LOVE SCARS

BRUTALLY REJECTED

THIS IS THE WAY THE WORLD ENDS NOT WITH A BANG, BUT WITH A WHIMPER..

Throughout my twenty-four years on earth, those words of T.S Eliot were someone else's story. But today, 15th May 2019, it became mine.

It's as if the heavens decided to punish me for all the sins I'd committed in the past, selecting my own wedding day as a day to unleash my greatest nightmare.

And so did my world end, with no loud sounds but with the shocking sight I was beholding..

My lips shivered in shock as I watched Ryan, my groom, kiss my best friend deeply despite being aware of my presence.

I wasn't just the one witnessing the act. Everyone was present, including the reporters who were definitely airing the event at that time.

‘You aren't the bride on your wedding day’

What is more devastating than having those words as a definition of your reality?..

There's definitely nothing as devastating as that.

The most crushing blow was the fact that my best friend was the one I'd been planning a wedding for all this while and not myself..

Worst of all, I'd even spent my last penny on making the wedding the one I've always dreamed of since I had no family to do that in my stead..

Even my wedding costumes were all bought with my life savings.

Indeed, Ryan was from a rich family and could sponsor every expense but I independently contributed to the wedding with the mindset that I'll definitely get back more money when I fully become his..

How could I have known that I was literally throwing my hardly-labored cash into a bottomless pit by perfecting a wedding that wasn't even mine?..

The bouquet of roses fell from my hand and my tears ran down my cheek while the crowd cheered loudly in excitement, making me seem like I didn't even exist.

I'd been a fool all this while and until now, I never realized that.

The wedding dress I'd surrendered to Jessica's persuasion, was right on her, cascading elegantly on the floor just the same way I would have loved it, while I was looking like a mere guest in my simple curve-hugging tight gown.

Everything became so clear now..

No wonder Ryan insisted that no pictures were displayed and took advantage of his photophobia..

The wedding invitation cards which only had initials R&J weren't an advanced style as Ryan had made me believe. The ‘J’ had always meant Jessica and not Jemimah..

To think, I’d foolishly sacrificed my sleep for two nights to bake a perfect cake with that same ‘R&J’ initial, claiming that I was better than the bakers in uniform..

All in the name of having a perfect wedding!..

Realization hit me like a ton of bricks as I began understanding more things..

The secret whispers they've made me believe are plans to surprise me..

The secret smiles..

The hangouts Ryan had always insisted she tags along to..

Every damn thing I'd been blinded to was a product of their relationship!!.

They finally broke the kiss which had actually lasted for what seemed like eternity and the priest became a caterpillar that destroyed the walls of my heart completely with his words..

“The couples will be reading the wedding vows now”..

I fell on my knees, releasing more tears in agony. While the wedding vows were being pronounced, my eyes went closed on their own as everything began replaying in my head..

Jessica's words of not being able to attend the wedding and the rented chief maid she introduced me to, two nights ago..

Ryan's mum's creepy smirk which I ignored yesterday out of innocence..

Ryan's refusal to show up for a week until our wedding day..

My shoe that suddenly went missing this morning and delayed my arrival at the wedding hall…

The sadness that enveloped me when I was left with no choice but to wear another pair of heels..

And then the shock that glued my legs to a spot in the middle of the crowd and erased the smile on my lips when my eyes met with my groom and so-called best friend in the couple's section, kissing passionately like their lives depended on it..

Of course, I'd pinched myself a million times to check if I was dreaming but nothing happened and that only meant that it was my reality, not a dream nor a product of my imagination.

How unfortunate!..

I really thought the pains I experienced during childbirth were the worst of all experiences, I never knew that was just the tip of the iceberg..

What is this heartbreak compared to labor pains?!..

Of course, there's a significant difference.

I foolishly allowed my supposed-wedding gown and groom to be worn and engaged to, by someone else ..

Nah..

Not just someone. Someone whom I've regarded as my best friend for three years!..

Three damn years of having a betrayer by my side!..

How could Jessica do this to me despite all we shared through thick and thin?..

How could Ryan betray me despite the love we shared and even when I have an eight-month old infant for him?!...

Wait..

Speaking of my child, where's –

My eyes flew open instantly.

This time, I wasn't concerned about the kiss which had resumed going on, on the stage, all that was ringing in my head was my son's name.

The last time I saw him was last night when we slept together and this morning, I woke up to a note that read..

‘It's your day, you shouldn't be babysitting Reid. He'll be fine with me, you'll meet him at the wedding hall’

Should I say I was so overjoyed about my wedding that I carelessly forgot to inquire about who exactly wrote the letter, especially with the fact that I slept in a hotel room and caught no glimpse of him at all when I woke up.

And till now, there are still no traces of him!..

My breathlessness intensified and I had no idea when a drop of my pee dropped on my pants..

As if the situation hadn't been cruel enough, I heard words from Ryan's elder sister, Regina, that screamed nothing but heartlessness.

“We have an imposter in our midst, security, throw her out please!..”

Those words pierced my heart deeply and hurt mercilessly like a venomous sting spreading through my veins…

Almost immediately, just as she ordered, two strong arms grabbed me in no time and began pulling me away. A part of my gown tore in the process but that was really the least of my worry at that moment..

I needed to find Reid!..

I continued scanning the crowd with my eyes, trying to find my son but still, no traces.

I couldn't scream or yell to be left alone, I was too weak to do that.

And so..

I remained helplessly in their arms as they tossed me out like a mere trash – A cruel rejection by the people I loved and trusted..

Each passing second increased the grief and despair in me, crumbling my world of hope over and over again..

Sincerely, a part of me hoped to hear words like..

‘Let her be, the prank is over’ .

or

‘Don't you dare handle her that way, she's not a trash’

or even

‘She's the mother of Scott's only grandson, don't you dare treat her that way’..

But no one said anything like that. Not even Ryan!..

And that alone was enough to confirm that I'd only been thinking he loved me truly all this while, whereas, he never did.

Or maybe he once did but Jessica stole his heart.

Either way, I meant nothing to him and he cared less about my wellbeing at that moment.

Everyone remained silent while I got dragged out roughly. The only sounds I heard were camera clicks and murmurs which meant nothing but ‘I was being aired’.

And then for the millionth time today, I confirmed that this was the reality and not a dream.

With a jolt of horror, my eyes widened as I realized that I wasn't just thrown out of the wedding hall, I was about to be thrown out of the event center complex.

My tongue immediately became loosed and my lips forcefully regained the freedom to move.

“Leave me alone, I need to find my son!” I cried, speaking for the first time since I got grabbed while struggling to be released..

“I'm sure you won't like it in a hard way, just keep quiet!” one of the men said, tightening his grip on my arm..

I didn't relent, I struggled harder and that only worsened things because my wedding gown had to bear the consequences.

The fabric tore more badly, revealing my underwears but that was really the least of my worry at the moment.

Losing my son would be the most devastating experience and I was really not ready for that.

I can't even imagine how terrible the pain would be…

I cried..

Screamed..

Yelled..

Struggled..

And pleaded for a chance to get my son but I wasn't even paid the slightest attention. The only people who paid attention to me were the passers-by who mocked me in faint murmurs..

Of course, who wouldn't make fun of a bride with a tattered wedding gown?.. and with her make up and hair destroyed?.

Absolutely, no one.

I was sure that the first impression the sight of me gave each and everyone of them was that ‘I was mentally derailed’.

I was very sure.

Camera clicks didn't stop echoing in my ear but somehow, I wasn't bothered. Or maybe I was, but the desperation to see my son was more overwhelming.

My perfect wedding turned out to be my greatest nightmare and throughout the ceremony, I remained outside, hitting the gate repeatedly and shouting so loud for a chance to be heard.

However, after what seemed like forever, I finally heard approaching footsteps, chitchats and cheers that made me get up from the floor which I'd settled on, when weakness took over me.

“You were clearly instructed to take her far away from here. Psychiatric patients don't belong here”.. those were the exact words that made me turn.

I didn't bother sparing Regina, who had uttered the statement, a glance. My eyes landed on my replacement instead.

“Jessy..” my voice came badly cracked as I stared at her in disappointment, shortening her name just the same way I was used to doing.

She had no other expression on but a smirk which disappeared immediately she looked away from me.

And then, my eyes landed on Ryan whose face at a first glance reminded me of our first meeting.

Truly, there was a huge difference between our social status but he had always made me feel like shop attendants aren't the worst people on earth..

How could I have known that those lips which spewed out the sweetest words were actually lying to me?..

It felt so painful to realize that I'd been eagerly anticipating this terrible day for weeks now.

Ryan said nothing to me, neither did he allow our gaze lock. Rather, his eyes remained glued to the photographer which only made me realize that the photophobia he had always claimed to have was actually a lie..

I felt more stupid than a fool itself and imagining the way he must have mocked my stupidity before now was even so embarrassing on its own.

My mind shattered more on realizing that they were all heading to the venue where the grand wedding would be taking place..

My dream..

What a terrible abortion!..

Right from the spot I was, and still with tears in my eyes, my gaze finally landed on Regina .

I was immediately taken aback and my eyes widened in shock…

“Reid..” my lips moved on their own before I could even realize.

I wasn't imagining things. She had my son in her arms!!..

“My son, give me back my son!” I yelled loudly, despite the significant distance between us.

“He belongs to me!” I yelled loudly again and without a single attention paid to me, something from nowhere landed on my face.

No..

It wasn't just something but a medium sized envelope.

My tears had blurred my vision so bad that I didn't get to see who exactly threw it.

I managed to catch it before I could fall and with furrowed brows, I swiftly looked at the happy people and couple, who were still fully engrossed in their doing before reverting my gaze back to the hard stuff, ignoring the tear that landed on it from my eyes..

I slowly opened it and just when I did, my eyes caught a paper that screamed nothing but familiarity..

I batted my lashes, recognising the paper immediately.

It was the one I signed the very day I birthed Reid and it's content —

… to me, and on that day, meant that the child rightfully belongs to Ryan as the biological father..

There's nothing wrong with that right?..

My question was answered by the bold words on the paper in red ink and even without starting to read, my brain already did.

My eyes went insanely wide..

I have no right over him?!!!!!!!!

My breathing intensified and my blurred vision got backed up by dizziness.

“This can't be possible!..” I managed to say in a low voice out of being weak, contradicting my intentions to scream..

“I can't lose Reid too!!”

I finally managed to raise my voice a bit in tears and before I could blink, the strong arms returned me to their grasp

This time, they were with different intentions..

Before I knew it..

A liquid was injected into my body system...