How to Say Goodbye

The one where it is not about me

"Don't you look cute." Keith said as he entered my living room.

"Don't mock me ."I groaned .

He looked at me , concern taking over his playful features . Putting his bag on the tea table he sat next to me on the sofa as one of his hands came to rest on top of my forehead .

"You have a high temperature ."

"No s**t Sherlock." I groaned again as I pulled his hand off.

"You have quite an attitude for a sick person wearing hello kitty pajamas . What are you, 13?"

"What if I am? " I retorted . Offended by being calling me a child .

"Well that really doesn't matter right now ."he said as he got up and headed towards the kitchen . "Did you have breakfast already? Or would you like me to make you some?"

"Well if it's not a nuisance..."I trailed off not wanting to seem eager . But in all honesty I was insanely hungry.

I got up as well. Seated on one of the kitchen stools I watched him put on my apron . ,I leaned in and crossed my arms on the counter , resting my head on top of them.

He walked to my fridge and pulled out some eggs and bacon .

"I hope you're in for some normal bachelor breakfast ."

"I am in for anything . " I say and pray to the stars that the food gets prepared before my stomach somehow manages to embarrass me.

To avert my attention from the apparent hunger I decided to put more attention on the young man in front of me . He looked quite good in his black dress pants and a baby blue shirt.

My pink kitchen apron with little strawberries on them looked too cute on him . And it was almost entertaining watching him c***k the eggs.

"When did you get up?" he finally asks breaking the calm silence as he takes out plates and cutlery from the cupboard .

"At 6. Couldn't sleep."

He looks up from the food and turns his head to my direction. "It's 11."

"I am aware." My voice almost cracks.

He sighs and then carries two plates in his hand as he sets one in front of me and one in front of himself . He walks up to the fridge again . "Milk or juice?"

"Milk please . "

He brings out two glasses and pours me some milk and some for himself as he sits opposite to me.

"You could have called me . I would have been here sooner ."

He finally says at one point . My mouth filled with food , I take my precious time chewing while it feels impossible to swallow .

The fourth dimension really hates accommodating with my body.

After swallowing I drink some milk and cough to make my voice as stable as possible . He stares directly at me as I do the same.

"You're not my baby sitter Keith . It's nice of you to be doing everything you do already . I can't possibly ask for more . You have your whole life ahead of you. And here you are spending it with some old writer-"

"You're only a year older ."he interjects.

"That's not the point . "I say . Swaying my fork a little to make a point . "The point is that you should join a firm ."

"You really dislike me as an editor , huh? "he states as he pushes his empty plate away .

I chew on the crust of my bread I don't want to deal with him when he's being childish like this. "it's not about me liking your editing skills. It's about you getting a full time job ."

"But I trust you! I know you can do something , be a big hit ! I want to be there then. Don't you want me to be by your side ?"

For some reason it didn't feel like he was talking about the books anymore , for some reason , for just a split second my heart skipped a beat . And it felt like he wanted more. Or maybe I wanted more all along . I stared at him silently as he walked away to wash his plate .

"I do." I say when I slide my plate next to his into the dish washer .

"Huh?" he asks , already forgotten about the conversation we were having .

I smiled at him. Feeling silly for having second thoughts about someone like him . "I do want you to be my editor ,"I pat his back . "But I also want you to keep other options open incase this thing doesn't work out ."

He turns his head towards me and smiles. "Don't worry about it . It's not really about you. I am greedy ."

Not about me?

Those words felt familiar . Awfully familiar .

Junior year of high school , that's when it happened . The small changes that caused the bigger one . Had I regretted the decision on the years after?

I don't know, but I would like to think those years were for the better.

It wasn't cold but summer hadn't quite arrived yet . It was when we wore sweaters while not bothering to wear trousers . I was the class monitor and even popular among teachers due to my punctuality . They liked me and my mother was well known too as she filled in some days as a substitute teacher . So I didn't find it weird when my class teacher asked me to meet her at the teachers' lounge after school .

"Come in Norah ,"my teacher said when I stood outside the room. She pulled out some papers from the locker and handed them out to me as she said , "These are Anthony's term papers . He's been missing school lately " she looked at me as she sat down in her chair.

I knew this bit of information as I had been kind of enjoying his absence , it helped me be more free than often . I felt guilty to admit it but the truth's the truth.

"He lives just a street away from your place , you know that?" she said again an eye-brow arched.

"No ma'am." and I was glad as it was the truth .

"Well he does. Here. "she said passing me another small piece of paper with an address scribbled on it. "You can go to his house today or tomorrow . Good thing it's Sunday , yeah?" she was smiling .

I never quite understood why adults smiled so much while asking a question , it was as if they were asking if we call a truce over facts , I nodded as I whispered , "Yes."

But I was not happy at all to have been given the opportunity to visit my dear classmates residence .

I contemplated the whole walk home whether to ask my father to go with me or to just go alone or whether to not go today at all. I sighed .

He just didn't talk, I told myself. It's not like he's a bad person .

I pulled out the piece of paper with his address on it. Road 16 house B4.

We lived on the 15th street of the area . And sure enough his house was probably a five minute walking distance from mine. I could totally go there some other time . I sighed again . And decided the sooner I get over this the better.

So I skipped running into our road and kept walking straight till I took the turn on the 16th . House B4 was in the middle . It wasn't a long street and I was glad for that. I could spot the house from where I was standing . It was a bit more colorful from the other houses of the street . It still somehow managed to looked messier . As I walked nearer I spot a boy on the swing . It wasn't common for houses to have swings on their front porch . People tended to go for the backyard . I didn't think of it much back then . People had different tastes I had thought . But I realized later on that there are at times graver reasons than taste .

The boy at first looked too scrawny to be Anthony but as I kept walking towards the house at him he looked directly at me . And He jumped off the swing and I realized he was , in fact, the boy I was in search of.

Good, found him . I had thought as I did a mini sprint towards his house, but you see it took less than a minute for me to change course and start running towards my house . I just pulled on the strap of my bag didn't bother with looking back till I finally reached our front porch .

You see what happened was simple . I was relieved to see him, but he apparently did not like my presence as he crouched down and picked up some pebbles from the ground and kept throwing them at my direction . I was horrified . I swear one even hit me .

And I can vividly remember him yelling , "Go away you git."

So forgive me if I do start disliking him even more. I decided not to go to his house after all . I had tried my luck and I was met with violence , something I , nor anyone deserved . He had issues that I just didn't need to deal with . That's what I had thought then . I guess knowing the whole story always makes us forgive people , it had been that way for me at least .

I thought about telling my parents what happened but I knew they already had too much at hand and I shouldn't pester them with school drama . But what astonished me most was when the next morning someone new knocked our doors. He was a tall chubby man with a goatee . He was wearing a business suit and looked quite refreshing in our house where the only male in our house , namely my father , bothered to wear nothing but plaid clothes . The man was saying that his name was Peter Jones , he was Anthony's father.

My parents knew of Anthony since I had talked about him during certain days , specially the first few days . My parents told me that the best people aren't the ones who look glamorous in a certain group but those who can adapt to every environment . That shut me up on complaining .

But here was Anthony's father , sitting on our living room sofa asking my father if I'd be of acquaintance . My father called me out and I was left with Mr. Jones alone in the room .

Not without a sharp look from my mother though which basically read , what did you hide?

"You came to our house yesterday , I believe ?"he asked in a very warm tone .

"Yes." I replied as I played with the hem of my skirt not exactly aware of what's happening .

"I kind of saw the whole fiasco from my bedroom window ." he said apologetically .

I knew I was turning red. A grown up shouldn't be saying sorry . It was his sons' fault!

"It's okay . I suppose Anthony doesn't like me very much ." I replied a bit accusingly .

He laughed them . A bit of tea from the cup he was holding spilled on the coaster . His laugh wasn't forced nor was it wholehearted . It was just a sign that he was trying to lighten up.

"Oh darling it has nothing to do with you . "he had said with a smile still curved on his full lips . " His emotions aren't about you , you see? "

His eyes glinted and I had seen a trace of mystery . Did I want to explore it ? Back then , now that I think about it , maybe it did leave me curious . But I didn't want to ask . I was happy being in the oblivion for once .