Billionaire Bad Boy, Broken Underneath

Chapter 9

Ezra's POV

It's been two weeks since we had dinner at Jason's and life so far has been pretty mundane. Besides going to the office, creating new apps and closing off deals, nothing really interesting has happened. Well, asides my hot chef, moving around the house, looking pretty and annoying. Carissa had made it a point of duty to ensure I have three square meals every day.

She insists on packing my lunch before I go to work even after I declined. One time I purposely left in a hurry and didn’t carry the packed lunch, she sent one of my drivers with my lunch to my office. I couldn't help but laugh. Carissa is so stubborn and I just love riling her up before letting her have her way.

Drink in hand, I take the elevator down to the ground floor. I open the double doors leading to the backyard and step out. The cold chilly air hits me immediately. I walk straight to the garden and stand by the bank, overlooking the small lake. It's 3am in the morning and I can't sleep. I usually come down here whenever that happens. I would think about my life, what I've been able to build and how far I've come. I've just been in my feelings since last night. Not the emotional stuff but just having deep introspection.

My mind goes back to the time I would move foster homes. After my mum died, I moved from one foster home to the other, until I landed at Randall Cole's house. A pastor of one of the mega churches in town. But what I thought to be an escape for me turned out to be the worst nightmare of my life. I don't want to think about the despicable things that went on behind the walls of his house and the front I and the other kids were forced to put up for the entire church.

I hate that he still possesses my thoughts sometimes so I try as much as possible not to think about him ever. But on nights like this, I just can't help it. Thinking about it now and how it has and is still affecting my life, it's almost laughable. But honestly, there's nothing funny about it. I take a long drink from the glass and the alcohol burns my throat. Just what I need to numb my feelings. I move to sit at the bench by the side. I stay there for a while, closing my eyes and enjoying the peace and quiet when I hear footsteps approaching. I don't open my eyes immediately but when I do, I see Carissa seated next to me, glowing beautifully under the moonlight.

“What are you doing here?” I ask in a voice softer than usual.

“I couldn't sleep. I thought of taking a night stroll round the compound when I caught sight of you seated here. Are you okay? It's three in the morning. What are you doing up?” she asks and I almost don't want her to stop talking. I just want to sit here and listen to the sound of her voice.

“I couldn't sleep either” I turn away from her and look ahead.

“Is anything bothering you? You can talk to me if you want” she says as she puts one leg over the other. We stay silent for a while.

“Why did you agree to work here? In my house, I mean” I ask.

“That’s a very random question. But anyways, I was looking for a job and I found one. As you well know, I'm a Chef. I found a job online needing my services and I took it” she says casually. I sense there's more to the story but I don't push it. “How about you?” she continues.

“What about me?” I ask as she looks down at my hand.

“You’re drinking at three in the morning. There has to be something bothering you”

“It's nothing serious. Just work stuff” I down the remaining drink at a go. I look back to see her staring at the lake. Her side view is just so captivating. Everything about this lady makes me feel things I'm not comfortable with. I silently take a quick snapshot of her with my phone and slip it back into my pajama pocket without her noticing.

“Do you ever feel like you want something you can't have?” she stares deeper into the water.

“Why do you ask that? Do you have something you want you feel you can't have?” I drop the empty glass I've been holding on the bench beside me. I join her in staring at the water.

“Do you?” she shoots back

“I mean, don't we all? There's always that one thing we desperately want but sometimes we can't have or rather it's best we don't have them because we just might destroy it. So we settle for hoping and longing from afar” I rattle off.

“That's true. Sometimes it's best we stay far away as possible. Or better still, cut off all expectations of having them so we don't get hurt in the process” she says, looking deep in thought. I ponder on her words and I can't help but feel like she's describing my situation. I've come to terms with the fact that I want her. Not just casually. I want every bit of her. Everything she comes with. I want to protect her and give her everything she needs but I know I can't have her. I'll only taint her. She seems so pure. My feelings are conflicting because this is the first time I'm feeling this way about a woman and I honestly don't know what to do with it.

“You sound like you have something in particular that you want but can't have” I press

“No, I don't” she says almost immediately and it just confirms my point. “I could say the same for you, you know” she continues. “ You have this look of longing in your eyes. It's very hard to notice but I see it”

She stares deep into my eyes as though she can see through my soul. I look away from her after a few seconds. “You don't know what you're talking about, Carissa”

“You can choose to deny it but you and I know it's there”

“When you come from where I come from, you understand that you can't just have everything you want. And those things in particular hurt the most” I answer

“You never really talk about your family, Ezra” she shifts a bit on the bench.

“I never really talk about anything with you” I smirk at her and she rolls her eyes so hard I'm concerned it might fall off. I smile a bit as I stand. Somehow, she has succeeded in lightening my mood and I'm grateful but I don't tell her that.

“We should head in now” I offer my hand to help her stand. She slips her fingers into it and gets on her feet. I drop her hand as she pulls her light pink shawl together.

“It was nice talking to you, Mr Ezra” she has a mischievous glint in her eyes.

“Carissa..” I warn. She lets out a hearty laugh and I just stare. I'm so drawn to this woman. I need to head back to my room before I do something I'll regret later. We walk back into the house and take the elevator up.

She turns to me when we get to her floor. “Goodnight, Ezra” she says as she slips out of the elevator and head to her room. I continue the ride up to my room with thoughts of my chef occupying my mind.