Blink of an eye

Feeling guilty

Damien

Evening had been long for Catherine and all I wanted to do was take her home. I knew our visit to the police station was a waste of time but had to be done. Detective Philips seemed to be a relatively capable man but no police could catch Stefano. Some vague description of what had happened would have to do. My focus was on Catherine. Her earlier reaction was really strong and I wasn't sure if I bought her explanation of panic attacks. Something in her behaviour was wrong, I just didn't know what exactly.

Everything started to be wrapped up and I was getting ready to leave with Catherine when my nose caught again the most beautiful scent in the universe. I had been able to keep myself in order earlier today when Catherine had hurt herself but this time there was more blood than then. The scent of blood was so strong that I could almost taste it. My eyes fixated on the red liquid on her skin. How tempting, just one drop and I would fall in euphoria which could last for days.. I didn't even realize that I had taken a few steps closer to Catherine. She was holding her nose with the sleeve of her blouse but it didn't help me much. Time seemed to stop as my instincts told me to do what was only natural to our kind. Thirst was always there but I couldn't remember when I had suffered this badly because of it. My teeth were aching to strike through her skin and even my body started trembling a bit. Fire burned in my chest and I wasn't sure if I could hold myself anymore. I had to get out as soon as possible.

Cool air was brushing my face as I walked in the forest. This was the safest place I could find that fast and indeed I was lucky, there were no people around. I knew that I let Catherine down but I had no choice, I had to leave or I might have done something I'd have regretted forever. Her blood simply made me intoxicated. It would have been an interesting dilemma if the situation was different. I, a centuries old creature who had always been able to resist the urge to feed on humans, lost my senses over a woman. There had been more harder situations during my years of existence and I had never lost control. I had witnessed death, sicknesses, accidents and I never felt the need this badly. Blood was constantly surrounding me in one way or the another. Why did she have such an effect on me? Yes, I wanted to sleep with her, but that couldn't be the reason. I had slept with virgins and there never was a problem with them. Maybe it was because I had to resist my natural behaviour for the second time for one day. Or perhaps there was something wrong with me? I couldn't remember hearing about this kind of problem earlier but who knew. No matter why this was happening I realized that my urge was becoming a problem. What if I lost my control even for a few seconds? I simply couldn't hurt Catherine. If I slipped I could end up killing her. Was I becoming the bigger threat to her than Stefano? No, not at least at the moment but I wasn't far behind him. I might not want anything bad to happen to her but the outcome would be the same if I fed on her. She still needed protecting because of him so I needed to find a way around this, one way or another.

I had fed myself more than normally. I had to be sure that nothing could make me lose control. At least my hunger would be satisfied for a while. Taste of the animals wasn't exactly the most delicate treat but it served its purpose. It had been over 200 years since I had tasted human blood and I had to admit that I missed it. The 18th century was the time of awakening for everyone. People started to value knowledge after the so called dark ages. I'd like to think that vampires had been sophisticated species but unfortunately we were pretty cruel and harsh. Most of us never thought killing was bad, just a plain necessity to eat. Some of us even found hunting people intriquiting. Eating people became harder when society started to evolve and maybe some of the newly found civilization catched us too. More and more of us started to think that maybe killing wasn't that good after all. As time went on we finally agreed to limit the eating on animals. Nowadays it would be too hard to feed on humans as people would be missed and reported to police. Years ago people were missed by their loved ones but things didn't go further, it was more natural then. Even this day a few of the missing people who seem to have vanished from the earth are probably eaten by some of us, the police just don't know it. I was glad that all this was mostly history. I had accepted the fact that I had killed people but I didn't wish to do it again. After eating I returned home and took a long shower. I was pretty sure that I would be ready to face Catherine without any problems, even if blood was involved.

I stopped to buy flowers on my way to Catherine's place. I had to apologize to her someway and buying flowers seemed appropriate. What should I say? That I'm so sorry for abandoning her after I promised to be there for her? I wasn't sure if I should lie and say that I became sick or something. It was really late and I was hoping that she took a cab home. Walking this late wouldn't be safe enough.

I instantly felt something was wrong when I entered the stairway. It was just a feeling, but a strong one. I rushed upwards to see Catherine lying on the ground. Dear Lord, what happened to her? She was alive but unconscious and her breathing was very shallow. Her skin was white as if there was not a single drop of blood in her. Was she hurt? Did Stefano do something to her? She was very light as I lifted her into my arms. I had two choices: take her into her own home or to mine. Her's was closer and as she would probably get panicked if she woke up at mine, I carried her upstairs. I laid her carefully on her bed and helped her jacket off. Nothing seemed to be physically wrong, no new visible injuries. She was very cold so I suspected that she had been there for a while. Had she been there since returning from the police station? I felt guilty being so weak and leaving her alone. Did she lose so much blood for one day that she fainted because of it? I wasn't sure if I should take her to the ER again. I was old and knew something about human physics but I wasn't a doctor. I tucked her in the bed and laid myself next to her. After making sure that she was comfortable, I couldn't resist holding her against my chest. I simply wanted to feel her on me. The touch of her skin made light sparks erupt again on my skin. Holding her felt so comfortable, as if I had returned home from a long journey.