Chapter 18 - Broken Man
1954 Words
Chapter 18 - Broken Man
Xavier POV
- 5 years ago -
Alex walked towards me with determination in her eyes. I take a step back, surprised by her actions.
As she reaches me she tiptoes and her lips crashes into mine. I froze for a second, pulling my head back, looking at her hazel brown eyes.
“Yes!” She whispered as she kissed me again. This time I didn’t hesitate, and I kiss her back passionately. I lift her up so she doesn't push us to the ground.
Alex wrapped her legs around my waist. I slipped my hands down her thighs to support her weight. Her petite frame perfectly molds to my stocky built.
Electricity erupts all over my body as I pulled her closer to me. I assault her lips, taking all of her in.
My best friend Alexandra just said yes to marrying me. She was going to leave but somehow I convinced her to stay - As my wife.
She got in the bus right after I asked her to marry me. That broke my heart into a million pieces. I was dumbfounded. Defeated, I turned away as the last passenger entered the bus. Over the fading sound of the bus driving away, I could barely hear it but I thought I heard a yelp.
"Xavier!!!"
I looked back and there she was, standing where the bus was parked. She drops her bags and dashes towards me.
Now I have her in my arms and I was never letting her go.
present time -
“Alex!!!” I scream out her name. Another golden memory taunting me. No point going back to sleep. I sit up and reach for the bottle of scotch beside my bed.
I look back to Alex’s empty side of the bed. I haven’t touched her things. The book she’s been reading sits on top of the night stand. Along with the little notebooks she scribbles in and her glasses which perch on top of all of it. All left the way she left it, untouched like she was just in the bathroom, brushing her teeth.
She kept photos of us during happier times, taped on the wall beside her stuff. The last thing she sees before going to sleep she says. To allow her go to sleep and still have me in her dreams.
Her pillows lay beside mine, scent faint now. I’m alone in the bed and I'm to blame for this loneliness.
I take a swig from the scotch, but drinking no longer drowns out the guilt. There’s no one else to blame but myself. I’ve allowed the madness to take a hold of me.
10 years old -
When I was younger, mom and dad decided that it would be healthy for me to mix with humans. So they enrolled me to the local public school in the next town. Dad was Alpha over all the lands in this region. They chose that town because it was an all-human town. There were no werewolves there.
Dad always said we were created as the protectors of man. So he needed me to learn how to be human. To not feel entitled that I was stronger and had abilities.
I loved this about a Dad, and this is also the reason why he was a beloved Alpha. Not only was he Alpha of our pack but he lead the rest of the Alpha’s in the northern hemisphere.
It was in my lineage, we were descendants from the old wolves - so I was told.
It made me proud and I wanted nothing but to make Dad proud of me.
That’s were I met the strangest little girl in pigtails. Everybody knew was the smallest runt of a girl in the playground. Everybody but herself, of-course.
The first time I see her, she was pushing her ridiculously big glasses up her nose, defiantly huffing in front of a huge 12 year old boy.
I don't usually poke my nose into other people's business, but there was something about her that draws me. The boy appeared to be bullying her. I walked to the scene unfolding, already picking a side. I stood behind her nodding at the boy who was picking on her.
The boy looks at me causing the girl to turn around. She just looks at me. “This is my fight, I don’t need your help,” she boasted.
The boy tried to tease her again. She's clearly had enough from him and even before I could step in she shoves the boy. He falls to the ground, and before he can get up she was already on top of him punching him repeatedly on the side of his head or on the face; depending on which was open, as he frantically tries to block her attacks.
I was too stunned to do anything, I’ve never seen a small human girl do this.
The boy was left crying, and she got sent to the principal’s office.
Unfortunately I was also dragged into the principal’s office as I was a witness to the whole thing. I waited for her outside the principal’s office. As she steps out she wipes off a tear from her cheeks. “What’s wrong?” I ask.
“s**t, I'm getting detention.” I was taken aback that at merely 10 years old, she already cusses like a teenager. “Dad's not gonna like that. And he's on his way to pick me up!” She looks worried.
She turns to me as she smiles, “you said you wanted to help me.”
She scans the empty corridors. “Can I go to your place after school? Trust me, you won’t get into trouble. And we don’t need to ask permission from my folks.” She says in one breath.
I look at her, confused. She continues, now her eyes looked more desperate. “You don’t even need to make me dinner. I just need to hide”
“Hide?” I look at her, even more confused than before.
“I mean... I just need to let dad cool down before I get home.” Then she smiles as she sees my worried look. “Besides, friends hang out right?”
“Are we friends?” I asked suspiciously, this was one complicated 10 year old.
“Yes we are. Actually, best of friends!” she declares while holding out her hand “I'm Alexandra, but since we're about to become best friends you can call me Alex!”
I reached for her hand and shook it.
present time -
Ever since then we’ve been stuck together like glue. The complicated little girl who turned into a self-conscious teenager turned into my loving wife.
Was my loving wife. Whenever I look in the mirror I see only her monster instead of her husband.
She's gone and I have nobody else to blame but myself. What am I now? What am I now without you Alex?
Xavier, I hear her whisper in my mind. I brushed my hair off my forehead as I let out a long breath.
I miss you so much Alex, I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness. But I will fight for you until my last dying breath. I vow I will find out the reason behind this madness.
I kind of had my questions with my uncontrollable outburst and Alex's connection to it when I confronted her father in jail.
- a year ago -
It’s been years since he was locked up. Wanting closure, Alex went to visit him. As soon as he saw who it was visiting him he was screaming for her to leave. His eyes were filled with fear. He dashed to the closest prison guard and asked to be returned to his cell.
Alex left in tears. I returned to find answers.
Her father sounded different, his mind wandering from place to place.
"Peter. I want you to know. As long as I am alive. Alex will be safe. From anyone who has reason to hurt her. From you. I will always be there to protect her. I don't know why I'm even here. Because I want you to rot in here. I don't want you to suddenly have a valid excuse to why you were doing it. But you're her father and I just need to understand. All those years, what could possibly bring you to hit your own daughter?"
His eyes widen. Filled with guilt, he started screaming.
“I don’t know what your talking about!!” He started shaking. “It was him, he took me somewhere else... and he did all those things... It wasn’t me!” He was pointing to the other side of the room, but there was no one there.
A few months later Peter was brought to a psychiatric facility. I never told Alex. Why would I? Loony or not, he hits her. Plus I don't want Alex to suddenly have a reason to feel guilt for the bastard.
present time -
Alex has misplaced love for people who hurt her. Just like her misplaced love for me even after I first hit her.
Austin recently came up to me with a hunch and an idea to help me control my outburst. Not that I wanted to be atoned for my sins. No, I’ve owned up to sins. But if there is a slight chance to be part of Alex life again, I would take it.
I throw the bottle of scotch across the room. It breaks on the wall upon impact.
Whenever I lost my control I always felt like I was being drowned in an invisible cold lake. It always starts as whispers, a cold, dark voice sending chills down my spine. I blame myself for not doing anything about it sooner.
He first outburst I blocked out, when I came around Alex was already on the ground, her cheek bruised.
Ever since that day I hated myself, but Alex, she just loved me. She stayed even when I told her to leave. “Leave before I couldn’t handle myself” I told her yet she refused. Without understanding what was going on she risked her life to help me.
She brought me to different human Psychiatrists, the pills they gave helped. That suppressed it for a while. But not long enough.
My possessiveness took control and the black outs came often.
Austin noticed my change in behavior. Secretly he sought out answers and an escape plan for Alex.
He contacted Dameon to help him take Alex away from me. As soon as Alex was away he locked me up until I came back.
I don’t remember where I go when I am gone, all I remember is the cold, the emptiness, the loneliness, and the darkness.
I shrug at the memory.
Alex please wait for me. I call out to her. I know she hears me. Austin constantly reminds me to give her space.
She deserves it after what she’s been through with the "other me". That’s what Austin and I call it now.
But it’s hard to when I know she’s with Dameon. Jealousy consumes me at the very thought.
Yet I hold on to her missing me, I know she does, I know she still loves me. I felt it that night she saw me as a wolf.
I know you miss me Alex. I know i’ve said one too many apologies. And it kills me to know we’ve run out of reasons to be together.
What am I now? What am I with out you? I have a feeling I am now someone you can live with out. What if I become someone you don’t want to be around with? I’m falling apart without you Alexandra.
“I'm sorry I wasn’t strong enough for you” I wipe the tears from my eyes.
I bang my head backwards to the head board as tears roll down my cheeks.
I hear Alex cry as I allow myself to cry with her
- Writer
