Close to the Marx

Entry 7

Entry 7

19 Krishna

So, the creature, the one that was sitting at my chair in front of my desk. It was some sort of Primate. It reminded me of those chimp things that existed on Blito 3 in the constellation of Leo. The thing that was throwing me was that he had this gold vest and a golden cape that seemed to float in the air even though there was no wind in my office.

The creature held a mace…no it was a Gada, I knew the damn thing because I used something similar when I was in training when I was a kid. The creature noticed I was looking at it and gave me a wave.

“Hey how’s it going?” it said.

“You can speak?!” I asked it.

“Well I am speaking, aren’t I?” It said.

“Fair point…” I said feeling my forehead and quickly running a scanner on myself to see if touching Vinnie earlier had transmitted the Sigmosis to me.

“You didn’t get Sigmosis from touching Vincent,” it said.

“You know about Sigmosis?” I asked.

“When you are an immortal omniscient being you tend to know stuff like that.” It shrugged. I looked at the creature and for some reason I remembered this ancient Golordian legend of a primate that was supposedly a god. I remember the description of him. A golden cape, a golden gada, ability to change sizes at will.

“Qida,” I said remembering the name of the legendary creature.

“That’s what you Golordians call me,” Qida shrugged.

“What the hell kind of trick is this you can’t possibly be Qida.” I said. “How am I supposed to believe that you are a god? You are clearly some sort of intelligent life, what the hell are you?”

“Oh, you lesser beings wouldn’t understand.” Qida waved it off.

“Lesser what?” I asked.

“Anyways, so I came here to tell you about something.” Qida said.

“Which is…” I asked.

“Reynold was a very good friend of mine,” Qida said. “I liked him, he helped me out earlier with the debacle between Sam White and Sam Blanco.”

“Wait how do you know…” I said.

“Omniscient,” Qida shrugged.

“You don’t expect me to…” I started.

“Ask her out already,” Qida said.

“Who?” I asked.

“Heather duh,” Qida shrugged.

“I can’t…” I said

“Oh, Rossa would allow it,” Qida waved it off.

“I don’t even know…” I started.

“She does like you,” Qida said. “You guys will have a kid named Sarah, she’ll help out a friend of mine in the future, I call Huff and Puff maybe she’ll be his mate (no Spoilers folks!)” The creature suddenly said as if talking to a f*****g audience. I stared at him confused for a moment then he continued. “But that’s after she’s frozen for a while…long story.”

“What in the name of Krishna almighty in the living god damn hell are you f*****g talking about?” I asked. “Who in the s**t is huff and puff, and what do you mean by no spoiler folks? Who in the name of Brahma are you f*****g talking to?”

“Woah calm down Nicholas Furious,” Qida said.

“What?” I asked.

“To think you were based on a brown bear with a bow tie that the guy writing this got from his sister when he was little.” Qida said sighing. “At least this version of you is better than the one he based off the Undertaker.”

“What in the s**t do you mean by that?” I asked.

“You lesser beings wouldn’t understand.” He said waving it off. “I think that was maybe in The Saga of the Wolf? Or was it in the Student of the blindman books?” he tapped his chin as if trying to figure something out. “Anyways that is besides the point the more important and far more pressing matter is concerning the death of my friend Reynold. That is why I am here, did you see the thing on our friend Norman?”

“What about him?” I asked.

“Don’t you find it odd that it says his age is unknown?” the talking monkey said. “Hey, excuse me I am a flying talking monkey okay.”

“It is strange,” I said ignoring his random comment to seemingly thing air.

“You should also see what he supposedly did to cure the Sigmosis plague.” Qida said. “Doing that can lead you a long way.”

I looked at Norman’s record and what he did to supposedly cure the Sigmosis Plague. When a page popped up that showed Norman (looking pretty much the same) next to a much younger Heather popped up. It looked like a news paper article that read: Scientist and little girl join forces to stop the Sigmosis plague. I looked up at the chair and that Monkey was gone.

I looked around and saw nothing. I quickly opened up, the recording software that I had to record video on my computer and replayed the last 5 minutes. Sure enough, I saw the Monkey suddenly just…for lack of a better word…pop up in the middle of the chair. I rewound it several times before I decided he must have had cloaking technology. There was no way he could have just popped there.  

I stopped wondering about the monkey and started reviewing what the primate had said. I looked over the newspaper article and started to read it.

Renown Genetic and Cybernetic Scientist from the University of Antares Beta, Dr. Norman Hunraken made a breakthrough discovery in fighting the now dubbed Sigmosis Plague.

“It was hard finding something that could work,” Dr. Hunraken said when talking to Weekly Fakir News. “I knew that the disease could not transmit to Fakirs, but I also knew that it was localized specifically to the Golordian Population. Meaning I could not use the Fakirs to find out what prevents the plague to spread to us. I had to find someone that the plague did not affect.”

And found her he did. Through exhaustive combing of data banks and genetic screening of every member of Golordia Sigma, Dr. Hunraken found what he was looking for.

“This was of course after the Blanco and White flap,” Dr. Hunraken said. “And the fake flap of Casey Casium that made every Fakir on Golordia Sigma fear for their lives.”

Dr. Hunraken, of course, refers to the now dubbed spooky pastry of a young Fakir Woman apparently named Casey Casium. Per the most common telling of the story Casey contracted an extreme version of the plague, one that transmitted from a male horse she rode on as a supposed professional horse racer.

“There is of course no record of anyone by that name ever existing. Even under the possible names of Cassandra or Cassidy.” Rick Greene, spokesman of the Golordia Horse Racing Federation said. “So, the official view of the Golordia Horse Racing Federation is that it is a farce dreamt up by somebody.”

Not that we did not trust Mr. Greene but we did our own independent research on whether there ever had been anyone named Cassandra or Casey Casium that ever even rode a horse. After exhaustive research we concluded it was a spooky pastry that came about 5 years ago from a writer named Lucas Cherry on the Golordia inter-web site seent-it.

So, what did Dr. Hunraken do to cure the dreaded Sigmosis Plague?

“Well when I found Miss Fuscia I wanted to see what was different with her that no one else seemed to have.” Dr. Hunraken said. “So, I looked at all the scans all the possible things that it could be and finally he found something.”

That something was an extra X chromosome that the young Heather Fuscia was apparently born with.

“The plague for some reason likes attacking one chromosome by making it into another one. That is why you have had so many instances where males grew female breasts or females grew male appendages. The Plague would change the second chromosome in some way. Sometimes it would create a third chromosome and was why you would find males with more appendages or females with more breasts. But with Ms. Fuscia she already had three chromosomes.”

That third chromosome, Dr, Hunraken saw was what the Plague went after however, this is where the normal tale starts for others. But not for Ms. Fuscia.

“The parasite got confused and didn’t know what to do,” Dr. Hunraken concluded. “So instead of changing her chromosomes or adding one, it merely enhanced them. And that allowed me to find a cure.”

And a controversial cure it was.

“I harvested some of her eggs so that I can get access to that third chromosome and use it as something that can confuse the parasite when it enters the body.” Dr. Hurnaken said. Controversial it was but in the end it worked for now everyone who had Sigmosis no longer had it, but they still had the appendages as an unfortunate side effect.

I looked at he article again. This article proved that Hunraken didn’t cure anything at all. All he did was find out why Heather didn’t have it. It was like the General had said. Sigmosis still existed even now, but it was not seen as a plague anymore. 

 This thing started beeping again you know the drill.