In the arms of my father

2. Search and self hate

Tiernan's POV

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I hate this place!

I hate the heat.

I hate the weird power sockets.

I hate the f*****g the sand.

I hate how hard and menacing their accents sound when they speak English, and don't even get me started on what it sounds like, when there's a whole bunch of them fuckers talking loudly in their caustic language.

The Arabic language always makes me wonder, if the participants are discussing the positive benefits of collectively pulling out a bazooka from their asses just for fun.

Aim.

Pull.

Blow the f*****g American away.

Oh I'm sorry, does that make me racist? I'm not sure if that's true, but it definitely makes me a beautiful bundle of don't give a f**k, and I really don't. I'm all fresh out of f***s to give, and it's all because she left me. I have been like this since the night that Valen accepted my rejection and walked out of my life.

Well no, that's not entirely true, because after the night that Valen left my Pack Lands, I instantly became a desperate mash up of self loathing and hate, I actively chose to lock myself away from my family, my friends and my Pack, after raiding the Packs liquor storage, of course. I refused to eat, I hardly slept, but boy did I do a whole fuckton of drinking, frankly I'm surprised that I didn't die of alcohol poisoning. Not that, that would have happened, given that Were's in general run a higher body temperature than all species, it allows us to feel the effects of alcohol and recreational drugs, but our bodies burns it off too fast for us to feel it for too long.

I will be the first one to raise my hand and admit that I blamed not just myself but also my Pack for my heart break, even though logically I knew that, that was not true. I needed someone besides myself to blame I guess, which compounded my feelings of guilt and shame over the s**t that went down.

Bianca basically camped out in front of my bedroom door for the first two days, but given the fact her presence aggravated myself and my wolf to the point of explosive anger, my dad forced her to leave. By then it was too late, my bedroom and 99% of my stuff was destroyed.

Just over a week later, Jared came to see me. That stubborn S.O.B wouldn't leave, he camped outside my locked and barricaded bedroom door, in between banging on my door and talking through the wooden barrier, he let me know that even though he was disappointed in me, he was still there for me. I heard him loud and clear and I am more than grateful to him for keeping me company in my darkest days.

It was Jared who kept me up to date with everything that was going on with the Pack, including all the gossip which was running rampant until the stories took on a whole life of their own. Not that I cared about that s**t. What I did care about, and what pulled me out of my room, was finding out the true depths of Bianca's deceitful nature.

I moved the barricade and unlocked my door so fast that day, desperately needing to do something that I should have done right from the beginning. I found Bianca at the training field, it seemed as though the whole Pack was training that day, but I didn't care. I found her, Alpha ordered her to tell me the whole truth about what she knew and why she did the things that she did, in front of so many witnesses. And when the detailed admission of her lies, disloyalty and selfishness forcefully left her lips, my anger over how she manipulated and schemed our whole f*****g relationship was so acute and so strong, that I was barely able to hold myself in check from attacking her.

While being held back by my father, his Leading Three, Storm and Jared, I screamed out at Bianca every obscene cuss word that I could think of until finally breaking up with her. Her crocodile tears doing nothing to soften my heart towards her any more. I couldn't be with someone who manipulated so many situations for their own benefit. I sure as f**k wasn't going to let my pack be co-ruled by a selfish manipulative Luna. It's funny how I used to think that she would be the perfect Luna for my Pack, how stupid and naive I was to not see how disloyal and selfish she is.

She lied to me about everything! Breaking so many promises that we had made to each other.

Virgin? Not Bianca. She gave that s**t up to a lower tier Wolf years ago and continued to f**k her way through so many guys, I'm surprised that she was able to keep that s**t under wraps for so long. Thank f**k us Supernaturals are immune to every human disease or ailment, well all except cancer. There's no running from that molecular killer, no matter what species you are.  Come to think of it, she is one of the best actresses I've ever come across, truly Hollywood worthy.  Only an A grade actress can pull off the whole I'm losing my virginity tonight act that she performed to perfection, the first time we f****d.

Caring, friendly and understanding Pack member? Not Bianca. For years she had been secretly terrorizing the other girls to stay away from my best friends and I, don't even get me started on how she would talk to the children of our Pack, because Miss Bitchy Bianca hates kids.  I often wondered why no other girls would come near our group, or why all the kids seemed to stay far away from Bianca when we were around them, now I know.

Love? Once again, not Bianca. She loved what I can give her, what I can do for her, sure she admitted to caring for me, but she was never in love with me. All that mattered to her was money, power and notoriety.

I didn't know Bianca at all!

To be fair, Bianca hid so many things so well, that not even Storm knew what his twin sister was really like. Storm and his parents stood there ashamed of what they had just learned about their daughter, but nothing could take away from the fact that I held the greatest shame of all.

Fuck! It brings a huge smile to my face, just thinking about how it must have literally killed my power hungry ex, to know that her own cousin holds one of the most powerful positions in our world. It makes me laugh when I remember her jealous words against Valen, when Alpha Mak revealed their true lineage or when Valen unknowingly did something that was beyond any of our capabilities.

I look back on those memories with a mix of pain and satisfaction. Pain because of what I did to force her Wolf to come forward and satisfaction because I couldn't have been more proud every time Valen displayed a strength and power that was always beautiful to behold.

But Bianca lied to me about everything and I'm the f*****g stupid fool that's been left alone because I was gullible.

Trust me, I am aware that my current relationship status is all on me.

I'm angry as f**k about it too!

I tried to do the right thing. I wanted to be with Valen, I was going to be with my true mate. Then Bianca did what she does best and manipulated me into thinking that choosing to be with Valen would've meant that I had to choose between my soul and my pack, I did what any Alpha would do.

I chose my Pack.

Nothing could have prepared me from the words that escaped out of Bianca's mouth, and nothing will ever stop the replaying of them in my head every night. The girl that I had loved romantically for 2 years, the girl whom I shared so many memories with, admitted that she already knew that the Pack would have been moved to New Zealand, had I chosen to be with Valen. Well that one pushed me over the f*****g edge, that last bit of information killed me and there was no hiding the pure anguish that ran through my body, heart and soul, not with so many witnesses.

Even after all that she had revealed, in front of f*****g everyone, Bianca fought and begged for me to reconsider my decision to leave her every day for nearly a month. She was always trying to come up with some sort of scheme to make me change my mind. The most pathetic being the ruse of sleeping with one of the humans from our school, Red River High. Who am I kidding, she was most likely sleeping with the guy, and probably for a very long time. She paraded around the hallways with him, openly hanging off of his arm while groping at his body and kissing his lips and neck, thinking that this would make me jealous enough to go back to her.

Fucking thirsty ass b***h.

All that truly did was make me angry over the fact that I let something true and pure slip away through my fingers, while holding onto someone and something that wasn't worth it in the end.

Thank f**k a few days after that embarrassing display in our schools hallways, she found her mate, or more to the point he found her. River's future Beta was none to pleased on his birthday when he realised that his mate was Bianca. Our Packs very close alliance means that his Pack is very much aware of all that transpired during Winter break. It damn near broke his heart knowing that his mate's selfishness hurt so many people, let alone our future Guardian.

Poor dude.

Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for them, but only because as soon as Bianca and Zach found each other, she folded to the pull faster than a b***h in heat, which meant that I was finally and blissfully left alone. Alone and without my true Luna, and all because of my misguided ideas about what I thought forever was meant to look like.

Sighing in resignation, I look over my shoulder at my best friend, the only one that's talking to me now anyway, "Get Storm to organise our food to be brought up to us tonight. We need to report to Valen's dad and then call our Leading Four for a status update on everything, it may take some time." I tell Jared tiredly.

Nodding at me in understanding, Jared turned and walked back outside to complete my order without question, while I continued on my way upstairs to the suite that my friends and I were given when we first arrived in this country.

When I make it to the room, I decided to take a shower to clean my body from the sweat and desert sand. That s**t gets everywhere, so I stay in the tiled bathroom a little longer than usual.

Standing under the spray of the waterfall shower, I try to let the cold water ease some of the tension from my muscles. It's a losing battle though, my mind is focused on the phantom pains that my mate is being subjected to. Every time they hurt her, I feel her pain too. Every time her heart aches, my heart aches to.

The only consolation for Titus and I, is that she is still alive. But the question remains, for how long can our Luna hold out for. It's a question that fills me with dread and a sense of urgency to find her as quickly as possible.

I understand what Valen meant, when she said that in all of this she feels sorry for our Wolves the most. Titus is alive, speaking to me still, giving me advice here and there, his voice of reason and wisdom a voice that I listen to diligently now. But the very essence of his life is so muted and sad now, it breaks my heart. We made this choice together, and now we're suffering for it.

"You good, Titus?" I ask him sadly.

"I'm still here, human. We just need to hold on for our mate, we need to find her and explain everything to her, and the decision is for her to make. If she chooses to not be with us, then we will both bow out to either live without her and in pain or wait to see if the Moon Goddess will give us a second chance." he answers me in an equally sad voice.

"Do you really think that we can do it?" I ask him as a piece of my heart breaks away and shatters at the thought of walking away from her.

"It's the only thing that we can do, given our situation. We have to try" he answers me with conviction, I then feel Titus moving to the back of my mind, allowing me to fully take charge once again.

By the time I make it out of the shower, the boys are sitting at the tiny table already eating dinner. One thing that I will say about this part of the world, the food is f*****g crazy good! I sit down and eagerly dig into the Persian Chicken dinner that the kitchen staff prepared for us, while simultaneously punching in the secure international number that will connect us to Valen's father on my cell phone.

The call is picked up, and his grainy image flickers on the screen of my phone, "Report." Alpha Mak bites out in a serious tone.

Just as tersely I give him the basic run down of the remaining areas in Egypt that we have just finished searching, as I am telling him that we should be able to move onto one of the surrounding countries in another day or two, I hear the ringing of a telephone in the background.

He is in the middle of telling me about the conversation that he and my father had earlier when a voice disrupts the Alpha in the middle of his sentence, "Alpha, urgent phone call for you." the slightly muffled voice says.

I can see irritation enter Alpha Mak's eyes, before he growls and answers, "Not now!" without glancing at the person that owns the voice.

"Alpha, you're going to want to take this call, and since you have a search party online, they might as well listen to what Guardian Sebastian has to say on speaker." the voice pushes urgently.

I glance at Jared and Storm, who have been listening in on the conversation in the background. Both of their faces have curious expressions, I am sure the expression on my face matches their own. Eyeing the screen once again, I watch Alpha Mak as he hastily busies himself by pushing a few buttons, and then the bottom section of my screen blanks out and flickers with the image of the Vampire Guardian Sebastian.

"Mak. i***t. It's good to see you both in such good health." the annoying voice of the Vampire bursts through my phone loudly, causing Storm and Jared to snigger behind their hands, my wolf and I don't like the disrespect and we show it by growling angrily.

Fucking d***s!

Chuckling good naturedly, Alpha Mak says, "Sebastian, be nice. She wouldn't like you talking to her i***t like that."

Storm's raucous laughter fills the room while Jared at least tries to hide his mocking laughter with a cough, I growl my displeasure menacingly at them both once again, which makes them both abruptly stop.

What the f**k is up with the name calling? Sure fine, d**k move on my part for what happened with Valen, but am I really that much of an i***t?

"Your an i***t for even asking yourself that question." Titus' growly voice lowly says in amusement, I'm so annoyed that I feel like just getting up and sulking off into my room.

Before I can even think about ending the call and stalking off, the clearing of a throat over the call draws my attention back. Guardian Sebastian says, "If I could have your attention, gentlemen. My people and I are in the Himalayas. I'm aware that it was agreed that this area wasn't going to be searched till much later but we came across a very convincing lead and we had to check out."

The pause in conversation, has everyone in my room holding our breaths with anticipation. I'm barely aware of the fact that everyone on Alpha Maks side have stopped what they're doing waiting impatiently for the Vampire to tell us whether the lead was a dud or if it was good.

Guardian Sebastian takes a deep breath and smiles, "We've found her, but we aren't sure about which cavern she is being held in." his strong and deep voice quavered with excitement.

__________________________________

Stepping down from one of the Range Rovers that our team hired to get us from the Airport to the gateway town of Joshimath, I take in a deep breath of the fresh night air of the cold mountains, causing my heart to pound uncomfortably. Going from one weather extreme to the other is disconcerting to say the least, but it's a nice reprieve from the blistering heat of the desert sun.

My skin starts to tingle which throws me off a bit, I know that Valen isn't here in this town, but that doesn't take away from the fact that I can feel her, and f**k me I can smell her. She is close, but too far away from my current location, too far from my arms, just that thought alone makes me want to whimper in pain and longing. But I can't show any weakness, not out here and not yet any way, everyone is just waiting for me to fall apart, and I can't do that, not until she is found, alive and safe.

While I'm standing there on the street with my eyes closed, I hear the joyous reunion of Storm, Jared, Kaiah and Kara. I know that they are still angry at me, so with the nagging feeling of loneliness I open my eyes and move to step past them without saying anything. I focus on just getting past them as quietly as possible to avoid an altercation my eyes staring straight ahead at the building that is lit up with a warm welcoming glow in the dark night.

Fuck it and f**k them! I'm not here to make nice.

A hand grasping my forearm tightly to pull me to a stop surprises me with a jolt. When I look from the hand to see who it belongs to, I am even more stunned to see that the appendage is attached to Valen's intended Head Warrior and my ex best friend Kaiah. I don't know what to expect, not much any way, so I stay silent just waiting with a neutral expression on my face. After what feels like five minutes of staring into each others eyes, like f*****g love sick perverts, I raise an eyebrow in query making sure to keep the rest of my face stoic.

Tension lining his body, Kaiah's face morphs into a disgusted sneer before he disparagingly says, "I didn't expect to see you."

I look deeply into his eyes so that he can see the sincerity that I feel, "Where else would I be? I may have rejected Valen and she may have accepted my rejection, but the bond that ties us together is still very strong. It's my duty as her future subject and as her true mate to find her and ensure her safety. And not you or anyone else is going to f*****g stop me!" I tell him passionately, uncaring of how terse my words may sound.

"Her lover may have something to say about that." he deadpans, maybe trying to provoke an angry reaction from me.

"Good! I'd be f*****g worried if he didn't. But I'm still going to search and fight for Valen, with or without anyone's help." I snap lowly at him in irritation because he is wasting my time.

We could be in there making plans to get her back and he wants to just stand around out here playing my d**k is bigger than yours? I'm not going to lie, hearing about the physical, and most likely emotional, connection that she has with Brody burns my heart with jealousy, but it's not like I couldn't feel it when she was f*****g him, sometimes more than just once a day, before she was taken.

I'm more than prepared for it.

He continues to look intensely into my eyes before his own eyes crinkle at the edges and he's grinning at me maniacally, like the Joker and Pennywise had gay porn s*x to produce a baby and decided to call him Hezekaiah Rivers.

Eyeing him incredulously, because this fucker is seriously creeping me the f**k out, I hastily move my eyes to glance at my little sister before looking back at the giant weirdo once again, only for me to drop my jaw because I'm startled at the genuine smile on his face.

"Wait...you don't hate me?" I ask him suspiciously.

Laughing good naturedly Kaiah answers, "Nah man, Valen made us get over that s**t ages ago."

"Really?" I ask in astonishment.

Nodding exuberantly, Kara replies for her mate, "Yeah, big bro. Although, you're my brother so I don't have to like you if I don't want to." her tone of voice broadcasting the sassy cheekiness I didn't even realise I missed until this very moment.

Kaiah confirms, "It's Valen man, that girl has the biggest heart and the most beautiful soul. She was all like, "Guys don't be mad! He's loved her a lot longer than he's loved me and I can't be mad at that. Besides anger fuels negativity and I'm not all about that shit." I mean who the heck can argue with that kind of logic, right? No one, that's who." He says proudly while also trying to imitate the sound and accent of her voice, he only ends up sounding like a deranged seagull.

For the second time tonight, my jaw dropped to the ground. I mean I always knew that she was a gentle and kind soul, but that doesn't stop me from feeling bowled over at the magnanimous nature that my mate has shown time and time again from the  first day that I met her. I am amazed that she would continue to be so...fucking nice about the s**t I've put her through. Now I feel worse, the heavy weight of regret and guilt eating away at my already battered soul.

Fuck, I'm a callous asshole.

Kara raises her hand to snap my mouth together with a happy grin on her face, and then she wraps her arms around me and hugs me tightly. "It's good to see you, Tinkle."

A shuddering breath leaves my mouth, as I close my arms around my sister and give her the tightest hug I have given anyone in a while. I never thought that I would ever think this, let alone say it but I just couldn't hold it in, "I've missed you sis, very much!" I tell her with conviction, taking in a deep breath of her scent that reminds me so much of home.

Fuck, I sound like a p***y ass b***h. That sentiment is further compounded by the misty sheen of tears in my eyes, but man give me a f*****g break. It's been a fricken long time since any one has talked or even treated me like I mattered to them.

Suddenly there's a sharp sting at the back of my head and then she's pulling away from me with a scowl on her face with both her hands on her ample hips, "Well if you weren't such an i***t, then you wouldn't have had to miss me so much then aye, d**k head?" she gruffly tells me trying to sound angry, but with her high voice it only serves to make her sound like a cute and cuddly little girl.

"Ow! What the f**k is up with every one calling me an i***t lately?" I grumble loudly while rubbing the spot she smacked, trying to ease the twinge of pain. f**k that girls hits have gotten harder since I last saw her.

Kaiah laughs loudly and pulls me into a bear hug, his long hair tickling the side of my face as he says excitedly, "That's because you f*****g lucked out, man. Our new Pack is the f*****g boss of our world and dude don't even get me started on the gifts we were given. They're legit f*****g next level super hero s**t! Babe, show him"

Kaiah let's me go and pushes me towards the furthest building until we are around the corner and away from prying eyes, he then moves my body into a position that allows me to watch Kara uninhibited. It's a good thing that we're Werewolves and not human, because on this side of the building there aren't any windows to shine light out onto the little field/yard. I watch curiously as Storm and Jared stops to stand next me, we're all look at each other wondering what the f**k is happening.

Kara smacks her lips against Kaiah's, making me cringe in disgust and then she steps back a few paces away from our group. She then takes a few deep breaths and stands still with her legs wide apart, and slowly she lifts her head to the sky, like she's star gazing with her head at a weird angle.

At first nothing happens, until there is a whisper of wind stirring the air around us, it slowly picks up until the sounds of strong rushing winds blocks our ears from hearing anything else. The long grass bends, the loose rocks skitters across the street close by, the clouds have gathered and are moving quickly across the sky. Then Kara lifts her hands up into the air and from the swirling and fast moving clouds above her, a lightning bolt flashes so fast towards her body, that I think I must have been seeing things, more flashes of light illuminates the sky, but what has me transfixed in fear and amazement is the sight of a lightning bolt connecting and holding the hands that my little sister has stretched out.

She stands there grinning with a look of euphoric bliss on her face, lightning sparks glowing and running down along her hands, arms, shoulders and head, until ribbons of light encase her whole body lifting her hair to fly around her eerily. Her eyes have changed, they glow much like Valen's did that time her Nana and father had that fight in the apartment above the Stevensen's garage.

She then slowly brings her hands and arms down, we all watch as she brings her hands parallel together about twenty centimeters apart and in front of her, she forms a perfect glowing sphere and throws it at a small tree ten meters from where we are standing. We watch stupified as the tree instantly explodes, catches on fire with thick dark smoke rising to the air, she then brings her hands up towards the sky again and waves them together in a graceful way and then she points at the still burning tree. Miraculously the heavens opens its flood gates and rains, but only on the area where the small tree is located until the fire is completely put out. My little sister is still glowing with ribbons of energy, the boys and I are standing there with our mouths to the ground, excluding Kaiah of course.

That fucker is smirking like the cat that caught the canary, while we're all wondering about the next amazing thing she's going to do.

Smirking at our gobsmacked expressions, my sister blows a kiss at her mate and once again lifts her head to the sky and stretches both her hands up, keeping them in place as the energy is released from her body and back into the atmosphere above her, until all that remains is a quiet rumble in the sky, like it's telling her thank you for being the conduit for their power.

Storm is the first one to shout excitedly, "What the actual f**k! You're like Thor, but with t**s?! That's it, I'm pledging for Pack Snow Wolf!" he is practically jumping up and down like a little f*****g fan-girl.

"Excuse you! I have better t**s than Thor." Kara declares proudly with a raised eyebrow and a little self grope that makes me gag, while from the corner of my eye, I unfortunately catch Kaiah's wide lascivious grin and lustful expression.

YUCK!

She giggles then starts dancing and singing I got the power by Snap, she then starts loudly humming the baseline of the popular 90's song and does the old school running man, while we look on laughing in amusement.

Honestly, I can't even be jealous because she's got a f*****g awesome gift, it makes me wonder what other powers there are and what power I would have had if I had done right by my mate.

Jared runs up to Kaiah, jumps on his back then lifts his head up to howl at the waxing gibbons moon before practically yelling, "I'll show you mine, if you show me yours!"

Laughing Kaiah elbows Jared off his back and jokes, "You have nothing but your embarrassingly small d**k to show me, and no one wants to see that tragedy." He walks to where Kara is standing, kissing her cheek and holding her hand, he closes his eyes in concentration then opens them to watch us with a smirk.

We're looking at him with bored expressions because nothing is happening, I'm waiting for the action to start with my eyebrow raised curiously though. All of a sudden another Kaiah walks towards us from around the corner of the building. But that can't be right, because Kaiah is still standing next to my sister grinning with mirth, then another Kara runs and jumps onto twin Kaiah's back, giving him a disgusting open mouthed kiss on the mate mark that I didn't see until now.

Wait what? I look back at the original Kaiah and Kara only to realise that there are three more of them both standing right next to them, all standing in almost comical posing positions. All of them grinning at our wide eyed expressions, enjoying the shocked looks on our faces.

"Wow!" is all that I can manage to say in a strangled voice.

Jared clears his throat and nods his head, "Hell yeah! I mean that's f*****g awesome man!" a mischievous glint enters his eyes as he shrugs his shoulders before he comments cheekily, "But I think I prefer Thor with her big ass titties in a fight."

Without warning another Kaiah appears next to Jared and punches him in the stomach, we all watch as he doubles over coughing in pain while Kaiah and Kara laugh their heads off, the doppelganger Kaiah and Kara's slowly disappear into thin air.

Shaking her head Kara starts walking around the corner, and towards the main buildings entrance calling out over her shoulder, "Come on losers, let's get you all settled into your rooms for the rest of the night."

I watch as my friends follow my sister into the building, their boisterous conversation echoing in the dark night. Sighing deeply, I follow them quietly while looking around into the shadows of the street before stepping towards the warm glow that is shining through the door.

The attendant, smiles at us in the white and wooden floor foyer and gestures for us all to follow her. She leads us through a few doorways, then outside through a covered walkway and into the double doors of yet another building. She then leads us down a few corridors with walls painted white, the only break in colour is the wooden floors and dark coloured wooden doors. Obviously, the decor of this building follows the contemporary feel of the first building we first entered.

At the first door we stop at, the attendant opens the door with a smile and gestures for Storm and Jared to enter the room, as the door closes she walks up a flight of wooden steps and leads Kara, Kaiah and I to the end of the hall, and opens the last door for me to enter.

I turn back towards her to thank her with as much of a smile as I can muster, she smiles at me warmly while nodding then she turns around to walks away, Kaiah and Kara promises to see me in the morning at breakfast and then they follow the attendant, heading to their own room for some much needed rest.

The room is sparsely furnished but beautiful, with white walls and tan trimming. A large king sized bed with white linen and two bamboo side tables sit on the opposite side of the room from the entry door. To the right there is a set of draws and a stand alone full length mirror lining the wall next to another door and from what I can see, it looks like the bathroom. To the left of the bed is a large floor to ceiling, wall to wall window, with a perfect view of the Himalayan mountain range.

Walking over to the window, I look out at the scenic view as I raise my hand to press it against the frigidly cold glass. Even in this room I can feel her soul, out there. Cold, in pain and possibly dying from her injuries.

Two perfect tears escape from my saddened eyes, "I'm here, Angel. I'm sorry I hurt you, baby."

I don't know how long I stand there just staring at the mountains that are hiding the horrors that the love of my life has and is still suffering. If I could take it all back, if I could turn back time, I would do it in a heart beat..

But I can't, all I can do is be there for her, fight for her and continue to love her, even if she decides that she doesn't want to take me back. Even if she decides that she would rather spend the rest of eternity f*****g the guy that I pushed her towards.

I may lose myself in self hatred forever, but I love her enough to want nothing but her happiness.

I will love her through all the pain, it's my punishment.