In Her Head - Collision Course

Sanity

After what felt like hours of sobbing, Elle went for a shower, she couldn't get it out of her head. Her eyes were puffy and dull, Elle had no idea what was going on. Elle started to look back over the last few months, she was doing well at work, she was told she was and given a nice bonus for jumping in for Peter, Frank gave her an expense account so she knew she was definitely doing something right. She got on well with Belinda, Stephanie and even had a couple of lunches with Shirley where they refused to discuss work. The children were fantastic and they really dealt well with Elle being at work, they had lots of fun with Nancy and Elle had only missed two bedtime stories. Peter was great, he took Elle for drinks when they managed to get Evan, George and Shirley to connect with them. That was fun, Peter wanted to grab dinner and was so nice, Elle felt comfortable until she realised she wanted to make a good impression on him. She told him she couldn't get hold of Nancy so had to head home, that was right before the 3rd course was served. Peter had offered to go with her, Elle said no, the kids might get the wrong idea, he sent her home in a taxi then messaged her a little later that evening to see if she was okay. Elle found it odd and wondered if he picked up on anything, she prayed he didn't so she could remain indifferent and wouldn't embarrass him. 

hahaha, looney alert, psycho attracted to boss - that is exactly how I would put the headline! She thought, If I cannot get it under control, I will have to leave. I cannot have drinks with him until I get these silly notions out of my head! It is ridiculous that a woman of your age is behaving like a teenager. You have no shame woman! She continued the internal chastising. "What the hell? Why are you thinking of him at a time like this? She questioned herself.

Elle was snapped out of her thoughts when she slipped getting out of the shower, She really hurt her hip so she just laid on the floor until the pain subsided. Nobody ever believed her when she told them she hurt herself, they always wanted to see physical proof. She never marked and only had the pain for a couple of hours at the most, she stopped telling people in the end, the looks of disbelief were enough and she didn't want to see that. Elle must've been so drained as she woke to the front door opening, she quickly grabbed her towelling robe and put it on, the pain was gone now like nothing happened, Elle shouted that she came home early and the kids made a stompede up the stairs to her. They both hugged her and Elle told them to get changed from their uniforms and then come downstairs. Elle made her way down to see Nancy, Nancy was in the kitchen filling the kettle with water, she looked at Elle and frowned. "What happened honey?" Nancy asked her, Elle sighed and her lower lip wobbled, "Can we talk about it later when the kids are asleep?" Elle asked. Nancy put the kettle down and walked over pulling Elle into an embrace, "sure honey, whenever you're ready" she replied. "Go take a breather, get ready and I will sort the kids and dinner," Nancy told her, Elle was grateful and gave a watery smile. "Come on kids, Castles in the garden!" Nancy called to the kids, Emily and Michael bounded down the stairs when they heard that, they loved making the trampoline a castle and bouncing for protection, Elle made the game up so that they could burn off energy and it was brilliant, they would sleep well tonight. Elle realised that is probably why Nancy decided on the game up. The kids stopped to give Elle a quick kiss and cuddle then laughed running past Nancy into the garden. Elle made her way up to her bedroom feeling drained, she walked in and took a deep breath, Elle sat on her bed trying her hardest not to think but it was so difficult.

What if they make me go in for treatment? I cannot let the kids go into care. How would I get the time off of work? She mulled it over in her head.

Elle grabbed her hairbrush and started to put it through her hair then she walked over to her drawers to get a pair of clean pyjamas out. Once she had them on, Elle looked out of the window to the children playing in the garden, they were jumping around having so much fun, Elle smiled.

They have been through so much and love life still, I cannot put their happiness in danger. They will have to take me for outpatient treatment, the kids come first, screw everything else. Elle vowed internally.

Her bedroom door opened, the smell of latte wafted over to her and she turned smiling, "thank you Nancy, you are a lifesaver," she said walking over to take the mug from her. "take it easy honey, rest up and head down when you are ready," Nancy told her, giving her a peck on the cheek. Elle couldn't speak so she just smiled and nodded. Nancy left her to go through what she needed to, Elle sat on the bed with her head resting on the headboard. 

Pull yourself together woman! Drink your coffee and head down to them, don't hole yourself in this room! Elle told herself.

Elle decided that once she had finished her coffee she would head down, she looked around her room, the shades of cream and brown made her feel quite settled. Elle had no choice but to talk about what happened earlier, she would probably leave the conversation out of it but would just let her know that she was a little stressed and then this thing happened. Elle really needed Nancy's help and advice. Elle felt a bit more human after her latte that she made her way downstairs and she could smell steak cooking, Elles tummy let off a rumble and Nancy chuckled, Nancy was fixing the shoe cupboard at the bottom of the stairs. Elle smiled, "Nancy, I honestly don't know what I would do without you," she said with tears threatening to make their appearance. Elle shook her head and went to the kitchen to wash her cup, once that was done she asked "Nancy, do you want me to take over dinner?" Nancy shook her head, "let me spoil you today, go have fun with the kids" she answered. Elle didn't need telling twice, she went straight out to jump on the trampoline with Emily and Michael, she knew it would improve her mood. Elle had a great time with the kids, they had fun bouncing around and the kids were pulling funny faces. It made Elle laugh. By the time Nancy called them for dinner, they were all breathless with smiles on their faces. They all walked in and sat around the island in the kitchen.

Nancy had done some new potatoes, Steak, mushrooms, onions, steamed vegetables and gravy. Elle knew she was hungry although she didn't feel like eating she would force herself, she wouldn't let Nancy go to all this trouble just to throw it in her face. Elle grabbed some steak and vegetables with gravy and silence descended on the room until Emily and Michael started to blow bubbles in their juice. Both Nancy and Elle must've been caught up in thought as they both jumped when it started, they all laughed and then chaos ensued. "Mummy, she nosed her drink on my food!" Michael screamed, "No I didn't," Emily screamed, "You did, look at the snot on my plate!" Michael shouted pointing to the tiniest drop of juice that landed at the edge of his plate. "Elle and Nancy looked at each other and sighed as if to say, "here we go again." Nancy got up to get another plate for Michael, Michael was very rigid when it came to food, he was limited with what he ate and God forbid he didn't like the look of something. Elle jumped up to remove the plate from Michael and headed back to both of them. Elle cuddled them both explaining "it was an accident, we were all laughing and it happened, from now on there is no more blowing bubbles in your drinks at mealtimes." Elle knew she would have them disobeying her if she said at any time they couldn't blow bubbles so she would make it a doable request and limited them to not blowing in their drinks at mealtimes. They were sad for two minutes but then went back to eating while glaring at each other. Elle and Nancy covered their chuckles with coughs.

This is the life, it's real and raw. Elle thought.

The children finished and darted into the front room where they had a short while on their tablets, Elle could never fully understand why they wanted to watch other children playing video games. She sighed, at least this was routine and let her get the dishes done. Nancy went to sort their baths, while Elle seen to the dishes, she had argued with Nancy to go and put her feet up but Nancy refused. Elle hated putting on Nancy but at this moment she had no other choice, she would need the children in bed to make sure that she could let Nancy know what was going on, Elle desperately needed help. Once Elle had finished and Nancy was downstairs, Elle told Michael to go for a bath first while she went to get his pyjamas and towelling robe. Elle went to drop them into the bathroom and the smell of sage hit her, Elle used to use lavender to help them settle and it worked but Nancy would have none of it, she thought Nancy might have a heart attack so she promised not to use it again. Nancy brought some sage oil in and told Elle to use a few drops of that when she needed the children to settle well for the night. Elle used it and to be honest, it worked better, the kids slept really well and awoke refreshed, the lavender oil would get them to sleep but when they woke the grumpiness she had out of them was unreal. Elle hadn't realised this until she switched to sage, she wouldn't have used the lavender oil if she had realised sooner. "Come on Michael, no messing and don't spend too long in there," Elle said smiling. Micheal shouted "Privacy Mummy!" and Elle chuckled walking out of the bathroom to go to Emily's room and get her pyjamas and bathrobe ready. at the side of the bathroom there was a bay window, this was where they sat every night for bedtime stories, it was filled with cushions and throws, they all loved story time. Elle couldn't even count the times she had to carry the children to bed from here and smiled at the thought.

After the children had their bath they came downstairs for a snuggle, they were surprised to see Nancy still there, it was a rare treat. They even called Nancy their Nanny, they finished snuggles with Elle and then went to snuggle with Nancy, this family was full of love. As much as the children argued they were so kind and considerate. They loved each other dearly and if one was hurt by someone else there was hell to pay. Elle went to tidy the bathroom while they were snuggling, "Once I have cleaned the bathroom we will have story time," Elle said the kids cheered and Elle carried on up the stairs. After Elle had washed the bath she could hear the children giggling, "Flying would be amazing!" She could hear Emily shout. Elle smiled, she loved her children more than life itself, she couldn't imagine them not being around, the tears threatened to spill again and a wave of nausea crossed her. She threw the thought to the back of her head, and finished tidying. "Book corner or downstairs tonight?" She asked shouting downstairs, she heard the children say goodnight to Nancy and she knew they would want the book corner tonight. She pulled out Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief, she would read them a few chapters and if they were still awake they could talk about it then they could get to bed. They cuddled up and settled in and Elle started. Once Elle had finished, the children were yawning, with no chance of talking about it tonight Elle got them into bed and tucked them in, she was pleased they had separate rooms but she always had to remember who she put to bed first the night before so she could rotate it. With the children tucked up, Elle took a deep breath and made her way downstairs where Nancy had made Elle a latte and herself a tea.

"No chance of getting out of this conversation even if I wanted to," Elle thought.

Nancy smiled at Elle, she would normally just come out with it, telling Elle to get on with it, Elle realised she must've looked really messed up earlier, it was like Nancy was taking it easy on her. Elle started "Nancy, I think I am having some mental health issues," Elle looked really down and genuinely believed that was the case. "Elle honey, what on earth makes you think that?" Nancy asked. "I imagined a person today and having a conversation with them," she said, her voice trembling. "I misheard something Peter said in the office and it made me think of the past, which, I probably still have trouble coming to terms with, I went out to clear my head and get a bit of fresh air and imagined this conversation with an old man to probably validate what I had misheard." She finished, at this point there were tears in her eyes. "Elle, what is so unusual about that and why would it make you question your sanity, I mean what if you didn't mishear what Peter said?" Nancy asked, Elle shook her head and Nancy grabbed her shoulders thinking Elle might give herself whiplash. "Nancy there is no way! I cannot have picked him up correctly, it was so weird and you would be questioning reality if that were the case. The man vanished in front of my eyes, Nancy, right in front of my eyes, like he was never there in the first place! I have questioned reality before Nancy, what if it was all my fault and not him?" Elle reeled off, her voice broke and she started crying, Nancy pulled Elle in for a cuddle and realised Elle was shaking. "Oh my darling, hush, it's okay. We will find a way through this," Nancy said consoling her. Elle couldn't talk, Nancy held her until Elle fell asleep and she covered her with a blanket, Elle was still struggling in her sleep, her breath was catching so Nancy decided she would spend the night. Nancy let herself out of Elles front door gently, she would grab herself a change of clothes then head back in. Nancy spotted Peter a few cars down and stormed over to him to ask him what the hell had gone on today, her Elle was in a terrible state and she wouldn't let him get away with it.

Peter spotted Nancy coming out of Elles place, when she spotted him her face turned murderous, "Oh s**t," he mumbled under his breath scrambling to get out of the car, "Get back in the car now! This is not for anyone else's ears," she barked at him. Peter got straight back in the car, he couldn't even get a word out, this was Nancy and she would tear him limb from limb, of that he had no doubt. When Nancy got in the car peter stumbled, he wanted to say what he was told to do but he couldn't so instead he asked, "How is she?" "You screwed her over Peter, she thinks she has mental health issues! That poor girl is barely holding it together, she thinks because she has questioned reality before everything is her fault, she even thinks that her ex may have done nothing wrong and everything was in her head! How could you, of all people, let this happen Peter? What the hell did you say to her?" Nancy bellowed questioningly. "The Elder Council made me push forward with telling her, they said where she has been more confident she has to know!" he defended. Nancy sighed, she knew he wouldn't be able to argue with the council but she would and she would have their guts for garters. "Who from the council ordered you to do this?" She asked through gritted teeth, "that would be me," came the answer. Nancy and Peter both jumped then, turned to look at the back seat in shock. "Viceteliorel" they both said bowing their heads. "raise your heads my children, you do not have to bow to me," he said. They both looked to The Ancient, "She is devastated and has convinced herself she is suffering mentally, she cannot cope," Nancy said with tears in her eyes. "I am sorry Nancy, she has barely called for me and I thought she would be open to understanding, I felt her distress when she called for me, I thought I could make it better by visiting her, after I left her and regretted it immediately, I think she needs to find her past first, she has a block up and we need to get that down before we can move forward," he replied. "I am sorry to you both, don't let her see a human doctor, they will suppress her even more, I have made so many mistakes by staying away but there was no other choice, they would have killed her," he told them. "I am truly sorry to you Peter, I can feel your pain child, I promise the time will come when it is all a distant memory, she will get through this. Focus on her heart and the rest will come together," he said apologetically. With that he disappeared again, "no wonder she is terrified," Nancy groaned thinking of how him disappearing would look to Elle. "Go home Peter, get some rest, she probably won't be in work tomorrow but I will see if she can get in tomorrow afternoon. The sooner she is back in work, the better, give her a couple of days before you try to get close to her," She told him. "Nancy, I can never get close to her," Peter said almost whining, "every time I think she is opening up to me she closes down," he finished. Nancy gasped and face palmed realising what was going on, "Peter she likes you, we know you both share the Eternal Connection but I think I know how she is closing it off, she really does like you, if you have been even getting close to having her open to you then she truly does," Nancy told him. "How can I get her to stop blocking it?" He asked her with renewed hope, "I will call and let you know when the time is right. Tell Mum I will be coming along on Saturday, make sure you are there, we have to make a start as soon as possible," Nancy told him. Peter felt slightly better for hearing that, he would do his best to win her over even if he has to rely on help from others. Nancy got out of the car and went into her own home to get a change of clothes, Peter took one last look at Elles door and sighed, he just wanted to be with her but he wasn't able to, he hoped he would see her tomorrow. Peter drove home.

Nancy let herself back into Elles gently, Elle was asleep still but it seemed like a restless sleep, she was still catching her breath slightly as though she was still sobbing. Nancy put some sage oil on a tissue and placed it beside Elle, that should help her Nancy thought. After 20 minutes Elle was resting more peacefully and Nancy got ready laying on the other sofa, she would make sure she was there when Elle woke up. Nancy wished Elle was her own child, Elle would never be in this state if she would have been placed in her custody. An idea formed in Nancy's head and she prayed it would work, she would need to get Elle to talk to Belinda to get it to work, she cannot do this on her own or she would have to admit the truth to Elle before she was ready but there might be a way of letting her know without giving them all away. Tomorrow morning would be spent getting Elle to go down a new route, this might help her to let go of the past. Belinda could help with letting Elle see a company counsellor, if they could get the same counsellor The Ancient sent to Elle before then they might stand a fighting chance. Nancy picked up her phone and sent a message to Belinda, asking if she would start to set things up so that when Elle talked to her she would think it was all coincidence. Nancy felt a little better now a plan had formed, the real work would be getting Elle to go along with it.

Nancy fell into a slumber, she dreamed of her Eternal Connection Richard, he hugged her and told her how proud he was of her. Nancy had the most amazing sleep, she hadn’t slept that well since she was last in his arms. Nancy was smiling in her sleep. “Your gift my child,” Viceteliorel whispered standing over her. He moved over to Elle, “my darling, you are troubled. May this help you along your way,” he whispered placing his hand on her head gently, a small glow released from his hand. Elle dreamed she was looking at her Mother, her Mother stared back with so much love, she could hear a howl in the distance but felt safe and loved. Her Father came into view and stared at her lovingly too, he kissed her Mother, "look at what we created, she is already so graceful," he said full of pride. Elle tried to reach out for them but it was a baby hand she saw and they both put their fingers in her hand and she grasped them. There was love and buckets of it, Elle really could feel it. Peace fell in the household and they slept through until the next morning.