Billionaire Bad Boy, Broken Underneath

Chapter 18

Ezra's POV

Things have been a lot smoother with Carissa after I apologized to her. I still can't believe I apologized. I've don’t apologize to women. Sometimes I wonder if I'm the same person because lately, I've been acting out of character. My hot chef has been making me do really embarrassing things without even knowing it. I still remember the shock on her face when I apologized. She tried to mask it but I caught it already.

It's the beginning of a new month and I had promised my friend, Marcus, that I would come visiting. He's one of the very few friends from the streets I still keep in touch with. We had been really close back them but when I left the streets to build TechZenith, our communication lessened. We still talk once in a while though. He was the first person I told about my bad eating habits and also what I went through at Randall's house. I didn't trust Jason enough back then to tell him about it and I badly needed to talk to someone so I told Marcus everything. He didn't judge me. Not for once. He always told me it was never my fault and I was a victim in all of it but sometimes my head says otherwise.

Jason had a similar reaction when I eventually opened up to him. Denise my P.A only knows about my eating habit but doesn't know where it stems from or anything about my time my past. As much as I appreciate Denise for her work, I can only stomach a few people knowing about my past. It's really not a subject I like to discuss or even think about. Jason hasn't brought it up ever since I spoke to him about it. He only advices about my eating habits and was equally involved in hiring a new professional chef to ‘fix’ my eating habits. I'm sure of it.

They don't understand that I just can't bring myself to eat most of the time. Jason once suggested that I see a therapist and I shut it down immediately. He hasn't spoken about it again. I don't need a therapist. I don't need fixing. It's funny how everyone thinks they know what's best for me more than myself. It's ridiculous. I'm fine. It's not like I go months without eating. I just don't eat like normal people do. My time in the gym helps to build my muscles and keep my body toned.

Though my coach would always advice to pay as much attention to the inside as we do to the outer parts of our bodies. It doesn't matter to me anyway. I would usually just eat little quantities for survival only. But it has improved a whole lot ever since Carissa started making my meals. Not only does she make the healthy meals very tasty, I also don't know why I can't reject her food. I stopped fighting it and would just eat whatever she cooked. On days when I don't feel like eating, she would somehow manage to get me to eat even if it’s only a few spoons I can manage.

I put the car in park as I stop right in front of a white apartment building. Marcus had sent his new address to me saying he moved apartments. I step down and walk into the building, taking the elevator up to his floor. I ring the door bell by his door and he opens up after a few seconds.

“Hey man. Been a minute, yea” he says as we clap each other's backs. I step inside and he leads me to a small living room. I take a seat on a comfortable looking sofa and Marcus sits opposite me.

“How's it going? You look really different, Marcus” I say staring at him.

“Well, what can I say? God is good” he says and I snort. He laughs and stands up.

“What can I get you? I've got water, wine, even sparkling water. I know you folks drink stuff like that, don't you?” he asks

“Don't do that. Don't group me with those rich uppity people. Nothing’s really changed, man” I lean back on the sofa, getting comfortable.

“Oh, a lot surely has changed. You took the bull by the horn and changed your life totally. I'm really happy you left when you did. I mean, it stung back then not having my buddy around, but seeing you right now and all you've achieved so far, I'm happy you took that step” he says and I avoid his eyes. I don't do well with compliments and if I'm being honest, I still have my struggles so it's not like everything changed totally. My finances and status in society, yes. But I still carry the hurt and trauma from my past. Marcus notices my shift in expression and laughs a little.

“Just get me water” I mutter and he goes to get it. He sets it on the small coffee table in the center of the room and takes his seat.

“You seem different, Marcus, really. Talk to me, man” I stare at him. He actually looks very different from the last time I saw him. Marcus was heavy on drugs and alcohol back on the streets. I tried those hard drugs once after he convinced me to. I didn't like how it made me feel so I stuck with just alcohol. Now, the man seated before me seems like a whole different person.

“I just had to find a way to quit, man. They were telling on my health real bad. I'm actually really lucky I survived the last episode. I was checked into a rehabilitation center that's why I couldn't reach out for so long” he has a sober look on his face.

“I guess that was tough, right?” I try to offer sympathy.

“What can I say, man? It had to be done. I've been sober for a few months now”

“That's some really good progress, I guess”

“How about you? Still hooked on the bottle?” he asks, referring to my drinking habit.

“You know what it does to me, Marcus. It helps calm me down. I won’t ignore the fact that it's bad for my health though, but it's difficult to let go. I don't want to. It helps me forget, you know” The water tastes a bit different and I see it's sparkling water the i***t actually brought and I almost laugh.

“You know you have to give it up one day. You shouldn't have to hold onto something external to keep you sane. I've lived through it so I know how it is. You can only choose to stay sane. What would you do if alcohol doesn't exist anymore?” he asks

“Then I'll stick to my women” Immediately the words come out, they sound really strange to my ears. And I just realize that I haven't gotten laid in weeks because I can't seem to want to be with anyone who isn't Carissa. Damn! I'm totally screwed.

“That's still similar to the bottle, man. They're all the same. But baby steps though. No pressure. You have to want it for yourself. No one can make you seek help” he says and I ponder on his words.

For so long I've never really thought about my situation as too serious that I get to talk to some professional freak about it. Now seeing Marcus in this state, it somehow gets me thinking. But I'm definitely not going to speak to freaks who don't know what they're doing half the time. Why is therapy even recommended? Most of them don't even go through half the things we go through so how the hell are they supposed to offer help. It's just weird.

“I'm good man. I'll think about it though. It's really nice to see you this way. You've refused help from me over the years so it's really strange to see you like this” I say to him. I still was able to help him out financially without him knowing. I do have my ways.

“Yea. I just didn't want to be a burden, you know. But I'm all good now” he says with a warm smile. We spend the rest of the evening talking about everything going on in our lives.