A gentle love

Chapter 4

Julian was awakened from his contemplation as an annoying bell rang all around him, announcing the end of the lunch break. At that moment, Julian realized that he had spent almost an hour in the studio, and what's more, if he didn't hurry, he would be very late for the afternoon class.

Quickly rolling his valuable canvas back into the tube and hiding it back behind his art briefcase, he ran back to the science building.

Only a vague thought was given to the missed lunch, as he knew very well that coming late to physics was simply out of the question.

With the last ring, he flew like a bullet into the classroom, and elegantly ignoring his teacher's scolding gaze, he sat down at the penultimate desk in the row by the window. Julian adored this spot because it provided a view of the school park and, as the penultimate place in the row, naturally did not attract the gaze of a suspicious teacher focusing on the slugs and bad boys in the last row.

It wasn't until he settled in that he noticed that the room was unusually crowded. Not that it was full, it was an optional advanced physics after all, but it was still fuller than usual.

What was supposed to be a curious glance around the room ended in an almost cardiac arrest. He was here. With him in class. And he looked even better up close than from a distance. Just now up close did he notice something proud in the way he sat, something arrogant in the way he leaned against his desk, and something absolutely charming in the way he smiled at his friend sitting to his left.

A strange wave of bitter jealousy rose in Julian. It wasn't huge, and he was ashamed and laughed at himself as soon as he realized what the strange feeling meant. Still, he couldn't help it. It's been so many years. Of course he has friends, some of which will be those with long hair, perfect legs and a radiant smile. With his looks, Julian would have to be completely ignorant to think Jasper's still the same guy he once knew, the gentle, shy soul full of worries and uncertainties.

No, the person sitting in front of him was different. There was a golden boy, a confident young man with the world at his feet who could do whatever he decided to. The man sitting in front of him no longer belonged in his world. As Julian looked at the boy, it dawned on him that the Jesper Levine, who was now sitting in front of him, probably had no idea who Julian Ellis was.

Even though the thought itself was heart-breaking, it was also strangely reassuring, as it meant that his Jas, as Julian often thought of him, was fine.

After all, when Julian was younger, he used to wonder all the time what had happened to him. Why did he disappear from his life so suddenly without even saying goodbye? Without ever writing to him? Was he okay? Was everything alright?

All these fears and questions, which never really stopped bothering Julian as the time went, even as photos of him from various celebrations and parties began to appear on social media, suddenly subsided. He was fine. Nothing terrible happened to him then, he just decided that he didn't want Julian in his life anymore. After all, Julian probably wouldn't fit into Jasper's new lifestyle anyway.

Although it seemed obvious that the boy didn't remember that Julian had ever existed, he couldn't get rid of the discomfort whenever Jasper looked in his direction. His relief was almost palpable when the bell finally rang, announcing the end of their period. Julian didn’t waste any time to quickly pack up and stride across the classroom out toward the biology classroom.

However, Julian’s mission was abruptly interrupted when a wall stood in his way. The unexpected obstacle turned out to be his best friend.

"Who is chasing you? I mean, I know you don’t like physics much, but a furious flight seems like an exaggerated reaction to me." Luke joked but Julian was so nervous that he could only vaguely shrug.

"Ok, spill it!" Luke ordered immediately. How he always knew when something was going on, Julian had no idea. But what he knew was that there was no point in arguing with him. Luke's Holmes instinct always worked on 100 percent, and Luke knew it.

"He's here Luke, he's back." Julian muttered, looking over his shoulder.

"What are you talking about? What happened."

"Jasper, Luke, Jas is back. And he was in physics with me just a minute ago.”

Luke's incomprehensible expression changed to full understanding in an instant, and where two figures stood just a second ago, only swirling dust now fluttered awkwardly, discretely floating toward the closing door of the maintenance room.

“Jas? Jasper? Like Jasper, your former best friend? The one who bailed on you? The one who disappeared without a word? Me, before there was me? Your new enemy”

Even in a situation like this, Julian couldn’t help but chuckle. Moments like these were one of the main reasons why he actually could stand Luke. His protective nature reminded him of a brother he had never had. And yet what Luke just said didn't sit well with Julian. Was Jasper really his enemy?

Yes, when he disappeared, he took some Jalian with him. But even at the darkest, sleepless night full of tears, Julian never thought he hated him.

So what if Jasper didn't care about Julian anymore? It wasn’t really his fault.

Whenever he thought about it, Julian realized that it was he who was probably holding Jas back.

It wasn’t like Julian was a golden boy himself. What was his future like? And don’t let him even start on his family. He was boring from the inside and from the outside. And those small parts that weren’t boring? Yeah, that was full on emotional baggage. A poor boy from the outskirts of the city, still slightly in denial about his domestic abuse. What a jackpot would a friendship with him be. His strangely wavy hair was just the cherry on top.

If Jsper knew he was leaving the town, it was probably better just not to tell him. Julian used to be pretty clingy and Jas was his only friend after all.

So yeah, what Jasper did to him hurt. But Julian never blamed him for making that decision. And he certainly never hated him for it.

"Luke, it's not like that and you know it. And please, don't tell him anything. With a little luck, he won't even remember who I am. The last thing I need now would be the rich kids bullying me.”

"You know, sometimes you're too conciliatory for your own good. And honestly, you're giving me a little more credit than I deserve. You know I'm more of a passive enemy. I can slander and look murderously from afar, maybe slide into his DMs if I felt brave, but to face the new school nobility, I probably wouldn't dare to do that either. "

"Hey, next time just say you're a coward and save your breath." Julian teased with a smile.

“And what would you expect from me, look at me, a little child would win over me." Luke did not oppose even a little and then continued. "Come on, let's not be late. What do you have now? Biology?”

Julian didn’t say anything, just nodded in agreement.

"Great, me too. Come." Luke tugged him towards the stairwell.

Biology was Julian’s favorite subject and he excelled in it. His father once told him that he was born with an encyclopedia already built into his head. From an early age, Julian was close to everything connected to nature. Whether it were the frogs in a creek near his house or the moss growing on the banks of murmuring brook in the woods. Everything attracted him and not even the rain bothered him.

With a smile, Julian remembered how his mother had once cursed whenever it started raining, because it meant little Jules was going for adventure, hunting for earthworms or salamanders.

So ingrained in the memories of his blissful childhood, Julian almost missed the five unfittingly polished people entering his classroom, had it not been for the strange silence that spread wherever the new fab five appeared.

They sat down into their favorite places in the middle of the classroom. “Who would sit there voluntarily?” Julian pondered almost aloud.

Shortly afterwards, Mrs. Gerber entered the classroom and began the class. But Julian still could not concentrate. He attributed it to the presence of one unwelcome but absolutely unmissable ghost of Christmas past. But this was HIS subject and Julian couldn't concentrate! What if they're discussing something important? What are they discussing? Protozoa? Okay, he could probably miss it. But still, it made Julian weirdly mad that he could not focus because of them.

Thoughtlessly, he doodled on a paper and made plans in his head to stop by the creek in the afternoon. He hasn't been there in years.

Suddenly, Mrs. Gerber's roaring voice woke him out of the contemplation.

"Well, that's enough for today. We still have five minutes left, that's just enough to discuss the future together. I know most of you are going in the STEM direction and some of you are choosing medicine. That's why you're in my advanced class after all. Some universities, however, have a slightly higher demands in terms of preparation. You have the last year ahead of you and applications will begin soon. I know some of you are applying for UCLA so I will be preparing a special program for you.”

UCLA. The word was like cursed to Julian. It was a dream he had to learn to forget. Once upon a time, when he still dared to think of a brighter future, UCLA was it. But that was long gone, because there was no chance he could afford to pay for that school. And as for the possibility of a scholarship? With his virtually non-existent extracurriculars, which he could not take part in because he cared for his sick mother, there was none.

Julian’s heart ached strangely when he saw several hands flying up. So he lowered his eyes to successfully push away the green monster that was taking the floor.

Five minutes. He thought resignedly in his head. Just five more minutes. Quickly tell them what you need and free me from this hell.

What Julian did not expect, however, was the series of events that occurred.

When he dared to raise his eyes, they focused automatically on his teacher, who was already staring at Julian as if he had just fallen out the window.

“Julian, why don't you raise your hand? Are you telling me you're not heading for UCLA anymore?”

Before he could even answer that, a strange electric current flew through the classroom, and the very next moment, five pairs of eyes were on him.

Two pairs were curious, one pair was accusing, one strangely excited, and finally a pair of dark green eyes that could start a storm.

Julian didn't like the attention and his head was spinning from all those intense looks. Therefore, he could do no more than nod to his teacher. According to her expression, she obviously disagreed with his decision, and Julian guessed that he would hear a few more things about it later, but for now Mrs. Gerber left it at that and devoted herself to those who raised their hand.

It wasn't until a few seconds later that Julian dared to look up again. His eyes traveled spontaneously to the center of the room, where a pair of dark eyes he once used to adore was still staring straight at frozen Julian.