Blink of an eye

The news

Catherine

"... so sorry to tell you this." Leukemia. I had leukemia, I had cancer. Nothing else could fit into my head at that point.

"You have a very good chance to beat this, miss Winters." Doctor Anderson said. She was looking worried when I didn't say anything. "We need to start chemotherapy soon. Our nurse will give you all the details about it."

"No." My voice was strict. I wasn't going to start any treatments. This was it. My way out of this world. I had been waiting for so long so I wasn't going to ruin anything.

"I understand that this is shocking news to you, miss Winters, I really do. Cancer is a scary thing for anyone but leukemia doesn't mean an evident death sentence. We have excellent treatments so a great number of our patients will heal completely. Treatments will give you more time even if we didn't manage to beat it completely." Doctor Anderson continued.

"My answer is still no. I don't want any treatments." Her eyes went wide when she heard my words.

"I don't think that you understand your situation, miss Winters. You will die in a few weeks if we don't start treatments soon." She continued.

"I still have the liberty to choose, haven't I? I do understand that this thing will kill me but I still don't want chemotherapy or any other treatments. Only pain medication if it's needed at some point." I was sure. I was almost smiling but I couldn't do that. The good doctor probably would have thought that I was insane but I wasn't. I was just tired and I wanted to rest.

"Yes, you get to choose but I don't think that you are thinking straight here, miss. You are young and healthy otherwise. You have a whole life ahead of you." Doctor Anderson frowned her eyebrows while speaking.

"But I am thinking straight, doctor. This is my life and my choice. I choose this. I choose to live my life as long as I am breathing and I choose to accept everything that comes with this illness. You can't make me choose otherwise." I was hoping that my voice was convincing enough. I was ready to leave the doctors office.

"Very well, miss Winters. I can see that I can't change your mind at this very moment. As a doctor I am worried that you will regret your decision later. Let's make a deal; we book you a new appointment for next week. If you are still thinking like this I won't bother you anymore with this matter. Could we do this?" Doctor Anderson asked. She looked suddenly old and veary. Like she was carrying the world on her shoulders.

"I know I won't change my mind but if that's what it takes to get you convinced… Yes, I'll come back next week." I probably wouldn't have anything better to do anyway.

"Then we meet again next week. Use this time well." Doctor Anderson stood up and shook hands with me.

The sun was shining bright when I stepped out of the hospital. It was pretty nice weather so I decided to buy an extra large ice tea and took a cab. I didn't need much money anymore so I could spend what I got left.

I had never been in a cab before this. My life had been very simple and I never traveled anywhere. I had walked everywhere I needed to go. Lately I had been very tired but even then I just avoided going anywhere I didn't need to. Now I knew why I had been so worn out. Huh, leukemia. Out of every possible way to die, I wouldn't have guessed this in a million years.

Driver brought me back from my thoughts. We were there. I paid and stepped outside.

The beach was almost empty as it was late fall already. It was perfect for me, I didn't need people around me. There was a lonely bench so I sat down and watched the ocean.

I had been ready to die for several years already. Now that I knew I was going to die, I wasn't sure what I was feeling. Relief, uncertainty and peace but maybe I was even a little bit scared. I realized that I hadn't asked anything about my cancer. The Doctor said that I'd have weeks left but would that mean more like a couple or even three months or just a couple of weeks? Would I have bad pains and would I survive alone at home? I couldn't exactly pay the hospital bill but I wouldn't be there to worry about it.

Should I be somehow prepared for death? I didn't know much about cancer and there wasn't anyone who could answer my questions except my doctor. I knew I could probably quit working, I had enough money to pay my rent as long as I was alive. I could spend the rest of my life reading, sleeping and drinking lots of tea. That didn't sound very bad…

My thoughts wandered to my parents. Would I meet them again? Maybe, if some sort of afterlife existed. I missed them both so it would be great to see them, to be able to hug them both. That would be the best part of dying, no doubts.

Was my cancer the same that my mom had? I couldn't remember for sure but it probably was. Maybe it was somehow genetic. Who knew if we weren't the first ones getting it… Maybe we were cursed? Thought made me a bit amused. If that would be true, at least the curse would end with me. I didn't have children and I was the last in my line.

Ice tea was delicious and the breeze from the sea wasn't too bad. I was feeling almost happy but also tired, so I closed my eyes, just for a bit. I must have fallen asleep because I never knew that someone sat down next to me until the voice spoke out loud. My whole body turned cold as the speaker was Stefano.

"We meet again, pet, as I promised we would. Such a pretty day to sit here alone, Catherine. I thought that you'd like to have company." Stefano said and stretched his hand to reach my face. I tried to avoid his touch but once again I felt bewitched near him.

"What do you want from me?" I managed to ask. At least I could still speak freely.

"I want to spend some time with you, pet. I could say that I was mesmerized by you when I met you. Unfortunately I had to hurt you a bit. I do apologize for that." He continued and petted my hair.

"You had to hurt me? Why would you have to do anything like that?" I was confused. Maybe he was nuts.

"Yes, unfortunately. You see… Me and Damien go long back together. You could say that we've spent eternity together. He is a bad man and he's accusing me of something. Every time we meet he goes crazy and tries to hurt me. That was the case when you ended up in the middle of our… meeting. I had no choice. I'm sorry." Stefano said and looked sad.

Could he be honest? He seemed sincere but I still had a bad feeling about him. The way he treated me, always touching and calling me as a pet… Something was off with him. I was almost like drugged around him. Last time I had thought that Damien was working with him but if that wasn't the case, why was I feeling like this?

"So what did you do to him, then? I'd like to know since I am in the middle of it anyway. " I continued.

"It's a long story but the short version is that he lost the one he loved and he's accusing me of it. Which isn't true, of course. He just lost his mind because of it." Stefano looked at the sea and continued "It's horrible to witness it happen. I truly hope that he gets help one day."

I was considering his words but I never felt it around Damien. He was somehow a bit grim and sad but he never felt like a crazy guy to me. Except when he left me at the police station without a word… We hadn't seen each other since then, so he might have a reasonable explanation why he did it. This whole situation was confusing to me, two mystery men and the whole accident. Something was off with this all.

"What are you thinking, pet?" Stefano continued again when I hadn't said anything.

"Just this all… Everything is so confusing." I wasn't lying, that was the exact thing I had thought.

"I know, pet… Every question you have will be answered eventually. Trust me. Be patient. Let's talk about something else for now. I want to ask you something and it'll make me very happy if you say yes. Would you be my date on Friday night?" Stefano asked and made me even more confused.

"Your date? Where would we go?" I asked. I already knew that I wouldn't go anywhere with him or anyone.

"There's a charity masquerade ball coming. I'll pick you up at 8pm."