I am Reborn through Revenge

Words are like water

It was a long night. I began to wonder why it was taking me so long to catch some sleep. There was this feeling I had somewhere around my chest, it was bothering me. It was as though I was watching myself dying slowly but could do nothing to help myself out.

I was going to die anyway. So was I expecting to have a good night's sleep? That was close to impossible.

I was sitting close to the wall, and I supported my back against it. There were four torches hung on the wall outside my cell and it threw shades of yellow lights inside the cell. The rays left a long silhouette of myself on the wall behind me. The room was becoming hot and stuffy for my liking ( there were no windows anyway). I admired the guard. He had been standing there all night guarding me without even bothering to get something to eat or drink. He really deserved some accolades. Because for me, he deserved to win the most “protective guard of all time in Zahrin.” I didn’t blame him though. If he slept on duty and I luckily escapes from the cell, then that would be very unfortunate for him, because he wouldn't be the only one who would pay the price. He might probably pay it with the blood of his immediate family and that of his unborn children which would be no good news.

After admiring the big bearded guard, I shifted my glance slowly back to my cell, troubled. Hunger slowly crept into my stomach and I began to feel it. My eyes began to turn around uncontrollably and my breath was slowing down like I had run a long-distance race. I apparently began to see everything around me twice. At first, I didn’t notice it until I looked back at the guard. It seemed as though he had a twin brother.

Impossible, I thought.

My brain was already messed up with the stress I passed through and my stomach was craving for something to eat. I was sweating profusely but that of my face was more apparent.

I slid my hand into my trouser pocket— which wasn’t what I planned to do anyway— and I saw a white hankie. The same white hankie Marie gave me. I used it instantly to wipe my face; it still smelt like grapes and lemon.

I remembered that moment. The moment she gave me the hankie to wipe my tears. I remember how relieved I felt after I had used it. I began to think about her. I began to miss her. I wished I could see her again or at least see her before I die. Maybe her touch would perform that healing magic on my restless soul, I thought.

I closed my eyes and I began to immerse myself in her, imaginarily. I tried to remember something about her that would make me happy; something that would console me. I remembered her soft hands; the hands she placed on my back and how she rubbed it gently up and down sending down sweet waves in my stomach and then up to my brain. It made me feel like I was swimming in a cold river amid a hot sun. I remembered the hot breaths she placed on my chest and how it pulsed my twitching heart that had been pounding inside me. I remembered myself hugging her in a way that I never imagined I would hug any woman. I had hugged her like I wanted her body to merge into one with mine. I wish I had thanked her for the unknown sweet memories she had placed on my heart for the short while I had known her. She was someone I could confidently call a friend without any apologies and I had just realized it. I shot my eyes open and I began to smile to myself. I touched my stomach, it was no longer paining me. I wouldn’t say the hunger had stopped permanently but I realized that I was no longer seeing things twice. I heard as fast and noisy footsteps were approaching my cell. I was sure it wasn't the guard. So who could that be by this time of the day? I looked up and surprisingly, I saw Marie. She was running toward my cell, holding the left side of her long gown— it had a colour of a hummingbird. Her face was looking frantic and pale. I could hear her breaths almost twenty foots away from me. I knew that all was not well. She stopped and glanced at the guard but she quickly ignored him and glanced straight into my eyes.

Goodness!

Her cat eyes! They fluttered around like she was in a panic. But yet, they both looked innocent and beautiful. She peered into my eyes and I did the same but none of us cared to avoid our gaze this time. Her cute little lips began to part away from each other. I knew she was surprised. She must be! She then began to walk toward me again until she came closer enough with the bar separating us.

“Your Highness!” her voice was sluggish, unlike her. “I. . . I am so, so sorry.” She sobbed.

I stood up from where I was sitting and I went straight to her. I wanted to say something to her, but words ran out of my mouth. There were so many things I wished I could say but I couldn't just get myself to say it. I wanted to hug her too but I couldn’t— I wish I could— if not for anything else, at least for my good. I stretched out my hands and it caught her cold but soft hands. I held her delicate hands until we began a long staring match without even saying anything to each other— my eyes against her cat eyes. I wanted to cry too. I didn’t know where to start saying what I wanted to say. Should I tell her that I will miss her? I wondered why I felt this way for a girl I barely knew.

“Marie, ” I said. She peered at me. “I will miss you.” I decided to start from there but she sobbed more. She tightened the grip of her hands on mine.

“No. No. Don’t say this. Don’t say it, please. You are not going to miss me. Just tell me that you are going nowhere. You are. . . you are the only true friend I ever had. You are the reason why I am here today. You are the reason why I am what I am today.” She paused and wiped her tears, I think she rubbed at her left eye. “Just tell me that what I heard was a joke. Tell me that you will always be here. Please tell me something.”

I found myself chortling smugly but deep down, that was not how I felt— It was the total opposite of what my face was showing at the moment. “Marie. . . I wish I could tell you that it is not true but, it is what it is. It is what you heard.” I smiled at her again. “But don’t worry. You are going to be alright, trust me.” I brought out the hankie she gave me before and wiped her tears then placed my hands on the back of her head. “Don’t cry, Marie. If you cry from now till the next day, it’s not going to help me in any way. It’s not going to help you either. You might either end up getting a headache. So don’t cry okay.”

I didn’t understand why I was consoling her and telling her not to cry while deep down inside me, I wanted to scream. I really wished the whole world could hear me when I cry. But would there be a need for it? I was going to die anyway.

“Is there anything I could do to help you out? If there is anything, I mean anything I could do to help you, believe me, I will be glad to do so.” Her eyes were filled with tears but it was no longer welling down her cheek. I understood her willingness and I knew that she wasn’t mincing words about it. She really meant everything she said but there was nothing she could do. It wasn’t in her powers to do anything, it was just in her powers to sit down and watch me die. It was sad but it was the reality. She was on the list of those I would truly miss, after Brady, she was next.

“There is something I want to tell you.”

“What is it? Please tell me. . .” she asked hurriedly.

“I want to say. . . thank you so much for all you have done for me. Thank you so much for being there when I wanted you to be there. Thank you so much for being so influential to me, changing my angry moments to happiness, being a neighbor to my loneliness. I can’t really appreciate you enough. Even though I have known you for a short while but it does seem like I have known you for ages. Thank you so much.”

She couldn’t say a word. It seemed like I even made her shed more tears. I wished I could take back my words but I had already said it. My mother told me that words are like water, once poured out on the ground, they can never be recovered.

I decided to do something stupid or was it brave? I held out my hand through the bar and I grabbed the back of her neck. I watched as her eyes flickered as though she was a bird. I grabbed her gently and I began to draw her head close, close enough to the bar where her head could touch the bar. When her head was close enough, I tried to kiss her.

Yes, I kissed her on the head. I didn’t believe I could muster the courage to do it. After I had kissed her forehead, I felt relaxed, I felt like I had tasted fresh honey. I released a deep sigh and then withdrew my hands from her neck. “I’m going to miss you, Your Highness,” she said. I heard her as she swallowed her spit. “You were truly an angel to me. I wish I had told you this earlier; you were a light in my darkness. I honestly appreciate everything you have done for me. I wish I would be given one more chance to prove that to you. One last chance to say thank you for appearing in my life.”

I stared at her for a while and I remembered one last thing I wanted to say to her. It was more like a request than a mere statement. “Tomorrow, I will be tied to the stake, probably in the afternoon,” I said. I wanted to hunker down on my heels because I was so tired and hungry but I didn’t. It would be embarrassing, I thought. “My execution will be tomorrow afternoon. It will be carried out either privately or publicly. I want you to do something before then.”

Her voice trailed off from what it used to sound like. “What is it?” she asked.

“Please, I don’t want to see you there. I don’t want to see you when I will die. Let this be the last time we will see or talk to each other. Let this be the worst you will see for now. This will be my final request.”

She didn’t say anything to me, her face just remained unfazed. She stared at me for a while then she noticed that I was waiting for her to reply to me, she then simply nodded her head. I think that was her own way of saying “I heard you.”

“You need to go now, Marie. Go catch some sleep. You will need it, alright?”

She didn't answer me directly. I didn’t think she had the courage of saying okay without crying, without screaming. I knew she was struggling to control herself from crying. What she didn’t know was that I was also angry. If I could scream I would but Hell, I didn’t want to. She slowly began to let my hands go until we weren’t touching each other again.

She leaned backward, about ten foots away. “Good bye Prince,” she said and curtseyed.

I stage managed a smile. “Good bye, Marie. Remember to always be careful. Be careful, Marie,” I told her.

She closed her eyes and sighed deeply; it was a long sigh. Then she bowed again without saying a word. She turned around and stalked past the guard without even looking at him.

I hunkered down on my heels but then I wasn't feeling comfortable about it. So I sat down on the floor, thinking. I began to worry. Was it the end? Does it mean there was nothing I could do? So it was game over?