Soul Flame
1036 Words
Ava and Jordan’s Home, Los Angeles
February 21st, 2023 — 9:47 PM
I felt utterly hollow.
The day after my secret rendezvous with Austin, guilt and sorrow pressed down on me relentlessly. I could barely function. My heart felt shredded, my mind haunted by Austin’s words: his fiancée, Karoline. His child. A life I’d never be part of.
Jordan, perceptive as always, had been quietly observing me, noticing my emotional withdrawal and quiet despair. That evening, after dinner, as I sat numbly on our bed, lost in my turmoil, Jordan entered the bedroom, closing the door softly behind him.
“Ava,” he began cautiously. “We need to talk.”
My heart sank, anxiety curling tightly around my chest. “About?”
“You,” he replied softly, sitting beside me. “Something’s seriously wrong. You haven’t been yourself since yesterday. What’s going on, Ava? Please talk to me.”
My mind raced, panicking as I fought to keep my secret buried. “It’s…nothing. Just us, Jordan. All our issues still unresolved, still tense.”
Jordan sighed heavily, rubbing his forehead. “Ava, listen. I've had some time to think, and I realize how unfair I’ve been. I’ve held that kiss over your head for too long, punishing you emotionally. You deserved better than that.”
My chest tightened painfully. His kindness felt like salt poured into a fresh wound. I reached out hesitantly, gently taking his hand. “Jordan, no. You had every right to be hurt.”
“Hurt, yes. But cold?” Jordan shook his head gently. “Never. You're my wife. I’ve neglected you, pushed you away, and that’s on me. I should've handled it better.”
I swallowed hard, my eyes stinging. “Jordan, it wasn’t just your fault. We both made mistakes.”
He nodded slowly, eyes sincere and gentle. “Then let's fix it together. I think we should keep going to therapy. I refuse to lose you, Ava. I refuse to let us drift apart completely.”
Something broke inside me, desperation and longing overpowering the ache of betrayal I’d inflicted upon myself. I surged forward impulsively, my lips meeting his urgently. Jordan hesitated briefly, surprised, but quickly gave in, holding me tightly, deepening the kiss with a newfound passion.
We fell into bed together, stripping away months of distance and tension. Jordan reclaimed every part of me with powerful, tender dominance. It felt healing, reassuring. It felt safe, exactly what my shattered heart craved in that moment.
Yet, even as he whispered softly in my ear, "I love you, Ava," I could still feel the pain lingering beneath, the ghost of Austin’s touch haunting me.
The Lake View Hotel Los Angeles, Penthouse Suite 161
Saturday, August 23rd, 2025 — 4:27 AM
“You can’t just keep bouncing between Austin and Jordan. One of yall is gonna explode, and honestly, Ava, it’s probably gonna be you.” Keisha said.
Toni sighed, shaking her head with genuine concern. “She’s right, Ava. You gotta decide. Jordan gave you another chance, hell, multiple chances and you keep going back to Austin. That s**t ain’t right.”
“I know,” I whispered, eyes lowered. “Believe me, I know. But it’s not that simple. I’m caught between two men I love deeply.”
Camille gave a gentle nod, her voice soft yet firm. “Because your heart is split. Jordan provides stability, but Austin sets your soul on fire. You keep choosing one without fully letting go of the other.”
“Yes,” I admitted softly, finally giving voice to the truth I’d long hidden. “But it was never supposed to get this complicated.”
Latrixa raised an eyebrow sharply. “Complicated? Ava, you made it complicated. You’re married but you’re still mourning Austin’s engagement and unborn child. Girl, why are you even tripping about that baby? You never wanted kids.”
Keisha jumped in immediately, smirking knowingly. “Oh please, Ava might’ve never wanted Jordan’s babies, but she’d have Austin’s baby without blinking. No question. That’s her soul flame seed right there. But now she ain’t even baby mama number one and baby, I know that s**t hurt.”
Laughter and murmurs spread quickly, and I rolled my eyes, feeling my cheeks burn hotly. “It’s not even about that!”
“Oh, it's exactly about that!” Toni countered. “Ava, you wanted to give Austin his first child, and now that dream is shot. Admit it.”
“Fine maybe a part of me did. Maybe, deep down, I wanted a life with Austin, something permanent to bind us forever. But it's different now. Children are innocent. Breaking up adults is one thing, breaking up a family? That’s a whole different level.”
Camille nodded in quiet understanding. “You’re right, Ava. When kids come into play, the stakes rise significantly.”
“Exactly,” I whispered, fighting the tears threatening my composure. “Austin having a child complicates everything. I could never forgive myself if I ruined an innocent child’s family. But I…I just can't seem to let Austin go, no matter how hard I try.”
Nia reached out, gently squeezing my hand with comforting warmth. “Love is powerful, Ava. But you have to figure out what you truly want. Love them both if you must, but understand clearly, you can only build a real life with one.”
Keisha nodded. “And girl, if you keep playing both sides, you’ll end up losing everything, your husband, Austin, and yourself. This isn’t a game anymore.”
“I know,” I admitted quietly, tears finally escaping down my cheeks. “And I hate myself for it.”
“Don’t hate yourself, Ava. You’re human. But you have to be honest with yourself and with these men. You have to choose.” Camille Said
I inhaled deeply, feeling their words sinking painfully into my heart. They were right. My decisions had led me here, trapped between two lives, two loves, caught between stability and chaos, safety and passion.
And yet, even knowing all of this, my heart stubbornly refused to let go of Austin Lancaster. He’d branded himself permanently onto my soul.
- Writer
