In Too Deep: An Anti-Hero Mafia Romance

Party from hell

I notice immediately what a glamorous affair it is as soon as we arrive. It’s a huge ballroom all in gold’s and reds, there are large tables that seat ten with ornate seat covers on, the tables have gorgeous candelabras as the centrepiece. There are waiters dotted all around with canapés. I look around to see hundreds of people, milling around talking to each other.

He grabs my hand, looking down at me seriously. “I am not letting go of your hand all night. I want you to stay by my side.”

“What are you so worried about?” I frown.

He reaches up to touch my cheek with the back of his hand with a feather touch. “I'm worried that you will change your mind . . . about me.” he looks so vulnerable.

I shake my head. “I promise that will NEVER happen.”

He doesn’t look convinced.

I hear someone say Xander’s name . . . a man is approaching us, a very tall man. This guy must be six five at least, broad build, he looks older - totally gorgeous, black hair, nearly black eyes, with gorgeous thick black eyelashes, so thick that it looks like he has eyeliner on, he has dark olive skin, clean-shaven. Bloody hell . . . do they put something in the water here? This one looks like a bad boy. He greets Xander and they talk in Spanish until the guy gestures towards me.

Xander switches to English. “Elsa, this is Andreo . . . my brother.” He motions towards me. “This is Elsa. Speak in English, she does not speak Spanish yet.” Yet? Andreo regards me.

I lean in to kiss his cheek on each side, which seems to be the customary way to greet people here. I know Andreo organises underground fighting competitions – that he's not a guy you want to mess with. He does come across as formidable.

“Hi, nice to meet you, I’ve been looking forward to meeting Xander’s family.” I smile at him.

He smirks at Xander as if to say he knows Xander doesn’t feel that way. “She is beautiful, brother.”

He turns to me. “Everyone is excited to meet you . . . the woman who has finally captured Alexander – he is known for his disinterest in women, so imagine our surprise when we find out he has moved one into his home.”

Xander slides his arm around me and kisses me on the cheek, not holding back at all in the presence of his brother, making his feelings for me quite clear. I didn’t think it was possible to love him more, but at that moment I do. “What can I say? I met the girl I was supposed to.” He turns to me and smiling.

“Best of luck to you, brother - and to you Elsa. I hope you will be very happy in Madrid, but if you ever have any problems and cannot get hold of Xander, you must call me. Xander will put me in your phone, yes brother?” he says looking at Xander.

Xander nods. “Si, gracias. We will catch up with you later. I want to introduce her to mother and everyone else.”

“Ok see you later Xan,” Andreo says, turning to speak to another crowd nearby.

What was that about? Why would I need his number? A look passed between them then that I couldn’t quite fathom. I make a note to ask Xander about that later.

Xander turns to grab two flutes of champagne from a passing waiter, then hands me one. “Come on, lets find mama.”

We wander around, so many people stop and talk to Xander, mostly in Spanish. He introduces me to everyone, most people do have the decency to speak English and are nice.

We’re talking to a friend of his brothers when I hear an English accent “Alexander! Finally. I have been looking everywhere for you! “

Xander looks around and smiles a warm genuine smile, then he turns to me. “Elsa, this is my mother . . . mama, this is Elsa,” he gestures towards me.

She moves forward to embrace me in a hug. “It is so lovely to meet you, Elsa, I didn’t quite believe you existed until now! It’s been a shock, to say the least, that Alexander has gotten himself a girlfriend.” She seems nice, really friendly – kinda happy that he has gotten a girlfriend at last.

“Thank you, it’s lovely to meet you.” I smile nervously at her.

“Don’t be nervous honey, whatever Xander has told you, we don’t bite – well I don’t anyway.” she says laughing. “Please say you’ll come for lunch one day this week, while Alexander is working? We can get to know one another.”

I sneak a glance at Xander who is stood smiling. “That would be lovely, thank you.”

Xander’s mother does manage to put me at ease a little. His stepfather isn’t here, he has a meeting elsewhere – I'm relieved, it’s hard enough meeting everyone else, never mind meeting the head of one of the most important families in Spain!

While we’re talking, a couple walk over to us, they turn out to be the eldest brother Gabriel, who is a lawyer together with his wife Suzanne. Gabriel couldn’t be more different than Andreo, he has light brown hair and kind brown eyes. He has the biggest smile. I like him immediately.

Xander turns to me. “This is Gabriel and Suzanne . . . guys, this is Elsa.”

I say my hellos, Suzanne is English, she has dark cropped hair, very slim and tall. I instantly like her too, she seems friendly . . . so easy to talk to. She arranges that she will come for lunch with the children, they have two - a girl and a boy, aged five and two, when I go for lunch with her mother, so I instantly feel better, I won't be as nervous if there are little children around to distract everyone.

We sit down at one of the big tables. Xander keeps his hand on my knee, which reassures me. He keeps turning to me, asking if I'm ok. They talk mostly English as there are three English people on the table, although his mum and Suzanne also talk Spanish. Learning Spanish is definitely next on my to-do list. A brother is missing, Rafael, he can't make it - I'm now dying to see what he looks like after seeing Andreo.

We have a delicious meal . . . everything melts in the mouth. The company is nice, his brother Andreo doesn’t spend much time at the table but the conversation flows easily with everyone else. After a few champagnes, I feel myself start to loosen up a little. Suzanne is so easy to get on with, she’s only twenty-eight and really on my wavelength.

We get up to dance when I notice an older woman staring at me. I’ve noticed a lot of women looking at me tonight, but I presume it’s because Xander has never brought a woman to one of these things before. This woman, however, is staring blatantly at me, I’d say she was early forties, her hair is in a pleat, very elegantly dressed in a red fitted cocktail gown. She’s very obvious about it, I turn my back so that I can't see her, to dance with Suzanne to moves like Jagger and Valerie. When I look over at Xander, I see him frowning at red dress lady – I get a feeling of unease. He catches me looking at him and smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes . . . something’s bothering him and I have a feeling it is to do with her.

Suzanne and I need to use the bathroom so we head to the ladies. When I get out of the cubicle in the ladies, I go to the mirror to touch up my make-up – Suzanne is doing the same, I see the woman who was watching me, in the mirror behind me, glaring at me.

I turn around to face her. “Can I help you?”

“You are with Alexander Castell?” she says in a heavy Spanish accent.

I nod. “Yes, I am . . . I'm his girlfriend why?”

She narrows her eyes at me nastily. “Ah . . . that explains it.”

“Explains what?” This woman is seriously starting to piss me off.

“Well . . . Xander was one of my best customers - I was wondering why he cancelled his membership with me three weeks ago . . . he wouldn’t divulge any information as to why . . . but now it is clear.” She looks me up and down in disgust.

A feeling of unease starts to run over me. “What membership would that be?” I look at Suzanne but she looks as puzzled as me.

“He has not told you then? I cannot say I am surprised. He has used my services for quite a long time now. I run a high-class escort agency - only for the elite, highly confidential. However, he cancelled a few weeks ago.”

My blood starts to run cold. What? What is she talking about? That can’t be right. From what I’ve heard he’s never taken a girl to anything before. What would he need an escort for? Then it dawns on me. “What kind of escort agency?”

She smirks at me. “What do you think escorts are used for, little girl?”

I look at Suzanne, she shakes her head at me as if she doesn’t know what the woman is talking about, then says, “I think I’d better go and get Xander.”

Red dress woman turns back to me, her eyes narrowing slyly. “You won't last long – you are just a novelty at the moment, he will be telephoning me soon enough. I have lost a lot of money - losing his business - it is in my interest to make sure that you and he do not last. See you around.” She sneers, turning on her heels to leave.

I feel sick.

I am floored by what she said. He pays for s*x? My Xander? Why would he do that? We discussed his past with women . . . I know that he hasn’t had a girlfriend and he told me that he had casual arrangements – but he never told me that he paid for these casual arrangements. What the hell? Why would he do that? It makes me feel sick to think about him having s*x with anyone - but prostitutes? Oh . . . my . . . God. I can’t believe it. I turn to leave, I just want to get out of here.

When I open the door Xander is waiting for me outside. With the look on his face, I can tell straight away that it’s all true. He has guilt mixed with fear written all over it.

“Take me home,” I say in a whisper.

He reaches forward to grab my hand. “Elsa, let me explain.”

I snatch my hand away. “I just want to go . . . take me home please.” My voice breaks.

He nods. “Let us just say goodbye to everyone.”

I shake my head, “I’ll wait outside, tell them I have a migraine.” I walk off to the exit. Let him make the excuses. My head is whirring, I don’t know what to think. I don’t understand. Why does he need to do that? Why didn’t he tell me? He must have known that I would find out.

He comes to meet me out front but doesn’t say a word or try to touch me. I just stand with my arms folded, looking at the floor, willing for the valet to hurry up with Xander’s car.

I finally hear him say quietly, “Baby, please talk to me.” he takes a step toward me but I shake my head. “Just . . . don’t touch me . . . get me home Xander.”

We drive in silence back to his villa. As soon as we arrive I jump out and let myself in. I go to the bedroom, I want to get out of these clothes, I take my hair down and put my shorts and vest on. I hear him come up the stairs after me. I don’t know what to say to him because I don’t know how I feel about it all yet. I need to think.

“Elsa . . . I am sorry . . . I am so sorry that you had to find out like that. I should have told you.” he says nervously.

I spin around on him angry now. “Yes, Xander - you should have - instead of me stood there like a f*****g i***t, while some woman tells me what my boyfriend usually likes to do for kicks.”

He winces, “I was scared if I told you the truth, that you would not want to be with me.”

“I don’t want to talk to you.” I turn my back on him.

“Please Elsa . . . just give me a chance to explain.” He begs.

“Go on then . . . please explain this. I can't wait.” I scoff.

He sits on the edge of the bed and sighs. “I started using Francesca’s business many years ago, I heard about them through a friend of my fathers. I didn’t want a girlfriend, nor did I want to have casual affairs, but I still had . . . needs – it just seemed easier this way. I didn’t have to show emotion - I just had s*x with those women and paid them for it. A lot of money for it actually. It was always safe s*x. They are very professional very high class, beautiful, confidential and most importantly, they are paid not to get attached.”

He carries on. “Also . . . I haven’t gone into too much detail about my stepfather, and what he is involved in, but he has many enemies. I cannot trust anyone. So it was easier to have a relationship with no one, just in case it was someone trying to get close to him for one reason or another, or to get information from me.”

How can he talk about it like a business transaction? This man has real intimacy issues obviously – so why has he not had intimacy issues with me?

“What made me so different . . . that you wanted a relationship with me?”

“As soon as I saw you I wanted you, and then as I got to know you, I fell in love with you. There is an electricity between us that was there right from the very beginning. I know you feel it too, or you would not have moved to Spain to be with me.”

I sigh and go and sit next to him on the bed. “No, I moved to Spain because you made me fall in love with you. You didn’t tell me everything, you weren’t honest with me. I don’t know how to handle this Xander. I feel so hurt - you’ve let me down. Please just leave me on my own, I need time to think, ok?”

He looks hurt – but he has let me down.

He stands up. “I am so sorry. I love you so much, baby. I cannot control my past, only my present and future. If my past hurts you, then I am sorry but I can promise that from the day I met you that I would never do anything to hurt you.”

I snort. “This has hurt me Xander, you should have told me . . . so that’s a load of crap. Just leave me alone.”

I turn away from him and hear him sigh, then the bedroom door closes. I sit down on the bed, tears that I’ve been holding back now flowing freely. I don’t like the thought that he has had s*x with prostitutes. Part of me does understand that it was a professional arrangement and I understand that no one got attached, but it seems so sordid. I feel that finding this out about him, taints him. I know that if he’d told me I would have still wanted to be with him – the fact that he’s been dishonest with me is bothering me more than anything.

I try to get some sleep, but I just keep going over and over it in my mind. I haven’t heard from Xander in hours, so I go out on the landing and try to find him. There is no noise coming from anywhere. It’s eerily quiet. I can see all the ground floor from the open plan landing. He’s not in the kitchen, I look in the living room and nearly miss him in the dark. He’s sat on the couch not moving, leant forward with his arms on his knees there’s a glass of what must be whisky on the table in front of him, because there’s an empty bottle of whisky next to it. He’s staring at the floor.

“Xander?” I say,

His head snaps up and he stands up quickly. “Elsa, are you ok?”

I nod and start to go down the stairs to go to sit next to him on the couch. I look at him, seeing so much pain in his eyes, he looks worried and troubled. I can smell whisky on him.

“Are you drunk?” I ask him.

He shrugs “A little. Elsa . . . please tell me you are ok? Please tell me that you forgive me for not telling you. I am so sorry . . . I was so scared of losing you. I feel sick at the thought that you are hurting upstairs and will not let me near you – I cannot bear it.”

I love this man. I'm in too deep. I couldn’t get out now if I tried, I love him with every bone in my body. I don’t have a choice about that. I'm crazy in love with him.

He looks so worried and anxious. He’s always so self-assured and confident – I don’t like seeing him like this.

I sigh. “Xander you should have told me. I know you can't help what you did before you met me, and I sort of get why you did what you did - only a little bit. But I hate that you kept it from me and that b***h loved telling me.”

He looks down at his feet. “I know, I will make sure she knows how unhappy I am, that she did that to you.”

I nudge his shoulder with my own. “Come to bed . . . it’s late.” He looks up at me, hope in his eyes “Really, Elsa?”

I stand, holding my hand out to him, which he takes. “Right now I need you to come upstairs and f**k me . . . make me forget.”

His eyes darken and he nods. “I can do that.”

As soon as we’re in the bedroom, we’re tearing off each other’s clothes – biting, pawing and kissing each other. When we’re both naked he leads me to the en-suite and opens the door to his giant shower, after turning it on he nods for me to get in. I step in and before I even turn around he is on me. His chest pressed into my back, he starts to bite my neck, while his hands slide around the front of me to start kneading my breasts. I can feel his erection at my opening, with the water beating down on us, it is all so sensual. I turn my head so that my mouth can meet his and we start to kiss, his tongue pushes its way into my mouth. His hands are still on my breasts, he kneads them and my n*****s are now so erect and hard. I groan into his mouth as he pinches them and reach down behind me to circle my hand around his erect c**k, I start moving my hand up and down the shaft. He groans into my mouth, reaching down to take my hand off him.

He breaks off from kissing me. “Place both of your hands flat against the wall of the shower and lean forward.”

When I do this he grabs my hips, pulling them towards him so that I am leaning forward onto the wall. I feel his erection prodding at my opening and then he eases himself in a little bit.

I groan, “All the way Xander . . . I want all of you in me.”

“Baby . . . I am going to f**k you . . . hard, are you ready?”

I nod, then he thrusts into me hard . . . we both yell out. Oh God, it feels so good for him to fill me like this, then he withdraws almost completely and then rams into me again.

“Xander . . . ” I scream, he does it again and again, I have to brace my arms on the wall so that he doesn’t push me into it.

“You feel so good mi amor . . . nothing else in the world feels as good as being inside you. You are so f*****g tight.” I feel myself getting close to coming. I start to moan - he can tell I'm getting close, he goes faster, until the feeling takes hold of me, it is so strong I feel myself going weak at the knees and it takes all my strength to keep on my feet.

I hear him shout “Elsa!” feeling him pulsating inside me, then his warmth shoot into me. He slows down while we come down from our sated high, then he pulls out of me, he turns me around to him to kiss me slow and languidly under the jet of the shower - we stay like that for a while.

I look up at Xander, he’s such a hard case to crack. I wish I knew what was going on inside his mind. Sometimes he can be so gentle with me and then sometimes, like just now a part of him takes over - that was just pure lust. I love that he can lose control like that.

“Are you ok mi amor?” he says stroking my cheek.

I nod smiling. “I'm still angry at you . . . but that helped. I'm glad we made up.”

He gives me a wide grin. “Was that what we were doing?”

I look puzzled. “Yes, why? What did you think we were doing?”

“I was worried it was goodbye.”

We get out of the shower and dry each other off. Then we get in bed, it’s five in the morning, we’re both exhausted. He pulls me into him so that we’re spooning, we fall asleep just like that in each other’s arms.