The Crush

My Best Friend Jordan

It has been almost two weeks since I’ve spoken to Jordan. We avoided each other like enemies. And Jordan is not my enemy. She is my best friend. We have known each other since Susie F pushed me off the slide in the first grade. Jordan helped me up, walked up to Susie, and pushed her back at me.

Jordan was always powerful in that way. Jordan says whatever she wants, dresses the way she wants, dates who she wants, and Jordan protects who she loves. I am someone she loves. And right now, I am not talking to her. I need to make it right.

After school, I waited for Jordan to leave her last class. Marcus was waiting for her but walked away as soon as I walked to the classroom door. Jordan walked out smiling, expecting Marcus, then stopped smiling when she saw me.

“What are you doing here?” Jordan asked coldly.

“I’m waiting for you,” I stopped Jordan from walking away.

“Why?” Jordan said, confused. “Winter, we haven’t talked about two weeks. You have been voiding me. Why stop now?” Jordan attempted to walk away from me, but I stopped her.

My head dropped, “I needed time to think. It had nothing to do with not wanting to be best friends. Sometimes I want to be able to figure it out myself. Besides, you were mad at me, and I don’t know why.”

Jordan looked forward and then back at me. “You know why?”

I was confused, “No, I don’t. Why don’t you just tell me?”

Jordan bit her lip and shifted her eyes. I knew there was something she was not telling me, but I didn’t want to fight anymore.

Jordan lets out a small breath, “I promised I wouldn’t say anything.”

I felt defeated, but again, I didn’t want our friendship to end with something that didn’t matter. So, I said okay, and offered her a ride home. She accepted it.

While driving, it felt awkward, but I was happy we were getting back into our friendship.

“What’s going on with you and Alex?” Jordan asked, looking directly at me while I drove.

“What do you mean?” I knew exactly what she meant.

“I have seen you two talking in the hallway.”

I laughed it off, “We are science partners in the science club. There is this contest, and we have been working hard to win it.”

“That’s it?” Jordan turned her focus to the window.

“Yes. I mean, I guess Alex and I are friends now.”

Jordan looks at me again, “And Lathan?”

I smile, “He’s my friend too.”

I didn’t want to tell Jordan about Fortmann yet. I feel a sense of guilt and embarrassment. I am not ready to share Lathan yet.

I drop Jordan off. She hugged me before she left. We agreed never to fight again. I drove home feeling better about our friendship.

I wondered why she asked about Alex and Lathan. What does one have to do with the other? I was lost. I drove in silence the whole ride home. When I pulled up to my house, I wondered what Jordan couldn’t tell me. There was a time when we could tell each other everything. It felt like there were so many secrets between each other. I am so unsure about everyone in my life. I’m unsure about Jordan. I’m unsure about Alex. I’m unsure, Lathan. The only person I am sure about is Fortmann. And Fortmann is Lathan, but Lathan doesn’t know I know he’s Fortmann. Maybe I am unsure about Fortmann too.

*Phone Ping

[Fortmann]: Can we talk?