend bit without explaining the giving of my blood, and I couldn't explain that without explaining why she needed it in the first place! And you better be glad that you're her brother, anyone else would be in ribbons on the floor for the disrespect you've shown me." Sebastian's frosty retort makes me shiver in trepidation.

Shoving myself away from Bas so forcefully he practically flies off the bed and across the room, I should feel bad about that but I don't. Not right now anyway. I swing around to take in my brother and the others. My splenetic expression must scare everyone into silence because all of a sudden no one wants to utter a peep. It's as quiet as a mausoleum in the middle of the night right now.

"So not only did you all not tell me that I'd died, you also tried to hide the fact that Bas played Jesus of Ancient Transyl-f*****g-vania to resurrect my ass from the dead and just for fun; you're throwing in some bigotry bullshit about me acting like some nut job girlfriend hungry for some D that I've not even looked at. Because 'that's just what girls like to do?' " I snarl furiously.

A deep rumble unfurls from within my chest, my skin prickles with agonizing pins and needles, my body rushes with a heat so scalding hot it smells like my hospital gown and bedding are burning right along with me and my gums start aching, just like it does when I'm about to shift.

Abstractedly, I can hear my father's voice giving out orders, but I'm too far gone to understand the meaning of the words. I've never felt this way before, this feeling of immense anger and a burning need to release it all. f**k the consequences. f**k it all to hell!

Menacing growls erupt from my lips as I huff and puff, release is just within my reach and tempting me to give in to the night, and just as I am about to - tingles erupt all around me. The euphoric feeling entices me away from the dangerous emotions of before, calming me, soothing my anger, assuaging the hurt. Until I am once again almost myself, surprisingly in the arms of my first and second mate, Sebastian in front of me and Tiernan behind me, their faces buried on both sides of my neck, whispering words of comfort against my skin.

A peculiar sensation overcomes by body, serenity and calm after a raging inferno steals my breath away for a tense number of seconds until I can't stand the lack of oxygen any longer and I take a long, large and slow breath.

"There she is!" a husky deep voice almost whispers to the side of me.

Opening my eyes, I notice that Brody is standing directly to my left, his expression sad, his honeyed eyes brimming with hurt. Lifting my hand to beckon him to me, he steps forward and takes my hand. "Don't worry about me, Little Flower. I'm still here and everything is going to be fine." he murmurs quietly with a tiny smile on his handsome face as he leans in and places a gentle kiss to my forehead.

A growl and hiss from the crook of both sides of my neck snaps Brody into quickly taking a step back and away from me, while I growl my own warning to the two men holding me so tightly but awkwardly between them. Is it bad that as my mind is slowly coming back to me, all I'm focusing on is the fact that both their toned and heavily muscled bodies is causing an ache in my lower belly?

Although my body's reaction to the mate tingles feels really, really good; the uncomfortable positioning of Tiernan, Sebastian and I as well as the strangeness of our situation gives me the heebee jeebees. I wonder if the other two feel the same way, I think to myself just as Sebastian's muffled voice pulls me out of my musings as he asks candidly, "So...can we have a break from the inquisition, Angel? I could use a couple hours of sleep and Boris needs to leave before the sun comes up to check on our people for me."

"Where will you be?" I ask him sullenly, expecting him to leave me so he can sleep in a dark room. Coffin. Tomb? Wherever it is that Vampires sleep.

Pulling away from me, he eyes me carefully and states, "I was hoping you would allow me to sleep in your hospital bed, since it's so large."

I feel Tiernan move away from my back quickly, leaving me to wonder at the cold, bereft feeling his absence leaves me with. Though he knows that he and I don't have a chance in hell of making things work, the angry, jealous vibe coming from both him and Brody is a cloud that hangs heavy over all of us.

"Seb!" my father interjects sharply, "I don't recommend you do that given the circumstances, and as her father I have every right to deny your request."

I can't see his face, but I know the deep, disapproving scowl he wears well when he's not pleased about something. In the short time that I've spent with him, I've become accustomed to my dad's very expressive face. How his body and hands will be tense and gently vibrate with his slow burn anger, but I can't bring myself to care about anyone else's opinions and I don't think Sebastian cares as well.

"As her Beloved, one who hasn't rejected her or vice versa, I have every right to tell you where to stick your racism and not give a f**k about it. I respect you Mak, you know I do, but just this once, I would like to fall asleep and wake up to the woman my father has chosen for me. No one knows when or if we will survive this war, I nearly lost her to this f*****g war already. Let us have this, my friend. Just sleep." Bas' deep mercurial voice pleads with my father, his eyes never leaving my own during the whole ordeal.

I can feel my father watching me, scratch that - I can feel everyone watching Sebastian and I, but I keep my eyes focused on the man that my soul burns for, and as I peer intensely into Bas' ocean iceberg eyes, I finally hear my dad say in a resigned manner, "Okay, just sleep but Tiernan and I will sleep in here too."

"No." Sebastian states tersely. "I am too old and f*****g tired to be chaperoned by any one. Now if you could all kindly please f**k off and turn the lights out as you go."

I watch Sebastian's mouth twitch into a wicked smirk as the grumbles and stomping of feet heading to the door can be heard behind him, I watch through my peripherals as my father stops at the door and turns around with his hand reaching out for the lights. He glances back and warns with his deep growly voice, "No funny business, Seb. I'm sleeping right outside this door and I swear to my goddess, if I so much as hear you defiling my daughter, I will defang the f**k out of you!

Bas finally releases his hold of me and glances over his shoulder at my dad with a dark chuckle, "You would have to catch me first." he sasses back cheekily.

Once the lights have been switched off and the door closed leaving us alone, Bas moves off the bed and reaches to take off his suit jacket and then his tie. "I'm going for a shower, you can join me if you want. Would be good to get that just healed smell off your skin." he invites me with his sensuous voice causing me to frown. The thought is so tempting that I almost say yes, but up until a couple of hours ago, I didn't even think of him in that way, I'm nowhere near ready to open up that can of worms, not with everything that I've already got going on.

"It's okay, Angel. It was just a suggestion, no pressure." he waves his hands in a placating manner and smiles gently at me. "You're dad would have my balls if you said yes anyway." he muses loudly.

"Damn straight I would, asshole." the muffled voice of my dad sneaks through the cracks of the door, causing me to roll my eyes and giggle.

Through the shadows of the dark I watch as Sebastian moves across the room without the aid of a light to what looks like a wall and reaches forward to open a door that I wasn't able to see. Huh. That must be the bathroom I think to myself as he walks through the opening and closes the door without turning on a light. A little while after the sound of a shower running can be heard and my stupid imagination starts to take over my mind. Images of the water sliding over his pale body bombards me. My imagination adjusts the images in my mind as I remember the feel of his toned arms, chest and abs pushed up tightly against my own body.

A shudder of arousal fills me as a naughty thought of what it would feel like to have Tiernan and Sebastian's muscled, naked bodies juxtaposed against my own bare, softer curves flits across my mind. What the actual f**k is wrong with me? Even I know that something like that would never happen.

Shaking myself from the highly explicit mental images, I slowly make a move to stand. It's the first time that I've actually been given the freedom to stand on my own for what feels like years, so it's no surprise that the effort required to execute such a simple action is too much for the muscle atrophy caused by the incarceration and torture of my body. As I tumble to the floor I close my eyes in anticipation of the sharp pain I expect to feel, but it doesn't come.

Instead I feel strong arms covered in droplets of water holding me steady then gently placing me onto the bed once again. I open my eyes to see the handsome face of my vampire mate, his eyes gentle, his face concerned.

"Maybe, no shower tonight after all." I whisper longingly. I really want to feel warm water on my skin. I want to feel fresh and clean.

Smiling toothily at me, Sebastian leans forward and whispers in my ear, "It's ok, you smell divine just the way you are. Let's sleep."

Tucking me under the covers he gifts me with a chaste kiss and moves away from my side of the bed. As I curl onto my side facing away from his side of the bed, Sebastian slips in next to me and curls his body around my own then he wraps his arm over my midriff. The whisper of his breath tingles across the back of my neck before the feel of his lips gently kisses the juncture between my shoulder and my neck.

"Good night my Beloved." he whispers tiredly into the room.

"Good night Bas." I whisper back quietly and then I close my eyes with the tingle of the mate bond lulling me into a peaceful sleep.