Lost then Found

5 - On My Own

Ellie’s POV

I walk away from Avery after he says he needs to head to work. Thinking of our little walk-about puts a smiled on my face, I really enjoyed his company. He is so easy going and funny, he made me laugh so much my cheeks hurt. It felt good, like my old self was coming out again. The Ellie I lost.

I don’t really know when I lost her, but now I know I did. It is so evident that it almost feels like a spotlight is shinning into the hole in me where she once lived. It happened slowly, silently, like a thief in the night. And I let her go, willingly even. Transforming into someone I barely recognize, all for a false love. A promised love that was never true or real.

I guess at first, I just wanted to make Jacob happy., so I compromised my needs. Then I needed to make myself the perfect match for Jacob, any little comment he made or need he had I molded to it, fit myself around it, into it. Letting the pieces of my real self, the pieces that didn’t fit, fall away until they gone.

That is why I had to move. I knew that still crossing paths with him in town, being in all the places we had made memories together…I would be immersed in that life, the ghost of our relationship would haunt me. I knew that I would be too hurt and too scared to find those pieces of myself I had lost. So a fresh start it was.

My freelance work can be done anywhere and honestly, if I am inspired, my work will only improve. I cannot see much inspiration happening if I am being help back by the whispers in my head, still telling me to take him back, to give him another chance. So moving really is a win-win situation, I have space to heal and my new life inspires my work.

As I walk around and see all the layers of graffiti and street art, layers of colors, textures, hard lines, soft curves, bold, thought provoking. I find myself inspired and I only wish I had brought my camera. I snap some shots on my phone so I can come back later. My mind is turning with so many ideas, it is a nice juxtaposition to my recent turbulent thoughts.

After having a wander this way and that, I ended up in Arnold Circus Park, a lovely peaceful green space. I park my arse on the stairs of the empty gazebo and tuck in to the food that I picked up from a little place I found in BoxPark. I wanted something light after the hearty breakfast Avery made. I forgot to bring the sandwiches that I made this morning, so my nose led the way. The smells coming out of this vegan restaurant, CookDaily, put everything else to shame. And damn if it doesn’t taste even better then it smells. I sit and eat, and take in the sights and sounds that surround me.

An older women makes her way toward where I am sitting and I smile at her as she passes me. This feels good, just slowing down and enjoying what the day brings. After I am done eating I get up to put my empty food container in the rubbish bin. I notice the older woman was still behind me, seeming to just be enjoying the view.

As I walk past her she says, “nice day we are getting to enjoy.”

“That it is, glad to have the time today,” I say with a smile as I met her gaze.

“When you get to be my age, you realize that you always had the time. You just never made good use of it,” she said with a bit of sadness in her voice. “A bit of advice from an old woman. Time passes faster than you will ever know, so always make the time for the people and things you love in life,” she says placing her hand on my shoulder as she passes me.

“I will take that to heart,” I say, meaning every word.

She pats my shoulder and smiles. “Good to know some young ones aren’t too busy to see the beauty in life. You have a lovely day my dear.”

“I will, thank you.”

With a nod, she continued on her way. A slow, steady pace as she meandered around the green space with a gentle smile on her face the whole time. After watching her, I knew she was absolutely right. I must make time for all the things I love. Tomorrow will be me doing just that, my camera in tow capturing it all along the way.

I make it back to the loft at about five, plenty of time to unwind before Avery wanted to leave for dinner. I head straight for the kitchen and pour myself a glass of water, eagerly gulping it down after all the walking I did on this hot day. I refill my glass and bring it with me to my room where I decide to fill the tub for a nice soak before Avery returns.

Sinking into the warm water in the claw foot tub was divine. I added some soothing epson bath salts to the water and it is doing wonders for my aching muscles.

Perhaps this is my body telling me that I need to exercise more. I think I will make a point of taking better care of myself, both physically and mentally. No more giving everything I have to others and hoping I have enough left for me. Right now Ellie is my top priority.

I started to doze off in the tub and realized the water was getting cold, so I got up and I wrapped myself in my fluffy lilac towel. Seeing it put a smile on my face, I am so happy that I never have to see another boring beige towel again.

Back in my room I go through my wardrobe to select an outfit for the night. Something comfortable but stylish. Simple but still classy, after all this will be the first impression I make on Avery’s mates and I want to put my best foot forward so to speak.

I settle on my dark wash skinny jeans, another fitted vest, but this one has a bit of a dip at the chest showing a little more cleavage. It is a slate grey with some metallic threads woven in so it gives a night out vibe. I paired it with my silver kitten pumps because I don’t want my feet to hurt by the end of the night, but flat felt too casual.

I dry my hair, letting my natural chestnut waves fall over my shoulders and down my back. I move onto my makeup and decide to keep it fairly natural, I’m not a big fan of makeup. I do add a bit of a smoky eye in a grey tone and it makes my blue eyes pop. I finish the look with some tinted lipgloss and I am ready to go. I look at the time and I see I still have half an hour. I decide to get my rucksack packed up for tomorrow, cleaning my camera and throwing a sketchbook and my pencils in it as well. Once done, I head to the lounge to wait on Avery.

I don’t have to wait for long, as I was looking at all the books on his shelves I hear him come on behind me. I turn and see the very sexy Avery enter the room.

He is wearing a pair of charcoal grey trousers that fit him perfectly, a short sleeve light grey shirt that stretched over his muscles in the most appetizing way possible. Neither of us wore a jacket as it is seasonally warm and with drinking I’m sure we will be fine.

I spent so much time checking him out I almost forgot to greet him. Looking up at his face, it seems I am not the only one getting an eyeful. “Hi, how did your work go?”

His head jerks to my face and I can tell he realized he was caught, but rather than be embarrassed he smirks at me. Okay Mr Harris, we can play that tonight. A little flirting never did any harm. “It was good, made some progress. The whole project should make a big difference for the community.”

“That’s good, I’m glad showing me around didn’t make your day hard.”

“Nope, that isn’t what made me hard,” he says with a wink. Okay, so full on flirting it is then.

“Is that so Mr Harris? I can say that you look awfully handsome all dressed up,” I say as I walk toward him with an extra swing in my hips.

“I can say the same for you, all sorts of sexy,” he all but growls.

Standing right in front of him I place my palm on his firm chest and look up at him through my lashes and ask, “I’m wondering where you will be taking me Mr Harris?”

He looks deep in my eyes, lust filling them and then another emotion that I cannot identify flickers through them and he puts his hand over mine. He pulls it away from his body, but still holds on to it and pulls me toward the door. “You’ll just have to follow me and find out,” his playful banter back in his voice.

So I do just that, I follow him out into the warm evening air, excited to start living for the things I love.