A Mermaid's Heart

Chapter Nineteen.

“Stop the ship” I recognized the witch’s voice as I climbed the steps that lead to above deck, her stern, unswaying tone came from the helm above me where the wheel was located and no doubt Caleb as well. My head turned to take in the sight of an island stretching onward to my left while the sea continued to batter us from the right, the horizon a dark azure color but not nearly a crystal clear as the ones in my dreams “This be my ship wench” Caleb snapped, drawing my attention back onto the helm and urging my feet to climb the stairs leading to where they were arguing. Aurella had her back to the Captain, her hands folded neatly in front of her as she observed the island, not bothered by his crude words “And I take no orders from wiccans” he spat the last word as more of an insult than ‘wench’ like it was some disease she was riddled with. She hummed and turned her head to look back at me, aware of my presence long before Caleb even realized that I was stood there “Is it done?” she questioned me, completely ignoring the pirate Captain’s existence, turning halfway to more comfortably face me. My gaze flickered to that of Caleb’s for a brief moment before squaring my shoulders, knowing that my words would only add to his agony which was the reason behind his annoyed state “He will seek me out wherever I go” I responded, nodding my head briefly in confirmation. Aurella noticed the way Caleb’s jaw muscles tightened, the way his head turned to hide the trouble clouding his eyes, the way his hands tightened on the wheel as if ready to punch a man dead “Then we will lure him here” Aurella announced, motioning to the island with her hand, clawed fingers cutting through the air with the simple movement. That was why she had wanted Caleb to lower the ship’s anchor at the deserted island because it was isolated enough for us to go through with entrapping Neptune. I locked eyes with the pirate, my heart aching to go to him, to cup his face and whisper to him that I love him more than I could ever love anyone else but I knew that if I did he would just push me away, feeling betrayed and used. I could understand how he felt because if there was anyone in the world who could understand how feeling used felt it was me, my entire life had been part of some grand scheme but Caleb, Caleb was what made it all worth it. I would lay my life in Aurella’s hands again if it led me to him, I would suffer as I had just to be able to touch him, to lay in his arms. He didn’t realize what I was going through, the struggle of saying ‘no’ to Neptune and the lengths I would go for him, to be with him. I closed my eyes to make it easier for me to tear my gaze away from him. The witch turned to address us, her clicking steps reaching my ears as she neared the pirate “I am sure that you desire nothing more than to drive the tip of your blade through that god’s heart-.” it was a statement, one that brought me pain at how true they were. I knew Caleb, I knew he would jump at the chance to kill the man who had been visiting his lover in her dreams, seducing her while she pretended to seduce him. My hand moved to grip the fabric above my stomach at the thought of Neptune dying, teeth gritting out of Caleb’s sight. I couldn’t show any affection toward the god, I couldn’t hurt the Captain more than I already had “And that is exactly what you will do-.” she placed her hand on top of his, tearing his gaze away from me and to her. There was a smugness in her ivory stare when he met it, a sinister gleam that ran deeper than the oceans depths “Now, Captain-.” the way she spat his title stung like a vipers venom but was made sickly sweet by the corners of her lips lightly tugging upward in a grin, her grip on his hand tightening with her claws digging into his flesh “Stop the ship” it was an order, one she left with no room for argument since she let go of his hand and left, descending the stairs to the deck of the ship but halfway down them she stopped to turn her head to me “I trust you will cooperate for Caleb’s sake?” I swallowed hard in response to her question and breathed in deeply, feeling a knot start to form in the back of my throat. It was yet another reminder that I had no choice, that Caleb had no choice not that he would choose differently, he wanted to kill Neptune, Aurella had ensured it. My lips parted and my arms wound themselves around my torso when I glanced back at her and nodded, trying my best to hide the tears that were forming there “Good” it was like a whisper on the wind because then she was gone, disappearing into black dust that was carried away by the breeze, yet she never really left us even for the briefest of moments. She was there, always watching, always observing our every move. I searched the floorboards below, my mind lost in thoughts, in memories and dreams. I blinked and I was suddenly stood in an alleyway back in Port Alice, my back pressed up against the cold cobblestone walls with a man hovering over me, his hand gripping my waist while the other was pressed flat against the wall beside my head. I could see in the reflection of his gold eyes, golden curls that cascaded down my shoulders, my body clad in an expensive orange and red gown that resembled the flickering flame of the streetlamps ‘For the last time, love-.’ he shoved his knee in between my legs, drawing the breath from my lungs and causing my eyes to fill with a need, a desire that I had never felt before. I could smell the wine on his lips, so sweet, so alluring when he leaned in closer, his stubble longer, almost as if he had given up on trimming it. His clothes were hurriedly thrown onto his form while his hair was down in a tangled, knotted mess but even then he managed to captivate me, there being a wildness burning inside him that was unfamiliar to me ‘Go back to ye mansion’ his voice sounded defeated, laced with sadness when his hand slipped down the wall beside me and he made to leave, stumbling when I reached out to him, desperate to taste that wilderness thriving within him. He stiffened, the brim of his Captain’s hat shielding his red eyes, surrounded in dark circles when he glanced down at me tugging on his sleeve like a lost child ‘Please-.’ I begged, my voice weak, never before having had to plead for anything, used to always receiving that which I desired no matter the cost but there was one thing that only the man in front of me could give me and I would grovel on my knees for it if I had to. I met his eyes past the hood of my cloak, shielding my face from the town’s people, afraid that they would recognize me ‘I’ve spent my entire life trapped inside that place, like a caged bird forced to watch the world unfold around it through metal bars-.’ my voice broke, my grip on the sleeve of his red coat loosening when my gaze fell to the dirtied walkways around us, the crates piled up against a far wall, the barrels that stood beside them. The man watched me intently, his gaze hard and his jaw set in stone ‘And for once-.’ I wasn’t aware that my hand had been trembling until he reached up to grip my wrist firmly yet gently as not to hurt me, forcing me to let go of the fabric my fingers had been clinging to. I sucked in a sharp breath and met his eyes for a second time ‘For once I would like to know what it feels like to be free’ I blinked and tears made their way down my cheeks to my chin, causing me to tense at the realization that I was crying, that I had completely opened up to the unknown man before me within moments of meeting him, so easily as if it was second nature. He shoved the wrist he was gripping away and grumbled low in his throat when he turned to leave. I held my breath, expecting him to abandon me, my hopes and dreams like they were nothing but a silly girl’s fantasies but he paused to flicker his golden gaze up to mine ‘Tomorrow’ was all he managed to rumble before turning to go, his steps clumsy and his hand grabbing the rum bottle of a passerby whom he fiercely shoved aside to get at the liquid inside. I could remember feeling a need to help him, to go to him, to take the bottle from his grasp, to wash his skin free of the dirt, to untangle his hair and shave his chin. There was so much turmoil inside of him that it choked me to so much as think about his guilt, the guilt that was devouring him whole. When I looked down at myself I wore a different dress, a less grad, coral one paired with a brown cloak and in my hand I held a lamp, holding it up to see past the darkness of the night. It was there that he met me, stepping out of those shadows and into the light, his eyes tired and his shoulders slumped. He instructed me to follow him until we reached the Sunken Soul that was anchored in the bay. He began to raise the anchor, turning the horizontal wheel, slowly, with struggle until the chain began to wound itself around the wood like a python constructing around the base of a tree. I moved to help him, hanging the lamp on a nail that had been hammered into the mast but the pirate looked up at me with cutting eyes ‘No sense in dirtying ye-.’ he interrupted himself to groan since raising the anchor was usually a job for two or more men ‘Noble hands’ my eyes scanned my palms at those words, finding not a single trace of a scar, the flesh perfect and untouched by the hardship or labor, even my nails were cleaned unlike his. He had hard hands, covered in tattoos and scars, nails with dirt beneath them and knuckles that had been cracked too many times ‘Y just stand there and look pretty’ he smugly said then went back to raising the anchor. I dropped my hands to my sides and looked to the water to hide the annoyance in my eyes, his mocking tone enough to leave me both flustered and irritated at the same time. I looked up when he began to scale the ropes to climb the mast and untie the sails. The way he moved so expertly among the ropes and mast left me speechless, staring from below as he navigated his way with little fear of falling as if he had done it a million times and could climb those heights in his slumber. He made his way down, landing in a low crouch only to tug his red coat from his shoulders and toss it aside like it was nothing of importance. His hat soon followed, landing near my feet as he ascended the steps to the helm where he gripped the ship’s wheel firmly in both hands. I knelt, my own hands moving to take the Captain’s hat, then I stood, examining the old leather, the sown edges and markings that had been embedded into the material. The ship jerked and I had to catch myself on the railing when it began to sail out to sea, pulled by the winds. My eyes found the horizon, the endless stretch of water that I stared at constantly from my room’s balcony, always longing, always dreaming of what lay beyond that painted portion where the sky met the sea. The hat fell gently to my feet when I began to creep closer to the tip of the bow, kicking my heels aside and leaving me barefoot. My hand fumbled to unclasp my hood, allowing my golden waves to be set free, caught in the wind when I came to a stop directly in front of the ship’s figurehead, eyes never straying from the endless blue that called to me, gesturing me ever closer. The Captain jumped down from the helm and moved to undo the wheel holding the anchor, sending it tumbling into the waters depths until the ship once again jerked to a stop. The sails were tied and I was left alone in that moment, savoring the taste of freedom, the feel of the ocean’s breath against my cheeks. I closed my eyes and took in the salty smell, the cool air ‘Yer not like most nobles, are ye?’ my eyes shot open at the sound of his voice so close that I could feel his breath on the side of my face. He was sat on the railing beside me, his back to the sea but his head turned toward me, studying me while a bottle hung from his fingertips, in between his parted legs ‘Yer eyes be filled with a need for adventure, for thrills, not the comforts money can bring-.’ he took a swing of whatever was inside the bottle, tilting his head back slightly but keeping his eyes locked onto something in the distance as he swallowed, like he was mauling something over in the back of his mind ‘Ye hunger for whatever is out there and not what be locked up inside those damned walls’ I turned to see what he was motioning at and found the mansion that was on the verge of being called a castle stood towering over the rest of the town, it all lit with tiny specks of lights that seemed so far away from where we were. My hands slipped away from the railing when I turned to fully face the dancing lights, flickering in the wind through windows and on top of street lamps but we were too far away that I couldn’t hear the laughter of men from the bars, the yelling of others who fought in the streets, the moaning of women from the nearby brothels, all sounds that were more likely to be heard at night ‘Ye remind me of a girl I knew once, she had hair as red as blood and was as stubborn as a mule’ he breathed a breath of laughter at the thought of the girl and shook his head to take another swing of his liquor. I wanted to know more so I turned back to face him, my eyes filled with curiosity for the stories he could tell, the journeys he had endured ‘Tell me about her’ he was weary at first but a few more gulps from the bottle and he proceeded to tell me about a baker’s daughter who was destined to stay in one place, never to leave the bakery despite her longing to be someplace else, her deep desire to dance that triumphed her sense of duty even though she would not admit it. In those times when we would venture out to sea he would tell me more, tell me of his mother, his life as a thief, his travels to find treasures of legends. It was around the fourth time we had sailed out when he had drunken more than he usually would, his mind hazy and his words slurred. I had helped him below deck per his orders, letting him come to a rest on the bed that was pushed into one corner. His eyes drooped when he followed my movements, removing his jacket and tugging his boots from his feet so that he could sleep. I would then wake him before dawn and slip back into the manor and my room by the time the handmaids would come to wake me ‘You need to rest’ I insisted, standing upright after having placed his boots aside but his hand shot out to grip my forearm, keeping me rooted in place, preventing me from leaving. To most he must’ve looked like a drunken pirate and nothing more but I knew there was a reason behind his method of trying to escape his past, something that needed numbing ‘I-I’m a murderer’ he slurred, his eyes blinking a few times as if trying to clearly see me past the fuzziness the alcohol had allowed to fall over his gaze. I froze at his words, at the guilt that riddled them and the sadness that could be found there. Whatever he had done, it hadn’t been intentional ‘I be a monster’ I shook my head, slowly then reached for him, my hands combing through his knotted hair and lightly scratching at his beard when I pressed his head to my chest, stood between his parted legs. He was hurting, bleeding in front of me and all I could think to do was hold him ‘Monsters keep the princess trapped in her tower-.’ I argued, my voice whispering to him, my lips close to his ear, my chin resting on the side of his head. He breathed in deeply, his eyes widening slightly as I continued to speak as if taking it all in, syllable by syllable ‘Knights set her free-.’ I pulled away only a bit to meet his golden eyes surrounded by red, not fully sure if they could properly see me anymore “And you’re mine” his arms twitched before they wound themselves around my waist, pulling me closer to bury his face in my chest, his savor the feel of my touch, my presence. That was the first time I had seen right through him, had seen the man hidden beneath the mask of the pirate. It was when I had started to fall for Caleb as Mary. He had fallen asleep shortly after that and had risen when I had woken him, having drawn him a bath, picked out his clothing and aided him in shaving his beard. I untangled his hair and used a ribbon from my own to tie it up in a bun. For the first time in years he looked like a man again and not like a drunk. He had started drinking less, opened up to me more and before I knew it I had fallen madly in love with him and he with me. It was inevitable, the way fate had planned our path or rather Aurella. I blinked and was once again stood on the helm of the ship with the power of the jewels swirling within me, my hair ivory instead of blond and my eyes filled with unshed tears “Evangeline-.” Caleb’s voice came from beside me, gentle and filled with agony. I couldn’t stay there, couldn’t break before his eyes like I so desperately wanted to do. He was the love of my life yet I had betrayed him so. I turned and hurried down the steps to the deck, my hand moving to cup my mouth to fight back the sobs that threatened to escape, tears running down from my closed eyes when I sunk down behind some barrels and crates that decorated the deck, shying away from both Caleb and the crew, including the red haired maiden whom he had told me of so very long ago.

The ship was anchored beside the island, the sails bound and Nolan left in charge when Caleb and I stepped into the only remaining rowboat that he lowered into the water with the sword of Leandros strapped to his belt, the golden hilt of which was a lion’s head that bared its canines in my direction. I looked away, my arms wound around myself, the white material of my dress not enough to shield me from my own shame, my own agony. The boat struck the water and Caleb slumped down in it across from me, grabbing onto the ores to steer us toward the beach of the island. The trip was silent until we reached the white sand and he hopped out to pull the boat onto the shore so that I wouldn’t yet touch the water. I stood and noticed Aurella stood a few paces away, her black dress fluttering in the strong winds with her eyes locked onto the ocean ahead of her. Caleb offered me his hand which I took, allowing him to help me out of the boat and onto the sand. I didn’t bother looking at him when I tore my hand from his, taking slow, cautious steps toward the woman but I froze when a hand gripped mine, stopping me and forcing me to turn and fully face the man whom I had been avoiding due to my guilt and his hurt “Look at me” he insisted despite my eyes being glued to his. My eyebrows furrowed up in confusion at his request, my hand limp in his even though he clung to mine in desperation “I am-.” before I could even finish my sentence he interrupted me, shaking his head from side to side and taking a step closer to me, closing the gap between us, slowly and with one small movement at a time as if he was afraid that I would run if he got too close “No yer not, stop looking at me with guilt and start looking at me like ye used to-.” it was surprising to hear those words, to hear that he wanted me to not just look at hi but to look at him with the eyes of Mary, the eyes of a woman who could see right through him, who understood him with “Like ye love me” love. My hand began to tighten around his, my eyes softening, the tears once again filling them. I hated those tears, I hated that all I wanted to do lately was cry, I hated every moment of it. I just wanted to live a happy life at Caleb’s side, to sail the seven seas and go on adventures together, to get to know each other again like I did back then, like I did when I met him as Evangeline “Because I love ye” I had to grit my teeth to stop from bursting into tears. I had thought that he didn’t care anymore, that my betrayal had torn us apart yet there he was telling me that he loved me “Lies or no lies, Neptune or no Neptune-.” I parted my lips to speak but I couldn’t, I couldn’t get any words out, only ragged breaths as an attempt to compose myself once more. He let go of my hand to take my face into his palms, forcing me to meet his eyes, making me hear him whether I wanted to or not “I love ye, whether ye love him or not-.” I did. There was a part of me that loved Neptune but that love could never be what Caleb and I shared, it could never be as powerful or as perfect as our love “I will love ye no matter what” the tears broke past the brims of my eyes and ran down to where his hands held onto my face. I squeezed my eyes shut, my bottom lip trembling when I forced them open again, when I met his comforting, familiar golden gaze that was filled with so much love but beneath that lay a layer of hurt that only time could heal “Everyt-thing I-I’ve done-.” I began, my voice trembling as if shaken by an earthquake, my eyes hazy from the tears but despite that I could still see him so clearly “And everything I w-will do-.” my hand shot up to grip one of his, my face leaning into his caress, trying to remember it even if Neptune was to touch me in the exact same way, hoping that it would be Caleb’s touch that I would remember and long for instead of his “Is because I love you, because I chose you” I turned my head to place a small kiss to his palm , eyes staring at the ocean but I tore then away from the lure to look at the person in front of me, his hair caught in the wind, strands falling into his eyes and across his crooked nose “I will always choose you” I declared, making sure that he heard it, that he understood it and would never forget it. He leaned down to place a kiss to my lips, a quick kiss that was followed by him pulling away, lowering his hands from my face but not before he ran his thumb along my cheekbone a few times “Go to him-.” he insisted, jerking his head to where Aurella was stood waiting, the sky darkening overhead as if a storm was rolling in, the winds growing stronger until it was hard to hear anything anymore “Finish this-.” I nodded and moved to leave only for him to pull me close, wrapping me in his arms with his chin resting on the top of my head. I raised my arms to hug him, taking in his leather and sweat scent that I found so comforting “For us” he lowered his head until his lips brushed against the shell of my ear when he whispered those two words. I closed my eyes for the briefest of moments, nodding before I completely pulled away, my arms slipping away from him when I turned to go to Aurella, sparing a glance back in his direction as I went. I wanted nothing more than to stay in those arms for eternity but I knew I couldn’t, I knew that if I wanted to have that future with him that I would have to face Neptune “Such a sweet moment” Aurella commented when I came to a stand at her side, facing the raging sea with waves that were much stronger, fiercer than before, a product of the faster winds “Having passed so soon” she added, the waves crashing together to form the figure of a woman that had pale flesh and was walking toward us with dark navy hair that hung down to her rear, cascading over her bare breasts. Blue came to a stop before us, turning to motion toward the waters that she had emerged from ‘It is time’ she informed, her hand lowering when her eyes locked onto mine, instructing me to move. I spared one last glance in Caleb’s direction then started heading for the waves, taking it one step at a time, my breathing ringing in my ears as I tried to think of any memory containing Caleb as to not forget him even in Neptune’s presence. My feet met with the cold liquid, carrying me ever deeper until I was forced to stop by the waters parting like curtains being drawn open on either side, exposing the ocean floor that lay ahead like a path for me to follow. The power radiated through me like a heartbeat, so powerful, so unlike anything I had ever sensed before. My eyes began to glow, legs covered in silver scales, fangs and claws extended with the anchor necklace digging into the flesh of my chest beneath the material of my dress. I knew that once I would step into the parted waters there would be no going back, no stopping any of it from unfolding like it was meant to. I fought against myself, desperately wanting to turn and run to the land but Caleb was worth facing a thousand gods if not more so I breathed in deep and continued on.