In Too Deep: An Anti-Hero Mafia Romance

Should I go?

As I feel the wheels of the plane touch down on the tarmac at Manchester airport, I feel my heart break a little. My friends are looking at me as though I’m going to lose the plot at any minute, but I feel like I’m keeping it together quite well, even though that’s not how I feel inside.

I text him;

I’m home baby L don’t want to be here, want to be back in your big bed wrapped around you. Love you xx

I get one back from him immediately.

I miss you already mi amor, I love you so much. Be safe, I will speak to you soon. A x

So . . . back to normality it is – work tomorrow at the Solicitors. We head back to the house, Hayley’s boyfriend comes around and we get a DVD. I love these girls. They know my heart is breaking, but here they are making sure I’m OK.

The first day back at work is awful, I find it so hard to concentrate that I make silly mistakes - the second day isn’t much better. I miss him so much . . . I ache for him. He’s been in touch, and he’s skyping me tonight, so I’ll get to see him. What’s the point though? I know he said that this is not over, but how can it not be? It’s just prolonging the agony I'm feeling. He hasn’t even mentioned us meeting up or seeing each other again.

When I get in from work I turn on my computer to wait for his call and then start to make some dinner. I rush to the laptop when I hear Skype notifying me of an incoming call. I answer it and see his face.

“Hey, baby. How are you doing?” A big grin on my face.

“I am missing you, but I am fine. How was your work?”

I shrug, “It was ok. I can’t concentrate on anything. I'm finding it hard to get back into the routine.”

He nods. “Me too Els, but that is because I can think of nothing but you.”

“Yeah . . . that’s my reason too.” I look behind him on the screen at his living room in the background. “Show me around your place . . . so that I can picture where you live?” he nods, standing up with his iPad, slowly walking me through his villa. It looks classy, manly – just like him.

“I guess you’ve had a lot of girls at your place haven’t you?”

He looks horrified. “I have never had a woman here Elsa, I told you I have never had a relationship before - just s*x. I used hotels for that.”

I shudder I hate thinking of him with other women. “You goin’ to invite me to your place one day?” I ask him and then instantly regret it, I sound needy.

“Definitely, mi amor.”

We chat some more until Hayley comes home, but after saying ‘hi’ to Hayley, we sign off.

She comes over and gives me a big hug, looking at me expectantly.

“I'm ok Hayley.”

She looks doubtful. “I don’t want you to bottle it up inside - I know you do that. I know how you feel about him.”

I don’t see the point in talking about it. “He says he loves me Hayley, but hasn’t even suggested meeting up.” It hurts that he hasn’t said anything at all about the future. “I don’t want to talk about it - but honestly, I will if I'm upset . . . I promise.”

By Friday afternoon at work, I’ve had enough. I’ve made more mistakes this week with my work than I have the whole time I’ve worked here. I have to dance at the club tonight and I'm not in the mood. I’ve hardly had any sleep, I’ve not eaten much so I have no energy . . . I'm just miserable.

I look at the clock, ten past four - thank God, only fifty minutes to go.

My phone rings, its Jayne, our receptionist, “Elsa, there’s a man here to see you . . . he won’t give much detail, but is saying it’s important.” Then she whispers in the phone earpiece so that he can’t hear. “You want to come down though and see this guy . . . he is hot!”

That’s all I need, I’ve got enough with one hot guy that I can’t have.

I walk through to the reception area and my heart skips a beat. The guy has his back to me with his hands in his pockets. He has on black jeans and a black t-shirt. I know that back anywhere.

“Xander?”

He spins around grinning at me. It is him! I rush over to him and throw my arms around him. He laces his fingers through my hair and draws me in for a kiss, I glance at Jayne, she is gawping at me open-mouthed.

I look back at him. “What are you doing here?”

“I thought I would surprise you, mi amor. I have something I need to talk to you about – I wanted to do it in person. Is it ok that I have come?”

I hug him again. It’s so nice to feel him again. “It’s more than ok. Let me go ask my boss if I can finish early - with how much use I have been this week, I don’t think it’ll be a problem.”

I bound back upstairs to ask my boss if I can leave. I’ve told her all about my “holiday romance” so when I tell her he’s here she tells me to get going straight away.

When I get back to him he's relaxed back on a chair in reception, talking in Spanish on his phone. This beautiful man is here for me. I look around, there are a couple of clients in reception waiting to be seen and a couple of girls from our office. No one can take their eyes off him.

I wait for him to finish, holding my hand out to him to pull him up, which he takes then drapes his arm around my shoulders and kisses my cheek. I can’t believe he’s here. It’s so weird that he’s here in Manchester.

I take him home, Hayley is still at work. I show him around downstairs.

“I want to see your bedroom baby.” He looks down at me, his eyes are hooded and have gone about ten shades darker, there is no doubt in my mind what he’s thinking. When he speaks again his voice sounds husky. “It’s been five days since I have been inside you - that is too long.”

We crash into my room, he grabs hold of my waist, picking me up and sitting me on my dressing table. “Do you have any idea how f*****g sexy you look in these hot secretary clothes and . . . Jesus . . . these glasses . . . they make you look so fuckable.”

I have on a white fitted blouse, a black pencil skirt and black heels. Standard office wear. He bunches my skirt up so that it’s around my hips and hooks my knickers, pulling them down. “Leave these shoes on mi amor . . . I want to f**k you with them on. This is going to be hard and fast Elsa . . . I need it. I promise I will do slow later.”

It turns me on so much when he talks like this. I undo his belt quickly, and then his trousers letting them slide to the floor. I ease his very hard c**k out of his boxers and slide those down his thighs too. Oh, how I’ve missed this. He kisses me, his tongue finding mine – he places his hands on my hips sliding me forward onto him. . . he pulls me into him so that he buries himself deep inside me. Ecstasy.

“Ahhh.” he murmurs, “So wet . . . always so wet for me.”

“Ahhh . . . oh God, Xander - I’ve missed you . . . so much.”

“f**k . . . I’ve missed you too Elsa. This feeling is like no other.”

He moves in and out of me and I wrap my legs around his back pushing him further into me. It’s quick and frantic and urgent.

I can feel myself getting close. “I'm coming Xander.”

“Me too baby eres mia.” He groans loudly - we both come together, it’s been too long, even though five days isn’t long at all.

“I missed you baby . . . so much. I love you.” I say to him I feel my voice is thick with emotion and I fight back the tears - I don’t want to be that girl that cries after s*x.

He looks deep into my eyes, I feel like I'm drowning in his – they’re so blue “Hey, do not get upset. I love you too - you have no idea. I missed you so much, it doesn’t feel right you not with me. I need you.”

He slides out of me and lets me stand up off my dressing table. Kissing all over my face. I'm still fully clothed apart from my knickers. Xander throws his trousers to the other side of the room, slides his t-shirt off and then starts to unbutton my blouse. He takes off the rest of my clothes, so we are both naked and then we climb into bed to just hold each other. I rest my head on his chest, his arms are wrapped around me, every so often he kisses my head. This is my favourite place to be in the whole world. We don’t say anything for a while, but then I feel his body tense up. I look up at him - he moves so that he is lying on his side propped up on one elbow.

He looks nervous. “Elsa, I have something I want to ask you . . . but there are some things I need to tell you first.”

I don’t like the sound of this . . . “Ok . . . go on.” I say, unsure about what is coming.

He clears his throat, looking nervous. “I know I told you I have never been in a relationship before - that is true. But what I didn’t tell you is that I did have regular, shall we say, meetings with women . . . for . . . “ he clears his throat again. “sex.”

He looks at me and carries on. I’ve never seen him nervous before. “These women . . . they mean nothing to me. It has always been a mutual agreement that it is just s*x - it was all I needed.”

“Is it the same women over and over, or a different woman every time?” I ask

“I had women that I saw regularly, yes - as they understood that no relationship could ever come from it, so I was leading no one on.”

I don’t like that I'm naked anymore, I pull up the sheet around me.

He places his finger under my chin so that my eyes meet his. “I have ended it with them. That is what I went back to do . . . amongst other things. I have told them that I have met someone, that I will not be seeing them again. You can trust me, Elsa.”

“I feel sick at the thought of you having s*x with someone else. I mean it physically makes me want to be sick. I picture you on top of someone else, doing the things that we do . . . going down on someone else – it’s horrible.”

He nods. “I understand mi amor, I would feel the same, but it was never like it is with you, that I swear to you, Elsa. Every day I am thankful that I am the only man you have let make love to you. I think I would go insane otherwise.”

I sigh, there’s no point getting wound up about his past. “Ok Xander – I didn’t think you were a monk or anything – I can't say that I like that you can be so cold and calculated about s*x, but understand that if you ever cheat on me that would be it. Do you understand?”

He snorts, “You have no idea how ludicrous that it to me, I would never be unfaithful to you. I love you too much to ever do anything to hurt you. Have you seen my girl? I would be crazy to cheat when I have this beautiful, stunning, human being.” He gives me his smile, which crinkles his eyes and does it for me every time.

“I'm your girlfriend?” shocked at what he’s just referred to me as.

He frowns, “Of course!”

“As long as you’ve finished whatever it was with them, then I don’t have a problem do I?” I ask

He looks nervous again. “There is something else . . . I need to explain to you more about my family than I have done . . . they . . . they are not normal.”

“I know - you explained to me in Ibiza, it's fine . . . I get it, they’re scary, no one messes with them . . . I understand.”

He gives me a sad smile. “I feel that you will not understand the magnitude of how much they are feared until you meet them and people around them. Gabriel is fine, he is a fine man, however my other two stepbrothers seem to like the power our family name gives them, sometimes they take things too far, especially Andreo. Plus they are very wealthy, and that is not always good.”

“It’s ok Xander. You can’t control who your family are. I love you - what your family is involved in doesn’t change what kind of person you are, or how I feel about you.” I cup his face with my hands and kiss him on the lips.

He suddenly gets a determined look on his face. “I want you to be with me. Move with me to Madrid.”

The shock must be written all over my face. Excitement starts to bubble inside me. Did he just ask what I think he asked?

He carries on without giving me a chance to respond. “I know I have no right to ask you to do this, your father, friends and jobs are here . . . your home. But I cannot carry on like this, I cannot live with you being in a different country. I have done it for five days and feel like I am falling apart. I need you. I need you in my life every day. I feel selfish asking, but I know what I want. I will pay for you to fly home here anytime you want, to visit your father, every other week – I don’t care how often. I know how much your friends mean to you, you can come home anytime to see them and they can come to visit us.”

Oh God, I love the sound of ‘us’. I hold up my hand as to silence him.

I give him a beaming smile. “My answer is yes! I thought you’d never ask.” I throw my arms around him.

He looks at me shocked. “Really? After what I have just told you?”

I shake my head in disbelief. “What part of ‘I love you’ do you not understand? Do you want me to move in with you or not?”

He beams at me. “I love you mi amor . . . I will make you so happy, I promise I will never hurt you.” He kisses me.

I lean forward to kiss him, a gentle, sensual kiss filled with emotion. “I'm so glad I met you,”

He smiles and says. “I hope you will always feel this way.”

I hear the front door - Hayley must be home. I put on Xander’s t-shirt and my underwear and go downstairs to tell her the news. She’s in the kitchen putting the kettle on when she hears me, she turns around to say hi but stops in her tracks when she sees the smile on my face.

“Well someone looks like the cat that’s got the cream.”

“Xander’s here – he surprised me showing up at work. He’s upstairs.” I say happily.

“Aw Els . . . I'm so glad, how long is he staying for?”

“I don’t know yet we haven’t talked about it, but I have news. . . “

“Do you? What? Good, I hope?”

I smile at her, a little nervous. “He's asked me to go and live with him in Madrid . . . and I’ve said yes.”

Hayley looks gobsmacked. “Oh. . . my. . . God! I don’t believe it - I'm so happy for you.” She comes over and hugs me tightly, then pulls me back and holds me at arm’s length. “Wait a minute – does that mean that I don’t get to see you?”

“Xander says he’ll pay for me to come home anytime I want, probably every couple of weeks, so that I can see you guys and visit my dad. I'm so happy Hayley, I still can't believe it’s real.”

She shakes her head, laughing. “Who’d have thought that me winning that cash would lead to this – you meeting the man of your dreams. Are you still going to work tonight?”

“Oh crap, I’d forgot – yeah, I’ll have to go.” I hadn’t given the club a thought. I look at the clock and see that it’s nearly seven – I have another two hours with him before I have to go. I run back up the stairs to find Xander lay on my bed with a sheet draped over the centre of him whilst looking at his phone. He’s so gorgeous, I can't believe he’s all mine. Hearing me come in he looks up at me, those bright blue eyes meeting mine, smiling a heart-breaking smile.

“Is Hayley mad at me for taking you away from her?”

I climb onto the bed and snuggle up to him, putting my head into his neck and nuzzling in. “Yeah, a bit, but she was fine when I told her I can come home anytime I want. She’s happy that I'm happy.”

He nods.

“How long can you stay for?”

He grimaces, “I can only stay until Monday morning, I have to head back then. When you can come to join me - after you have sorted out your jobs, I will fly back for you, yes?”

I smile against his skin. “I can't believe this is happening - It’s so exciting. I’ll probably have to give two weeks’ notice at the solicitors. At the club, if I get the girls to cover my shifts, they might let me give two weeks’ notice there too. I have to go in tonight I'm afraid.”

He traces a finger up and down my arm, which sends shivers down my spine. “I can't wait to watch you dance.”

A feeling of dread creeps in. I know for a fact he isn’t going to like my dancing. It’s very full-on and sexy, it has to be . . . it’s the job. My own routines are bad enough, but Kel and I have a couple of routines which he’s not going to like. “I don’t think you’ll like it.”

His brows furrow. “Why will I not like to see you dance?” he looks bewildered.

“It’s a bit sexy Xander . . . I . . . I’m not sure what you’ll think of it.”

He smirks. “I'm sure it will be sexy, everything you do is sexy . . . I cannot wait.”

I know for a fact that he won't like it. He can't say that I didn’t warn him!