A Mermaid's Heart

Chapter Twenty-Three.

There was a realization that came along with the vision the sea had shared with me, a single thought that caused a knot to form in the pit of my stomach. I clawed at the flesh there with my hand when I hauled myself out of the shallow water. I truly didn’t know the man whom I had met in my dreams, the man whose life I had taken for the sake of others, for my own selfish gain, for Caleb. I wished the ocean would show me, would make me see the former god with clear eyes not just through glimpses into his past but the waves would not listen to the rapid thoughts rolling through my mind. What did I know about the man to begin with? That he was raised by a brutal father, that his mother had died early on, that he had fallen in love with a woman he could not have, that I was the descendant of his eldest daughter? He had murdered her lover, the man she gave her life for but why, why would he kill someone so mercilessly? Why? ‘To protect that which he loved’ my eyes widened at the woman’s voice, my head turning to glance back at the lake that poured into the open sea beyond. There was no one there, just a black mass with the moon reflecting from its clear surface. The voice was unfamiliar, not belonging to Aurella or Blue or any of the souls that had been trapped within the gems, the souls that had disappeared the moment Neptune had been killed. No, this voice was not Salacia’s or any of his daughters’ ‘The man of which you ponder was Christopher Charleston, an English highborn with a loose tongue’ a Charleston? What was a nobleman doing at sea, on a war ship no less? The voice came from the sea, whispering with the waves as if they were her lips, opening and closing in synch with how one would speak ‘Where do you think the hunt for mermaid scales first began?’ the question made my blood run cold. Had Nereida shared one of her scales with Christopher which he then told others about? Had he been the cause of humans hunting her and her sisters? Was that why Neptune had killed him, to try and silence him and put an end to the tales he told? But those efforts hadn’t worked since my kind was still being hunted not only for out scales but for our blood and songs as well ‘He tried to protect her but she rebelled all for the sake of love’ I stood upright on my feet, my eyes never once straying from the waves. I knew that the voice speaking to me belonged to the waters and I knew that the call the waters had had on me since I was a little child was that very voice calling out to me, I just couldn’t hear it until now, until I had gained Neptune’s title as a god ‘Love. Such a foolish human emotion-.’ she rumbled, the waters crashing harder at the thought of something so primitive as love. I wished to speak to her but I feared that if I did she would stop talking and disappear once more, remaining silent but even so she only spoke once more, saying the words that made my heart sink in realization and my head spin with thought of what I had done ‘You shall make a brilliant god for centuries to come-.’ there was a pause, a brief but prominent pause before she whispered her next words as a warning ‘As long as you do not succumb to the clutches of love’ a strong gust of wind whipped past me, forcing me to squint my eyes when the seas called once more, the water going still at my feet with not a single wave in sight. The moment the gusts subsided I fell to my knees in the water, my arms limp at my sides and my eyes staring, gazing out onto the endless black. The torment I had thought to be over along with Neptune’s death only gave rise to a new and drastic conflict that had to be dealt with. I was a goddess, Neptune’s power had entered me as its host but it wasn’t just his power that had taken over my body, it was immortality as well. I could no longer age, no longer die. I was trapped to forever witness those that I love wither away with time until they would ultimately die and leave me behind to repeat the cycle once more. Caleb would die and I would be forced to see the day that the man I love leave the earth. Was there no way around it? No cure for immortality so that I could grow old with Caleb, so that I could live a simple, normal life out on the open sea as I had always dreamed of? I gritted my teeth, suppressing the scream that wanted to leave my lips, my palms smacking the shallow water, causing it to splutter across my face and nude form. My back heaved up and down with my heavy breathing, tears stinging the edges of my eyes. The soaked hair stuck to the sides of my head, my neck, shoulders and back while the flesh glistened silver with scales. I clawed at the sand, fingers curling around the compressed grains as the scream broke free of my lungs, echoing out into the night, across the open water and beyond the horizon. My fangs moved in synch with my breathing, their pointed needle shape like that of a viper ready to strike. I pounded my fists into the water, screeching and wailing. How could the sea take not one but both of the men whom I love from me? How could it be so cruel, so cold? I stood, scooping the water to throw it at the ocean but the moment it splattered from my palm it froze in mid-air, the droplets unmoving as if time had stood still but the wind still howled, the clouds still moved, the water droplets from my damp hair still slid their way down my stomach and thighs. I kept my arm outstretched, too afraid that if I moved a single inch the water would fall and I would be forced to leave it to my imagination. Slowly, once my breath was regained, I dared tilt my head to the side, tenderly moving to lower my arm back to my side, expecting the droplets to fall but they remained hovering in place. I could see my own reflection in their depths, the teary eyes that stared back at me, the pain and grief hidden in their contrasting depths but in all the time I had spent mourning, shrieking and fighting I hadn’t shed a single tear. Did that make me strong? Was I stronger than I had given myself credit for, perhaps strong enough to challenge the immortality of the gods? Love was a powerful emotion, perhaps more powerful than anger or hatred. It was more powerful in the sense that it could create other emotions with the same intensity, emotions such as sorrow, rage, guilt, madness. It was the very emotion that had driven Caleb to find me, the emotion that had forced my hand in killing a god and it would be the same emotion that would rid me of my title as a goddess. Thunder struck among the grey clouds overhead and one drop after the other began to rain down on the body of water, pelting my bare flesh and causing the droplets that had once been frozen in mid-air to fall along with them. The winds grew fiercer, biting at my form and the light drizzle intensified into a pour. It wasn’t just any storm; it was a storm caused by Aurella’s approaching presence, signaling that she was near.

I sat among the furs, my back pressed to the wall of the cottage with my face buried in my arms that were propped up on my knees. Droplets of water ran down my chest and back, dripping from my still wet hair. I wasn’t cold despite the howling winds and their icy breath against my damp skin. The fire in the fireplace flickered, dancing more violently than before and providing me with enough light to see in spite of the growing darkness outside. I had pondered for hours on end, listening to the rain, the wind and thunder as I contemplated how to rid myself of the curse of immortality but I had nothing. I had never heard of such a thing, only of men and women fighting to gain such immortality through the fountain of youth or by drinking the blood of the gods. How do you get rid of the thing for which men wage war to obtain? “Why here?” my eyes opened at the sound of a voice. Who could it be this time? Was it the sea, the visions, tricks or memories? I was growing tired of such things, such delusional things. My arm moved and I slowly raised my head to blink up at the figure standing before me, across from the fire. He wore only a pair of grey trousers, his black hair cut short but his beard had been left long. The fire flickered across his ivory chest, an untainted chest, not covered in scars or markings and his sapphire eyes held traces of sorrow “Why bring me back here?” he repeated the question, his hands tightening at his sides as if to indicate the conflict raging within him. He was confused, angry, sad, mournful and I could sense it in his breathing, his heartbeat that rang in my ears “You’re not really here” I said, my own hands balling into fists as I fought the excitement inside me, trying to remind myself that it was just my mind playing tricks on me, a memory of him from long ago that I was being forced to see. His gaze trailed over my form, a starved, fatigued form that was left wet and naked to his eyes but the shame of my nudity had long since left me upon meeting the pirate Captain “You’re dead-.” I muttered, turning my head to the side to inspect the cobble stone wall beside me, the orange light of the flames dancing along its surface. My eyes drooped, filling with a mixture of guilt and sadness “I killed you” the words escaped my lips in a low murmur as if I was talking to myself, as if I was alone since I was not expecting him to still be there after having looked away from his form. The light that was heating my cheek faded, a shadow being cast over me, swallowing my frail figure and enchanting my eyes to look up at the man perched on one knee on the bed before me, his stature swallowing me in its size. He placed one palm against the wall beside my head and leaned down, reaching out with his other hand to trace his fingertips along the curve of my chest, past my propped knees “I am here” he argued, his fingers stilling at the place where my heart would be when he spoke then slowly they began to move upward, along my neck and jaw, his palm cupping my cheek so tenderly. I almost fell for the illusion when he tightened his grip on my chin, forcing me to gaze up into his ocean eyes “I. Am. Here” he emphasized each word, repeating them to get his point across, the hold he had on my chin loosening when he pressed his forehead against mine. He wasn’t referring to my heart that time, he was referring to the world around me, that he was really there and that he wasn’t just some image my mind was forcing me to see, that he was real. He closed his eyes when mine began to fill with tears, my bottom lip quivering at the thought of him truly being there. My knees lowered themselves, my legs moving to instead fold themselves on either side of me on the bed of furs, exposing myself fully to him. It was as though I was lowering my guard, was allowing him to see me as vulnerable, as weak and desperate “I’m sorry” it was a whisper, a shaky, almost non-existent whisper that drew his eyes open, his hand stilling where it was, keeping my head trapped in place. My own reached to tug on his wrist, removing that very hand so that I could throw my arms around his neck. I pressed my face into the side of his, my eyes squeezing shut as his familiar scent of sea salt and damp ocean air filled my nostrils “I’m so sorry” it was louder this time, almost like a wail as the tears began to fall and the image of him on his knees with a sword pierced straight through the center of his chest, dripping blood flickered past my sealed eyelids. He stiffened but wound his own arms around my body, gently pulling me closer, his touch so comforting, so familiar and welcoming. His chest vibrated with a hum “I could never blame nor hate you for your actions” he assured me, his voice calm and tender as if frightened that he would break me by speaking too loudly. His words from my dream came back to me, the words that said he could never hate me because of his love for me. What he said made a loud sob escape me, my hold on his tightening in desperation “Not when I am aware of what drove you to do the things you did, to choose the path you walked” his hand snaked up my spine to tangle its fingers in my wet hair, the other wrapped itself around my waist, lifting me when he turned to sit down on the edge of the bed with me in his lap, my knees pressing against the furs on either side of him “I have seen every part of you, your memories, your thoughts, your distress and guilt” my back muscles tightened, my hands moving to grip his shoulders so that I pull away from him, so that I could search his features, his eyes that held so much admiration and bewilderment when they gazed upon me. He could see the confusion across my face that was stained with tears, eyes red from crying and rimmed with dark circles “I have seen how you would spend hours playing the piano just to stare at the ocean beyond the ballroom windows, how you used to dance when none of the guards were watching to the tune of the locket that your mother gave you, the words you used to make up to fit with the melody-.” how could he know such things? He had been a god yes but even he couldn’t see beyond the waters so how could he know such personal things about my past? “I know of the stories that your mother read to you when you were little, of the nights spent sneaking out of the mansion to be with him-.” he paused to give a grim smile at the thoughts of my nights spent with the pirate, of the time we had shared a bed, the memories so vivid in my mind must’ve haunted his with equal intensity. It must’ve brought him such pain to be able to relive such moments with me like how the memory of him and Salacia had brought me the same amount of pain. Since he had been trapped in my heart, I could keep nothing from him, not my thoughts, emotions, memories or fantasies. He could see, feel and sense them all. He was a part of me and I was a part of him, able to experience his emotions as well “I understand why you deceived me but I am also aware of the love that you harbor for me-.” my chest aches, my heart squeezing almost painfully. The overwhelming sensation of adoration wasn’t my own, no the love was too intense, too passionate to be my own. The emotion belonged to Neptune, being what he felt in that very moment toward me “Just as you are aware of the love that I harbor for you” I was left without words, my lips parting to speak but he shook his head and gently pushed my head down while he leaned up, pressing his lips to the center of my forehead. How could someone feel so deeply for me of all people? What did he see what I couldn’t see inside myself? When he pulled away, he fell back onto the mess of furs, taking me along with him and rolling us onto our sides so that we were laying among the pelts, gazing at one another with his arms wound securely around me “As for your desire to become mortal again-.” he began, his hand moving to push the wet strands of my hair out of my face, his eyes glancing from mine to my nose to my lips and neck but they didn’t dare venture lower as if he knew that seeing me in such a state would be something he wouldn’t be able to control “If we are ever to achieve this, we must first teach you to control your newfound abilities” he explained, the orange light flickering in his sapphire eyes that seemed almost black in that darkened place. My body began to relax, causing my own eyes to droop, gazing at him through half shut, foggy lenses. A small smile grazed his lips upon seeing my fatigue “Rest now” he whispered, his heartbeat ringing in my ears as if it were my heart thundering in my chest. I could even hear his blood running through his veins, his thoughts of how calm and innocent I looked in that moment, laying there, exhausted in his arms. I wanted to fight the sleep that overcame me, to stay with him since I was afraid that when I would awake he would no longer be there but I was too tired to fight anymore, too drained to even attempt it. I could only pray that when my eyes would open again, that he’d be there, waiting.

I found myself on a beach with white sand on a clear, sunny day. The roar of the waves crashing drew my eyes to the side where crystal clear waters were being pushed and pulled in unison with the tide. When they would break the foam would almost meet my bare feet but fall short each time. My head turned to take in the opposite end of the beach where palm trees and other vegetation sat, the sand littered with leaves, twigs and fallen coconuts “Even in your dreams you refuse to stray too far from the sea” my head whirled around to look straight ahead at the man that was positioned opposite me by a few paces. Behind him was a cluster of rocks and boulders waging war with the waves as they would sputter every time they would crash into the solid surfaces that stood firmly planted in their way “Where are we?” I questioned, taking in the clear blue skies overhead without so much as a cloud in sight with an almost blinding sun having reached its peak overhead. Neptune took in my appearance, my previously nude form now concealed by a short orange dress that had long sleeves and a modest neckline “This has all been entirely fabricated by your mind. Where we are, is most likely a place that does not exist-.” he explained when a flock of seagulls flew by overhead, casting their shadows over us when their figures blocked the sun for the briefest of moments. I nodded, thinking back to the marble room with the pool in the center of it. He had fabricated it as a place for us to meet, a place only we could ever know since we alone could share each other’s dreams “Everything here is as you create it to be” he added to which I decided to test his theory, my thoughts going to something completely random that you wouldn’t normally sea on such a beach. The winds picked up, swirling before me, scooping up the particles of sand and condensing them until a white lion with a mane of gold stood in between Neptune and I, it’s jaws parting to roar at the man, a sound equally as tremoring as the impact its large canines had on my curiosity. It was the lion from the Campbell family sigil. The former god hardly seemed effected by the creature, the wind once again beginning to swirl, breaking the beast up into grains of white sand that was to be carried away. My eyes followed the path of the breeze while Neptune raised his arm, to motion toward the ocean. The waters began to split, forming a path similar to the one I had been forced to follow the day I had betrayed him all for the sake of love. The sight of the waters parting forced the images of that day to resurface in the back of my mind. I blinked and the dream changed. Before me was the statue of Neptune on the coral reef, the ocean water like walls on either side of me as I took in the sight of him on his knees, the sword of Leandros sticking out of his chest, the hilt pointed at me. My gaze roamed his features filled with agonizing pain, his mouth parted in a silent scream that haunted my memories. I hands reached out to gently trace the sword, moving from its hilt down to where it was imbedded in the god’s chest to his neck and face that I held between my palms. I was forcing myself to see, to remember and understand the pain I had caused him, the agony that I so wished I could place upon myself if only to spare him the torment “My body was sealed away in stone-.” his voice pierced through the walls of grief and guilt I had built around me, forcing my hands to slip away from the statue as I looked to the side where a man was stood observing me with sad, desperate eyes but that sorrow wasn’t directed toward his body that was lost, it was directed at my grief. The desperation was in response to his desire to rid me of my own torture, my guilt. The statue began to crumble, turning to dust along with the sword. I tried stopping it from happening, knowing that it was Neptune wanting to erase the memory from my mind. The dust slipped through my fingertips until the man positioned on his knees was no more “But my soul resides within you-.” only a god could manipulate dreams, having done so throughout history which was why I could control my own dreams but Neptune being able to control the events taking place was due to him being part of me and that in itself made him part god. When I turned back to him, he was closer but not close enough for me to touch him “I live on within your heart” it was then that I realized how Pandora managed to fall in love with the god whom she had locked away within her heart. He had been a part of her, had consumed most of her heart, mind and thoughts. How could one not fall for the god who knew you better than anyone, who could sense your emotions and desires? “But even then you cannot help but desire him, seek him” I knew who he was referring to from the way he seemed to hiss at his use of the word ‘him’. Caleb’s golden eyes flashed past my eyes, his dark tanned skin, his long tangle of brown hair and pierced ears dangling with gold and silver rings. I could see the markings on his skin as clearly as if they were my own, each line, each shadow imbedded into my memory “If it is him that your heart beats for then you must seek out the five remaining gods and receive their blessing-.” my ears perked up at his words, my head turning to look at him, expecting to see a lie hidden within his gaze but there was none, his offer of a way out was sincere though lined with pain at the thought of my heart belonging to another “Only then will you be granted an audience with Amun, the ruler of the gods-.” at the mention of him, a chill ran down my spine, the images I had seen of him from Aurella’s tale of how the witches had been brought into existence fresh in my mind. He was a man of dark skin, ruby red eyes who wore a headdress made of gold. Black wings had been painted across his back muscles, markings that could unfold into actual wings if he so desired. He wore a white pleated kilt that was slung around his hips but that never reached below his knees and his feet were clad in sandals made of pure gold that had been melted down to be molded to fit his feet. His wrists, ankles and neck were cuffed in gold bands and his right eye had been surrounded in a detailed marking painted with black kohl “He may be your only hope of regaining mortality” I could hear his thoughts, telling me that lessor gods could only meet with their ruler if it has been agreed upon by all six remaining gods who rule beneath Amun. I knew that if I had any chance of ridding myself of my title, my immortality it was him, the first of his kind, the most powerful among his kind who ruled over the earth with his brothers and sisters as his council to which he resided over as king “The pirate Captain is near-.” Neptune announced, his eyes searching the waters around us as if he could sense their approaching presence in the air. I nodded once, able to feel Blue’s spirit among the waters since she no longer had to fear the oceans “Before we begin your training, it is important to understand that the people that reside on that ship are to be viewed as your minors” my shoulders straightened at his words, back muscles shifting beneath my skin at the thought of being classified above Caleb, above Aurella. How could I possibly be more powerful than a witch of her capabilities? Neptune quickly sensed my confusion and proceeded to explain “You are a god; the witches were created to serve beneath us. The nymphs and humans are classified far beneath them, making us define figures in comparison to them” my head turned, eyes taking in the structure of the reef beneath me, its stacked shelves that were covered in vegetation, crabs, and sea slugs along with other forms of sea life that could exist without the water. My lips parted, my hands balling into tight fists that eventually loosened before I dared speak “I understand” it would only be temporary, a short moment in time before I could return to my mortal self and be able to treat them as my equals once more. That alone was the reason for my compliance and that along with love would be the forces driving me to seek out the remaining five gods and convince them that I am enough a god to be worthy of their blessings.