In Too Deep: An Anti-Hero Mafia Romance

Goodbye

The rest of the holiday goes by in a blur of s*x, Xander, more s*x, my friends, clubbing and even more s*x and it is by far the most amazing holiday I will ever have. There’s just one thing wrong with it . . . it comes to an end.

Xander and I get on so well. He’s attentive, caring, funny and so sexy. The s*x is out of this world. While we may have tried out a few different ways, my favourite is him on top of me, between my legs looking down at me while he is inside me. He is the most amazing unselfish lover, he always makes sure I come before him, most of the time more than once. By the next to the last day, I am way past realising that I am head over heels in love with him. I think I have been from day one. Nothing has been said about what will happen when the holiday ends and I'm reluctant to bring it up. When I’ve broached the subject he goes quiet and withdraws from me so I’ve stopped mentioning it at all.

We’re spending our last day together, but I don’t know what he’s planned. I go up to his room after breakfast and when he opens the door dressed in khaki cargo shorts with a bright green fitted t-shirt – so so gorgeous - my heart constricts – this is the last time I’ll see him in this outfit, this is the last time I’ll see him in the morning. I hate it.

He smiles at me, his eyes crinkle in the corners. “Good morning, beautiful.”

I wrap my arms around him, resting my head on his chest. He wraps his big strong arms around me. He takes a deep breath in, as though he’s sniffing my hair.

“Are you sniffing me?” I ask incredulously.

He laughs out loud. “Yes . . . I want to savour every piece of you - I will never forget your smell. Will you leave me an item of your clothing before you leave? Maybe your underwear?” he asks.

I think he’s serious. I look up at him. “Only if you’ll let me have one of yours?”

He nods and smiles. “No problem mi amor, take your pick.”

I laugh, he is serious.

“Where are we going today?” I ask as we get in the car.

“We are going to the boat and going back to the island that we went on our first date. I have been having the fantasy of f*****g you on that beach ever since . . . ” He looks over to me and gives me a roguish grin and winks at me - my heart skips a beat. He can do whatever the hell he wants.

I grin “Well . . . that sounds like an offer I can’t refuse . . . wait a minute – I’ve not brought my bikini.”

He shakes his head, “You will not need it today. You will be naked the whole time, no clothes allowed today - there will be no one around except me and you. It will be like we are in our own world.” He grabs my hand. I get butterflies at the thought of us being naked all day . . . I know what he’s trying to say. That he wants us to be alone on our last day with no distractions. I want that too.

We arrive at the boat – there’s no captain this time, just Xander as he starts up the boat and moves away from the harbour. I fix him and myself a drink at the small bar inside, taking them to the deck to sit with him while he steers. He seems to be able to do anything.

When the island comes into view, I stand behind him and slide my arms around his waist, cuddling up to him while he steers. I feel the luckiest girl alive right now – that I get to do this . . . but the unluckiest.

I have thought a lot over the last few days about what would happen in a perfect world - if he asked me to go back to Madrid with him, what would I say? It would be a huge life change and upheaval for someone I’ve only known for three weeks, but on the other hand if I had the choice to be part of his life . . . be with him properly, surely I’d be mad to turn him down, given my feelings for him? Anyway, he hasn’t asked me, mentioned it or even hinted at it. I don’t get it, all his actions point to him having feelings for me, the way he acts towards me, the fact that any work he’s had to do these three weeks, he’s worked around me to fit it in. He’s made me feel like the most important woman in the universe. I love him so much its torture - to think that tomorrow I’ll be going back to my old life as though I’ve never even met him, the thought turns my stomach.

I catch him looking at me. “What are you thinking, mi amor?”

“I hate that I’m going back to my normal life tomorrow and it’ll be as though we’ve never met.” I say sadly.

He looks angry. “Do not say that, ever. I have told you, this is not a holiday romance for me and unless I'm mistaken, I do not believe it was one for you either. Please give me time baby, I will sort something out. You just have to trust me.”

“There’s nothing to sort out is there? You live in Spain - I live in England.” I shake my head. “Never mind, I won’t bring it up again today because I don’t want to spoil our last day – let’s just enjoy it,” I smile sadly.

He sighs and shakes his head. “Please just give me a chance, trust me for now.”

When we reach the island, he lays down the anchor and turns off the engine. He turns to me grinning from ear to ear waggling his eyebrows. “Time to get naked!”

I laugh “You first.”

He shrugs, “No problem.” He starts to undress and it takes him about two seconds before he is naked . . . looking like a Greek god . . . or my very own Spanish one. His muscles so well defined, his eight pack, the lovely v and his treasure trail of his hair going down from his belly button to his groin. He’s like a work of art. He takes a step towards me, lifts my dress over my head, discarding it on the floor. No bra today so a thong is all I have left on. He sinks to his knees and hooks his fingers into the sides of it, pulling it down, kissing my stomach as he does. So now we are both completely naked. “That is better. This is how we are staying all day.” He stands, kisses me and makes his way to the edge of the boat. I watch him dive in, all I see is his gorgeous pert bottom in the air. What a sight.

Not as brave as him, I climb down the ladders to join him. The water is cool but not cold, it’s so crystal clear that we can see our bodies under the surface. He swims over to me and kisses me while we are treading water. Our nakedness makes it so erotic, I want him . . . feeling the water against our naked bodies is not helping.

We swim towards the shore until we can touch the floor, then I turn to him, wrapping my legs around his waist. We stay like that kissing for an age. I love this man so much. I will never forget this moment.

He breaks off the kiss and looks at me . . . really looks at me. His eyes are as blue as the sea we are in. The look in them tells me that he feels something for me. “I have never experienced anything like this before in my life, Elsa. I love you. I am in love with you.”

I have no hesitation in saying it back. “I love you too Xander . . . so much. I can’t bear the thought of not being with you or near you - never mind in a different country.”

He rests his forehead on mine. “I am not good enough for you.”

I snap my head up. “What? What are you talking about? Don’t be crazy.”

He shakes his head. “There are things you don’t know about me . . . things that I would be ashamed to tell you. Things that I should have thought about before I got involved with you.”

I look into his gorgeous stunning blue eyes. “There is nothing that you could tell me that would change the way I feel about you, Xander.”

He gives me a sad smile. “I hope that is true. Come on . . . let’s go to shore.”

We wade out of the water, walking hand in hand to the shore. I wonder what it is that he feels like he can’t tell me. I meant what I said, I don’t think anything could change my feelings for him, I'm in way too deep.

He lays me down on the beach and we make love, as he’s moving inside me, he whispers in my ear that he loves me, how beautiful and sexy I am and I think I’ve died and gone to heaven. We both come together and then just lay there just a mass of limbs not wanting to let each other go . . . covered in sand. I lean up on my elbows and ask him. “What does mi amor mean?”

“It means my love, that’s what you are to me, from day one.” He reaches for me so that I’ll lie back on top of him.

Our last day is the best day I’ve ever had in my life. We swim, laugh, eat, drink and make love. It is truly making love today, it’s not just f*****g. We stay on the boat for sunset, we get in the Jacuzzi to watch it set. The sunset in Ibiza is one of the most amazing I have ever seen, every night it’s the same, vibrant colours of red, yellow and orange. Simply stunning.

We sit in the Jacuzzi in comfortable silence. It’s all going to change tomorrow. I make my way over to him and straddle him. I start to butterfly kiss his neck and gently bite on his earlobe, he groans as his hands leave my waist and wrap around me, stroking my back. I run my hands down his chest, trying to memorise all the lines of his muscles. He starts to knead my breasts and tweak my n*****s, rolling them with his fingers, causing me to gasp out, his touch sets me on fire. I can feel him hard underneath me. I take him in my hand between my legs and move my hand up and down his shaft.

He groans “Oh . . . Elsa, I don’t know what I'm going to do without you.” He lifts his hips, thrusting into my hand. I kiss his neck as I pump him.

“f**k Elsa, stop . . . I will not last much longer.”

I take my hand away and lift myself to slide myself onto him. We hold each other’s gaze. I rise up, feeling him slide out of me, and then lower myself back down, feeling every sensation possible . . . as I move up and down, we never take our eyes off each other. He grabs my hips so that I will move down on him more forcefully, so I start to push myself down on him, taking all of him in me as much as I can, so that he is totally filling me. I put my hands on each side of his face and kiss him fiercely. As I’m kissing him I come, groaning into his mouth. I hear him moan and feel his hot liquid burst into me. Shockwaves go through my body, as I come down from an amazing high. I smile the biggest smile, ever.

He smiles at me back “Don’t ever forget who can put a smile on your face that big.”

I shake my head. “Oh, I won’t.”

A short while after, we make our way back to the hotel. We’re both quiet on the way back, holding hands apart from when he needs to change gear. I don’t want to let him go. I spend the night in his room. We make love but it’s emotional and sad lovemaking, we know it’s the last time. I savour every moment of it, trying to imprint it on memory.

In the morning, as I go about getting ready to leave, our eyes keep meeting but we don’t say much. It feels like I’ve known him forever. I feel tears welling in my eyes but fight the urge to cry.

I pick one of his t-shirts up, sniffing it, “I’m having this one . . . it smells just like you.”

He smiles at me, his eyes doing that crinkly thing that they do. “I am coming down with you when you go to your room . . . I would like to pick one of yours.” He chuckles to himself, shaking his head.

“What are you laughing at?” I narrow my eyes suspiciously.

“I cannot believe that I feel so strongly about someone that I want an item of clothing so that I can feel close to you. I have turned into a lovesick puppy, yes?”

I laugh and whip him with his top, he smiles at me devilishly and then starts to chase me around the room. He grabs me around the waist and throws me on the bed to tickle me – when I start screaming he lets me go.

When we get to my room the girls are busy packing, they look worried about me, they think I’m going to be a gibbering wreck. For now I’m ok, because he’s right at the side of me. Gibbering wreck may come later.

“Hey, how are you guys doing, are you nearly done?” I ask trying to sound light-hearted.

Kelly nods. “Yeah . . . we’re nearly done, have you guys said your goodbyes?”

Xander and I look at each other and he winks at me, putting his arm around me and pulling me close to him so that our bodies are touching.

“Yeah, I guess so” I shrug.

Xander nods. “Unfortunately the last day has come. Thank you to both of you for allowing your friend to spend so much of her time with me on your girl’s holiday. You have been very understanding, I truly appreciate it.”

Hayley speaks “I know when something is important to my best friend, and you are important to her. We’ve had the best holiday ever, thank you Xander for taking us to such cool places and inviting us on your boat. We’ve had a blast.” She goes over to hug him and then Kelly hugs him.

When Kelly breaks off she says “Mmmm firm - lucky girl Els.”

Xander smirks and shakes his head - trust Kelly to break the tension.

Arriving at the airport I feel a weight bearing down in the pit of my stomach. The girls go to get a drink, I turn to Xander. “Please leave now Xander . . . I . . . I can’t take this anymore, I’m just going to get upset if you stay, I need to do this now.” I take a deep breath.

He nods, stepping close to me, his hands cupping my face. “I want you to listen to me and I want you to believe every word, because I mean it. This is not over. I cannot let this be over. I love you. I have never loved anyone before. You are important to me, mi amor. Please have faith in us.”

I nod, a tear escapes and runs down my cheek, he wipes it away with his thumb.

“I love you, Xander. I will have faith.”

He nods. “I have slipped something in your hand luggage, besides your bracelet . . . it will hopefully remind you of me when you feel lonely. Please text me when you land safely. I fly home tomorrow, but I will stay in touch.”

He kisses me on the lips, the most gentle, barely-there kiss, full of emotion. I’m in no doubt how he feels about me after that kiss . . . then he turns around and is gone.

I reach down in my bag to find what he has left me, I see a small box - I open it and see the most beautiful white gold necklace with a heart pendant with a diamond in it.

I’ll never take it off.