Chapter 32 - First Time
1696 Words
Chapter 32 - First time
Alex and Xavier POV
20 year old Alex and Xavier -
Xavier was pacing as he held her application letter to the NYU art program. He was taking his time to compose himself and figure out what to say to her. Finally, Alex attempted a smile, and joked, “how did you find out?”
He didn’t say anything. She was about to reach for his arm to stop his pacing, when a rush of electricity surprised both of them.
Xavier stopped pacing. He looked completely unlike himself. The easy smile that always tugged at his lips, the good nature that hides under his piercing blue eyes—they were gone; they were replaced by hurt, misery, and sadness.
But why would her attempt to pursue her dream of escaping this town affect him so much? Alex thought to herself.
She thought of the question more for rhetoric—she knew exactly why he feels so, because she herself has started to have feelings for him.
Over the past few years her feelings for Xavier have blossomed, an invisible force always pulled her towards him.
It’s not the first time that electricity seems to bolt from her fingers when she touches him. Those were happier moments, it’s ironic that it happened now when she’s trying to say goodbye.
“You know what I’m trying to do right now?” He asked, his voice was unusually loud it startled her.
Alex opened and closed her mouth to answer but no sound came out. She thought it’s best not to, as it didn’t seem like he wanted his question answered.
“I’m deciding what precisely, I’m most angry about. You not trusting me enough that you had to hide this application from me, or you sneaking out of the group home, again. You had me scared shitless; I thought you were running away again. I don’t think you realize what the end result of all of these is doing—it’s you, leaving me.” His tone was terribly even, suggesting that he was doing his best to keep the hurt in check.
“I understand how horrible that place is for you; and how terrible everything else has been,” he continues.
“Then you understand why I need to leave,” Alex blurted out. She had meant to keep silent.
His head dipped ever so slightly, as the muscles on his neck tightened. “That’s not what I meant, and you know it. “ His voice was now low and sad.
“Why didn’t you trust me enough to tell me?” He asked.
“I do trust you,” she quickly responded. She wanted desperately to embrace him, to ease the sadness. It’s hard to tell if Xavier was sad or angry when he was upset, but Alex always knew just by looking in his eyes. She can’t decide which one it was this time around.
“Then why hide it?” He looked like he was about to breathe fire.
She felt cornered, and had to answer. “Er—I wasn’t hiding it, not really—I just didn’t want to get my hopes up, you know.” She said, hoping he wouldn’t notice that she was evading the question.
“Now’s not the time to be coy, Alex.” There was a need in his blue eyes, something she never saw before, something she never expected to see, much more directed at her.
“…I couldn’t tell you.” She said, almost whispering it. She looked down on the ground. “Surely you knew that I couldn’t tell you.”
He was silent for a moment. And then, as if she’d never spoken, as if she never tried to explain, as if they’re not even having this argument right now, he handed her the paper.
“I won’t stand between you and your dream.” His voice was low and broken.
“Thank you,” she grabbed the paper from him and slipped it back into the envelope in her hand.
“I can mail that for you so you don’t have to sneak out the home again. It’s not worth getting punished for it if you get caught.” Xavier shakes his head. He’s disgusted by the thought that the group home was a poor substitute to the torment she suffered in her old home from her father.
He has been working endlessly with their family lawyer to get Alex out the home since her mother placed her there and forgot about her. But now she was only months away from her twenty-first birthday and being released from that place.
He was hoping that they could go off to college together; and build a life afterwards. He’s been in love with Alex since they were kids. He never told her, because Alex back then said she had a crush on Dameon. And he knew Dameon felt the same way. They were just twelve then, but through the years he noticed that despite his outwardly “player” visage, Dameon only had eyes for Alex.
He stood aside to allow Alex and Dameon’s relationship to flourish. But these past few years that rush of electricity he’s been feeling when in close proximity to Alex has been happening more often.
That only meant one thing. He was taught early on that that’s how you know you’ve found your mate. He knew Alex feels it too. The rush pulls them together. He never mentioned it to her, and she always seemed to dismiss it, but he needed her to know
how she makes him feel.
“Alex, I want to go with you to New York.”
He did, truthfully. Heck, he’s already set aside the downpayment for school and their lodging. But his dad fell ill, and he was bound by duty to stay and be ready to take his place as Alpha when he turns twenty-one.
He realized he said it aloud and his heart started to race. Duty still held him back.
“Really, you would do that for me?” Alex broke the silence, as she bit her lower lip.
His eyes caught hers, and somehow his hands were on her shoulders, gripping her with such intensity that she couldn’t possibly look away. He didn’t say anything. His eyes did all the talking.
“Xavier, don’t. I’m too damaged. You deserve someone better.”
Her face was so familiar to him; he’d seen it a thousand times. The golden ring around her iris, her freckles and how one is shaped like a heart, her full lips meant for kissing, the way she bites her lower lip when she was nervous, the warm glow of her skin.
“You are not damaged, Alex. It’s merely luck of the draw. Life has continually dogged you with misfortune, but you have always come out on top. I have nothing but admiration for your resilience. So don’t go and put yourself down. Because for me, there is no one else better than you.” His voice was low and urgent.
“Xavier…” he placed his index finger on her lips. He knew that if she would mention Dameon he will never find the courage to tell her how he felt.
“You are the one I want. You are the one I love. I’ve loved you all my life.” He whispered.
He leaned forward and kissed her. She didn’t stop him. He has wanted her badly for so long. Alex was taken by surprise, but as the shock faded, it was replaced with a primitive need to kiss him deeper.
They continued to kiss, and he wanted to claim her, brand her, mark her as his own. His! Finally his. But he knew that this was just a kiss, and Alex will need to make the decision for herself.
He pulled back and searched her eyes for any signs that she didn’t want this. His heart almost burst as Alex tiptoes and leaned forward, whispering, “Xavier” before kissing him again.
The rush of electricity was amplified this close. She couldn’t quite explain it; it started where her lips touched Xavier’s, pulsing down through her body, and flowing ending at her fingertips and her toes. Xavier lifts her up, arm around the small of her back and the other behind her neck. She felt the rush coming from where’s Xavier’s hands were as well. She’s never felt more content, and whole.
Alex knew she loved him. She has always loved him, especially now more than ever. She has never been with anyone before, let alone been kissed this way. Her f****d up life prevented her from dating. Not that she ever wanted to.
She’s dreamt all these years to be kissed. His tongue was in her mouth, his hands were pressing her closer and closer to him, their chests were flushed against each other. She suddenly thought of making the most of this, thinking this might never happen again. This was her chance to have this blissful experience, for tomorrow she has to decide whether she was leaving or staying.
Tonight was hers.
She felt her cheeks burning when he found the exact spot where her pulse was on her throat, and kissed it softly. She moaned and arched her back to give him full access to her neck.
Her oversized hoodie slid off one shoulder. He trailed his kisses down her neck, and grazed his teeth on her collarbone. He became more playful with his lips, moving lower and lower. He slid his hand under her shirt and cupped her breast.
She gasped and arched her back further, settling her breast even more firmly into his grasp. He traced circles around her erect n*****s slowly.
All she could hear was their breath, hot and heavy.
Xavier pulls away from her and his facial expression changes.
“Alex, you’re in danger. Come and find me.” He says.
She looks at him, confused.
He shouts, “Find me now ALEX!”
I snap out of the memory.
- Writer
