Married To You?

Sorry Dad

It sucks to be any father or mother who has to give away their daughter away in marriage.

Watching them grow up only to move away to live with a man who you know they'll fight with (it's inevitable, women can't agree even if they know they're wrong), but we still send our little girl away. Sure, she's not little any more but whenever you look at her you'll still see her learning how to get dressed herself, learning new things, you'll see her debating on why deserves a key to the house and fighting with her brother because he's being overprotective when all she wants to do is go out.

It's worse when she breaks down in front of you because it finally hits her that she's leaving her home behind.

That's what I did.

I broke down in front of my father, it wasn't intentional, but it happened. I couldn't help it.

It was just an ordinary Saturday and Humaira was telling us how it's my last Saturday as a single lady, because next Saturday it would be my Nikkah.

We were all watching some Asian drama; it was really dramatic but deep. I wasn't even watching to be honest, I was more focused on liking pictures on my i********: feed and replying on the wretched "sister-in -law" group on w******p.

My mum had gone sleep because she was exhausted, that happens when you've been working forever to sort things out. Now, everything was done apart from all the miniature details such as my packing, blah blah.

Naveed and Zohrah were in bed because they had to go to Zohrah's parents to stay for the day as her dad had wanted her around for a while and because they couldn't live apart for a night, Naveed was going as well.

They didn't want to go because it was my last week but I convinced them to just go and enjoy themselves.

So it was me, dad, Humaira, my aunty and Haleena watching (pretending, in my case, anyway) the drama.

Dad had told me to go put his phone on charge so there I was going up the stairs to put it on charge, when it started getting charged his phone lit up and his background was me and dad dressed up for a wedding we had gone to and I was laughing because my dad was trying to be funny and he was looking down at me smiling proudly as if he was proud of me which I hope he was.

I, obviously, took too long because he had come upstairs to check on me, he was way too protective for his own good. I was stood there looking at the picture and I have no clue what happened to me or my emotions as I broke down onto the ground crying.

He had come in so happily, "Khadijah did you fall asleep or something?"

Taking one look at me he probably realised what had happened, he helped me up and made me sit on the bed leaning on him as he hugged me, soothing me.

"Why do I have to go, dad?"

"Baby, every girl has to go even if it's someone as amazing as you"

"Yeah, but why can't Qasim come here instead of me going?"

"Why can't me and your mum have a break from you now?"

"You love me too much."

"That's true but we're tired. So tired. We need a break; getting you married will make it easier for us to go on a little holiday from you all!"

"Hey, don't act like you're planning to go forever. Even when I'm married, I'll come everyday to see you lot, don't you worry!"

"Khadijah, I'm so proud of you. I'm sure there's no other father in our family that has been proud that they've had a girl. I love you so much. You've done so many things that not even Naveed could achieve."

"I don't want to go, dad" I cried.

"I want you to go, baby, you can move onto the next part of your life, pleasing your husband and making your in-laws happy, making me even prouder to be your father!"

"I don't care about Qasim; I don't want to please him. I don't want to make them happy and I'll make you prouder sitting right here."

"Khadijah, I know you care about Qasim, I see it in your eyes every time he's mentioned, and he cares about you the same way. Every time I see him, he asks about you. I know you never want to leave us but even you know a girl has to make her own home with her husband and his family!"

"Dad, what is wrong with you? Do you want me to go and leave you guys?"

"I don't but I know you can do it because baby, you're my brave Dida!"

I hugged my dad after having the conversation that I needed to boost my beliefs about this wedding. It's going to work! I can feel it with the way my dad's so strong about me having a good man to spend the rest of my life with.

He kissed my forehead and whispered, "You'll always be my baby first but take care of his family the way I know you can. Make me proud that you're my daughter, prove to them Muhammed Hussain's daughter is no less!"

I laughed and got up, "I'm going to sleep now, okay."

"Okay, (his sister) is already sleeping and Haleena and Humaira are in your room, don't make too much noise, okay?"

"Okay, goodnight dad!"

I hadn't realised I was upstairs for that long as I headed into my room to see Haleena on the phone- god knows who with - and Humaira was lying down listening to the conversation. It was on speaker; well that's what I am assuming with the way Haleena was holding it.

"Yeah, that's fine" the unknown person spoke and of course, it was Qasim.

Why on earth were they talking to Qasim? I don't know and don't care.

I don't regret wanting to marry him but why is everything revolving around him?

My tears are because of him; my smiles are partially because of him.

Why?

Urgh, these feelings are too new to me. Sure, I've liked someone before but never so deep that everything revolves around them. It was in year 11 that I realised boys aren't worth it due to some stupid heartbreak which now seems to me to be just me maturing. I focused on my studies, got my grades where I needed them to be able to focus on my career and become a teacher which Alhamdulillah, I achieved. I simply grew up.

I'm a grown woman now compared to my 16 year old self but those feelings are back and stronger for someone new, Qasim.

I flopped down onto my bed looking at my phone which was pretty hard when my face was smushed onto the pillow but anyway... I saw I had a few messages from the group and some random alerts from some games and i********: etc...

Blah blah. You guys don't care about what my phone is showing me, you'd rather know more about the conversation my sister and my fiancé are having, right?

I sat up to see what they were doing and Haleena was staring at me sheepishly whilst holding her phone out to me. Oh! Yeah? I am not talking to him! I know I will end up talking to him, but I wished I had some confidence to hold out but noo I have to want to talk to Qasim. Urgh!!

Anyway, I stretch a bit taking it off her, leaving it on speaker I flop down back on the bed.

"Hello."

"Khadijah, you okay?"

"I'm fine, how are you?"

"I'm okay. I was wondering..."

"You were wondering what?" I questioned quite rudely to be honest.

"Okay, you're not fine, what's the matter?"

"Everything!"

At this point I took the phone off speaker.

"What do you mean? Are you okay? What's wrong?"

"Okay, calm down. Jheeze! Nothing's wrong, I just realised that I'm engaged. I'm getting married in a week. This time, next week we're going to be worried.”

"Okay, sorry, I just got worried and is that such a bad thing?" He teased in a cocky tone.

"Yes and no. I don't know what to feel. I feel scared and worried and happy and excited and everything at the moment. Why does it have to suck so much for girls?”

"Khadijah, you do know that everything will go the way you want? You can continue to work, spend your days and evenings at your parents, what ever you want to do you can. I know I can't change how you feel but I can help being the reason to lessen your burdens and your overthinking magical mind, right?" He said.

"I know but this isn't anything you can help with, this is me overthinking and the only thing that will help is if my brain would shut up."

"Khadijah, I won't say to you that I'm going to cancel the wedding till you're alright with these changes because to be honest I don't want to be talking to you on a phone when I could have you in front of me with my arms around you. I want you by my side and we'll work together to make it work! But I need you here with me in my bed, preferably in my clothes, to do that!" He replied confidently as if he knew what he wanted.

I laughed; well obviously he'd bring something like that up in a serious conversation! I knew he'd make me smile after that break down but I couldn't help the tears that slipped out whilst I laughed and unfortunately Humaira and Haleena saw them and they jumped onto the bed hugging me.

I looked at them, glad I had them and the man that was on the phone waiting for my reply.

"I'm sorry!" I said.

"Wait, what for? You're not actually planning on cancelling on me, are you?"

"Noo, I can't cancel on you now. I'm sorry for being so weak"

"Then what are you talking about?" He asked sounding confused.

"I'm sitting here crying with the world's best sisters hugging me crying themselves and the world's best fiancé on his phone waiting for me to reply while I am sat here crying!" I broke down.

"Khadijah... Khadijah, please don't cry. Khadijah, please!!" He frantically spoke; I don't think he can handle tears!

I laughed half-heartedly, "I'm fine! Don't worry."

"Khadijah, I'm sorry," he said sounding so guilty, "should I come?"

“Come where?” I questioned him, the girls staring at me smiling at what their brother-in-law just said

“To you, right now?”

“Are you mental? It's so late and I'm fine.”

“It's not as if I'm in bed. Say the word and I'll be outside in fifteen minutes, no ten if I speed”

“Qasim”

“What?”

“No”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes I'm very sure as much as I would love to have you here right this minute I would never tell you to come this late”

Taking a few minutes to calm down, I stopped crying and wiped my tears off, telling the two girls who were hugging me tightly to get off the bed so I can lie down and carry on talking to Qasim.

"Okay, you were wondering what?"

He was obviously shocked at the fact that I stopped crying so quickly and changed the topic but he responded anyway.

"I was wondering whether you want to go to the Global Peace Unity event with me, Abid, Aneesah and Haleena. Humaira's working on Tuesday unfortunately."

"What time?"

"Hah, you don't actually think you have a choice, right? You're definitely coming, I wouldn't be able to survive it alone with these three, sorry!"

I laughed, "Okay then, I guess I'm coming,"

"Go sleep, Khadijah. I'm sorry, by the way, for making you cry, maybe I didn't do it intentionally but I am the reason why you have to leave everyone so I'm sorry."

"Qasim, honestly it's fine, I just needed that crying session, I'll be one hundred percent fine from now on."

"Go sleep."

"Nah, I'm not tired. Are you?"

"Not really"

"Okay then. We're not going sleep, oh and thank you!"

"For what?"

"For helping my dad pay for the things, I don't know why you did that but I can guess!"

"It's okay, honestly, I felt bad, he still has a daughter left to marry off and I did hear things and I know, Alhamdulillah, you don't have those problems any more but I still see your dad as a father so I'll respect him the same way I respect mine."

This is one of the reasons why I know he's worth crying for.

"Thank you," I smiled, honestly this guy is amazing "you don't know how grateful I am to you for doing that, even if he didn't need the help I still appreciate it!"

"Khadijah, I didn't do it for you. So just leave it at that."

I laughed, standing up needing to get changed, it's not comfortable lying down in jeans.

Holding the phone to my ear as I pulled my onesie off the door and my shirt. Putting the phone on speaker, I quickly pulled my clothes off and tugged my onesie on with my shirt on underneath so I didn't have to zip it up.

"What are you even doing?" He asked, presumably he heard my movement.

"Give me a second, just getting changed."

"Changed, huh?" He teased which made Haleena and Humaira laugh as they tuned in to the conversation.

"Shut up" I answered.

Flopping back onto the bed, I took the phone off speaker resuming the conversation.

He was laughing.

"Ha-ha, you're so funny..."

"What did you change into?” he sounded interested making me laugh

“A One Direction onesie!”

“Really?”

“Yep, why?”

“Are you sure you're old enough to get married?” he teased

“I told you I'm childish, so don't be surprised now.”

“You're lying”

“I'm not”

“Show me”

"You want to see my One Direction onesie?" I laughed.

"Can I?"

"Okay."

I pulled my phone out taking a picture of my arm, focusing on Zayn's face, hah, no I'm not going to take a proper picture of myself, I'm not that confident.

"Okay bye, goodnight!"

"What?"

"I'm a bit tired, I'll send the picture the second I end the call"

"Okay! I expect a picture, Khadijah!"

"You'll get it Qasim, goodnight!"

"Goodnight"

I sent the picture to which he replied with laughing emojis, ' wow you r rlly childish'

I didn't reply though.

Giving the phone to Haleena, I covered myself with the duvet and got into bed.

Humaira was already changed in her nightclothes so she jumped into bed.

"Can I sleep with you today, Aunty is in my room?" Haleena asked with a puppy dog face.

"Yeh, okay."

She jumped in the middle of me and Humaira, crushing us both. We both groaned and

we moved to give her some space.

She eased into the bed and turned to me, "I love you by the way!" She whispered.

I hugged her and replied, "I love you too, I love Humaira too!"

"I knew you did!" Humaira confidently replied.

We chucked at her childish response and then all turned to the beautiful callings of sleep.