My Italian Doctor

Chapter Thirty

I was so grateful to have a day off, but despite that, I would have to go to work. I needed to go and speak to Carlson about the sous-chef issue, and it couldn't wait any longer. Before I tackled that problem, I was going to head over to my parent's house to see my mother. I didn't even have a clue what was happening between them anymore, or even if my father was still living there.

I got ready and automatically dressed more conservatively than I normally did. Wearing a simple cream woollen dress. It was just the way things were when I went to my parent's house, it was almost like I was heading for a Sunday service at church. I felt the need to fit in with the way they lived and behaved. Somehow, that led to me projecting my mother's dress sense onto myself. It didn't even make sense, because I knew full well my mother wouldn't actually care what I was wearing. She might draw the line at me turning up in my PJs. The problem was within me. I felt like I needed to blend in somehow.

I did, however, cave and wear my flats. It wasn't ideal but my parent's place was a couple of miles walk from my flat and I didn't fancy doing it in heels. It was odd because for a moment I had considered throwing my trainers on, which was unheard of for me before Italy. I remembered back to the first day I had worn them at the vineyard. Aurora had ribbed me for the longest time because they looked like they had never been worn. They had but only in the gym, which she found hilarious.

By the time I returned from Italy, they looked like a trusty pair of work trainers. If I wore them to the gym again, I would garner a fair few looks. Although being in Italy, I had built muscles in places I had never realised needed muscles. Thinking of all the happy memories from my time in the Mediterranean made me smile as I walked. Things over there were always much more laid back than they were in England, and it was refreshing.

My mother was at the door before I had even knocked on the black PVC door. My parent's house was a modern place and had only been built about five years before. I had very little personal connection to the place but they loved it. It was a red brick townhouse with floor-to-ceiling windows on the ground floor and each of the bedrooms upstairs was similar but in the form of doors opening up onto balconies.

I much preferred the little cottage we used to live in when I was younger. It was smaller and from before my father had made his millions, but it was perfect to me. The sort with whitewashed walls and a brown thatched roof. It had been left to my parents by my grandmother and it had been her pride and joy. When she had been younger, it had been photographed and used as a picture on a tin of biscuits and it made her proud as punch.

"Hey honey, I didn't even know you were back." She pulled me into a deep warm hug and I couldn't help but feel guilty. I should have told her when I got back. It hadn't even occurred to me. It wasn't that we weren't close, we were, but we were a different kind of close. A kind of reserved closeness. If she threw a party she would send me an official invitation card rather than text me. It was like a typical English family or how English families were often portrayed anyway.

"I've been back a couple of days, but I've been busy sorting things out at work." She had hold of my hand and was pulling me inside the house and into the sitting room. It was odd behaviour for her, not quite the reserved mother I had left behind. "How have things been here? How's Dad?"

"He's stopping at a hotel in town. I told him there was no need, but I think he likes the privacy it affords." I knew she meant nothing by it and before George, I wouldn't have thought anything about her words. Everything had changed and I knew instantly why he needed privacy.

"I need to know what happened. Why have you two suddenly decided to divorce?"

"Oh Em, let's not get into all that. It isn't important."

"How can it not be important?"

"I just don't want to discuss it."

"Because you don't want me to know. It's not that you can't talk about it, you just can't tell me?"

"I don't want you to feel you have to be in the middle of everything, that's all."

"I'm already in the middle. You think I will blame him for it, don't you?" She didn't say anything but the way her eyes fell to the floor said everything I needed to know. Even after he had left and I was in no doubt it was him that left, she was still trying to protect him. "Mum, I already know."

"What? How? He promised he wouldn't tell you. I didn't mean to do it, it just happened." She threw me completely and I felt my jaw drop open. I had assumed it was him who had cheated, but I was wrong. I could feel the sickness inside of me rising. Somehow, I had been prepared for it to be him. I loved him but there was a distance between us, there always had been. The idea of her doing that to him seemed to feel worse than anything he could have done. Like it wasn't just him she had betrayed but me too. She had betrayed the image of my mother and made me feel like I had never known her.

"Who?" I kept it short, hoping she wouldn't realise that I actually had no idea about any of it.

"Bradford. I didn't mean for any of it to happen. Your father is just always so busy with work. I felt abandoned."

"So, because he was busy earning money to keep you provided for, you betrayed him in the worst possible way." I stood abruptly. I couldn't stand the sight of her. I needed to cool off. I headed for the front door and just as I opened it I turned back towards her as she followed me. "Dad never told me a thing. I came here feeling sorry for you because I thought it was him. I thought he was the one to throw his entire marriage away on worthless s*x. Clearly, I misjudged both of you. Just to give you an insight, I fell in love in Italy and was going to move there to be with him, but he betrayed me and broke my heart, just like you did to Dad. I hope you're proud of yourself."

I walked the streets for a little while, not quite knowing what to do with the information I had gained. If my mother of all people could do that, then what hope was there for the rest of civilisation? I felt like I needed someone to pull me into a great big warm hug, but there was no one. Everyone I could have turned to had vanished. My mother was the last one left and even she felt like she was an ocean away from me.

It wasn't even like George had cheated on me, he had cheated on his wife. It was worse than that, he had turned me into the other woman. The woman who had blown a family apart just like my mother had done. It was like from that moment, it would be even more impossible to face him or forgive him. My mother's actions had made it impossible.

What made it worse was I knew I was walking into another argument when I arrived at work. Not only did Carlson not do his job, but he also flipped if anyone tried to do it for him. Just me asking him about the job vacancy would be enough for him to get mardy with me. I made my way straight up to his office and knocked on the door. As usual, he made me wait a ridiculous amount of time before he responded. It was the same power play as always.

"Enter." I rolled my eyes at his ridiculousness. It was no wonder that none of the staff liked or even respected him.

"Mr Carlson, I've come in to discuss the sous chef position."

"I'm sure there are more important jobs you could be doing."

"It's my day off, Sir. The kitchen is really struggling without a sous chef. Have you set up interviews yet?"

"No, I haven't that it has anything to do with you. I'm considering not hiring anyone."

"Why?"

"Because they are managing just fine, even if they don't like it. There is no point in me spending more money on wages when I don't need to."

"I wouldn't say they are coping. Waiting times are up, customers are complaining and the food isn't the usual high standard."

"I will see how the situation progresses over the next couple of weeks. You can go." I turned and took my leave. I had tried and at the end of the day, it wasn't really even my fight to have. Not to mention I was already all fought out for one day. I headed home feeling drained and like nothing was going my way since coming back. It felt like I was in such a slump.