The Darkness

History

The snow started to fall at a steady rate, powdering the window ledge and causing us both to shiver at the slow change in temperature in the room. As the flakes melted on the window, I admired how beautiful each one looked before it disappeared on contact.

I could feel Paeris looking at me, gauging my reaction to the weather. I sighed softly and ran my fingers through my hair.

"You love snow. Why do you seem so sad about it?" He offered softly, looking out the window with a frown.

"Everything feels different now. It's harder to be outside patrolling for long periods with the snow which means our defenses will be down, which means..." I shrugged. Paeris of all people knew how dangerous it could become at any time.

The grounds outside had turned nearly unrecognizable as it covered with snow. I looked back at Paeris and studied his face slowly, noticing for the first time the shadows of his usually beautiful green eyes and the sunken look of his cheeks.

The grounds weren't the only unrecognizable thing in my life.

I had seen my father and mother playing in the snow when I was young, laughing to each other and playing in the fluff. Seeing them play and whisper sweet nothings to one another made me hope that their love was what my future could look like with Cage. They had been Mated the same way Cage and I had. Pack leaders had always been chosen from birth, destined to be together. My mother had always told me that their love had grown with time and ours would too.

As I turned back and studied Paeris, my heart hurt. His fingers entwined in his golden locks and his eyes seemed set on the book in front of him, even though I could tell he wasn't actually that fascinated with the text.

"Paeris, when you think of your future, what do you see?" I asked softly, reaching out to brush my fingertips across his knuckles. He jumped at the contact, but didn't move his hand away from me. It hurt my heart to know he still struggled around me so much, but I attempted to be understanding.

"What do you mean?"

"Like, your future. Do you see yourself as Head if Cruor? A warrior? Married?" I added on to the end, wondering if he saw a playful snowy future the way I hoped to some day.

He sighed, turning his hand to tangle his fingers through mine. He seemed torn by his thoughts, somewhere far away. I enjoyed the feeling of warmth that crawled through me with his touch. He may not have as much control of his power anymore, but his touch still made me feel safe and warm, despite my pairing with Cage.

"Honestly, I just see myself happy." He said slowly, squeezing my hand in a way that reminded me of the old him. While he wasn't necessarily mean or cruel now, he was just cold. There was an air about him that screamed new mystery and a roughness. My sweet Paeris was gone and this rugged man sat in his place. "I don't know what the future holds for me now. I don't know if I was supposed to have a future."

I nodded sadly, looking back out the window at the falling wisps.

"But I hope to have a future by your side. I meant what I said about just being happy with a piece of you."

Pushing my hair back from my face, I avoided his gaze and pulled my hand back to my side of the table. I knew this wasn't the reaction he was looking for from me, but my confused thoughts made it hard to fully commit to anything.

"Right, so, we have a lot to cover in a really short time. Other than training and book work, you have to declare the next Head of Spiris and the traditions that come with that. I know we touched base on that, so it isn't necessarily the priority. You won't know what to expect until you are there. We also have the Heart Ball coming up, which is a pretty big deal. You'll need to learn how to dance." He listed before shooting me a knowing look.

"I know how to dance."

"No, you know how to grind your ass on people to club music." He said with a tone I couldn't quite place. Was he referring to the party we had gone to months previously? My cheeks burned at the memory of the way I danced on Paeris before we separated. "Royal dances are much more than just grinding to the beat of the music."

I nodded, searching his face for answers as he shot me a smirk in a way I had never seen before.

"Okay, dancing. Check. I'm sure Laurel can help with that." I offered, tucking my hands into my lap.

"If you would prefer." He said simply, a frown growing on his face. I chose to ignore the disappointment in his tone.

"When are we going to actually get to the action? I have been here for months and the most physical combat training I've done is from my room to the library or Council room. I had a strict regimen decided on with our fathers. I know you're trying to help me with my manifestations, but I can't let my physical strength slip either." I was starting to get out of shape and while I had always been too skinny for my own good in the past, I was almost a healthy weight now that I hadn't been training like I used to. "I can't afford to get sloppy. I was getting winded yesterday just doing basic defensive moves."

"A Queen should know how to defend herself, yes. I can't use my own magic to train offensively with you, but I can help you learn yours a little better so that is what I have been focusing on. You're stronger than any of us. But I understand that as a Champion you need physical strength too." He said softly, brushing his fingertips over my hand again, causing me to recoil. The shadows in his eyes grew a bit darker. "Why are you so afraid to be near me, Ray? I understand, you've become very chummy with Cage lately. I get it. But you seem like you're actually afraid of me."

"I'm not chummy with Cage. I'm going to be mated to Cage. There is a huge difference. And why does it matter to you? You can't even look at me, remember?" I shot him a pointed look as my volume raised with each passing word. My heart and head hurt with this entire situation.

"You may choose to be mated to him, but do you love him?" Paeris demanded, raising to his feet in frustration. "You can want to f**k someone and not love them, Ray. You can even rule next to someone and not love them. So which is it? You said you loved me and then crawled in bed with the dog."

I gasped, narrowing my eyes at the man before me, wondering where my sweet Paeris went. I cracked my knuckles, feeling my joints growing tense as my inner wolf started to protest.

"Cage and I have history!"

"We have history, Ray! Just because your biology tells you he's a good match, doesn't mean he's good for you!"

My stomach coiled uncomfortably as his voice raised to a shout, his eyes darkening slightly. Dark thoughts clouded my vision as I tried to fight off my anger bitterly. Clearing my throat in attempt to clear my mind as well, I readjusted in my hair.

"Had." I clarified, feeling an acidic taste roll over my tongue. "We had history."

The look on Paeris' face was if I had just hit him. There was a hurt in his eyes now that replaced the anger that burned through before. He stood and took a step closer to me before brushed his fingertips over my cheek in a way that reminded me of the first time we met in person. My heart ached for him. I wanted to reach out for him, to cradle him in my arms and kiss his lips and take back all the hurt and angry words I had spat in his direction.

"Thanks for the clarification." As the words left his mouth, he turned on his heel and walked away.

Just like the snow outside, he was back to being the cold shell of the man I loved.