the dark days (book one of the darkness saga)

Chapter 37 - Could Have Been

Chapter 37 - could have been

Xavier and Alex POV

- Earlier that evening -

Alex's panic attack has left her emotionally drained, and the night's events have left her exhausted. She cried herself to sleep in Xavier's arms.

He had to carry her from the clearing into the forest line for cover. He set her down under a tree. Thankfully her hoodie kept her warm.

He watches her and observes as her chest rises and falls to every breath. He found his eyes wander to her breast, her flat tummy, and her curvy hips.

God, he missed her so much.

It's the longest she's been away from him ever since they got married.

He shakes his head and admonishes his lecherous thoughts.

Not really the best time, Xavier.

He sits down, leans on the tree and puts his hands behind his head. He takes a deep breath as he tries to figure out what they should do next. Deep in thought, he looks out to the horizon as if the answers were there.

It was like his thoughts of her caused Alex to stir. She opens her eyes to find herself between high roots, and with her thick hoodie, she was snug and safe from the cold breeze. It was so cozy she didn't want to move. Beyond one of the roots she spied on a sitting Xavier, eyes looking away.

That's how he looks when he's really deep into his thoughts.

She's suddenly conscious that here she was, all snug and comfy, while Xavier only had his boxer shorts on. He gave up his hospital gown to tourniquet her arm, then bandage it and fashion a sling.

He always did look out for me. Most of the time he sacrifices a lot to do it.

She couldn't help but ogle at the sight of his near naked body. It was so familiar, it's all she has known for quite some time after all. But it's a little different this time. He has always been so well-built, in a polished, immaculate way. The Xavier she's looking at now is a little more rugged. In place of his always perfectly combed hair is a scrunched up tousle. His perfectly shaven face now sports a few weeks' growth. There are more edges to his muscles now, on his shoulders, his chest, and his abs.

Why do you have to be so hot?

She missed him so much. The rugged changes got her even more excited to be with him. She has always been attracted to him. One way or another, something pulls her to him. It does help that he looks like that.

She had to stop herself. Too much going on right now, Alex. You don't have the luxury of time to be reminiscing how wonderful it was to have his arms wrapped around you.

He was such a sight to behold she couldn't decide if she can just continue staring at him, or if she should let him know she was awake.

"It's ok Alex." he turns his head to her.

"What?"

"I'm not exactly a picture of modesty here." He raises his hands palms up to his sides, gesturing at his body. "It's okay to look. It's not embarrassing for me."

She sits up from her cozy spot, brushing her hair with her fingers. "You noticed, huh?
" She giggles.

"Werewolf senses love. The slightest changes in breathing can tell me if you're still asleep or if you're awake. Also I miss you staring at me and giggling.“ His eyes were filled with remorse. She ran away from him because of who he became. He felt like he had no right to be with her, and yet he knew that if he doesn't tell her now how he feels he never would. "Alex, I have so much to say..."

She puts a finger across his lips. "Shh. You don't have to say anything. That man who you turned into—it was never you. I don't have to look beyond what's happening to me to understand when you do something but you're not really in the driver's seat." She looks at her hands and remembers the lives they have taken.

"That's bullshit, Alex. I didn't go on that quest and come back with a convincing story because I wanted to be let off the hook. Curse or not, magic or lore, I still can't forgive myself for laying a hand on you. I should have been stronger to resist it." He looks away in shame. "All I've ever known is my love for you. And failing that, I couldn't continue to allow you to bear the consequences. I was ready to lose you, Alex. I still am."

He has his arms folded in front of him, one hand rubbing an elbow.

She breaks his guard down by opening up his arms and holding his hand.

“Xavier, to be honest I don’t know how to feel about the whole thing. I can't even bring myself to wrap my head around it. But knowing that it wasn’t really you puts things in an entirely different light. I'm damaged goods even before we were married. I knew I was dragging you into my s**t. All those times I depended on you when the night tremors and my episodes came. A part of me felt like I pushed you too far. I broke you.”

“I know you, and I know you're not that person. So knowing it wasn’t you, that I didn’t really break you—my God, it’s a relief. Because it means you're still you. The Xavier I loved. My best friend.”

“Loved, huh?” He murmurs as his heart stung with the word.

“One at a time.” She whispers.

Hearing her say it in the past tense hurt. Because he never stopped loving her. Even if he was ready to lose her.

“But you do know it was you that brought the madness—wait, let me rephrase that—not you, per se, but the other you, Lucifer's perfect being." He raises an eyebrow and says with a half-smile, "Wow, I always knew I had the hots for you, but I never knew it was because you're as hot as they come—why, you're the Devil's Daughter.”

Ever since all the revelations, their fates had always been said in ominous tones. Neither of them have ever heard of it said in a funny way.

She starts to giggle. She knows where this was headed, when Xavier makes light of honest discussions with his wit.

Memories of happier days come rushing back. Xavier has always been proper, almost uptight. But what was endearing about him was at the last moment he can make fun of the most serious conversations, and say it with a straight face. It was their thing.

She nudges his shoulder with her elbow. “You better believe it buddy, you're what we call... collateral damage.“ She burst into laughter, and it was so infectious that he couldn't help but burst into laughter as well.

He didn’t know how to end their conversation. Nor was he ready to hear any more about how she felt about things now.

He loved that she was laughing. She has been away from him for six months. He hasn't been himself for two years. It’s like a fog has been lifted, and they are back to just being who they are.

Tomorrow they would have to deal with reality; Alex is still the Fallen One's secret weapon, she may have other powers they still didn't know about. They knew their destinies but didn't know how to break it. For now, they laughed out all the anxiety of what tomorrow may bring.

Later that evening -

Xavier has managed to start a small campfire. They sat close to each other while leaning on the huge tree.“Where do you think we are?” She broke the silence.

“I honestly don’t know.” A cold breeze blows and he rubs his hands over the fire.

Alex shivers from the cold. She pulls her hoodie over her head.

He moves closer to her.

"May I?" He opens his arms, inviting her into an embrace. Werewolves had no problems with the cold, and his warmer body could lend its heat to soothe her chills.

She nods slightly. She would freeze if she didn’t accept his offer. Xavier was smiling as he wraps his arms around her. She could instantly feel the heat he was radiating. That also came with the electricity of his touch.

Xavier was trying his best to keep it from being sensual, but it was close to impossible. Her scent overwhelmed him, and having her so close.

She felt the very same way, with him shirtless and warm, only a inches away. She leans into his embrace. For warmth and nothing more, she reminded herself.

“Xavier,“ she whispers. She thought about telling him the truth about her and Dameon. Despite everything that has been revealed she knew she still owes him an explanation. She takes a deep breath and blurts it out, “I need to tell you about me and Dameon.”

“Please don’t.” He didn’t want to hear it. He was ready to lose her to him that night, when he took her away. But he didn’t want to hear it. Especially not now, having her this close with him.

Maybe just for tonight they could be what they used to be.

She felt this too. She didn’t pursue the topic. 


“I'm sorry.” Was all she could say.

She was indeed sorry—for giving up on them, for falling for Dameon, for everything else.

Overwhelming feelings at being this close made her reach for him. She pulls his head closer to hers, lips wanting. He holds her tighter, but she loses her balance and they both fall to the ground.

Xavier catches her around the waist with an arm. He catches both their weight with his other hand, pushes off the ground and flips them over. She ends up on top of him.

He looks at her with a grin on his face. She wants him to press harder. She felt so bad to want what was happening. Days ago she was just with Dameon.

But this was Xavier her husband, and the rush she felt towards him was clouding her judgement.

“Too soon?” He asked?

“Maybe?”

They still didn’t break their embrace. Neither of them moved. Instead they lean into each other and kiss.

He missed her taste. He moves his hand behind her neck and pressed her lips closer.

Suddenly, their bodies crush against each other. His arms scoops her up and holds her tighter. His tongue danced with hers.

"Xavier," was all She could say, and She could feel him smirk against her jawline.

She miss his taste, and His feel aroused with his every touch, but he pulls away from her.

“Alex, I missed you,” he said, his hands were still around her as they breathed rapidly against each other.

“Why did you stop?” Why was she even asking this? , she thought.

He gathered her hair in his hand, his dark eyes eases on her , and he kisses her again. This time it was more urgent.

“I missed you too.” She whispers and he turns his head to kiss her again.

“I want you, I’ve missed you, I love you.” he mutters as he ran his finger down her lips, down her throat. She felt her body betray her as she press against him and he smiles wickedly.

His body was throbbing as He reach up. He crash my mouth against hers, and she responds with a deep moan. He wasted no time in lifting her up, wrapping her legs around his waist .

She whimper as he pulls away, and he rest his forehead against hers.

“I'm not f*****g sharing you.” He mutters as he reaches down, sucking on her bottom lip softly, then excitedly nipping it with this teeth.

She was in bliss but at the same time awash with guilt.

“Wait, Xavier.. let’s take it slow.”

He gets off her and they both lie on their backs, her head on his shoulder.

He turns his head and looks at her silhouette against the campfire light.

Out of nowhere, a bubble of ridiculous, panicky laughter escaped her lips. Xavier looked at her, one brown eyebrow raised in question.

“It’s nothing” Alex says.

He snuggles closer to her and holds her in his arms again. One hand slides from her side to under the curve of her breast. She gasps, and he says, “ I want to know. What was so funny?”

She pushes on his shoulder to prop her self up. “That tonight would have been romantic, considering.”

He smiles, “it still could be.” His gaze was full of lust. She met his gaze with the same intensity.

“Considering” she continues, “everything else.”

He knew what she meant. All things considering, the Fallen One, being his weapon, and Dameon.

He was going to unwrap his arm around her but Alex leaned down on his chest. “Let’s just stay like this for tonight?”

Xavier didn't protest. So they lay there, sharing the comfort of each other's company. Both of them knowing they only had now.