Papercut

A MESSAGE FROM ...

*** 2 YEARS AGO ***

"Love!"

I turned around and saw her wearing the hoodie I had given her. I am smiling like a fool again. Seeing her would always take away all of the stress I had for the past weeks. I hugged her tight in my arms and said "I miss you, love". She lifted her head up and looked at me. "I miss you more." I kissed her on the forehead and hugged her tighter. We went to the mall and entered one of those boutiques that sells baseball caps. I bought one for me and another one as a birthday present for my dad. I bought my girl a necklace as a gift as well when we came across a newly opened jewelry store. At past 5 o'clock, we decided to have dinner in a fast food chain before we hit the cafe. I noticed she was always looking at her phone, so I asked if there was something wrong.

"My group mates keep spamming our group chat, that's all"

"Why?"

"Research."

"Did they assign you to do another workload besides the part they gave you for research?"

"Well, I can't complain. I mean.. it's also my grade so... "

"Love, that's just too much. Look, it's draining you."

"I know. I'll tell them if I get the chance. So let's eat and I'll be going home after so I can finish it."

Now I feel bad. I shouldn't have taken so much of her time, since she's got a lot to do. When the food came, I just remained silent and she was busy with her phone while eating. I told her that we should go to the cafe next time so that she can finish her school workload. She agreed and I walked her home. When we were almost at their gate, her best friend Cali was waiting for her.

"Bye Love thankyou for today!" she said and rushed to her best friend. "Goodni--" they hurriedly went inside and closed the gate before I could even say something. I just texted her goodnight and apologized for being a nuisance today.

*** PRESENT TIME ***

"So the company's sales..." My manager told me to attend the meeting when it does not even concern any of my work. But I guess the free lunch after the meeting is good too. After the meeting, I went to my table and, indeed, the free lunch welcomed me. They gave a bento lunch this time from a famous restaurant. I guess when employees from other branches visit the company for a meeting, they spend this much on lunch. I happily ate it and the fried chicken tasted good. It was also served with vegetables as a side dish and tiramisu for dessert.

While I'm eating, the intercom phone rings and I am obliged to answer it even if I'm on a break.

"Accounting"

"Is Ms. Georgia there?"

"Yes, but it's her lunch break at the moment."

After hearing that, the employee from the other line just ended the call. Rude. I finished eating and checked the time. I still have 30 minutes, so I figure I'll play some online games. While the game's loading, a notification popped up.

A message.

It was her.

X.

X: Hi.

Me: Hi. are you okay?

X: Yeah I'm sorry I haven't been able to reply.

Me: It's okay. I guess you've been quite busy. But are you really okay though?

X: Actually No. Family problems and schoolwork are taking a toll on me.

Me: Is there anything that I can help you with? I'm willing to listen if you want someone to talk to.

That's it. She never replied again. It was a short conversation but I confirmed that I still love her even when I feel like trash when she ignored me for so long. Am I pathetic?

When I got home, there was still no reply.

Is she busy? Should I call her? Is she okay? My mind is filled with questions.

Finally, I gave her a call. The phone rung! Without knowing why, I was anxious. I tried calling her again and again, but she cut off the phone each time, so I gave up. Though I only have a worry, I suppose I come out as annoying.

It's been over two weeks since she messaged me, and although I text her every day to check on her, I have not received a single response. Louise advised me to stop what I was doing since, in her opinion, it is clear that X no longer wants anything that has to do with me.

I disagree, saying, "I understand that, but why would she message me all of a sudden? I'm just worried, okay?"

"That... I don't know. But what's clear now is she didn't take the time to reply a simple "yes I'm okay". Get that!"

"Do I really need to stop?"

Even giving me a thumbs up, she exclaimed, "Yes!" "Okay, you know you tried to fix it, you hoped for it to be fixed, and according to you, "She wouldn't leave if she actually wanted to stay" and she didn't stay, and she never came back either. You'll be excited about these short conversations with her, but getting back together is always out of the subject. Sure, you may also have a fair share of red flags, but I've seen you change when it comes to someone you really love. If she's the one, everything will work out, but for now, focus on healing yourself!"

You guys, that's my best friend. When she starts into a monologue, you know to just shut up and pay attention because she isn't always as blunt and serious. And I followed her advice. While waiting, I stopped texting. I promised myself that I would always be available if she needed me. Even if it meant that we weren't getting back together, believe it or not, I was very willing to listen.

I simply want her to know that someone is prepared to listen to her for a moment.

It may get lonely, but that doesn't matter. I just wanted to be there for her.