In the arms of my father

11. Neron and Zane

Brody's POV

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It's been 7 hours and 22 minutes since our motley crew followed the surgeon out into the hallway to receive news that elicited a complex mix of emotions from me, that further compounds the grief I feel over watching one of my best friends die right in front of me.  It's now 8:46 am and the hospital is waking up if the hushed sounds from the hallways is any indication.

I am more than overjoyed that Valen has survived surgery, that she hasn't followed her brother and our twin sons into the land of the dead.  But...and it's a huge but.  I'm so angry at her for her selfish actions that has taken my son's away from me.  

Rationally I know that she may not have realised the consequences, maybe she didn't even realise what she was doing due to the cloud of rage that consumed her.  Irrationally, I'm so angry at her for putting herself and our boys in so much danger.  I heavily blame her for her mindless need for revenge, despite the fact that that same all consuming need for revenge weighed heavy on me right after Mikaera took his last breath.

Which leads me to where I am right now.

Sitting in a quiet room with my two extremely tiny, almost fully formed boys in both my hands.  They're both so tiny they fit into my hands with room to see the tips of my fingers.  Gestation for Werewolf pregnancies are a little faster in comparison to human pregnancies, due to the acceleration of our natural biology.  In human terms Valen was four and a half months pregnant.  Werewolf wise, she was five and a half months pregnant. 

Their tiny fingers and toes are perfect.

Two sets of closed eyes, with barely there eyelashes are perfect.

Their tiny noses are perfect.

Their lips are perfect.

Although their features are tiny and aren't fully formed to completion behind their dark pink almost red complexion, in my mind's eye I can see that my boys are a perfect blend of Valen and I.  

Or they would have been.

The torrential evidence of my grief has slowed down to the occasional patter of tears that have joined the wet patch on my soaked shirt and the tiny blue blankets that my son's are carefully swaddled in.

My heart aches, my body aches, my mind is lost in the overwhelming sense of pain, I'm not sure how I'm ever going to get through it all.  If I thought that I wanted to die right along with Mikaera before, it's nothing to what I'm feeling inside me right now.

I would give anything to take the place of my sons.  Anything!

But I can't do that.  There is no law, no spell, no god or goddess who I can petition to, to make my wish come true.  Logically, I understand that I have a lot to live for.  But still that doesn't stop me from wishing it were possible.  It doesn't stop me from feeling like I failed.

I've named my boys.  I know I shouldn't have done it without Valen, but she still hasn't woken up and it feels wrong to call them just my boys.  Like they don't deserve to have their own individual names. 

I hold Neron in my right hand, he is slightly bigger than his brother and I'm told that he is the first one they pulled from the womb when they performed the emergency C-Section.

In my left hand is Zane.  He is obviously smaller than his brother but in no way does that make him any less fierce.

I know they deserve the meaning behind both their names, they would have been formidable warriors.  They stayed strong and true during all those months their mother was captured, tucked safely away in the womb when Valen was being tortured.  In fact they were so strong that when Valen was brought into the hospital after the mass annihilation both their hearts were still beating, slowly and distressed maybe but still beating.  Fighting to live.  Not enough to stay.

It kind of makes sense.  In the Maori culture when one leaves this world they sometimes take someone else with them.  Like their souls are unhappy with taking the journey to the underworld alone.  

I'm so lost in thought, I don't hear the door opening, the silent click when it closes or the heavenly scent of Orchids and cherry blossoms that fills the room.  Not until the voice I heard for the first time yesterday afternoon breaches the quiet heaviness that surrounds me.

“I know this is a bad time, but your soul is calling me to come to you in your time of need.” she says quietly.  Her voice is like a cool bath that washes over me, giving me a small sense of peace when my world is crumbling to the ground.

Jerking with surprise, I rip my eyes away from my son's to take in the vision of my true mate.

She stands at the door, her light brown hair is tangled, her face is flushed and she holds her hands together in front of her nervously.  Now that we are no longer in imminent danger, I have the time to take in all her features.  Her well groomed eyebrows arch beautifully over her oval face, her slate grey eyes remind me of a storm just brewing before it wreaks havoc on the world.  She has a narrow nose that is just shy of being aristocratic and she has medium sized lips with the top lip being slightly fuller than the lower one.  All in all, she is a beautiful sight to behold.

I'm not sure what to say to her, I am literally stunned by her beauty so I sit still taking shallow breaths before I decide to go with something simple and hope that I don't make myself look like a fumbling virgin.

“Hi.” my voice sounds strained and gruff from all the crying.

“Hi, I'm Sarah.  What's your name?”  Her quiet voice slightly quivers as her mouth twitches at the edges with a skittish smile.

I turn my head down to take in the small bodies of my son's once again as I say just as quietly, “Brody.”

“Nice to meet you, Brody.” she states, I hear a shuffle as her feet move around so she can sit in the chair opposite to me.

“You too.” I reply monotonously, my eyes still trained on Neron and Zane.  I just can't get enough of them.  Even with the allure that my mate holds, I know that I need to treasure this time with them and I don't really want to miss it.

My hands start to shake, I'm not sure if it's because she's making me nervous or because I'm suddenly afraid of how she is going to react to the news that I didn't wait for her.  I mean, I didn't ritualistically claim or mark Valen, but I had s****l relations with her and a few others.  I helped to produce these perfect angelic boys in my hands.  Will she throw an angry fit?  Or will she cry out in betrayed hurt?

She sighs deeply and clears her throat before saying, “I know you don't feel like talking at the moment.  So I'll talk.  Tell you a little bit about myself and when you feel comfortable, you can tell me about yourself.”

I nod my head to let her know that I'm okay with her talking because she's right.  I don't feel like talking for a lot of reasons, but mainly because I don't know what to say.  If I should tell her straight off the bat that I'm in a relationship with Valen, that these are my boy's and that yesterday I found my true mate and lost one of my best friends almost all within a few hours of each momentous event.  Or that even though I'm f****d off at Valen I still value her and that I will always love her.  Just not in the same way anymore.  Will she understand?  Will Valen understand?

“Okay.  So I'm Sarah Richmond and I just turned eighteen yesterday.  I am from the Redwood Pack in Upstate New York and I'm sure you are aware from my scent that I'm an Omega.  My Pack treats my family and I well despite us being one of the Omega families.  My mother died when I was young so I understand grief, I only mention that because I can feel the emotions coming off of you in waves, so I guessed that you lost someone important.  My father is one of the Pack's chefs, which is why I'm a little thick for a Werewolf.  Oh and my favourite foods are cherries, chicken pot pie and apricot pie with a good dollop of heavy whipped cream and vanilla ice cream.  I have an older brother, his name is Patrick and his mates name is Torrin, they don't have any kids yet.  I'm an artist and I think choosing a favourite colour is stupid when all colours are equally beautiful.  Well at least I want to be an artist when I leave school, though with everything that's happening I've been doing school work online, so I'm probably going to graduate without having to go back home.” she giggles a little bit making my wolf jolt with pleasure at the sound of it.  She then carries on with the self profiling of herself, her voice the tiniest bit louder than it was before.

“In my spare time, I like to cook, read, dance and just let Dayna loose to run wild in the forests around our Pack lands.  I have one best friend, her name is Alexia.”

She clears her throat again and slaps her hands against her thighs, “That's it.  That's me.”

I glance up at her with a twitching of my lips, thanking her for sharing parts of herself with me.

I lower my gaze to my boys and take a deep breath, then I open my mouth to share just as candidly as she did, and although I'm afraid I know that if I don't get it all out now the harder it will be to explain the dynamic of my life to her later.

“My name is Brody Travena, I'm eighteen.  I have both my parents and I have a younger brother, Jordan. He's fourteen and a pain in my ass.  The only thing I've ever known is training to take over my father, but now I've had to learn my new role within the Pack.  My family and I are from Pack Snow Wolf in New Zealand.  My father is Head Warrior of our Pack and I've been claimed as the intended Gamma when our Future Alpha takes her father's place.  I've been Valen's best friend since I was four years old, I've been her brother's best friend since he was born.  We lost him yesterday, he was like a brother to me.  I nearly lost her yesterday too.”

I take a deep breath and wince before I release my next words as slowly as I can, even though my instincts are urging me to mutter them as quickly and quietly as possible.

“These are my twin son's that I made with Valen.” 

She gasps and I rush to apologise for the burst of hurt my truth is making her feel, "I'm sorry.  I know that I didn't wait for you and I can't imagine the pain you're going through right now because of my decisions, but I am sorry.”

“I don't see a mark on you, is she marked?” she whispers so quietly I have to lean forward to catch her pain filled words.

Raising my head, I look directly into her beautiful face, “No.  We didn't mark each other.  Valen was rejected by her mate, but before that she and I were together.  I don't want to lie to you, I respect you as my mate so I will never lie to you no matter how hurtful the truth may be to you or me.” I tell her honestly.

“D-do you love her?” she stutters with a hiccup as she quietly cries.

I suck my lips in between my teeth in trepidation, because I know she is definitely not going to like my answer.  Sighing in resignation, I open my mouth and give her the truth that I promised her, “I have loved Valen, in many ways since I was four years old when I first laid eyes on her.  I know that's not what you want to hear, but I will always love her just as I know she will always love me.  Are we in love?  If you had asked me before I met you, then my answer would have been yes without question.  Now I can honestly tell you, no.  I'm not in love with Valen and now I understand how she felt when we got back together after her rejection and just so I can be clear, I'm not saying that I've stopped being in love with her to project that feeling on to you.  Despite the immediate attraction from the pull that comes with soulmates, I need you to know that when I fall in love with you, I will be in love with you, for you.  Not because we're mates and it's expected.” 

I see what my confession is doing to my mate.  I can see how much this hurts her, but I won't reject her.  I promised Valen that if I ever found my mate that I wouldn't put her through the same pain she had to endure.  I watch the tears roll down the cheeks of my beautiful mate's face with deep regret.  The deep remorse I feel for my part in the pain she is feeling adds to the accumulation of anguish I have harboured since yesterday.

I smile and say a little uncertain, “I'm not going to reject you.  I accept you, all I ask is that we please wait just for a little while until I can sort my situation out.  If you still want me that is.”

Sarah chokes on a sob, holding her hands to her midsection as she shakes her head.  I immediately assume the worst, my heart starts to beat erratically, each convulsion in my chest hits painfully against my ribcage.  “Of course I'll have you!  But will Guardian Valen allow us to be together?” she asks tremulously.

I know I have a s**t eating grin on my face, it's the first time I've smiled genuinely since I found out that Valen was pregnant, the last time before that was the night before Valen was kidnapped, so the expression feels kind of foreign to my facial muscles, “Of course she will!  Honestly, I wouldn't put it past Valen to make a big deal about me finally finding my mate.”

Her eyes widen hopefully as she earnestly asks, “Really?” 

Sarah's expression reminds me so much of a child's on Christmas Day that I can't help but chuckle lowly, “Yeah really.  She made me promise that when I finally found my mate that I would accept her.  If I broke that promise then she would beat my ass black and blue for being a dipsy cunt - her words not mine.” I assure her.

I watch fascinated as a blush creeps along her high cheekbones and her eyes lower in shy submission.  It's enough to make the Dom in me sit up and take notice of the demure reaction that my mate has to my laughter.  Eyeing her more carefully I know that I'm now smirking like a horny creep but I just can't help it.  I'm pleased with the choice that my goddess has made for me.

Sarah's eyes are still focused on her hands when she expresses sadly, “I'm sorry for your loss, Brody.  I can't imagine what you're feeling right now.  I have to go but before I go I need to tell you that I'll wait for you.  I'm coming to your Pack Lands for training and safety just like everyone else, so when you're ready come find me, okay?”

The smirk on my face morphs into a soft smile as I wait for her to lift her head to look at me.  When she finally does her hesitance further excites the Dom that resides in my nether region, “I'll find you when everything is sorted but before you go let me make you a promise, Sweetness.”

At her nod, I look her dead in the eye and promise, “I accept you as my true mate, I will be faithful to you always.” 

A shaky smile graces her beautiful lips and her eyes well up with tears of happiness, “I accept you as my mate and I will be faithful to you always.  I wish I could kiss you, but I don't want you to cheat on your girlfriend.  I refuse to allow you to do that to her or to yourself, even though I really shouldn't care.  But I do, I care a lot,” she declares emphatically.

Although I know that I could technically kiss my mate, because let's be honest, Valen kissed her true mate and second chance mate within the space of a few hours after waking up, right in front of me.  I'm not angry about it, not any more.  If anything I can understand more now why she would allow that to happen despite having a boyfriend.  However, I am just realising from Sarah's determined statement that she is a woman of integrity.  Just another thing for me to find attractive about my mate. 

I'm just about to tell her how amazing I think she is for having a sense of morality that most people our age don't even think of let alone have, when the door bursts open and Manaia comes to an abrupt halt.  She looks surprised to see someone that she doesn't know in the room with me and the twins, but she quickly shakes it off and exclaims, “You need to come.  Valen's just woken up.” 

I bolt up from my chair with my son's still in my hands, I move to place them in the little baskets when Manaia demands, "Give me the baskets, my sister will want to see them after you've spoken to her.” 

I hand over the two baskets with my handsome little men inside them and move to walk past her and through the door when Sarah's voice calling my name stops me midstep.  I look over my shoulder to look at my mate and when our eyes connect she shows me just how compassionate and understanding she is when she says, “Be gentle, Brody.”

Even though no more words pass her lips, I know by the look in her eyes what she won't say in front of Manaia.  Be gentle because no matter how much I feel like outright raging and blaming Valen, I can't.  Because no one else will blame her more than she will blame herself.

“I am going to love the f**k out of your gentle ass, Sweetness.”  I want to say the promise out loud but I don't, and because she doesn't have any connection to my pack or myself to hers, I know that when I think those words I'm not mindlinking her so she can hear me say it.   With a small reassuring smile I turn to leave the room with the intent to break up with my girlfriend, after she lost her brother and our son's.

That makes me feel like a cold, heartless son of a b***h.  No offence mum.