Between Love and Revenge

"CAN YOU SEE ME?"

(Elian Montrose)

A surge of panic swept through me as Seraphina slumped into my arms like a deflated balloon.

"What was going on now?" I asked myself, shock and confusion neatly interwoven into a ball that had settled in my chest.

I recalled the first day I met her on a blind date. How she suddenly began to gasp for air when her eyes met mine.

That day, my hands trembled as I rubbed her back, not knowing exactly how to handle the situation.

I didn’t think much about that incident after the first time, as disturbing as it was, because it never happened again.

But it’s happening again now. Was she sick?

I had to kneel with one leg because of her weight to be able to hold her up from the ground, but I knew I couldn’t hold her up for long, not with my thoughts pressing down on me too.

Her skin above mine was warm, numb, strange.

“Sir, the ambulance is on its way”, I heard Ryan say from behind me. A loud sigh escaped me as I lifted my eyes from Seraphina's face.

There were onlookers. A small group consisting of mainly the company's workers had gathered.

Each of them talks in whispers to the next person. The look on some of their faces was that of fear and concern yet others just bore neutral looks like nothing was happening in front of them.

I swallowed hard, biting my lower lips slightly.

“Let’s get her out of this crowd”, I told Ryan.

“Of course Sir, I’ll be outside”, he replied, and began to walk away hurriedly.

With my hand grabbing Seraphina's left arm, her right arm still free for Ryan, who ought to have helped get her up, I watched him walk away without even a glance back.

Did he just disrespect me? I scoffed, surprised at his action. He had never acted like that.

Ryan Carter, I would say, is the most loyal subordinate in my team of workers. He would complete tasks on time, lead difficult projects and bring me morning coffee without me asking.

When he first joined the company, I had no expectation of him whatsoever, but as time passed, he did so much and so well.

He was always at my beck and call. I thought he was sugaring up to me for special benefits.

Well, he did great with that, because I have been considering his promotion to the position of my direct assistant, the assisting managing director.

But at this moment, Ryan was completely out of character. I dismissed the urge to summon him back as I lifted Seraphina to lean well against my shoulders.

…

With my eyes steady, I scanned through Seraphina’s test results in my hands for the hundredth time.

I had gotten a whole lecture from the doctor on what to do and what not to do to help manage her condition as he handed me the brown envelope containing the test output in his office.

The doctor must have thought I was aware of everything. I noticed how he glanced from my face to the wide brown envelope many times, like I had wasted his time asking that Seraphina be tested again.

He used so many “If you have been” and “Don't always” while he spoke to me too.

As a result of his unprofessional assumption, I didn’t fully grasp what the situation was, because I didn’t want to keep sitting under the scrutiny of the aged doctor’s eyes behind thick spectacles.

I played along. Now, I was left staring all over the white paper, filled with medical jargon over and over again.

Suddenly, the door creaked open slowly. Then, a fair, slender and smart-dressed nurse poked her head in briefly before dramatically leaving the rest of her body inside.

She smiled at me politely before glancing at Seraphina, who was still unconscious on the bed. Then, she handed me a tubed inhaler and hurried off again.

From the little I gathered from the doctor’s speech, and now the inhaler the nurse had given me, I knew that Seraphina was suffering something like a reoccurring trauma.

When the nurse left, my eyes darted to where Seraphina laid and remained on her face. It was pale and tired.

Her eyes were somewhat shrunken and her disabled hair added to the dead look of her face. Even so, she still shone like a dazzling star in the skies of the darkest nights.

I had to stop my mind from the sadistic thought of exploring her body there and then. Instead, I focused on the thoughts of wanting to know more about how and when she became like this.

I wanted to protect her. As I watched her pulse rise and fall slowly, I wanted to confess my lies, but that would mean hurting her, the one thing I never wanted to find myself doing.

Just then, her finger moved. She squinted her eyes painfully, turning her head slowly to look at me.

She’s awake.

In a blink of an eye, I moved from where I sat to hold her hand.

“Can you see me?” I had asked.

No reply.

My heart missed a beat.

With her fingers enclosed in one of my hands, I reached for her head with my other hand, rubbing her forehead gently to check her temperature. Thankfully, it was normal.

“Are you hungry?” I asked again, my eyes glued to her face. I cursed at myself after I realized I forgot to order her some food.

What was I even thinking? I bit my teeth down against themselves, clenching my jaw.

Her eyes fell shut again, and my lips trembled in discomfort. I had to get the doctor, but as I meant to leave, gently letting go of her hand, she immediately grabbed my pants, making me stop right in my track.

Just then, her phone began to ring from the mini drawer close to bed. Seeing it was Becca calling, I grabbed it off the surface.

Then, settling on the space left of what Seraphina occupied on the bed, I clicked to answer the call.

“Hello Phina, Hello”, came her voice shaky with worry.

“Calm down, Becca. "I’m with her, and she’s recovering well”, I replied with a gentle tone.

“Who is this?” Becca’s voice came on again, this time, strong and firm. “Oh, Elian Montrose”, she continued just as I opened my mouth to answer what she had asked.

“Exactly”, I said instead.

“Is she there? April wants to talk.”

“Yes she is here, but she can’t talk right now”

“Oh My God, Is she okay?” Becca replied, completely freaked out.

“She is fine. Please, find a way to buy time with April for us. I’ll reach back to you as soon as she is well enough to talk”, I answered calmly.

“Okay”, Becca said, a loud sigh following and the line went off soon after.

I dropped Seraphina’s phone back on the cabinet top. Turning to her, she spoke , “I need to tell you about him”, her voice low and weak.

I was startled when my eyes saw hers wide open and confused as to what she was talking about.

“The man I was running away from the night you saved me”, she continued.

I saw tears gather in her eyes, but I didn’t want to listen.

If she went into the past and asked more questions, I wouldn’t be able to answer as it had happened.

I wasn’t there.

I wasn’t the man from her past, I was only pretending to be.

Determined to prevent the worst from happening, I slipped my hand slowly out of her grip.

“I will get the doctor first”, I said to her, before walking through the door, leaving her behind.

My heart pounded uncontrollably as I listened to her break into a sob from behind the closed door.